First Time for Everything
The Hokage came to get me today and took me to his tall building just like he said he would. However, there were two other people in his office. One was a blond woman, Tsunade, she introduced herself. The other, an odd-looking old man, Jiraiya, stood next to her. Their expressions went from calm, maybe slightly annoyed to horrified the minute I walked in.
Of course, people wouldn’t be happy to see a monster. But most everyone else ignored me. They did not look at me like this.
Tsunade bent down, lowering herself onto her knees, “Can I hug you,” her voice trembled.
That didn’t make sense. It was inconsistent. Maybe she was forcing herself, but then why would her voice tremble like that? Was it sadness? Or maybe it was pity?
Pity? For a monster? That also didn’t make sense. I could ask, but humans lie. My mouth felt dry and flaky like the crumbling pieces of chalk when pushed against a blackboard.
I nodded because saying no would probably mean and the Anbu told me to be nice. Tsunade smiled, sighing in relief when her arms wrapped tightly around me. It was so warm. It felt nice. I didn’t know how to react so I wrapped my arms around her too. It was even warmer like that. Maybe she felt warm too.
The Hokage put a hand on my shoulder, “I hate to ask, but would you be ok performing some test.”
“We just want to make sure you’re ok kid,” Jiraiya spoke up. I could hardly see him over Tsunade’s shoulder but he was scratching his head, eyes downcast.
“Only if you’re ok with it,” Tsunade interjected.
“Ok,” I answered. I really didn’t mind. I didn’t have anything else to do. Now that I could no longer listen to the classroom under my box.
Tsunade nodded and stood up, her arms pulling away. But she quickly grabbed my hand and the warmth stayed. She led me out the door and to another room that looked more like the white room I woke up in. She sat me down on the bed and took off my kimono top.
“I just need to check on your seal,” Jiraiya clarified, but that didn’t mean anything to me. I still didn't understand.
“Seal?”
Jiraya looked back at the Hokage with uncertainty. The Hokage stepped forward, “Did the matron at the orphanage tell you anything… about your situation?”
“...She told me I was a monster,” I knew it was true and I knew everyone else knew too. Yet somehow, saying it made my skin crawl and my hands burn.
Tsunade gripped my shoulders with both of her hands. She looked like she had something to say. But her mouth just kept opening and closing. She couldn’t be surprised, could she?
“You’re not a monster,” the Hokage sighed, “I wanted you to live a normal life…”
“It’s too late for that,” Tsunade snapped, “If you don’t tell him it will only hurt him.”
Jiraiya had his eyes closed, “Even if you don’t tell him, he’d figure it out soon enough.”
I felt like I wasn’t in the room, everyone was speaking as if I wasn't there. It was oddly comforting. I could return to being an outside observer.
The Hokage nodded with an exhausted smile, “Naruto, listen carefully. When you were born, a big fox-,” the Hokage paused, “Do you know what the nine-tailed fox is?”
I nodded. I think I knew. I heard of it briefly, it seemed that people preferred not to mention the subject. It was a demonic animal that attacked the village. But it sounded more like a story then a reality. How could animals be demonic? They were animals. They didn’t act like people, they lived by instinct.
Demons act like animals while looking human. That’s what I am. That’s what the matron told me.
“The nine-tailed fox attacked the village seven years ago so the fourth Hokage sealed the fox inside your body to prevent it from killing anyone. But just because it’s chakra is sealed in your body does not mean it can affect your mind,” The Hokage grasped my hand in his. My hands were so small compared to his, “You are you Naruto. You are not a demon because you're a hero. You're saving Konoha.”
Hero. That didn’t sound right. In the stories I had heard, people became heroes because they acted heroically. But I did nothing. The Fourth Hokage was a hero.
I wanted to tell them that. I wasn’t a hero. No, I was a monster. Because the matron said so and she treated me like a monster. Everyone else treats me like one too.
I imitate them, the humans and the animals. Because I am a monster.
But I knew they wouldn’t understand. Tsunade would look sad again, and it was unbefitting to pity a demon. So I nodded again, “I understand.” But I didn’t.
Jiraiya smiled and nodded, “I just need you to channel some chakra.”
“No, wait,” Tsunade shooed Jiraiya away, “Before that, I should check if it’s safe for him to do that.”
Her hands glowed green before she reached for my shoulder. It tickled, but in a pleasant way. It was the same feeling as when butterflies landed on my fingertips. Or when streaks of sunlight spilled through the cracks in my wall and pricked my skin.
“How do you use chakra?” I decided to ask because Tsunade’s chakra felt nice.
The Hokage laughed a little and Tsunade turned to glare at him. He waved his hands, “calm down, he’ll need to know the basics to present the seal.”
Tsunade sighed and turned back to look at me, “Ok, just be careful.” I don’t know if she’s talking to me or the Hokage, or even Jiraiya.
“Chakra is- do you know what chakra is?” I nodded, “Good. I think about chakra as strings traveling around the body. These strings are always flowing at a consistent rate around and out of the body. When you use chakra, you are altering the flow of your chakra to either focus it in one part of your body or exert it from the body. Imagine you’re pulling on that string,” The Hoage stopped, “Well, you have your chakra and the Kyubbi chakra, so really you have two strings flowing throughout your body.”
Tsunade turned around, “Are you done?” she raised an eyebrow, “The doctors were right, he has permanent tenketsu damage. He’s not in danger, but we really would need to do extensive tests to know what the long term looks like.”
“I was afraid you’d say that,” The Hokage pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Good news is that his body does release chakra. The amount is comparable to that of a genin so he does have enough chakra to call about the seal.”
“Ok kid, just do what Sensei said, give that chakra a small tug,” Jiraiya got in front of me again.
“Where is the seal?”
“Stomach, but it doesn’t really matter-”
A small sheen of purple chakra appeared over my stomach, but it was only there for a second before it disappeared again, showing a swirling tattoo, the seal I guess.
Jiraiya whistled, “It’s one thing hearing about it, but it's completely different seeing it.”
I liked Jiraiya. It seemed like nothing fazed him, nothing kept him sad for long. I wouldn’t have to worry about upsetting him, “Is that not normal?”
The Hokage opened his mouth “Well, it’s not that-”
“Kid there’s nothing normal about that,” Jiraiya’s laugh was loud and bounced inside the room. It sounded like it was coming from all directions at once, but it ended quickly when Tsunade hit him over the head.
“It’s perfectly normal for your condition. Chakra flows out the tenketsu and there are no tenketsusin that area of the abdominal region. But your tenketsu are basically gone so your chakra can come out of any part of your body.”
“It’s also purple,” Jiraiya murmured, “But I guess it proves the Kyuubi’s chakra did mix with yours.” He looked down at the swirl again. His hand glowed too, but it glowed blue before he pressed against my stomach.
“This seal is made up of three main components: mind, body, and spirit. Minato sealed the Kyuubi’s yin chakra into Naruto, that's the spirit. This part of the seal is practically gone.”
“I thought Minato sealed the yang in,” The Hokage looked incredulously at the seal.
“Apparently not, but it makes sense, the yin chakra would not be as toxic to Naruto’s body. I could try to strengthen the seal but…” Jiraiya looked at Tsunade who shook her head, “I wouldn’t be good for Naruto.”
“The body seal is also weaker,” Jiraiya looked over Naruto’s body, “But you don’t look like a fox… The last part, the mind component, is completely fine. Naruto hasn’t even made contact with the fox yet. I could try to make the body seal stronger but it will probably strengthen the spirit seal too. We need-”
“More tests?” The Hokage asked. And Jiraiya nodded.
The Hokage sat down on the bed next to me, “I really want you to think about this Naruto. We can do more tests but it will require you to learn how to properly control your chakra. There may even be physical tests that will exhaust you. Are you ok with that? You can say no, you’re just a kid after all.”
I wanted to tell him of course, that it didn’t require any thinking. There are no other choices for me. I had nothing else I could do. But I just said yes because I’m sure he would disagree.
The Hokage gave me a small smile but he didn’t look happy. What was the point of smiling when you weren’t happy? Human mannerisms were illogical.
“Then you can go for now and rest,” The Hokage opened the door, “You can report back here tomorrow morning.”
I assumed that was an order to go home. So I walked out of the door. Jiraiya followed me out, dropping his hand onto my head, “Now that you’re free, we can go to the bathhouse.”
It wasn’t a question so that meant I had to follow him. But the Hokage said to rest, “Can I rest in the bathhouse?”
“Sure,” His hand steered me off the path to my home and instead towards the direction of a small bridge, “Though I’m not sure you’ll want to- Have you ever been there?” His eyebrows wiggled in a wave shape. I didn’t realize the body could move in that way.
Tsunade grasped my hand. She had long fingers and even longer fingernails. They dug into the palm of her hand, forming small crescent shapes.
“He’s coming with me,” She tugged on my arm, pulling me away from the weight of Jiraiya’s hand. I felt ten pounds lighter.
“Heh? What’s he gonna do with you? Stare at pictures of skeletons? I’m satiating his young mind with the information a growing boy needs.”
Tsunade scowled at Jiraiya. I would have never thought a human could get so angry at another human, “You Perv!” She let go of my hand to grab the railing of the bridge. It snapped.
Jiraiya reeled away, “Jeez ok! Sorry Hime,” his arms were up to shield his face. Tsunade was still shaking her fist at him. They seemed busy so I decided to continue home.
The Anbu said he would be coming back today. He had visited me twice earlier this week and his food was always warm and tasty.
He said he could only cook fish but I liked fish so it didn’t bother me. He wasn’t inside when I entered through the door. I supposed that made sense, Anbu said entering someone’s home without permission was rude.
But he did it all the time.
Maybe the rule doesn’t apply to him because he was nice. I sat down in the small brown chair at my table. I only had one chair so Anbu always stood while he explained how to be nice to me.
I felt hands on my shoulder before I heard the loud “hey there,” said right into my ear. I turned around, his mask was in my face.
“Hello.”
Anbu straightened, “part of being nice is being happy, or at least surprised when your friends visit.”
“I see. I am surprised you are here.”
“That’ll have to do,” he shrugged, “Cuz I have another surprise for you.”
He disappeared into the door that led to my bedroom. Out of it, he dragged a chair.
It was made from a light brown ochre that was woven to create an image of a butterfly in the negative space. On the seat of the chair, a pink and yellow cushion covered in a butterfly print was pinned securely. It was… atrocious.
Anbu gestured at the chair with one hand, “Do you like it?”
“No,” it was the ugliest piece of furniture I had seen. But for some reason, Anbu giving it to me made me feel warm.
His shoulders dropped, “At least you’re honest.”
“Is honesty nice?”
His head swiveled between looking at me and the chair, “Yeah… yeah, it is.”
He dragged the chair to the table, “If you don’t like it…”
It sounded like he was going to say more but he stopped speaking. I didn’t know he was implying, I already told him I didn’t like how it looked.
“...I can just take it with me.”
“I’ll keep it.”
He gave me a thumbs up and plopped down in the chair. The chair made a creaking sound and a plume of dust rose out the seat.
“Where did you buy it?” the dust burnt my lungs but it was a familiar raw feeling I had long since grown used to.
Anbu coughed, “garage sale, old lady, butterflies,” he waved his hands, “you like butterflies right?”
I nodded, I did like butterflies. They flew, they were pretty, and it didn’t hurt when they landed on me, unlike the birds.
Still, the chair remained hideous.
Anbu stood, I wasn't sure why he ever sat to begin with. He placed a plastic plate in front of me. It was fish.
He coughed into his hand despite wearing a mask. It made me wonder why he wore a mask. But I didn't ask.
"So," Anbu pointed at the plate, "how is it?"
I ate a bit, "good."
He lowered himself into the chair more carefully this time, "That's nice."
"Would you like some?" Last week he taught me sharing was a mark of good character.
"No," he waved one hand before propping it up on the table and resting his head on it, "I ate earlier."
He watched me while I ate. I had never been looked at this much. It made my cheeks burn again.
"You have very proper table etiquette," Anbu murmured.
I was never taught table etiquette, "what is it?"
Anbu shrugged, "I never paid much attention to it and it doesn't matter all that much. But you eat slowly and very properly."
"Eating quickly makes me feel bad."
"And I guess no one likes food on their face," Anbu nodded.
"I've never had food on my face."
Anbu didn't move for a bit. It was hard to know what he was thinking with the mask. Anbu suddenly leaned over the table, taking my chopsticks.
He placed a single grain of rice on my nose, "there you go, the quintessential experience."
"Thank you," my stomach felt like it was buzzing. It made me feel light. I didn’t know what to do with that feeling, it was like something wanted to erupt from inside me.
Anbu laughed, falling back on his dusty cushion.
---
Hiruzen was glaring icily at the wall, standing in the corner of the little room Tsunade decided to set up in. He was taking small quick puffs of his pipe.
Tsunade sat across from Naruto at a compact wooden desk, holding a small surgical knife to his finger.
"It's just gonna burn a bit and then it'll all be over, ok?"
Naruto's shoulders tensed a fraction but he nodded. Tsunade brought the small blade down. Naruto's finger prickled as if cut, but there wasn't any incision. Tsunade stared and Hiruzen's eyes followed her gaze.
She tried pushing the blade harder.
"Tsunade-"
"It's not like I'm enjoying this," she snapped. Naruto couldn't place what it was, but the silence in the room was unlike any he had been in before.
"Naruto, do you feel comfortable making the incision on your finger, it doesn't have to be big."
Hiruzen's gaze hardened and Tsuande knowingly ignored him.
Naruto took the knife and slit his skin. Pearls of blood pooled from the cut and fell into a tray.
"Isn't that enough," Hiruzen mumbled behind a screen of dissipating smoke.
Tsunade ignored him once more, "Smoke isn't healthy for Naruto. If you're gonna keep doing that, you can step outside."
Hiruzen set his pipe down with a quiet thump. The air was heavy
Jiraiya jumped into the room through the window, "Hey what's with the atmosphere?"
It wasn’t by a lot, but Naruto felt a bit lighter.
Tsunade snarled, "This is important. Do you always have to interrupt."
Hiruzen pinched his nose, "You're late."
"Am I?" Jiraiya grinned, "I thought-" his eyes landed on Naruto slitting his finger, "Woah, whoa, you call self-mutilation important?"
"Does everyone think I'm a bad doctor?" Tsunade hissed, banging her and against the wooden desk.
Jiraiya tried to look at his sensei for help but Hiruzen's eyes were trained on Naruto.
Naruto felt like he was being suffocated, which was odd because no one was touching him. Pressure, it was a pressure to talk. He had never felt that before, if anything, the pressure was always to be as silent as possible. So he settled on "I feel fine."
Jiraiya gave a small smile, "happy to hear it."
"It seems the chakra has bled more into his cells more than we thought," Tsunade gripped the table, forcing herself to stay calm, "when I tried to cut his skin, it was rock hard but Naruto was able to do it himself."
Jiraiya looked more serious than Naruto had seen him before, "Odd…"
"Any ideas?" Hiruzen glanced at his student.
Jiraiya scratched his chin, "sounds kind of like the reports I got from Suna. Nothing can hurt their jinchuriki, a shield of sand keeps him from getting hurt. His chakra responds to malice.
Tsunade scrunched up her brow, "I wasn't trying to hurt him!"
"I know, I know," Jiraiya lifted his hands defensively, "maybe it was your intent to cut him in general."
Tsunade looked incredulous.
"Hey, I don't know any more than you do."
She sighed, "yeah sorry," she looked at Naruto's skinny arms, "I guess I'm just still shocked."
"We're all stressed," Hiruzen spoke up, "I'm making everyone tense," his voice gruff with age, "I'm sorry, I should have trusted you. Especially when this was all my fault," Hiruzen walked to the door.
"W-" Naruto glanced at his arms cautiously, "what's your fault?" voiced with such genuine confusion.
Tsunade frowned and Hiruzen paused. Jiraiya spoke first, "Nothing was his fault, everything's fine."
A minuscule smile appeared on Hiruzen's face before he disappeared behind the door.
"Sometimes he just," Tsunade groaned, dropping her head, "everything's fine?" she repeated, unsatisfied.
Jiraiya didn't respond.
"Do you know what happened to you Naruto? do you understand?"
"No," Naruto shook his head.
Jiraiya gave her a warning look.
"You were abused-"
"Tsunade-" Jiriaya started.
"-Why aren't you angry?" she begged.
"Stop," Jiraiya holared, "Tsunade stop."
Naruto looked blankly at the table, quiet.
"Oh god, what's wrong with me?” Tsunade folded her arms upon the table, “I need a drink."
"I can get you water," Naruto tilted his head to the side. His voice just hardly more than a whisper
"Yes," Jiraiya nodded before Tsunade could talk, "that'd be great thanks."
Tsunade stuffed her face in her arms, "I need to get a grip."
Jiraiya left a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I'm just so angry- I couldn't sleep last night and-"
"Hey," Jiraiya shook her shoulder lightly, "I'm angry too- I'm livid. But don't push that on Naruto. It's best for him to move on."
Tsunade rubbed her eyes tiredly, "yeah. And we need to get these tests over with. No drinking."
"Yeah?" Jiraiya took a few steps back.
Tsunade stretched her out above her head, "yeah."
"Good, we-"
Naruto peeked his head into the room, looking down at the floor when all eyes turned on him.
"That was quick," Jiraiya motioned him in with a smile.
"Mm," Naruto nodded, "Hoka- um, Jiji showed me where it was."
"Alright kid," Tsunade sealed up the petri dish with blood and pushed it aside, "take a seat." She walked around him, equipping him with a sphygmomanometer and an assortment of other machines.
"Eat this," Tsunade pushed him a small rice bar.
Naruto listened immediately. He bowed his head, "It's very good, thank you," maybe even as good as Anbu's cooking.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow, it was pretty flavorless.
Naruto was looking at the bar with an unreadable expression, shoulders tense. Tsunade prompted him, "you want to say something?"
Naruto nodded slowly, "what's it for? And- uh what's it made of?"
Jiraiya made a grand gesture of patting Naruto on the back, hard enough to make the blond stumble forward, "Great question."
Tsunade smirked at Jiraiya, eyes illuminated with amusement. Naruto, ever out of the loop, watched in confusion. Maybe it was an adult thing, to be so weird.
Tsunade tore her eyes away from the fidgeting toad sage to look back at Naruto, "it's to help you gain weight, and all this," she gestured at the medical equipment around her, "is to make sure you don't react badly to anything," Tsunade started to get more excited and Jiraiya didn't try to hide his loud groan, "It’s mostly rice and nuts but the important thing is the parsley. Do you like cooking?"
Naruto wasn't entirely sure, he'd only made instant ramen. But he liked Anbu's food, so Naruto nodded.
"And-" Naruto pressed his hands together in his lap. Jiraiya nudged his back, "how does it work?"
Tsunade opened her mouth but Jiraiya cut in, "Another, truly great question, but the tests?"
Tsunade rolled her eyes, "If you're so enthusiastic, give this to Shizune," she shoved him the small petri dish, "she's in the hospital, upper floor."
Jiraiya scowled but snatched the dish away and jumped out the window. Tsunade rubbed her hands together, pleased, "Ok so this," she grabbed a small potted plant, "is peppermint plant."
It was a little wilted, Naruto noted, probably needed to be watered more often. And the brown tipped leaves indicated it needed less sunlight. Naruto decided to keep quiet though.
Tsunade plucked a leaf, "normally mint has a multitude of small health benefits. But with chakra, I can increase all those properties or super increase one property," and she did just that, the mint leaf perked up and gained a healthy blue-green luster. Tsunade smiled softly at the quiet fascination Naruto watched the whole process with.
"You want to try?"
Naruto nodded quickly.
"Great," she paused trying to think of how to briefly explain the hard and tedious process of making regular chakra into medical chakra. She settled on, “do your best.”
Naruto took a leaf tentatively, looking a bit unsure. Tsunade continued, "Just push a controlled, small amount of chakra into the leaf- and try not to use any Kyuubi chakra."
The leaf in her grasp suddenly shriveled up, as if burnt, "And that's what happens if you use too much chakra. Try not to do that."
Naruto’s hands coated in a soft blue glow and poof- the leaf was near shining.
Tsunade's surprise quickly morphed into a smirk, "congratulations- as per hypothesis- your chakra is naturally healing."
"Is that good?"
"Of course," Her puffed up chest deflated slightly with the realization he would probably never be able to output enough chakra from one place to be a true medic nin, nonetheless, "it's amazing, you can protect yourself with minimal training."
Jiraiya slowly clapped from his place on the windowsill, “Well Shizune has the blood.”
Tsunade nodded, “Fine, that's technically it for my tests today then.”
“Hey kid,” Jiraiya waved his hand.
Naruto blinked rapidly, looking up from the leaf in his hands, “Hello.”
“You know what,” Jiraiya scratched the back of his head, “I think that’ll be it for today, my tests can wait a day.”
“Really?” Tsunade burst from her seat, “Great, ok Naruto, are you doing anything tonight? No? Then we’ll go to my house to practice.”
Jiraiya slowly raised an eyebrow, “Hime-”
“Relax, it’s just cooking,” she grabbed Naruto’s arm and he stumbled to keep up as she pulled him out of the building, “This will be so much fun,” she grinned at him. Naruto nodded.
It was on Anbu’s fifteenth visit, after a full month of cooking with Tsunade, that Naruto felt ready to make something for the man. A simple sukiyaki dinner with miso soup.
Naruto set the table, adjusting the precise direction the chopsticks were pointing. Naruto sat down, looking over the table for any other imperfections. The room was perfectly still.
Minutes later, his door burst open. Naruto gave a tiny relieved sigh in time, the oppressive silence vanishing with Anbu’s appearance.
“Hey Naru, what’re you feeling today?” Anbu took off his shoes, “Fish with or without soy sauce?”
Naruto fidgeted, feeling suddenly very embarrassed about his cooking. Anbu looked behind him when Naruto didn’t answer.
“Oh? You cooked?”
Naruto nodded. He wasn’t sure what expression Anbu was making but it felt warm.
Anbu walked to the table, hovering above Naruto, “It does look good,” Anbu fell into his cushioned chair, “and it does smell really good,” he mumbled.
“Thank you,” Naruto clasped his hands together on his lap before bowing his head.
“No no,” Anbu laughed while scratching his head, “thanks for making all of this.”
Naruto looked down, “I wanted to.”
Anbu was quiet for a moment. Naruto considered eating, but he wanted to know what Anbu thought of his cooking.
Anbu sighed dramatically and Naruto raised his head in response, “I really have no reason not to trust you...” Anbu scratched his chin.
Naruto tilted his head in confusion.
“I never introduced myself, did I?” Anbu continued.
Naruto shook his head, Anbu told him it was polite to introduce yourself before asking for someone else's name. Anbu never did do that but he was nice so it probably didn’t matter.
Anbu lifted the white animal mask off his face. Black eyes to match black his hair and a small warm smile. All Naruto could see was that smile.
“Name’s Uchiha Shisui.”
Shisui, Shisui, Shisui.
Naruto’s face reddened and he didn’t know what to do with all the warmth in his chest, “N-nice to meet you.”
Shisui chuckled, and it sounded so much clearer without the mask.
“It smells even better now,” Shisui eyed the bowl, “Itadakimasu.”
Naruto followed after Shisui’s lead, whispering, “Itadakimasu.”
Shisui paused in his slurping to give a quick thumbs up and a bright grin, “It’s definitely better than my cooking.”
Naruto shook his head, “You’re cooking is my favorite.”
He hummed in surprise, “I guess we can switch off.”
Naruto nodded quickly before busying himself in the food. He wasn’t sure what he liked better, the feeling of Shisui’s smile when Naruto cooked or the warm feeling tingling just under his skin when Shisui cooked for him.
Shisui stood up, stacking his empty bowls and stealing Naruto’s empty miso bowl, “Since you cooked, I’ll clean.”
Naruto shook his head and stood abruptly, “I’ll clean.”
Shisui was already rinsing out the bowls in the sink, “Naruto, the key to being nice and a good friend, maybe the most important thing in general, is to help your precious people. In fact, it’s good to help anyone in need whenever possible.”
“Then,” Naruto fiddled with his fingers nervously, “then let me help you wash the dishes.”
Shisui looked over his shoulder with narrowed eyes, “You learn fast. Fine.”
Naruto stood on a stepping stool next to Shisui, basking in the warmth of doing something together.