Bleeding Heart

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

-Dr. Seuss

Daiki was tired.

For the past couple weeks he had been curbing his nocturnal tendencies at Itachi’s insistence to prepare for admittance to the shinobi academy. For every three consecutive days he woke with the sun and stayed up for at least six hours, Itachi would buy him a stick of dango.

Daiki didn’t get free dango very often. Waking up is hard.

Scrubbing his face with both hands, the six year old resisted the urge to yawn for the nth time that day. He was achingly aware of the deep purple bags under his eyes, and could almost feel them. The first time he went to Mr. Souma’s before noon, the man had given him a stick of dango on the house with the order to go straight to sleep afterwards. If one more person asked him if he “should be up” he was going to break something. Or scream. Or crawl into bed forever after cursing the sun for its belligerent nature. 

Instead of doing any of that, Daiki chose to go on walks. The fact that those walks usually turned into cat naps in sunny patches of training fields was no skin off Daiki’s nose. It was, however, dango off his plate. Daiki fought another yawn, this time losing the battle. He yawned so hard his jaw popped. 

From where he was tucked beneath the Yamanaka flower shop awning, Daiki watched the pedestrian foot traffic and felt… detached. A vague sense of being both over and underwhelmed. There were a lot of emotions to process, but experience led Daiki to reflexively defend himself from them. Now other people’s emotions hit his shield and ran off thickly like egg yolk. They still bothered him, but in the way it bothered someone to get a smudge on their glasses. 

It was fixable. Manageable.

It didn’t take long for Daiki to realize that for how singularly unique a person was, they were also incredibly unoriginal. Being able to look at someone and know the innermost workings of their heart was as much a gift as it was a curse. With emotional understanding came emotional maturity, which was something your average six year old didn’t possess. In actuality, it was something your average human didn’t truly possess. 

Perhaps that was why Daiki liked ninjas so much and aspired to be one. Good ninjas kept their emotions to themselves. Even mediocre ninjas had a better sense of self awareness than the average Konoha civilian. 

Speaking of Konoha civilians, there was a man polishing an outdoor sword display across the street. And a child running after a dog. Daiki watched almost in slow motion as the child bumped the table housing the rack of wickedly sharp swords, the top most sword eeking loose on one end and coming down in a gleaming arc for the child’s head. 

No one was going to make it in time. 

Daiki ignored the shrapnel sharp bursts of shock and fear from bystanders and zeroed in on the child’s innocent inattention, her lack of fear . She had no idea the danger she was in and that only served Daiki’s purpose. 

He was able to push away other’s emotions all the time as though they were physical objects. 

What if he pulled? 

He had no time for further thought. From across the street, Daiki reached for the bubbling, fluttering happy of the other kid and yanked in a sudden, desperate movement. He pulled the child towards himself not unlike how one would jerk a yoyo to get it to return to their hand. 

The girl stumbled in Daiki’s direction, shock coloring her features. It wasn’t much, but it was enough that the sword whistled past her ear rather than through her eye. It was enough. 

People were now chastising the girl and vendor in equal measures but Daiki didn’t care. His mind was reeling. The chunk of happy he had torn off the child was nestling itself deeper into his core, as though seeking comfort. The piece was minuscule but entirely present. 

Had he just done that? 

He wrestled the foreign happiness to the front of his core, where it sloughed off reluctantly before drifting away. By the time it was completely gone, Daiki was almost panting in effort, with sweat beading on his forehead and upper lip and his limbs shaking subtly. His eyes refused to focus. He felt like he’d overextended himself, strained an invisible muscle deep inside himself. He wasn’t going to try that again for a long, long time. 

Maybe a year. 

Maybe half.

He wanted a nap. 

6 Years - Present

Daiki lightly traced the carved letters with his fingers. Ueno Masumi. She had been a Chunin of Konohagakure, killed in an altercation on the border of Fire and Grass country. She was a loving mother who left behind a cherished three year old son. She was a retired ninja that returned to active duty to serve her village that was still rebuilding its forces after the Kyuubi Attack. Her skills were rusty after her three year long maternity leave. 

Now she was a name carved on a stone. 

Daiki knew the facts, knew what he had been told and what he could scarcely remember. If he recited them as mere facts, they didn’t hurt nearly as bad. 

Daiki traced the names above and below his mother’s. The memorial stone held the names of many people’s cherished loved ones. Brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers. Being a ninja was a dangerous job, but being a civilian was no better. 

It was a dangerous world. 

Daiki thought back to the ninja that came to the orphanage for recruitment a few months ago. Shiny jutsu, the pretty words that proclaimed the “Will of Fire”; these were the things they advertised. 

He could see the sparks of hope in his fellow orphans’ eyes, feel the crackle of excitement, wonder in the air . These children, who yearned to be accepted and loved, offered a chance to become “heroes”. Many would be enrolling for the upcoming semester, Daiki among them (though for what he liked to tell himself were completely different reasons). 

He let his hand fall to his side as he felt a presence appear behind him. When he turned, he was greeted with a man in a face mask, a shock of silver hair and a wave of tired, lonely, jaded . It was a familiar aura, he felt it in many orphans. The ones who had been left behind by those they loved. 

Without thinking, Daiki brushed his chakra against the man’s as he walked by, just as he occasionally did with his fellow orphans to make their presence more tolerable. Hope, he gave. Happy . The man’s chakra flooded with surprise and Daiki ducked his head embarrassedly. It seemed he was too used to dealing with the underdeveloped chakra of children, of course a seasoned ninja would recognize foreign emotions for what they were. 

Still… Daiki glanced at the man who, while shocked, felt less defeated than before. Perhaps they could appreciate them just as well. He felt the man shake off his accidental offering and emit a wave of wary that sent a trill of fear down Daiki’s spine. 

He offered the man a slight bow before he continued away.   

Daiki sighed. 

If he wanted to go to the ninja academy, then he couldn’t keep up his nocturnal schedule. But he couldn’t sleep surrounded by a bunch of children… People’s emotions are more active during sleep than one might think. He could still remember the time one of his fellow orphans had had a nightmare in Daiki’s presence. The poor boy’s terror had been so intense that experiencing it secondhand had made Daiki wet the bed. Never again would he allow that to happen. Maybe he could apply for an apartment? But where would he get the money? He could probably get some money running errands, tending gardens, but wasn’t that what D-ranks were for? 

Frustrated, Daiki kicked a rock.

“Hey, what was that for!” 

Maybe he could get a roommate. One other person was better than twenty. The problem with that was, who would want to room with a six year old kid? Daiki wanted to kick something again but settled for sitting down and cradling his head in his hands. He could always catch up on sleep… in the library? During class? He didn’t want to give people the wrong impression-

“Hey teme! I’m talking to you!” Daiki glanced up. Uzumato Naruki? Wait no, it was Uzumaki Naruto, wasn’t it? What was he doing here? Daiki finally took in his surroundings. He seemed to have wandered into an empty training ground. 

Well, empty aside from Naruto. 

That was dangerous, he could have gotten injured if someone had been seriously training. Besides, Daiki didn’t know how he could have missed Naruto in the first place. The kid’s emotions were all over the place, yelling at Daiki, just as the blonde was. He didn’t need to be an empath to know Uzumaki was hurt, angry, curious… hopeful? Hopeful? Beneath all of Naruto’s obvious emotions was a smidgen of hope, weak like a starved puppy with its tail between its legs. What could Daiki have that Naruto wanted? Daiki hadn’t even seen Naruto for a few weeks since he left the orphanage and got his… own apartment… 

Daiki looked up from his brief period of reflection to see that Naruto had crouched down beside him and was staring rather grumpily at his face. The boy was practically on top of him. Daiki scooted back a bit.

“Hi, Uzumaki-san.” Daiki winced internally. That was awkward. He was awkward. Oh boy. 

“Sorry about…” He trailed off. What was Naruto upset about? Daiki quickly scanned the area, then Naruto. Then the impressive bruise blossoming across Naruto’s jaw. Daiki put two and two together and winced externally. “The rock.” 

The shock that unfurled around Naruto at Daiki’s apology made Daiki more guilty than the thing he was actually apologizing for. The boy’s mood did a quick flip that almost took Daiki’s breath away. 

“Oh, heh, no biggie.” Naruto rubbed the back of his head and offered Daiki a hesitant smile, which Daiki couldn’t help but return. Naruto’s happiness was contagious. Daiki watched the anger, hurt bleed away, cheeky, happy taking its place in between blinks. Naruto was easy to please, then. 

Inspired, Daiki reached into his yukata and pulled out two packages of senbei. From what he could remember, Naruto wasn’t a bad kid, other kids just didn’t like him because… Well, Daiki didn’t actually know. He spent most of his time around children sleeping, after all. Until recently, that is. Something about a demon? A monster? It didn’t matter to Daiki really, as long as he kept whatever it was to himself. 

“Sorry.” He said again, offering the other boy a rice cracker while taking a bite of his own. 

Naruto took the cracker after a brief pause, an emotion flickering across his face that was too quick to catch. It lingered at his core though. Wonder. Daiki could recognize that emotion in a heartbeat, felt it often enough looking through the library’s astrology section. It was one of his favorite sections. That Naruto could feel wonder at someone showing him a small kindness… That was sad. 

“I’m Ueno Daiki, it’s nice to meet you.” 

The wonder increased as Naruto grinned broadly and introduced himself in turn, proclaiming he was “Going to be the next hokage, believe it!” Daiki felt something small inside of him shift. 

The boys ate their crackers in peace, Daiki humming softly. 

“What’s that song?” Daiki blushed slightly as Naruto once again invaded his personal space.

“Just something I heard in a dream.” 

Naruto looked at him with his head cocked to one side and made a thoughtful noise that was kind of endearing. 

“A dream, huh?” Daiki nodded. “Do you remember the words?” Yes. 

“Nope.” Naruto’s nose scrunched in consideration. Daiki thought the expression looked rather painful.

“You’re kinda weird, huh?” Daiki gently pushed Naruto back so the other boy fell to his bottom and out of Daiki’s personal bubble. 

“I could say the same about you.” Naruto laughed heartily, even though Daiki didn’t think what he said was all that funny. “Say Uzumaki-san, I haven’t seen you around the orphanage lately. What’s up with that?”

“Oh! Old man Hokage got me an apartment! Said that it would help me focus on my studies at the academy or whatever, believe it!” Old man, huh? And Naruto was yelling again. Daiki resisted the urge to cover his ears. 

“I’m going to the academy this year too.”

“Really! I didn’t peg you as the kind of kid to want to be a ninja…” Naruto trailed off.

“Oh? And why is that?” Daiki intoned, genuinely curious. He watched as the other boy floundered for a moment before he seemed to resign himself to some fate, hunching his shoulders and scratching his cheek.

“Well, I mean… you’re sick, right?” Naruto’s tone reminded Daiki of one the orphanage matrons trying to explain common knowledge to a particularly dense toddler, and it threw Daiki for a loop. That’s what people thought? That he was sick? Did everyone think that?

“That’s not exactly correct…” Nor was it incorrect. When you boiled it down, his ability was nothing more than a hypersensitivity to chakra, wasn’t it? No, he wasn’t ill, he had a Kekkei Genkai. But it wasn’t like he could tell Naruto that without telling him what it was. “I’m just… chakra sensitive.” Daiki waited for Naruto to call him out on his half truth, deceit settling over his core like a film of oil on water.

“That’s a relief!” Naruto grinned at him like the sun and Daiki felt a flash of something. Unease? No, that wasn’t right. The feeling was gone before he could identify it. Then Naruto rubbed the back of his head in that sheepish way and the feeling roiled his stomach, returning at full force. Deja vu. 

He knew that grin. Something in him recognized the grin, along with the blond hair and whisker marks. Now came the unease. Daiki laid back, burying both unwelcome feelings deep within his core. It didn’t matter what Naruto reminded him of, he told himself. Naruto was his own person.

And suddenly Daiki felt guilty. Naruto was a person, not a tool to be manipulated into benefiting others. Here Daiki was, plotting, while Naruto sat innocently by his side talking excitedly about- Daiki listened for a moment…  his house plants? 

Daiki felt the wind leave his sails, in that moment feeling much too old, as though he was sixty and not six. He was going to have to stop running someday, deal with the problem other children posed rather than simply avoid them. Solve his problem with strength and not distance. Maybe Naruto could help him? What better way to start than exposure? Making a friend. He realized this was the longest conversation he had had with a kid his age… ever. He wondered if it was the same for Naruto.

“Naruto-san, could you do me a favor?” If possible, the boy became even more animated.

“What is it, huh? I can do whatever it is ya need me to do, believe it!” The boy’s enthusiasm about everything made Daiki tired. He wanted a nap. Still, he pressed on. He could help them both.

“Do you- uh.” Why was he so nervous? “Do you want to hang out tomorrow? Maybe be friends?”

His question was met with silence, and Daiki mentally berated himself. Awkward. Stupid. He was so-

“Yes! Oh man, wait until I tell Old Man Hokage!” Naruto kept talking, shouting, but Daiki was lost in his own thoughts once more. Naruto had said yes. He watched as the boy jumped up as he continued to yell. The happyhappyhappy pouring out of Naruto was nothing short of breathtaking. The kid was as happy as Daiki had ever seen anyone. But… 

He watched the other boy hop up and down, saying something about ramen and frogs.

But Naruto was also sad and lonely . Terribly so, deep down to the base of his core. Even as the boy smiled and danced around, Daiki could feel a tendril of sorrow reaching out to prod the barrier of happy Daiki kept wrapped around his core.

Instead of retreating as he normally would, Daiki slapped the feeling away as though it were a naughty child’s hand reaching for an extra cookie. He could work with this. If Naruto was sad, Daiki would help him to be happy.

After all, what were friends for?