Like Mother Always Said
A loud bang awakens me.
Snapping my head up I looked around frantically for the source of the noise.
I was still on the couch, the sun just starting to light up the room.
I looked to the kitchen to see a head of silver hair slamming the fridge shut.
Jumping up I stumbled to him.
“Kakashi! Are you okay? You were supposed to be home last night!” I said frantically, flocking around him uncertainly.
He seemed tense, annoyed even.
“Kakashi?” I asked hesitantly, raising a hand to touch him.
Kakashi jerked away from it and shot me a glare.
“The mission ran a little late. I’m going to sleep.”
I snapped my arm down, nodding solemnly. I bit my lip to hide the hurt I felt at his tone.
Kakashi walked past me, his movements were jerky and controlled. Stiff.
I followed him at a safe distance and watched him disappear behind the bathroom door.
Sighing I went to my room, unable to stand being in the open area of the living room.
What just happened?
Was he just tired?
I leaned against my door, listening to the running water of the shower.
The shower cut off abruptly and I opened my door to peak out.
I felt like a child again, watching the maids bustle around through the crack in my door.
Kakashi walked out in a towel and I couldn’t help the blush forming across my cheeks.
His muscles rippled and I swallowed, licking my suddenly dry lips.
But then he turned to walk into his room, the room directly across from mine, giving me a clear view of his back.
Maybe in different circumstances, I would have appreciated the low dip of his towel or the wet droplets that trailed down his sculpted muscles, begging for attention.
But I couldn’t.
Because upon his back, from shoulders to waist, four red trails decorated the muscles.
Scratches.
Kakashi disappeared behind the door.
Gently I closed my door and calmly walked to my bed. Sitting down I tried to stifle the rapidly changing emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.
I knew what those were, while I wasn’t very experienced in the field I wasn’t naive.
‘He cheated.’
I stared at the far wall and clenched my fists as a way to ground myself.
‘No. There was nothing to cheat on. We aren’t…it’s perfectly acceptable. It’s in the rules. It’s…it’s not fair!’
I buried my face in my hands and silently cried, years of practice allowed me to quiet the sobs.
‘Was she prettier? Better? Was I not good enough, like Mother always said? I thought that he…That he…’
Shaking my head furiously I rubbed my eyes.
‘I stayed up waiting for him! I- He lied to me! Why are people always lying to me?’
Taking a deep breath I reeled in the mounting breakdown.
‘Father lied when he said he’d always look after me. Mother lied when she said she loved me. And now Kakashi lied too.’
Standing up I brushed the tears from my eyes and headed to the door.
Stealing my expression I left the room and headed to the shower. Washing away the evidence of my tears I buried the pain deep down.
I’m going to go about my day like any other. Make breakfast, leave the house. I just have to get through this and I can go cry up on Hokage Mountain.
I just have to manage breakfast.
‘Alright (Y/N), you can do this.’
Nodding determinedly I got dressed and then started breakfast, busing myself with cracking eggs and popping toast.
“(Y/N).” Kakashi’s voice startled me and I almost dropped a slice of toast.
‘Shit! Why couldn’t he have just stayed in his room?’
Deciding to play innocent I hummed in acknowledgment, refusing to look at him.
Kakashi sighed helplessly.
“(Y/N), I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was just…tired…” He trailed off, a bit unsure.
I scoffed, unable to stifle it in time.
“I bet.” I said, gulping and relaxing my face.
Kakashi stayed a safe distance away.
“(Y/N), really I’m sorry. The mission was more irritating than it should have been. Naruto and Sasuke wouldn’t stop fighting.” Kakashi chuckled awkwardly, he tried to play at normalcy, and normally I would have laughed with him.
But this wasn’t normal.
Slamming the plate down I turned to him sharply, but I couldn’t look long before tears appeared and I turned away again.
“I don’t like lying, Kakashi. I thought we discussed this.” I ground out, coming out harsh instead of the intended calm, but at least I didn’t sound as broken as I felt.
“(Y/N)-”
“I know you had sex Kakashi.” I snapped, bracing myself against the counter.
Kakashi took in a sharp breath.
“(Y/N), I’m sorry-”
“It’s fine. Just don’t lie to me.”
Kakashi went silent for a minute, coming up and grabbing some food, his hand came too close to mine and I flinched back, removing myself from the picture.
Kakashi watched me carefully.
“(Y/N)-”
“No. It’s fine.”
It was easier to pretend I was upset about the lying.
And I was at least a little bit.
I didn’t have the stomach to admit anything else.
“(Y/N) listen to me. It’s not what you think I-”
“It’s exactly what I think, Kakashi. And it’s fine. I don’t care who you sleep with.”
Kakashi’s jaw snapped shut tight, his eye narrowing dangerously.
“Yeah, you’re to busy fucking someone else to care.” He scoffed and I gasped, staring at him wide-eyed.
“What!” I almost screamed, completely thrown.
“I saw you with that fucking guy at the Mountain!” Kakashi was suddenly yelling and anger overwhelmed me.
“What the fuck is your problem? I was just showing him the mountain! He was new to the fucking Village!” I screamed back, furious at his accusation.
Kakashi scoffed and turned away.
“Right, soon as I’m gone you move on to the next man that gives you attention.”
“Fuck you! You’re masculinity is so fucking fragile isn’t it? Makes sense, not like you could-”
Cutting myself off sharply I took a deep breath.
“What? Finsish your fucking sentance!” Kakashi snarled and I shook my head.
No matter how much his words hurt, he doesn’t deserve that.
There was nothing anyone could have done to protect them, his precious people were gone, and it’s not his fault, not even hurt feelings could justify insinuating that it was.
“Not like I could what? Keep you satisfied? Yeah, like that boy could do any better!”
Gritting my teeth I headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Kakashi called out frantically.
“Fucking take a guess!” I screamed and pulled the door open harshly.
“While I’m gone try to fix your fucking self!”
Then I slammed the door shut, tears streaming down and neighbors gossiping.
‘I thought he cared.’