So long goodbye
Ah fuck.
Izuku's dumb ass forgot how to do the shadow clone thing.
He specifically remembered Gaara teaching him, but he was dead now, so it didn't really matter.
That's a lie. He wasn't dead. Somebody was trying to heal him. Probably Hidan. That idiot could learn the most complex jutsu in an hour.
Obviously that's an exaggeration. But still, as idiots go, he's a smart one.
But in the matter of maybe a day, if he wanted enough time to prepare, Izuku had to learn that god forsaken clone thing.
Cue training montage.
"You just need to do the hand sign- not that one this one- and focus your chakra to the side of you. But make it like solid, I guess. I don't know. You just need to do it."
"But I don't know how to do it, Deidara. That's why you're teaching me."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"Fuck you, Watson."
And then there were too Izukus.
Deidara did a wolf whistle.
Izuku's clone kicked him in the shin.
Since he re-learned jutsu in maybe an hour, they had approximately three days to prepare.
And by prepare, he meant rig the seals covering the base with traps, make the floor less slippery (Sasori's puppet holding a mop was an absolutely hilarious sight), and basically not kill each other for three days.
It was very difficult. As nice as Hidan was, he also wanted to kill everyone to appeal to the god he seemed to worship, which Izuku supposed would be fine if he wasn't, you know, murdering.
Somehow he didn't kill Gaara, though, which was fun. Very pleasant.
"Ah fuck," Deidara said. "You know transformation jutsu, right? Or are you stupid."
Izuku sighed.
"Yes, I know transformation jutsu." He glared at him. "You arrogant fuck."
"You swear like a twelve year old."
Izuku made shadow clones and punched the everloving fuck out of him. He could heal.
The day. It came.
Izuku sat on his own shadow clone disguised as his friend who was almost dead, but not quite.
Deidara did as well. Sasori was off doing other shit, even though he was supposed to help them.
He was too pretty to help them.
Suddenly, the rock blew up. In the moment, Izuku assumed it was a bomb. Upon further inspection, it was Sakura and her absolute strength and awesomeness.
They'd grown. Sakura was the same but taller, Kakashi was exactly the same, and there was some old lady. Izuku thought she looked like a thumb.
Naruto was exponentially more mature. His jawline was more pronounced, he was way taller, heck even his voice seemed manlier.
His anger was bigger, too. Or average sized, since some bastards were sitting on his acquaintance's corpse.
"YOU BASTARDS!" he yelled.
"US BASTARDS!" Deidara and Izuku yelled back, giggling like seventh grade homophobic boys bullying some sad quirkles- I mean lonely- kid.
Izuku definitely had no experience with that. None at all. No way.
Sakura's eyes were wide, and she may have been crying.
At least she wasn't dehydrated.
Naruto tried to run at them, maybe to kill them. But Kakashi held him back.
They whispered something.
Naruto stepped back reluctantly, looking as if he wanted to cry, too.
He was definitely dehydrated. Izuku would have cried if he weren't dehydrated, and he wasn't the one finding a person sitting on the "corpse" of another person.
"Who are you?" Kakashi yelled to them.
"I'm not legally allowed to tell you that," Deidara said.
"Is he dead?"
Izuku held in a smile.
"Very."
Lying is fun.
That seemed to be the exact moment Naruto snapped. His willpower broke and he dashed past Kakashi and stopped right in front of Deidara, who grinned.
In a fistfight too fast to see, and in a battle not only of strength but emotion, Naruto accidentally kicked the "corpse."
And it poofed.
Everyone froze, even the ones who hadn't been moving in the first place. It was so still you could barely hear a heartbeat.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?" Naruto suddenly screamed, grabbing Izuku and Deidara by the collar.
"You dumbass," the latter said. "It's a shadow clone."
"Let them go," Kakashi said. Izuku frowned, confused.
"Aren't you here to get Gaara back?" he asked.
"Yes, but it would be illogical to kill you without knowing where he is."
He said that a but too nonchalantly for Izuku's taste.
The old lady stepped forward. "If I may," she said, "where is Sasori? I've been told he'd be here."
Deidara laughed humourlessly.
"Trying to rescue your Kazekage but all you care about is that pretty bastard? You've lost your mind, granny."
The woman grit her teeth.
"You seem not to understand, so I won't explain it."
Izuku was done with the chit-chat, and he said so.
"I'm done with this." Everyone turned their heads to look at him. He grinned.
"Time to die, hoes."
Green-tinted electric bolts emerged from him, and his unnaturally sharp-toothed smile radiated confidence.
Deidara glanced at him and smirked, probably wondering just how in hell his canines got so fucking sharp.
Naruto lunged at them, but was stopped by the wind coming from the pure strength Izuku was radiating.
"A hundred percent," he said, power so strong it practically made a barrier around him.
"No chakra could do this," Kakashi muttered. "Hell's with that kid."
Naruto appeared to strengthen up, too, an awful aura of red surrounding him. Even his features changed slightly. Birthmarks more defined, eyes a deep red, teeth sharp as anything could be.
Deidara raised his eyebrows at both of the boy's power, but shrugged it off and went to work eating clay with his hand.
Naruto charged, and Izuku, knowing full well what he had stored up his sleeve, stayed still.
Naruto seemed either too stupid or too angry to notice an obvious plan cooking up, and attempted kicking him in the side.
Before he could, a large popping noise sounded, and he was batted away.
Fa Jin.
Izuku laughed in a somewhat sadistic way as Naruto struggled getting up. It wasn't a very obvious thing, but he was shaking a bit from the effort.
Even so, still lacking logic, might it be said, Naruto charged again. He was batted away again.
However weak Sakura was in comparison, she was still another person. She punched him from behind right as Naruto tried, and actually made it.
Izuku was pushed forward, right into the fight Deidara, Granny, and Kakashi were having.
One of Deidara's clay birds exploded a bit too early, and tossed Izuku even farther, right into a wall.
He muttered something crass and stood back up, pissed.
With an almost unimaginable speed, he ran at Naruto, punching him in the face. Well, trying.
Even with a hundred percent, Naruto managed to block the blow. However, he broke his arm in the process.
He screamed with his teeth clenched, and Izuku chuckled.
Suddenly, he felt a shift in the air, and saw Sakura about to punch the shit out of him.
He bit back a smile and whacked her away, actually right into Kakashi. It was funny.
Deidara laughed, but was cut off by Granny kicking him in the face. Izuku scoffed.
They all fought for a while longer, but eventually, someone gave up.
Even though everyone was bloodied and beaten and far too injured than any teenager should ever be, it was Naruto who fell to his knees in hopelessness, his head down and arm limp.
"Do you give up?" Deidara said. Blood was pouring down his face and back and really everywhere he'd been hit.
(He had very sensitive skin).
"I can't give up. . ."
Deidara grabbed a knife from his fanny pack and raised it over his head.
"Deidara," Izuku said forcefully. He looked at him.
"Show the guy some mercy."
"Mercy?"
"He's our age. You can't just kill him."
Kakashi stumbled towards them.
"You can't kill him," he said. "He's a kid. Kill me instead."
Izuku could tell what he was thinking. "I can't lose anyone else" and "he can't die because of me" and other sappy shit.
God damn, it was enough to make a grown man cry.
And Izuku was much wimpier than a grown man.
He wiped at his eye with his bloody, torn robe. If anything, he just smeared it on his cheek, but he didn't really care.
"You can't kill him." Izuku gestured to them. "Look at them! This is so nice! You can't just murder them!"
"Crying? Again?" Deidara asked. He sighed. "Fine."
He frowned, suddenly.
"Where's Granny?"
"Dead," Izuku told him.
"Oh, shit. Isn't she like, really strong?*
"Not as strong as the bond between a father figure and a kid."
"You read too much."
Hidan, at the worst possible time, poked his head out of the hidden door in the cave.
"Dekiru! Your boyfriend's awake!" he called. "He said he wanted to see you and he looked in love! Come on!"
Hidan, despite enjoying murder, also enjoyed fanfiction and shipping people. Actually, he enjoyed fanfiction almost more than murder.
Naruto's eyes widened, and he looked pained. Well, more pained.
Kakashi just looked depressed.
"Yeah, yeah, coming." Izuku wiped at his eyes again, and glanced at Deidara.
"Kill them both."
Nobody had room to fight.
(Deidara didn't actually kill them, just knocked them out. He knew his friend better than anyone, so he knew he would regret ordering their deaths. What a good friend.)
Deku walked into Gaara's room. They were both bloody, though Gaara less so.
"Deku."
"Gaara."
There weren't any formalities or banter or anything of the sort. Only silence.
Then, Gaara cracked a smile, knowing damn well he was talking to a murderer and someone who had just tried to murder him.
"You're alive."
Deku nodded. He wasn't smiling, at least he made sure not to smile with teeth.
Gaara fished into his pockets, slightly high on whatever they gave him. Probably wasn't ibuprofen but it didn't really matter.
From his pocket, he pulled a battered, faded photo of the two, younger but still bearing resemblance.
"I looked stupid when I was that young," Deku said, unable to hide his grin longer. "I mean I was cute, but look at me now. I have the hottest jawline on the block."
Gaara laughed. Probably due to the drugs.
"Hm, guess both of our jawlines got hotter. I mean look at me."
Deku, ignoring all boundaries, poked him on the chin.
"Fuck, you're right."
"You just said fuck," Gaara told him, saying the curse quietly.
"Try being friends with Deidara for a bit, you'll learn your way in no time."
The pair laughed like they hadn't been apart for all those years, but they had. Gaara was aware of what he needed to ask.
"Izuku. . . why did you join them?"
A silence.
"My friend killed me," he said. "I don't think he meant to, but he did. So I had to get stronger. For when I go back."
"To kill him?"
Deku nodded.
Gaara blinked once, then realized.
"Heck do you mean he killed you?"
Izuku explained. Tried to explain. Gaara passed back out a few times.
"That's the weirdest story I've ever heard. Like a frickin anime or something."
"Yeah," Izuku said, laughing.
And Gaara asked many questions. And Izuku couldn't really answer them, but he tried. Not back to his old self, but close enough for Gaara (and his character development) to give a damn.
It took many years, it seemed. For Gaara and Izuku to fall in love again, for Deidara to finally allow Izuku to fake his death and leave the Akatsuki in peace.
Deidara did the same, a bit later, and third-wheeled on Gaara and Izuku's travels. It was annoying, but neither minded.
Deidara got a woman of his own, and they parted ways.
Gaara was presumed dead, and a new Kazekage was elected. It was Kankuro, but only because it was in the will.
Gaara and Izuku moved to a small, touristy place and got older, as people do. They had a happy ending, as happy as an ending could get, anyways.
Pain was the one who ordered the ten-tails to a stop. Deidara had been his friend. Nobody knows what happened to them all, really.
And they died, as people did. And worlds didn't end and people didn't grieve. It just went on.
But King, in the end, was there to utter a final, "welcome back."