Bleeding Heart

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

- Mark Twain

For Daiki, human emotion was a very physical thing. He couldn’t imagine it as anything else. Agitation  buzzed, anger burned, sadness was hollow. These weren’t things he felt with his physical body, however. 

In the library he’d memorized the body's chakra pathways and tenketsu points. The chakra system runs throughout the body alongside one’s circulatory system. It draws energy from the body’s cells, refining it into chakra. The majority of one’s chakra was stored in one's core. For most, this core resides below the diaphragm. What made empaths special was their core residing in their hearts. When he’d tried to find more information he’d been told it was “above his clearance level”. 

(It didn’t really matter. He could figure out the rest through trial and error. 

Experimentation.)

When gauging the temperature of something you can reach out and touch it, yes, but if it’s strong enough you can feel it from a distance. Daiki’s ability was like that in a way. 

Some people, civilians especially, broadcasted their emotions like a fire emitted warmth. Daiki received them similarly. When standing next to a fire you don’t choose to be warm, you don’t have to accept warmth in, it just happens. 

With others it was like a pot left on the stove. Was it still hot? You could touch it and find out. 

And Daiki could. 

Touch, that is. 

Touch to soothe. Touch to agitate. He could choose, like petting a cat forwards or backwards to yield separate results. 

He could also blanket his emotions over others, smother their true emotions beneath his. This was different than directly influencing them, more false and unnatural. It didn’t stick and depended on his proximity and concentration. People tended to notice if he wasn’t subtle enough. He often tried to pair his ability with words or actions so that people thought the emotions were their own and they were being comforted or riled up naturally. 

The thing about touching, however, was the danger of getting burned .

Like now.

“I don’t get it.” Naruto’s brow furrowed in his frustration and his chakra followed, bunching up and tying itself in knots. 

Daiki sat up from where he’d been slumped on the floor beside Naruto, dozing. They were currently in Naruto’s apartment. After helping him clean it up it wasn’t half bad. Real groceries hadn't hurt either. 

“What don’t you get?” He clumsily rubbed Naruto’s back with one hand, using the other to cover a yawn. With each passing of his hand he unfurled a bit of Naruto’s frustration but it was like trying to drain a lake with a juice glass. 

It wasn’t Naruto’s fault he needed so much help. So many of his developmental milestones had been missed due to his systemic neglect. With no one to give him positive reinforcement, to read to him or teach him, to talk him down from tantrums when he got frustrated, why should he bother? It didn’t come naturally to him. Learning was a chore.

Daiki was pretty used to helping Naruto with his homework by now, both through tutoring and with his ability. He could help keep Naruto focused, keep him from getting discouraged long enough for him to actually learn something. It was a system that was working quite well, and lately he’d been trying to ease off and only help to reinforce and support, so that Naruto could grow on his own as well. Like the chopstick they had given Mr. Ukki the other day to help him grow straight. 

It had been working. 

It showed in his grades and class performance. The good results spurred Naruto to try even harder, to pay attention in class, take his own notes. 

It had been working.

Today had been rough. During sparring Sasuke had taken Naruto down in seconds with bruising and unnecessarily hard strikes. He’d even smirked at Daiki after he’d done it, as Naruto struggled to rise from the dirt. His training with Itachi seemed to be paying off. He wasn’t the only one, however, and Daiki showed him this with a vengeance during their bout, though he had felt guilty about it almost immediately after. When they were walking back to Naruto’s place they hadn’t caught a break, a bottle flying out of nowhere that they had only dodged by sheer force of luck, hurled with the same ferocity as the word “monster”.

Stupid Sasuke. Stupid hateful village.

“Why… Why does- Why can’t-” Naruto cut himself off with a growl as he let his pencil fall out of his hand so he could clench his fists and pound them against his skull. It rolled off the table and Daiki heard it clatter to the ground as he scooted closer to Naruto so they were hip to hip. He leaned against the other boy’s side, hoping his presence would ground him as he considered switching from his soothing to his blanketing tactic. 

Lately he’d been worrying if he was becoming something of a crutch for Naruto, impeding him from developing his own emotional control-

Just as Daiki started to stretch out to blanket Naruto, the boy’s emotions spiked viciously, frustration bleeding sharp and fast into anger, which teetered on the edge of rage. It was hard to describe the pain, not everything feels like something else. Daiki’s shield had been down (Stupid) as it normally was around Naruto (He was so careless).

He wonders if his mom were still here if she would have taught him of the dangers, ways to keep himself safe. 

He wishes he didn’t always have to learn by falling head first into the flames. 

Hot. 

Blisteringly hot.

Like boiling water- no- oil splashed directly onto skin.

Daiki wanted to physically recoil, curl into a ball and whimper, but at the last second he threw himself towards Naruto instead, throwing his arms around the hurting boy. Recoiling would solve nothing, maybe only make matters worse if Naruto thought he was being rejected. Tears filled his eyes and tumbled freely down his cheeks as the pain spiked.

He couldn’t tell the other boy it was okay (it wasn’t), that things would get better (maybe they would but those were such empty words). He racked his brain for something to say, something to help, and to his horror the nightmare surged to the surface. He fought to push it down frantically until he realized what it was offering. He buried his face in Naruto’s shoulder and started to ghost his shield across Naruto’s skin, disregarding where the shield began to grow thin and flake off, as though it were getting eaten away by flame. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

Peace, brother.

He started to sing.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."

The nightmare rose up and Daiki embraced it. Snatches of a stranger’s face, smiling down at him, confusing and strange and warm . A strange room filled with stuffed animals, bright colors. A hand smoothing back his hair. 

"You make me happy when skies are gray."

It hurt. Grief for a woman he didn’t know, for this stranger, built in his chest and his tears fell in earnest. But the emotions were not mine not mine notminenotmine- Mom!

"You’ll never know dear, how much I love you." 

It was working. He felt Naruto relaxing against him, the rage petering out into a bone weary tiredness and a subtle curiosity. The burning didn’t stop.

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.” 

His voice was weak on the last line, barely a whisper. He still burned. His shield continued to smolder and flake away. There was the faintest flicker curled in his core. He cracked his eyes open. A glance at his skin showed none of the carnage. 

He felt coated in ash.

“I thought you said you didn’t remember the words.”

He had to clear his throat before speaking, fearful his reply would come out as a sob. 

“Sorry. Just didn't wan' ta 'member.” Daiki's words were slurring. He was so tired. Fuzzy. Almost like he was severely dehydrated. He felt like he had run around the village fifty times on a hot summer day. Naruto was okay for now it seemed, mostly full of honeyed fondness for his perpetually sleepy friend, and-

It hurt to screen Naruto. The feeling came sluggishly, shakily, like an overused limb.

“My mama taught me that song.” The words weren't his own but they came out of his lips. Daiki was scared to fall asleep- What was wrong with him?

Daiki fell asleep.