Shikamaru had left the Hokage tower exactly 12 minutes and 34 seconds ago. Him and Naruto had just finished another all nighter because the universe is hellbent on making Shikamaru hate himself when he's correct. Like about his theory concerning the Hokages and how none of them actually fucking did anything during their reign.
(It might be an exaggeration but Shikamaru has been filing paperwork from when people still used quills to write. If his entire life is currently being controlled by stacks of paper he will force that lifestyle on others, alive or dead.)
Oh and Shikamaru would eat major shit of any of the elders heard that but they could also choke on that shit for all he cares. He's right and he won't elaborate any further.
Actually fuck off, he will elaborate. Senju Hashirama created the Hokage position so he could damn well just refuse to file paperwork (a part of him muses whether paperwork actually existed post warring state era but his aching back quickly derailed that train of thought). Senju Tobirama was seen in the Hokage office only when the stars aligned while the wind blows east at the same time an Uchiha is born. The Nidaime spent so much time creating justus and village systems that Shikamaru would've labeled the man as a masochist if he actually paid attention to his role as Hokage.
Sandaime spent most of his younger Hokage years trying not to lose all of his students, failed, and was taken over by the Yondaime who had a magnificent reign for about the same amount of time it took Shikadai to learn how to crawl. So barely a year.
Good for him honestly.
So after Sandaime has to take rule again he just proceeds to strut around the village and familiarize himself with every single fucking citizen in the village.
Then the Godaime makes an appearance and to everybody's shock, is strong armed into doing actual work by Shizune. Shikamaru is sending her a goddamn fruit basket. However, that work was mostly limited to hospital work because the Godaime was also a lazy motherfucker, as all Hokages tend to be, and knows how to pick her battles.
By far, the most infuriating Hokage was the Rokudaime, who Shikamaru was also an aid to. Honestly if it weren't for Iruka-sensei holding a decade long grudge over Kakashi entering team 7 early into the chuunin exams then less work than the already pathetic minimum would've been achieved.
So Shikamaru had naively assumed that Naruto would walk the same path as his predecessors and procrastinate for 10 or so years before dumping the on fire garbage can that was the Hokage position on some poor unassuming hopeful soul.
But now, 4 years later and a permanent crick in his neck, Shikamaru sees no end to this new hell he has entered.
So he trudges like a little sad man to his house, and trudges back out to Ino's house when his backed up memory catches up with his barely functioning legs and remembers that breakfast was Ino's turn this week.
So, understandably, Shikamaru thinks he's hallucinating the bright yellow tuft on the kitchen table, seated next to Inojin.
"Why is there a chicken on the kitchen table?"
"Oh, tou-san you're here," Shikadai greets him and passes him a plate. A bunch of tired groans and muffled 'morning' follows, but Shikamaru only has eyes for the chirping bird. Was this a hallucination from not sleeping.
Temari snorts and oops, must've said that last part out loud.
"Last time you hallucinated, it ended in you crying on the kitchen floor because apparently the clouds were trying to eat you. I think you can do better than a chicken."
Shikamaru would be offended, and he probably should be just by Kurui's roaring laughter, a surprise at this time of day - she usually is unresponsive until her third cup of coffee, but all his energy has been going into paperwork for the last 20 hours and anything else just gets shoved into a box.
"Oh hey Shikamaru! I see you've met Sho-chan,"
Ino brightly pops her head from the kitchen, a picture perfect mother at a lovely monday morning. But Shikamaru has been unwilling friends with Ino since the womb, so knows that she's nothing but a lying liar who lies.
"Sho-chan,"
"Yep! I asked Kaa-san if I could keep him since he wouldn't stop following me and she said yeah. He's a really cool buddy,"
Shikamaru doesn't know where to start with that sentence so simply opts for staring unblinkingly at Inojin.
"Ah"
Cho-Cho snickers and hands him a mug of coffee, and Shikamaru mentally declares her as current favorite niece as he downs the scalding drink in one go and sits down at the table.
"Shikamaru, you won't enjoy the essence of coffee of you just chug it like that!" Chouji tuts disapprovingly while his daughter nods in agreement.
"Ah, I'm pretty sure Shikamaru snorts coffee at the Hokage desk every two hours, although I would be more inclined to believe heroin is the stimulant based on his general appearance."
Inojin barks out a laugh and chokes on his eggs as his father calmly pats him on the back. Cho-Cho and Shikadai snigger behind their hands while Chouji and Ino at least attempt to hide their laughter. Temari and Karui had no such qualms and laughed so hard Temari had coffee shoot out of her nose.
It was Shikamaru's turn to lose his shit and he laughed so hard he felt his spinal cord realign itself. Well, there goes the plan to die early by scoliosis.
By the time Shikamaru collects himself his brain had accepted the newfound addition to the family and he resigned himself to buying chicken feed for the next two years or so.
Shikamaru was just about to relax and take a quick nap but was jolted awake as a small, soft pair of feet made their way down the hallway. For a second Shikamaru had to mentally revise whether he, or one of his teammates, had another child without his knowledge. The answer was no but Shikamaru would've taken it over what Inojin pulled up to sit at his lap.
"This is Akkun!"
"Temari what were you saying about moving to Suna,"