“I’m home!” I hear my voice call out to the walls of my small apartment.
This is so perfunctory to me. I remember how my dad used to say the same thing, whenever he’d return from his missions.
He’d come through the door and call out my name as soon as he stepped in, and I’d leave everything to greet him at the door, and run into his arms. He’d ruffle my hair and bring me back inside the house carrying me on his back.
I remember I’d picked up on this small practice too. But when I called out, it would only be the deafening silence of the hollow walls welcoming me home, enveloping me in their inescapable grip a little too tight.
But not this time, not anymore.
Because she’s here now.
I hear the thumps of her footsteps echo along the floor before I see her. She comes before me, arms stretched, and runs towards me. I see the look in her eyes, how she looks at me as if she can see all the wonders of the world in my eyes. I don’t know why she looks at me that way, but I know my soul will shatter if the day comes when she doesn’t look at me that way anymore.
She jumps onto me and wraps her legs around me. I hold her precious body close with my unworthy hands, hands that are stained red from mistakes of the past, my hands which feel too harsh against the feel of her muslin skin.
She cloaks me with her arms, pulling me close to her, her embrace washes away my sins. She makes me feel like someone. Like I am more than just the atrocities I have committed, more than the pain I’ve inflicted.
I let myself forget for a moment, and I bury my head on her shoulder. I let her whiff soothe my soul. She always has a way of making me forget.
For a while, I think of nothing but just the feel of her arms around my neck. Like I’m someone she needs. Like I’m someone she…wants.
The ferocity of her faith in me weighs me down, but I know I will never let myself tumble under that weight.
I hold her tighter to myself, I’ll slip away if I don’t.
She breathes sweet lyrics of love into my ear. She says she loves me. She’s missed me so much, she says.
Her voice seeps through the depths of every crack in my heart, my heart feels whole again.
And suddenly, I’m just a man, in the loving embrace of the woman I love. I’m just a man but I have reached beyond the stars.
And for the first time, in a long time, I truly am home.