Girl Talk
*****Botan*****
*“And… Down there is really the only way?” Yusuke stared down at the cavernous pit of green mist. The only thing separating it from the rest of them was the wood floor we were standing on. One square hole, peeking into what seemed to be a bottomless pit.
Ranma whistled as he was on his hands and knees, the sound waves bounced through the cavernous depths, an echo reverberating through his very soul. His pig-tail drooping down, the end of the braid cresting the beginning of the sage-colored fog. “Damn, that goes… deep.” He seemed to have some… sort of dread as he stared down into the pit. Maybe he has a fear of heights or something?
Kuwabara took a small, yet deep breath to steel himself, “You sure this is gonna take us to that castle?”
”Well, as close as you all can get, it’s not like you’ll be right inside, but it’s close enough.” I folded my arms, “Though I really don’t think it’ll be hard to miss.”
The punk in blue nodded, staring down at the pit, he said one word, “M’kay!” and jumped.
”WOAH WOAH WOAH” Yusuke soon joined Ranma in peering down the seemingly endless void, watching the boy vanish from sight. Eyes wide. “… Y’know, he can probably handle it himself.” The spirit detective let out a nervous chuckle, slowly starting to back away from the hole.
Stopping the boy from slinking away, the martial artist's hand snapped at Yusuke's wrist like a snake striking its prey. ”Ohhhhh no you don’t. If I gotta go, you gotta go.” Nearly immediately after he said this, he jumped in after Kuwabara, wincing as he did.
“I HATE YOUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu” Urameshi’s scream faded from the other's ears as he careened through the foggy darkness.
Kurama looked over at his former partner in crime, only to find he had already jumped in while nobody was paying attention, “Well, I guess it never hurts to be fashionably late.”
I gasped, my arms unfurling and patting my pockets down, grabbing out a set of items. “Oh I completely forgot! Here! Give one of these to Yusuke, I’ll be able to keep in contact with you all while you’re down there.”
Suddenly, I remembered the sounds of clinking glass breaking. A whole window that had shattered. “Actually maybe you should-“
”Yes I think that would be for the best.” The remaining redhead chuckled slightly, having already jumped to the same conclusion, before leaving with a respectful nod. With a single graceful hop, arms raised high, he too descended down into the green mist.
*****Ranma*****
There are no cats.
They can’t hurt you.
There are no cats.
They can’t hurt you.
You’re gonna be okay.
Demons probably don’t even have cats!
Or maybe they have demon cats.
…
Maybe they’re demons that escaped to our world!
Much to think about.
I just need to focus! All I have to worry about is the fact that this is probably gonna be a few hundred meters high and that’s all!
I let that sentence run its course around the inside of my skull a few more times, like a mental rotisserie.
Y’know, maybe I should’ve thought this through. Dealing with Urameshi’s screaming and howling in my ear was also less than ideal.
“YOU FUCKIN MORON!!” He screamed out, flailing around, having clamped onto my wrist, the same one that dragged him in.
I spiralled in the air, I didn’t think the jack-ass was gonna actually use ME for stability! Who would even think to do that?!
Suddenly my whole system was shocked, a jerking, sudden stop, a flash of light, and we were suspended in the air. It smelled different, felt different.
We aren’t on Earth anymore, are we?
I hit the ground with a thud, landing right on my head, stupid tomboy says I’m dense, jokes on her, it barely even hurts! Guess it pays to be thick-headed.
I climbed up from the red dirt, rubbing my scalp of the bizarre red dirt. “You think that castle is somewhere… around….. here….” my voice trailed off as I saw what everyone was staring at.
Yusuke had warped in, landing in the dirt very shortly after. Getting to his feet in a flash, anger burning through his whole system like a forest fire, “What’s your PROBLEM you…” which was immediately extinguished as he saw the same sight.
Maze Castle.
An absolute monolith, towering head and shoulders above even the tallest mountain we could see. A feat of huma- er, I guess demon engineering. A large plinth of stone supporting the whole thing. Sprawling and spiralling, the whole thing seemed indecipherable, like one of those paintings from that guy who made the stairs go all upsie-downsies and back up again. Mic Etschern, or whatever his name was.
It started to dawn on me what I just accepted. Still, a man doesn’t back down from his word. I caused trouble for these people, so I gotta do my part. They’re saying this is gonna hurt a lot of people, and a martial artist always protects the weak. I mean, if I walk in through this, and succeed, really stomp through a bunch of demons and thwart their entire castle, pops can’t ever insist I ain’t a man amongst men!
No matter how many schemes against Ryoga I pull, no matter how much I rock a dress or-
My stomach twisted, like a knot sank through it.
I let out a small groan, I guess teleporting has its after-effects, ain’t like me to get motion sick. I’m a man amongst men! Get it together!
And just like that, the pain was gone, back to the distance. The soothing, comforting distance. Just how a perfect man should feel.
Kuwabara had spoken up, “Woah, no wonder they call it Maze Castle… it’s all… twisty ‘n turny.”
I watched the green punk pick his ear with his pinky, his voice lathered with sarcasm. “Observant as always ain’tcha.”
His buddy? Rival? His Ryoga, looked back at him, adopting a stance, feet wider, fist out in front of him, pumped in anger, “Oh yeah!? You’ll observe my fist hittin’ your face wise guy!”
Yusuke got a smirk, “Not before you get a real close view of the ground.”
I intervened, “Ladies, are we gonna sit here smackin’ our lips all day or are we gonna go fight some demons?”
Suddenly, the orange-haired dude started roaring in energy, rage and ki burning around him like a torrential storm. “What did you just call me Saotome?”
Yusuke just sighed, putting his hands behind his head. “Now ya done it…”
I blinked a few times, why was this dude taking it so personally? I mean, I get men are supposed to be men but, it’s just a joke, and besides, while I’m obviously the paragon of masculinity, and have to be, if I wasn’t me, I don’t think I’d care about being compared to a girl.
That pain was back, slightly muted, but very real, and I winced.
Maybe it’s his special attack or something?
I took a sharp breath, starting to walk as I worked off the ache, “Just sayin’! You two seemed to be enjoyin’ yer pillow talk, like some real gal pals. Dunno why you’d take it personally man. ‘S not like anyone chooses bein’ a guy anyways.”
Suddenly the ki slowed down, the rage replaced by… something else, couldn’t really tell what.
I turned back, and gave him, and everyone else, a curious look. “Uh. Y’all comin’ er what?”
Kurama had a faint smile, like he found something amusing. Kuwabara stood there blinking. Eventually, the pinball machine that is his brain died down, and he came back to our reality. “Yeah! Yeah. ‘S whatever Saotome.”
Geeze, just like that he got over it. What a weird guy. We all started walking, and Kuwabara walked next to me, onwards towards the castle, and he leaned in, and whispering, like he was sharing some big secret, he said, “Y’know, I’d choose to be a guy.”
I rolled my eyes. Whatever, all guys tell themselves that, but obviously none of us mean it.
My stomach twisted.
We all just man up, temptations be damned, no stupid curse is gonna try and take over my manhood, my pride, the one I went through hell and back to keep, to hold onto for dear life. I’ve been shot at with arrows, ninja stars, weird projectiles, threatened to kill myself, beaten over the head with a mallet, swam across an ocean TWICE, been drugged, poisoned, and more, just to keep it. I ain’t lettin’ no dumb curse try and sway me.
All guys deal with this stuff, and I, Ranma Saotome, man amongst MEN, ain’t gonna be swindled out of it by some punk.
He grew more urgent in his tone, upset at something I couldn’t put my finger on, “I’m serious man!” he faltered a bit “Er- Saotome.”
I glared at him, anger simmering, growling the words through grit teeth. My knuckles white. “I don’t think I like what yer implyin’.”
It isn’t that simple, and I AIN’T no pervert. No pansy, no prissy sissy pansy ladyboy, pops expressly told me he made sure of that. By raising me honorably, well, as honorably as the old coot could.
Kuwabara snickered, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Geeze, now who’s the one that’s got her panties in a bunch”
And just like that, Kuwabara saw stars, and I felt his nose crinkle under my fist.
Yusuke whistled, “Geeze, and I thought Kuwabara was touchy about bein’ called that.”
I scowled at him, my words coming from the back of my throat. “Drop it Urameshi.”
He raised up his hands, in a mock-gesture of backing off, “Whatever man, it’s your business. Just sayin’, if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.”
“... Whatever.”
Kuwabara stood up, rubbing the bridge of his nose, a mix of anger, before his shoulders just slumped, and he sighed. He muttered something to himself, and Kurama murmured something back.
Hiei just seemed exasperated, “Leave the testosterone measuring at the door. You idiots need to focus.”
*****Yusuke*****
Yeesh this place is weird. I mean, it looked fuckin’ ginormous before, but actually standing in it is a whole other story. Feels like you’re in its own orbit, like a satellite movin’ around a planet. It kinda pisses me off. Then again, according to Keiko, so do most things.
Speakin’ of mad, I can tell Saotome’s still steamin’ about that whole deal before. Musta really pissed him off. I mean, I’m all for slugging Kuwabara in the face from time to time, but that felt a little unwarranted. Surprised it didn’t turn into a whole clobberfest, it ain’t like Kuwabara to just let somethin’ like that go.
It’s weird. He’s just been muttery and standoffish, like he’s seen a ghost or somethin’. Our shoes clacked against the smooth, dusty stone floors of the castle as I slowed my pace to meet up with Kuwabara.
I nudged him, “You good man? You look paler than when I was hauntin’ you.”
He shook his head, taking a breath, a long pause, before finally speaking in a hushed whisper. “Y’know how I get the tickle?”
I nodded, “I also know I hate that you call it that.”
He gulped hard, “It’s… It’s both that, and not like that. I got a bad feelin’ about this place. But it’s also about Saotome. I don’t… Somethin’ ain’t right with h- with uh. With Saotome. I think there’s something even Saotome doesn’t know that’s goin’ on.”
I rolled my eyes, Kuwabara sure had a point that he didn’t feel like getting to. “Saotome Saotome Saotome, you know you don’t gotta say his name every time right? You’re like a broken record man.”
The blue clothed boy crinkled his nose, clicking his tongue, like he was letting a bitter taste simmer in his mouth. “That’s the thing. I can’t tell you what’s going on, ain’t right for a man to spill someone’s business like that. It’s not just against my code, it’s against everything I stand for.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Well aren’t you cryptic.”
He groaned, sliding a hand down his face, I heard his fingers scratch slightly against the little bit of stubble he had. He smiled a small, warm smile for a sec, before going back into the moment. “I’m just sayin’, I don’t think you should use hi-he-... Saotome’s first name.”
“You think it’s cursed or somethin’? I mean he already turns into a girl but-”
I watched as Ranma, or I guess Saotome, looked back, hearing ‘curse’ and ‘turn into a girl’ and growling.
He was steaming mad, like someone left a boiler on for too long, totally red in the face. “I SAIDDROP IT.”
And just like that, we all felt a weight threaten to crush us.