Reckoning

***********************

Naruto’s House, Greenwood (43 miles east of Konoha City) 

Whatever erection Naruto had before was promptly killed as something akin to ice shot through his veins in sheer panic. ‘Gaara would not be telling me this without a reason.’ 

“What,” Naruto strangled to get out. “I— is it mine?”

“Will you come by my office around 7, it seems there is much to discuss.” The redhead said, evading the question. 

“Yeah.” Naruto answered and Gaara hung up. Kurama trotted his way into the bedroom, hearing the sudden shift in his voice and possibly even scenting how agitated he was. “Fuck Kyuu what am I going so?” The blonde questioned. There was little doubt in his mind it was his. ‘The timing matches up too perfectly. not to mention I highly doubt Gaara would call me and tell me that unless I was involved in some way.’ 

“I’m gunna be a dad.” Naruto breathed out looking at his dog and then down at his hands trying to picture holding an infant in them. He couldn’t see it. After years of harboring a secret wish to have one— a family of his own… he can’t help thinking how not ready he is to be a father. To have a tiny person dependent on him completely. The late night feedings, the crying and diaper changing, those first steps and words and laughs. “Hinata, I barely even know her and she’s giving birthday to my— my son? My daughter?” Naruto felt his hands shaking an md tried to piece together how it could happened. How his life could have changed so completely so quickly. He tried to think, tried to remember that night with her. That one single night. ‘I thought she was— could have sworn she said she was on the pill. I was careful wasn’t I?’ 

The blonde wanted to vomit as he recalled the fact that he had knotted her. A fresh wave of panic hit him and feelings being trapped threatened to strangle him. The irony of it didn’t escape him. He felt lied to and trapped. All too often men are accused of being irresponsible— and it’s true. Women have to carry the evidence that something went wrong. They live with it for months before blood sweat and tears bring that tiny baby into being. But in this moment Naruto feels helpless, voiceless and without a say in the matter. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t ready, it didn’t matter that he thought they were careful, that he had trusted her and had that trust broken. His own opinions, views and life would come secondary. In the end, if Hinata decided to keep it he would be a father regardless of his own choice in the matter. ‘And I’ll respect that choice.’ Naruto thought with a stone of dread in his belly. As the blonde reluctantly fell asleep it was to the realization that he was probably a misogynistic asshole now and with deep all consuming feelings of fear and loneliness. 

***********************

Gaara’s office, downtown Konoha City

“There’s no baby yet. It’s not even an embryo.” Hinata murmured softly, her hands folded over her stomach delicately as she sat in the chair across from Gaara. “Yet here I am feeling maternal.” She continued thoughtfully. Naruto had his hands shoved deep into his pockets as stood off to the side.

“You conspire with your unborn child to earn your freedom. You have made Naruto an unknowing accomplice.” Gaara stated flatly.

“I got what I wanted with Naruto.” The omega said before hesitating. “I just— I didn’t understand what I was taking until the strip turned blue.” Hinata pushed her hair from her face and looked over at Naruto for the first time that day. “I’m not proud of myself.” She admitted.

“Nor should you be.” Naruto said, still trying to put everything together in his head. Trying to understand what he has to do, what she needs from him. His instincts were humming in the background. A steady roar in the back of his head tell him to take her somewhere far away and hide her until the baby is born. ‘Paternal. I’m feeling paternal.’ The blonde realized recognizing the faint feelings for what he had felt with Matsuri. Suddenly a dark idea bloom in his head and he turned to look at Gaara. “Did you know?” He asked, not sure what answer he wanted or expected.‘Is this Gaara’s way of giving back what he took? Thinking he can’t have a family so he just manipulates his way into giving us one?’ The blonde was partly pissed, partly confused and just a tiny bit flattered.

“I was aware of Hinata’s goal to have a child. I was not aware that you were means to achieve that end.” The alpha replies. 

“What do you want from me?” Naruto asked, turning toward the delicate looking omega. 

“Nothing. Or as much as you’d like to give”. Hinata sighed and the blonde frowned confused. 

“As much as I’d like to give?”

“I always believed that men were an optional extra in raising children.” She answered with a shrug. “I'm not opposed to a male influence, as long as it’s not my brother.” She swallowed. “He’s… not good with children.” 

********************

Naruto house Greenwood (43 miles East of Konoha City) 

“Dad, come look!” A voice squealed, and I turned to see my son had somehow managed to put a sweater on Kurama. His dark hair thin and fluffy on top of his head as he pointed proudly at a disgruntled dog. Kurama looked miserable in the sweater. 

“Oh Kurama.” I say reaching down to pet the dog on the head before I turn and left my child up. 

“What do you think daddy?” The voice seemed to echo. 

“I think he looks great.” I answer. Matsuri appears beside him, lifting the child up and smiling at him. The child's face was distorted as though through a thick fog or like he didn’t  quite have a face to begin with. Normally it would have disturbed me but I couldn’t help but feel some sort of affection starting to form. It wasn’t there yet but it would be soon. Instinct demanded him to care for and love his own. Not that it needed to. He wanted a family, at least one little one. His little boy and his big girl.

Loud knocking and dogs barking pulled the blonde from his dreams with a disorienting start. With a sigh the blonde tried not to think about the dream too much. It was too soon for such loaded thoughts. Especially when he still wasn’t convinced that Gaara hadn’t arranged everything. As he threw he legs over and stood to let Kurama out he briefly considered putting on pants but decided that he simply didn’t care. Whoever was at the door knew how unsociable he could be and for sure wasn’t invited. As he opened the door, he was almost glad that the pregnancy had stirred up some instincts. His scent was stronger than usual and he hoped it would help tell whoever showed up at his door to fuck off. The door squeaked open and Kurama ran by, racing out across the lawn to the trees and grass beyond. The visitor turned out to be Sakura. 

“Are we doing friendly visits now?” The blonde asked, blinking. 

“This isn’t a friendly visit.” The beta states, her hands shaking slightly. 

“Oh.” Silence fell between them as she stared at his face as though searching for something. “Well… what kind of visit is it?” Naruto asked, his eyes looking past her to watch Kurama who had decided that flopping down and rolling like a manic was a good idea. 

“This is me trying to convince myself of something.” She answered slowly. That pulled his attention back and the blonde blinked, eyeing her tense figure and anxious eyes. 

“Your worried I killed Karin.” Naruto stated.

“Did you?”

“What do you think?”

“I think that is the wrong thing to say when someone is already questioning what you're capable of.” Sakura fired back with false bravado as she inched backwards. The blonde leaned against the door frame before saying,

“I told everyone Gaara was Black Zetsu and no one believed me. Just like no one will believe you, if you said I was a killer.” 

“I don’t think Gaara is good for you.” Sakura half whimpered, as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I think your relationship is destructive.” 

“He’s good enough for you.” Sakura gasped and Naruto straightened. ‘She should be afraid. She obviously is not Gaara’s priority or main concern.’ The blonde thought. “I have something for you.” Naruto said, going inside and reaching for the gun sitting on his bedside table. It sat heavy in his hands as the blonde remembered that he had plenty of knives, which lasted longer than guns anyway. 

“What is—“ Sakura started to say before Naruto interrupted her.

“Regardless of who you are scared of, do not be scared to use it.” He told her firmly as he passed the gun to her. “It takes 9 millimeter rounds. By a box, and find a range.” Naruto added, before calling for Kurama  to come back in and shutting the door in her face. He did what he could for her. The rest was up to her. Sakura left quietly, still clutching the gun in her hand and Naruto's thoughts turned back toward his dream and the possibility of fatherhood. 

Knowing he probably shouldn’t, Naruto turned on the laptop and started looking at baby items. Inwardly, Naruto reminded himself that it was only looking. There was no reason to get attached yet. Especially since he didn’t even know the gender or even the sex yet. As he browsed, the internet, as per usual, took him down a rabbit hole of health problems for babies and mothers. He even stumbled across an OBGYN’s youtube channel. ‘Subscribing to the channel for later.’ The blonde thought, unable to help the curiosity bubbling inside him. 

[Medical News Today]

Beta Women

80% of Miscarriages occurs within the first trimesters (Meaning the first 13 weeks of pregnancy). One in four women will have a miscarriage. Though, it should be noted that miscarriages occur for a variety of reasons therefore the cause varies between women and must be assessed on an individual case basis. 

Omega Women

Unlike Beta women, Omega women have fewer causes for miscarriages though it is unknown precisely why given that it is not linked to fertility rates. One in six omega women will experience a miscarriage in their life time. The stigma against omega women who have had miscarriage has been a major factor in omega rights movements and a concern of several hospitals. Many hospitals catering to pregnant omegas or omegas aiming to become pregnant have implemented programs combating the stigma and to promote mental well being— though more work needs to be done. 

Omega Men

Of the three secondary sexes, omega men experience the highest loss of pregnancy averaging at one in three. In other words, on average 33% of omega men will have a miscarriage as opposed to 25% of beta women or 16% of omega women. The window for miscarriage also tends to be longer then those for beta or omega women but not always. The most common reason female omegas lose the pregnancy is hormone imbalances. Though of course complications can occur later in pregnancy. 

Naruto felt a prick of worry at the chance that Hinata could lose the baby. It was still after all a possibility. A subheading drew his attention and he couldn’t resist reading the info on sigma’s. There was simply so little of it and the blonde couldn’t deny curiosity. Of course it didn’t help that at times Narutos felt clueless about his body sometimes. He had difficulty at times predicting if it was a heat or a rut. Not to mention his cycles were irregular. Irregularity is a big warning flag for omega s and alphas but Naruto had no one to help him. There was so little help information available for his kind. Reproductive health especially. 

Sigma’s

Sigma remain an enigma to the medical community, with few cases to study or examine there is or enough information recorded to establish as statistic for miscarriage rates. At present only one known case of a sigma miscarriage exists however upon closer study it was revealed to be done intentionally.

However, it has been theorized that sigmas are not somehow magically superior in terms of reproductive health. In fact, some research suggests the opposite may in fact be true. 

In an interview Renowned Doctor Rin Nohara stated, “Hormone fluctuations are the biggest reason for miscarriages in omega men. This is due to conflicting genders. Sigma, who change between omegas and alphas are therefore subject to similar hormone fluctuations. So I believe that Sigma miscarriage rates are similar to those of omega man males. Of course this is a hypothesis which has yet to be tested due to, of course, a low number of sigmas.” 

Naruto read it three different times to understand what it was saying and when he did he felt his stomach sink. ‘If I ever got pregnant I’d have to be ready to lose a baby first.’ He realized, ‘especially since I’m a male sigma.’ With a grim expression, Naruto closed the browser before he could read any more horrific information about pregnancy. 

*********************

Konoha City Cemetery, Eastside Konoha City

Naruto stood silently watching the procession of mourners. Karins funeral wasn’t all that impressive, and most of the people hanging along the back edges were people who she made mad. A lackluster turnout for the dead. The sun was bright, and there was a decent breeze going. No rain to fake tears, or make a mess of mud. ‘Today is a good day.’ Naruto thought as he observed them lower the casket into the grave. ‘I may even see Gaara later tonight.’ The blonde contemplated getting another job briefly but decided he didn’t really need too. The FBI gave him a fairly large severance package considering the circumstances of his leaving although he was still able to come in and consult for them occasionally. Restlessness burned under his skin though, and more than once the blonde had to stop himself from looking at baby stuff. ‘Too soon. So many things can go wrong.’ Naruto thought before shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts. ‘Focus. The rest isn’t important.’ From the corner of his eye he saw Sakura linger on the edges of the small crowded. Her gaze flick back to him every so often. It was tense, wary and unsure. Naruto would be lying if he said that it wasn’t satisfying to see. Finally she made her wave carefully to him.

“I’m here to mourn Karin.” She spoke softly. “I highly doubt that is the reason you’re here.” 

“There’s plenty of reasons for me to be here.” The blonde responded carefully. “It’s common for killers to attend the funerals of their victims. Or at the very least visit them after their death.” 

“Anyone suspicious?” She asked after a moment.

“Besides me?”

“That was implied.”

“Was it?” Naruto asked. “You were expecting me. I saw your eyes scanning the crowd for me.”

“It’s common for killers to attend the funerals of their victims.” Sakura repeated softly. 

“I’m not here to dance on her grave.”

“You're not here looking for her killer either. If you were, you would paying more attention to the crowd of people.” 

“Are you profiling me, Dr.Haruno?” Naruto asked sharply, irritated. She didn’t respond. Her eyes staring stiffly ahead as though if she made eye contact everything would simply fall apart. The blonde took a breath before saying, “I am here, because my psychiatrist suggested it as part of my therapy.” The Beta tilted her head stuffing him, before walking away wordlessly. ‘And another person slips through Gaaras fingers. Out of his control.’ The blonde thought reading the growing paranoia in the set of her shoulders and in her words. Sakura wasn’t sure who to trust and more importantly, she was in denial about that. 

****************

Gaara’s House, West Side Konoha City

Naruto sat in his car for several minutes after Karin’s funeral was over. The anger and desire for revenge had mostly faded by now. The reckoning he promised Gaara seemed so… distant. A thing of the past. Except it wasn’t. The plan was in motion, the parts and people falling together so completely it almost shocked the blonde. ‘I’m not happy.’ Naruto thought numbly, looking down at his fingers, seeing the empty spaces between them. All he could picture was how nice it would feel if Gaara’s fingers were intertwined there. ‘Gaara would never be able to allow me to keep a baby. After everything, knowing about Matsuri’s death— He’s too possessive. A thoroughbred through and through.’ 

Despite knowing this, or maybe because of it, Naruto let impulse free and drove to the redheads house. Knocking on his door he was briefly reminded off the time he had stormed in here to tell him he’d kissed Sakura. ‘That feels like it’s been years away.’ 

“Naruto, I wasn’t expecting you. Come in.” Gaara said easily, inviting the blonde in without a moment's hesitation. “Would you like a drink?” The alpha offered, noting how pensive Naruto seemed. The blonde nodded.

“Yeah, thank you.” Gaara inclines his head, acknowledges the words but is content to not reply. To simply allow the silence to settle over them like a blanket warm and protective. He hands him a glass of wine after a brief disappearance into the kitchen, and then leads him to a room further in the house. 

“This…” Naruto said slowly, taking in the fire place Gaara was working on lighting. The smell of books and plush chairs. An old fashioned desk tucked neatly to the side.

“It’s my private office. A place to retreat and think without driving to my main office.” The red head explains as he returned with two glasses for them 

“It’s not as… it’s different.” Naruto struggled, trying to convey how much warmer this space felt. How more live and care and— loved this place seemed to carry. The room had a calming effect, like being home after a very long time. 

“Every person is a different person at home than at work. Whether that difference is intentional or not does not matter. Our surroundings absorb this, and changing the very air and nature to reflect is.” Naruto nodded, as he sunk into the chair. Gaara followed suit and the blonde glanced over to see the shadows from the fire dancing across the redheads skin as her eyes seemed to glow. “What nature are you reflecting now?” He asked, before handing him a glass of wine. 

“A conflicted one.” Naruto said dryly. Gaara leaned back into the plush overstuffed chair. 

“Conflicted about?” The redhead asked as a took a sip from his own glasses. 

“Family.” Naruto admitted. “It was always a… foreign concept. Something other people had. I— never really connected to the idea.” 

“Until Matsuri.” Gaara murmured, and the blonde stiffened before slowly nodding. 

“Until Matsuri.” He agreed. 

“Is it harder now to imagine a family for yourself?”

“Yes.” He answered and Gaara turned to look at the flames twisting and writhing in the fire place. 

“What is harder now about it?”

“Children.” He admitted softly. “I’ve been so preoccupied with taking a life I’m having a hard time coming to terms with making one.” 

“When men become fathers they undergo biogeochemical changes that affects the way they think.” The redhead answered, looking down into his glass. 

“You said the same thing happens when people become killers.” Naruto remembered, after take a sip. 

“Fathers can be killers.” Gaara answered as if that explained everything. Maybe it did. “What sort of father would you be?”

“I’d be a good father.” Naruto answered, his heart clenching up. He wanted to do that— be that. To love care and nurture his family. 

“How quickly we form attachments,” The redhead mused aloud. “To something that does not yet exist.” 

“I’m not attached.” Naruto snapped, and Gaara blinked. The blonde said before saying, “I’m only… anticipating attachment.” The alpha looked as though he would say something before he let the words die in his throat. Silent. 

The conversation swirled around in his head as slowly a new puzzle seemed to present itself to Naruto. His mind hummed latching onto and trying to solve a new question that Gaara gave him. ‘How quickly we form attachments, and fathers can be killers.’ The words spoken like fact, did they come from experience?’ Naruto swallowed at the thought. Something akin to jealousy rearing it’s jaded green head. 

“Have you ever been a father?”

“I was to my sister.” Gaara replied carefully. “She was not my child but she was my charge. I learn much about myself because of her.” The redhead’s eyes stayed trained in his lap. “Her name was Shukaku.” 

“Was?” 

“She’s dead.” He answered quickly, as though trying to escape from even saying the words. “Matsuri reminded me of her.” 

“....why did you kill her?” Naruto asked finally. The hurt coloring and shadowing his words. 

“What happened to Matsuri had to happen. There was no other way.” He responded and Naruto grimaced.

“There was.” He argued before letting out a sigh. “But there’s not now.”

“Will you protect this child the way you wish you had protected Matsuri?”

“I—“ Naruto paused, let his words trail off. His dreams of faceless children seemed strange and familiar. Like something he would do with Matsuri. “I dreamed about Matsuri. Sometimes I still do. I dream that I’m teaching her to edit books or walking Kurama with her.”

“I’m sorry.” Gaara admitted and Naruto turned to face him, a single tear running down his cheek. “I took that from you. I wish I could give it back.”

“So do it.” Naruto whisper his voice soft and broken. 

“Occasionally I drop a teacup. On purpose. I let it shatter on the floor into a thousand pieces.” Gaara let his eyes fall closed as he pictured it. “I’m never satisfied when it doesn’t gather itself back up again.” 

The blonde looked at him, studying the sadness in his eyes and in the line of his shoulders. ‘It’s hard to picture him shattering his teacups on purpose.’ The blonde thought, as he sat in the dark next to him. ‘But I can. I can see him, standing poised in his kitchen watching shards of fine china flying in every direction. Beautiful, destructive and sad.