Chapter 5
Naruto is not being helpful.
At all.
“Make him the orange curry.” He says. “I heard he loves curry, believe it.”
“You mean the chicken tikka masala, which you described as ‘fire in food form’?” She asks wryly.
He points a dramatic finger at her. “YOU ADMIT IT!”
“Inside voice please, Naruto-kun!” Okaa-sama calls from the other room.
“Sorry Mayu’s Okaa-san!” He calls back. “But yeah, you should make him eat the fire curry, believe it.”
She sighs. “I’m not gonna make him eat the ‘fire curry’. I’m not sure if I’m gonna make him any food yet.”
She looks up when he scoffs, but continues, “...I don’t know if he needs it or not—whether he’s going have a live-in caretaker, or go into the Orphanage with Lee or what. I’ll wait until he comes back to the Academy and then we’ll see.”
“S’not what it sounded like last week, believe it.” Naruto grumbles.
He’s sitting on the countertop and banging his heels against the cupboards behind her. Loudly.
She tries counting to ten in her head.
She makes it to seven.
She turns and grabs his ankles. “Look, what’s this about?”
“Nothin’! Leggo!” He scowls and tries to tug his legs out of her grip.
She wraps her arms around them to prevent his escape, scowling right back.
“You weren’t like this when I fed Sakura and Lee, or shared food with Kiba and Chouji.” She points out, tightening her grip to stop him from kneeing her in the chin on accident. “What’s so special about Uchiha?”
“Everyone thinks he’s special!” He yells, going red in the face. “They’re all like ‘oh, isn’t it sad he’s all alone’, like I wasn’t alone too!! I’m sorry his family died, but I never knew mine!! I never had mine!! And no–nobody e-ev-ever told me ‘sorry your parents are gone’ or c-c-cared about—about me being all on my own, except Jiji an’ Teuchi an’ Ayame an’ you an’ Okaa-san an’ Otou-san, an’—a-an’—”
She watches, horrified, as fat tears slide faster down his face. “An’—an’ now you’re gonna make food f’r him, and you’re gonna like him better’n me, jus’ like Jiji does, an’ you won’t wanna be my friend any-any—”
She pinches his arm sharply, ignoring his pained yelp.
“Don’t.” She threatens, swallowing around a lump in her throat. “Don’t you dare spout that nonsense around me, Uzumaki Naruto, do you understand?! How could you—how could you even think that?!”
“You were gonna give him food.” He sniffs, glaring reproachfully.
“What—you think—you think I just feed people because I wanna be their friend?!” She asks, incredulous and insulted.
Naruto nods, hesitantly.
She drags her hands over her face, ignoring that they come away wet.
“Right. You listen to me Uzumaki, and you listen good. I. Will. Always. Feed. The. Hungry. Even if I hate their guts.”
Naruto blinks, looking slightly alarmed as she rants. “I didn’t even know Sakura’s name when we made that cake together! I just cooked with her because she was hungry. Shit, if my worst enemy were trying to kill me, and couldn’t finish the job because they were starving, I would feed them. Maybe with foods they hate, but I’d still feed them. Because I am a bloody professional and those who let people go hungry are scum.”
He startles back as she grabs his knees again. “You are not my friend because I fed you. You are my friend because you stuck around and took me to Ichiraku’s and defended me and you’re nice and funny and gave me a drawing of Luffy and Habu-san and I like you, you little shit. You’re my best friend. I am not replacing you. Not now, not ever. You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”
Naruto gulps, eyes shining bright again and lower lip wobbling.
She sniffs fiercely, ignoring the trembling in her hands.
“Ketsugi Mayu.” Okaa-sama’s voice comes from behind her, and her blood runs cold. “What have I told you about using profanity?”
That’s how she ends up on another week-long ban from cooking.
Naruto tries to make it up to her with a stream of too-tight hugs.
It partly works. Partly.
Otou-sama clicks his tongue at her when he gets home and Okaa-sama tells him what happened, and musses up her hair.
Then he picks up Naruto and spins him around like he used to do to her when she was small, and carries him into the entrance hall to sit on the stairs, the one place in the house where there are no nearby windows.
She tries to listen in while she’s setting the table, standing closer to the door than she really needs to.
“...not for that, you’d be wearing a pelican...” is all she hears before Okaa-sama grabs her shoulder and steers her back into the kitchen.
Naruto’s eyes are swollen again when her father carries him back in for dinner.
Hers and Okaa-sama’s ramen still isn’t as good as Teuchi-sama’s at Ichiraku’s. But Naruto eats it just as quickly, eagerly gulping down the shoyu broth and pouting over-dramatically when there aren’t seconds.
Okaa-sama insists he wash his face before he leaves so his eyes aren’t sore tomorrow.
It’s cutting very close to his curfew when he finally leaves, twisting around to look back at them as he walks down the street.
Okaa-sama and Otou-sama hug her before she goes to bed that night and tell her how proud of her they are.
She returns the embrace greedily, whispering she’s proud of them too.
Sasuke Uchiha doesn’t return to school for another two weeks.
During that time, Kiba managed to insult Shino by repeatedly asking if he was sure his bugs weren’t fleas.
She didn’t understand the comment, until literal insects begin pouring out of Shino’s sleeves and chasing Kiba and Akamaru.
Well, that explained the buzzing.
Ino added to the pandemonium by shrieking so loud she thought her eardrums would burst and swatting a load of the insects in one swipe. Which made Shino howl in pain and turn his wrath on her as well.
The teacher had given them all detention, on the grounds that none of them stopped the incident from happening or went and snitched to him.
She sat between Shino and Sakura and doodled Usopp on the worksheet they were supposed to be working on.
Ino was sandwiched somewhat unwillingly by Chouji and Shikamaru, who were whispering furiously to her. Kiba was in a similar position with Hinata and Naruto.
“That person cannot be real, or you are bad at drawing.” Shino said, peeking at her paper. “Why? Because his nose is impractically long.”
“Shino!” Sakura hissed from her other side. “That’s not very nice!”
“He may not be real, but I like him anyway.” She replied, tapping the pencil against the paper. “His name is Usopp. He’s a pirate sharpshooter who can hit anything with a slingshot.”
“Unlikely. Why? Because a slingshot does not have half the accuracy or firing power of a bow, a shuriken, or a firing arm.”
“For him it does.” She says fondly. “He’s also a coward, but he’s brave when it counts and he loves insects. It’s funny, because they’re just about the one thing he doesn’t run away from.”
“Ah.” Shino says. He takes another, longer look at the drawing.
The next day, Ino and Kiba apologize to Shino with a wounded air.
He nods stiffly, but still flinches away from Ino.
At lunchtime, he sits in between Shikamaru and Chouji, and Ino switches places with her to be at the end of the table, away from him.
She offers him half of an egg and watercress sandwich. He accepts it with a nod.
He lifts his sleeve onto the table.
While everyone else draws in a wary breath, insects, shiny-black and dull brown, crawl out onto the table.
They crawl around and settle down and hold still in a certain pattern. Black ones mimicking waves of curls and dark eyes with long eyelashes. Brown ones outlining a bandana, a jawline and an impractically long nose.
It’s Usopp.
Or the not-very-good drawing of Usopp she showed him yesterday. But still. Usopp.
She grins widely, darting a pleased look up at him.
Shino nods again, the insects breaking formation and trundling back up his sleeve. He begins eating the sandwich.
She looks up to find Ino looking...strangely elated?
Sakura wiggles her eyebrows at her, mouthing ‘we are going to talk’.
She rolls her eyes and tucks into her own lunch.
“Mayu-chan, is it true you’re in love with Shino?!”
Naruto bursts out with this question just as Otou-sama takes a sip of his orange juice at breakfast.
Otou-sama chokes on his juice, and Okaa-sama leans over with a concerned “Anata!” as he coughs, going red in the face.
Gai-sensei stares at her, lower lip wobbling.
Lee just tilts his head at Naruto and goes, “Who is Shino?”
“He’sh the bug guy.” Naruto says with his mouth full, the traitor. “He did Mayu-chan a pishture with bugs.”
Rice falls from her chopsticks and splats onto the table.
“HOW YOUTHFUL!!!” Gai-sensei wails. “Mayu-chan is experiencing the blossoming of ROMANCE!!”
“No.” She says desperately. “I’m not. Really, really not.”
Shino is seven years old. She’s mentally twenty (most of the time) and not a pedophile.
“Ah! Congratulations, Mayu-chan!” Lee beams. “I hope your love is as passionate as the Will of Fire!”
Nami give her patience.
“Naruto, who did you hear this from?” She asks.
Her chopsticks creak in her grip.
“Sakura-chan!” He chirps, pointing an accusing finger at her. “She said you showed him a picture of long-nose-guy who likes bugs after Ino squished his, and then he did the picture in bugs, an’ you were really happy! She called it suuuuuuper ro-man-tick, believe it!”
“He’s not ‘long-nose-guy’.” She seethes, plotting Sakura’s demise. Or not demise. Inconvenient disappearance due to her hair turning green, maybe. “His name is Usopp.”
Okaa-sama kneels in front of her. “Mayu-chan...would you like us to send a request for marriage negotiations to this boy’s family?”
It goes so silent one could hear a pin drop.
“Marriage what.” She wheezes.
Okaa-sama squeezes her hands. “I know it may seem sudden.” She says. “But...with the Ketsugi clan being what it is...”
“What your mother’s trying to say Mayu-chan,” Her father cuts in, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Is that clans are required to do things certain ways, or else they risk dissolution. Even branches like us. But we want you to be happy. And if you think that you l-love this boy, and that you would enjoy living your life with him...”
Her mouth works soundlessly. Naruto and Lee just look extremely confused.
Gai-sensei has stopped crying, at least. But he’s frowning, bushy brows furrowed.
“Your father and I...we were very lucky with each other.” Okaa-sama smiles softly. “We want you to have that same luck, or better, if you can.”
“You did not have a choice in your love?” Gai-sensei’s voice is strangely soft.
Her parents immediately fluster, going redder than beetroot.
“That’s, um—” Her father stammers. “We, ah—” Her mother squeaks.
“HOW INCREDIBLY YOUTHFUL OF YOU TWO!!!” He yells, tears springing anew to his eyes as he somehow sweeps both of her parents up in a hug. “TO MANAGE TO FIND LOVE IN EACH OTHER WHERE OTHERS ONLY CARED ABOUT OBLIGATION!! I AM OVERWHELMED WITH ADMIRATION FOR YOUR DEVOTION!!”
She can practically see the steam coming out of Otou-sama and Okaa-sama’s ears. That much blood in someone’s face can’t be healthy.
She shoves the last of her rice into her mouth, shooting Naruto a look that has him eating his double-time and helping to feed Lee the remnants of his breakfast while he’s left starry-eyed by the adults’ display.
She scribbles a brief note explaining that no, Shino’s just a friend, there’s no need for any marriage arrangements until she’s at least twenty.
Then she grabs Naruto, Lee, and their bentos, and runs like her life depends on it.
Sakura makes the mistake of waving when she sees them come in through the gate.
Her expression goes from smiling to wary when she sees Mayu drop the two boys and zero in on the pink-haired girl
“Haruno.” She growls. “Run.”
Haruno Sakura runs.
And escapes up into a tree. Which she’s never been very good at climbing.
She scowls and kicks the trunk, wishing it would break.
“Get down here so I can punch you in the shins.” She tells the tree grumpily.
“What?! Why?! I didn’t do anything!!” Sakura’s voice emerges from between the leaves.
“You told Naruto I was in love with Shino.” She hisses.
The tree is suspiciously quiet. “...No I didn’t.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Yeah, pray to Usopp to make you better at lying. Because that one’s awful.”
The tree’s leaves rustle indignantly. “But I didn’t! I was just talking to Ino about how you two would be cute as a couple, and Naruto was eavesdropping!!”
“You told INO?!” That’s it, her life here is over, time to run away to become a pirate before the engagement can be arranged.
“Sakura, I’ve just barely convinced my parents to stop planning marriage negotiations!!” She seethes. “Ino will tell everyone and set back all my progress!!”
There’s a moment of quiet.
Then a strange, high-pitched noise begins emanating from the tree. Across the schoolyard, Akamaru whimpers and buries his head in his paws. It sounds a bit like a dentist’s drill, so it takes her a moment to place it.
“NO!!” She roars, red-faced and pointing an accusing finger at the tree. “STOP SQUEALING! THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO SQUEAL ABOUT!!”
Sakura does not listen.
She ends up squealing and kicking her little legs so hard she falls out of the tree.
Luckily Lee dives under her, and she considers the expression Sakura makes at realizing exactly who caught her adequate punishment.
It takes her an entire day to sort this mess out.
Ino and Sakura take sadistic joy in her suffering. Lee is confused but supportive. Hinata and Shikamaru stay out of it as much as they can.
Kiba and Naruto exploit it to tease her and Shino for all they’re worth. So does the rest of the class, once they realize they now have prime taunting material.
Hell, even the teacher gets in on it by telling Shino he doesn’t know what he sees in her, and that a kunoichi who wasn’t afraid of hand signs would be a much more suitable match for a clan heir like him.
She gets detention for flipping him off.
Only Shino and Chouji seem to be as upset as she is.
She never realized what a loyal and true friend Chouji was before this.
She needs to appreciate him more.
She brings extra pork belly for him in her lunch the next day, to thank him for not betraying her.
His eyes light up when she gives him the food and a hug, and he eats eagerly.
Shino spends all of that morning with his head on the table. He only turns it to the side when Shikamaru finally pokes him.
“I am contemplating running away.” He says solemnly. “Why? Because my father spent all of yesterday evening trying to reassure me about the rumors surrounding Ketsugi-san and myself and telling me I will be a catch when I am older.”
She grimaces in commiseration. She finally got through to her parents and Gai-sensei, but they had then insisted on telling her similar platitudes all throughout breakfast.
She thought she knew embarrassment. She was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spots a dark-haired head where there isn’t one normally.
She does a double take.
“Wait,” She asks, throughly confused. “When did Uchiha get back?”
The table freezes. Most of them twist around to confirm that, yes, Uchiha Sasuke is sitting at a desk at the far end of the classroom, glaring at them darkly while eating a tomato slice.
“Yesterday.” Shikamaru says dryly.
He then winces at Ino’s ear-piercing shriek, berating him loudly for not saying something earlier.
That people forget (mostly) about her and Shino is about the only good thing to come from Uchiha Sasuke’s return.
She vaguely remembers him pre-massacre. He seemed alright enough, but he hung out with a different group of people to her and Naruto, so they never interacted much.
Those people appear to be gone now though, given how alone he is now.
This suggests he never had any friends outside of his relatives, which she’ll admit is a bit odd, given how large that group was.
Guess there were more Uchiha in the class than she thought? But that doesn’t feel right...
Point is, he was an okay kid with friends.
Now, he’s...not.
Not for lack of trying of course. She finally understands what Naruto meant by “special”.
Even outside the well-wishers who repeatedly try to convey their condolences, half the girls in the class seem to lose their heads over him as the weeks go on.
Ino in particular begins to sing his praises endlessly, going on about how “aloof” and “cool” he is, to the point where Chouji, patient, kind Chouji, begs her to talk about anything else.
This is why she should’ve been reborn into One Piece. She wouldn’t have had to deal with this romance bullshit in a series where the main character’s asexual.
Sakura just sighs and stares at him, ignorant of how Naruto droops every time she does so.
(She tries to console him with extra food and too-tight hugs. It partly works. Partly.)
Even the teacher uses him as the standard against which all their work is judged, praising his stance in the Academy katas, his precision with throwing weapons, his answers on tests.
To hear others say it, Uchiha Sasuke is a prodigy who’s overcome his trauma through sheer determination and talent.
So why does he keep glowering at their lunchtime group like they’re somehow part of his tragedy?
It has to come to a head at some point.
She knows something bad’s going to happen when the teacher tells them they’re going be fighting one another in pairs in the center of a taped-off square. Winners either force their opponents out of the square or put them in a position where a killing blow could be struck.
Their classmates stand around the edge to watch and cheer.
Chopper’s Rumble Balls. This couldn’t scream “blood sport” any harder if they were in a cage arena and betting on the matches.
Though she thinks she does spot some money changing hands...
First up is Shikamaru vs Chouji. Shikamaru promptly declares it a drag and flings himself out of the square at Chouji’s first blow. Chouji looks worried right up until Shika rolls onto his side for a nap. Then he just looks exasperated.
Then Chouji’s set against Hinata. They’re both too hesitant to really hit each other, but eventually Hinata manages to get him to step out of the square through speed and disorientation.
Hinata versus Kiba. Kiba versus Ino. Ino versus Fuuka. Ino versus Shino. Shino versus Sasuke. Sasuke versus Sakura. Sasuke versus Mori, Ami, Yosuke, an endless number of civilian kids he effortlessly beats in one or two blows, using moves that don’t look like the Academy kata they’ve learned.
Sasuke versus Naruto.
She shoots him a thumbs up and a grin as he goes into the ring. He beams back, returning the gesture before focusing.
The pair of them make the silly-looking “Seal of Confrontation”.
Naruto takes up the opening position for Strong Fist style.
Sasuke, with his hands in his pockets, snorts dismissively.
“Begin!” The teacher yells.
Uchiha fakes a punch like the one that dropped Mori, before going for the sweeping kick that knocked Ami and Junko on their backs.
Naruto doesn’t balk at the feint and neatly hops over the sweep (Gai-sensei’s training makes you good at dodging), jabbing a quick palm strike into Uchiha’s chest.
Sasuke stumbles. He’s frowning. So’s the teacher. This isn’t the way they expected this to go.
She grins, fiercely proud. Good.
Uchiha’s style is fast. The teacher is right that it’s technically flawless, leg perfectly straight with every kick, stance perfectly solid for every punch. He’s clearly been trained in this from a young age.
But he’s skinnier than he used to be, and his lunchboxes are pathetic. It’s simple, easy-prep foods, under or overcooked rice and ragged tomato slices, which aren’t bad, but shouldn’t be the only foods he’s eating if he wants to have strength and energy.
Naruto’s still got some kinks in his form he’s got to work on with Gai-sensei, overbalancing here, not defending there. But he can take his opponent’s blows, and his own land with all the force of a freight train, mixing up Strong Fist, Academy style, and what looks like street brawling.
Naruto’s also been eating well-balanced diet for as long as he’s known her, which may not count for much in the long term, but it’s counting here.
Because, as much of a prodigy as Sasuke is, it’s slowly becoming apparent that he’s on even ground in this fight, and may even be losing.
“Come on, Naruto!” She yells, as he manages to kick Uchiha’s ankle out from under him and—
FWEEEEEEET!!
Kiba and Akamaru yelp as the teacher keeps blowing a whistle until he’s red in the face, yanking Naruto away from his opponent by his collar.
“I said we would be sparring WITH ACADEMY KATAS, Uzumaki!” He roars. “If you can’t keep to SIMPLE INSTRUCTION, you’ll be spending the rest of the MONTH in DETENTION, do you hear me?!”
Naruto’s looking stunned and frightened, like he’s not sure what he did to merit this reaction. “B-but—”
The teacher drops Naruto with a dismissive, “Disqualified. Match default to Uchiha Sasuke.”
“But that’s not fair!” She howls. Chouji’s holding her hand tight, probably so she doesn’t do something stupid like try to break this hypocritical farce of an educator’s kneecaps.
Kiba points at Uchiha. “He’s been using non-academy techniques since his match with Bug-boy! How come you haven’t pulled him, huh?”
The teacher sniffs. “Sasuke is advanced in taijutsu and can be trusted not to seriously damage his opponents. Uzumaki is too violent and out of control to be trusted—only once he masters the Academy Three will he have the discipline to avoid reckless stunts like this. And if you’re done shrieking, Ketsugi, get your behind in the ring.”
Her ears burn hot. She wants to hurt somebody. She wants to hurt them badly, for even being witness to Naruto’s ill-treatment. It’s not a nice feeling, hot and roiling in her belly like bile.
Don’t act out aggression violently. That’ll just give the masks ammunition and they’ll hurt you. Remember what Okaa-sama said. If calming down is impossible, escape the situation.
“Sorry.” She can’t stop herself from snapping. “I’m not disciplined enough to avoid breaking your sheltered little prodigy.”
She stomps over to Naruto and helps him up. His palm is trembling in hers as she leads him away, ignoring the Uchiha’s insulted look and the teacher’s yells.
They’ve both had enough of the academy for today.
Bread is excellent for venting anger.
She’s probably overworking the dough, but better that than doing something she’ll regret later. Like kicking the stupid teacher as hard as she can between his stupid legs.
Naruto’s despondently fiddling with Habu-san’s leaves.
“I wouldn’t have hurt him.” He murmurs. “I’ve done it with you an’ Lee an’ you two haven’t been hurt, right?”
“No, we weren’t. But you would’ve beat him. Pass me a bit?” She washes the rosemary off, muttering darkly as she pats them dry. “He didn’t want you to win and make his little teacher’s pet look bad.”
Naruto’s brow furrows as she folds the rosemary into the dough, placing it in a bowl and covering it with plastic wrap and leaving it aside for the first prove, setting the timer for an hour.
“You’re really mad, aren’t you? You’re not even doing the singy thing.”
She stops in the midst of washing her hands. “Singy thing?”
Naruto shrugs. “Yeah, when you cook normally, you do this thing. Like you’re singin’ but there’s no words an’ the sounds are all weird. Like this.”
Then, in quiet, heavily accented English he croons, «An’all the roads we have to walk are WINDing, an’all the lights that lead us there’re BLINDing, THERE are many THINGS that I Would LIKE to SAY to YOU—»
She covers his mouth with a wet hand, because if she has to hear Naruto sing any more of that song she’s gonna either crack up or melt into a little puddle of shame on the floor. “Yes, I get the idea, thank you Naruto.”
Then she shrieks because he’s licked her hand and seizes his shirt so he can’t escape as she wipes off the saliva off on his cheek, before he grabs her other arm and rubs his face on it.
They end up wrestling until the timer shrills that it’s time to take the bread out and knead it again.
She has to rewash and dry her hands before she can touch the dough.
“D’you wanna talk to Gai-sensei about it? He could always go and kick the teacher’s a—butt until he lets you use Strong Fist.”
He shrugs, gaping at how the dough has doubled in size. “I’unno. Maybe I’ll ask him to drill me on the Three?
She blinks, eyebrows raised.
Naruto shoots her a cheeky grin. “He did say I could do whatever I wanted once I mastered it.”
She snorts gleefully. “Do it. See if you can beat everybody using just that.”
There’s a comfortable silence as she kneads, then stretches the dough to see if it has the proper consistency, before folding in more rosemary and putting it back in the bowl for the second prove.
“He felt really light. When I was fighting him.” Naruto says slowly. “I think he could...y’know...”
He wraps his hand around his wrist, where his thumb and pointer finger can no longer touch.
She hums. “You think I should feed him.”
Naruto nods rapidly, giving her his damn puppy-eyes again.
Technically, Uchiha’s got food in abundance. She sees it when they run by the worn down compound on Gai-sensei’s laps in the morning, bags of rice and fruit and vegetable baskets and freezers waiting outside the complex for its sole occupant to collect them.
The problem is that he obviously has no idea what to do with all of it.
And despite said lack of expertise, he still refuses all of his fangirls’ offers of lunchboxes made with their feelings and lives off of rice and tomatoes. It’s probably a pride thing. Sanji would—
Wait. Pride.
She removes the dough from the second prove, scores its top and sprinkles some salt over it, covering the baking tray with foil and sliding it into the hot oven. “I have an idea to feed him.”
Naruto cheers, leaning forward eagerly.
“We’re going to have to eat the ‘fire curry’ tomorrow.”
Naruto slumps down, exuding betrayal from every pore.
She makes four servings of chicken tikka masala.
Three for their plan, and one for Lee.
She’s not going to make one of his favorite foods and then not have a portion ready for him. That’d just be cruel.
He’s horrified when Naruto recounts what happened in the spar, puffing up in indignation when he hears of the stolen victory and baseless favor bestowed on his opponent.
She’s never seen Gai-sensei look so stony-faced as when he hears what the teacher said about Naruto being violent and lacking discipline.
He does his usual tears of joy when Naruto asks about drilling in the Academy Three, yelling for all and sundry to hear about, “the BLOSSOMING of your YOUTHFUL WILL OF FIRE!!”
But they’re close enough to see it’s more playacting than his usual dramatics, his expression subtly determined and scheming as he makes them run through Academy kata.
Otou-sama makes them both promise to come to him or Gai-sensei if the teacher tries anything like this again, drumming his fingers on the hilt of the bokken he always carries.
This is despite the on-again off-again debate he’s been having with Okaa-sama since last night over whether Hokage-sama and the Village Council will take it poorly if he attempts to intercede on Naruto’s behalf.
At least they both agree to trust Gai-sensei to act for them if they can’t intervene, even if they both end up blushing that deep beetroot shade and staring off into the distance at the mention of him.
The teacher glares at them when they walk into class.
She glares right back, and it’s only because Naruto’s holding her hand that she doesn’t immediately flip him off again.
Surprisingly the teacher doesn't make any mentions of punishments for their skiving yesterday, though he looks like he wants to.
The Uchiha is also glaring at them, but in a slightly more considering fashion.
They need to play this carefully—too little, and he may not even approach them, and Hinata might end up with a competitor for her stalking. Too much and he’ll wise up to what they’re doing, which will probably make him deliberately avoid them because he feels slighted.
So she leans over to Naruto and whispers, “His hair looks like a duck’s butt.”
Naruto snorts a little too loudly, glancing over and away not-quite-quickly enough not to be obvious, snickering as he takes his seat for class.
She mentally fist pumps as the Uchiha catches the looks and laughter but not the words that caused them, bristling like a wet cat.
Ino sends her a calculating look, and she smiles innocently back before focusing on the lesson.
At lunchtime, Naruto waits until after they’ve carefully reheated the curry and are on their way back to the classroom to begin complaining loudly about how it’s too spicy, and she and Lee are secretly robots for being able to eat it.
She falls into the swing of the argument, projecting her voice so anybody could easily hear her say that this isn’t even the spiciest curry she can make (it isn’t), and that Naruto doesn’t really have anything to complain about with the huge serving of sour cream she brought along for him, dulling it down for his delicate tastebuds.
They’ve no sooner re-entered the classroom than the Uchiha stands, striding over to them.
“Fight me.” He says to Naruto.
Naruto blinks, the picture of bemused innocence. “Now? But it’s lunch.”
She rolls her eyes dismissively. “Leave it Naruto. He’s just a sore loser who’ll run to the teacher when you win again. Let’s eat.”
He steps in front of her, blocking her path. “I am not.” He grits out, brows furrowed. “I could’ve won yesterday, if not for the interference.”
Oooh, someone’s bitter.
She pretends she’s Sanji looking down on Zoro, channels that disdain into every aspect of her posture. “What? You and your basic white rice lunches? Please.”
“Yeah, everyone knew I was gonna win yesterday.” Naruto boasts, cocky façade not quite hiding the slyness in his eyes. “You’re just lucky Mizuki-sensei likes you too much to let you lose.”
“I bet he couldn’t even stomach my curry.” She says, faux-conspiratorially.
Naruto shoots her an affronted look. “Only robots can eat your curry.” He says. “Even I can’t handle it.”
“Sasuke-kun could do it!” Ino improvises, flouncing over uninvited. “He can do anything better than you can, Naruto, isn’t that right Sasuke-kun?” She flutters her eyelashes at him.
She holds her breath. This wasn’t part of the plan. If this tips him off...
Uchiha Sasuke eyes Ino, then turns away from her with a dismissive huff. “Whatever. I bet it isn’t even that spicy.”
“Care to prove it?” She challenges sweetly.
“Gladly.” He growls back, ignorant of the discreet thumbs up Naruto flashes Ino.
Turns out Uchiha actually can handle spice a little more than Naruto can.
That’s not saying much to be honest.
His face has turned a healthy pink as he eats, despite the face that she gave him the portion with rice.
He’s refused all of Naruto’s offers to share the sour cream so far, intent on finishing it as is.
He’s also picky, pushing the red peppers and onions to one side as he eats.
Maybe she should feel bad for pointing that out and telling him it sounds like he’s trying to say he can’t do it when he grudgingly admits that he doesn’t like them, but she’s on a mission here.
He’s not going to get his vitamins by leaving anything behind on his plate.
Plus this way when they plot their next avenue of attack, she can tailor the meals a little more so he doesn’t fuss as much.
Eventually he finishes his meal.
He then seizes Sakura’s juice box and chugs it without so much as a by your leave. Not that the girl seems to mind, given how she promptly swoons and collapses into Hinata’s lap.
Ino pouts, despite sitting in the coveted next-to-Sasuke-kun spot.
“There.” He says, panting like he’s run a marathon. “I did it. Fight me.”
“Okay.” She replies. “But if I win, I get to look in your kitchen.”
He squints, a look of offense crossing his face that’s so comical she has to fight not to laugh. “Not you. Naruto.”
“Okay.” Naruto says. “But it’s gotta be on Monday after school—it’s Ichiraku’s night tonight and ‘m seein’ Jiji this weekend. Also if I win, Mayu gets to look at stuff in your kitchen.”
Uchiha Sasuke shoots him a look of profound betrayal. “...Fine.” He eventually concedes. “When I win, Ketsugi’s not allowed to force me to eat her cooking again.”
The poor boy, she muses to herself, as she and Naruto shake on it with him.
He could’ve stood a chance if he hadn’t stipulated that.