Riptide

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Naruto woke with a yawn and scrubbed at his face as he squinted past the first light of day. He rolled out of bed, careful not knock into Sasuke and half hopped into the washroom to pee and splash some water on his face. Sasuke, who was used to Naruto’s presence, didn’t even twitch as he shuffled around tugging clothes on.

Naruto had always thought Sasuke would be a morning person since he always showed up to class impeccable. Turned out the boy was a night owl who simply rolled out of bed into clothes and went about his day looking perfectly fine. Naruto on the other hand needed time to wake up.

Naruto started breakfast, turning the rice cooker on and starting miso. Both were things he would never have thought or known how to to do Before. But Iruka-sensei had insisted Naruto learn in the weeks he had stayed over to …help. Naruto started breakfast, got things read to make lunch boxes as well and then went to the corner of his living room where a small shrine was set up.

“Good Morning Sakura,” Naruto clapped his hands before the small smiling picture.

Sakura beamed out at him, eyes wide and sparkling, hair practically glowing in the sunshine as her namesake bloomed behind her.

“We learned a cool new jutsu yesterday,” Naruto told the picture, “Sasuke got it quicker than me but mine was much bigger! And Sai talked to a client without getting us yelled at. He’s getting loads better at not insulting everyone.”

Sakura smiled at him and Naruto smiled back.

“We also tried something your mom called anmitsu. I’d never had it before but Sasuke said he had. Sai said it was too sweet for him. The werido likes spicy food over sweets.”

Sakura was still beaming at him. Naruto look at her face, at the perfectly captured image of her as happy as he’d always wanted her.

“I miss you,” Naruto told her, “I’m sure you would have gotten the jutsu the quickest. And you would have told Sai he was stupid for not liking Anmitsu.”

Mebuki had told Naruto a lot of stories of Sakura in the kitchen. Had taught Naruto how to make some of her favourite foods. The weekly dinners they had at the Haruno house were happy and sad in equal measure. Naruto now knew where Sakura had gotten her smile from, her laugh from, her scowl. He could see Sakura’s chin in her mother’s face and the slant of her eyes in her father’s face.

He also knew exactly what her parents looked like devastated and heartbroken. Knew what they looked like crying and sometimes he wondered if that was what Sakura looked like when she cried.

“Your parents have been super nice,” Naruto told her softly, “I thought they would hate us for not being a good enough team. For letting you…But they have been super nice.”

Naruto had expected hatred and anger and screaming. But he had understood the duty as Team Seven so many months ago. He not shied away from the duty when they had shown up on her parent’s steps with an empty urn and emptier words. But her parents, despite their anguish, had not lashed out at Team Seven, not even at Naruto. Naruto would be stupidly grateful forever for the way they had welcomed Team Seven in their shared grief.

“Is breakfast ready?”

Naruto looked up at Sasuke who squinted back at him.

“Yeah. Almost,” Naruto said.

Sasuke’s eyes flickered over Sakura’s face before he turned walking to the stove. Naruto had used to be angry about that, but months had dulled it to a sort of understanding.

(‘You didn’t even like her!’ Naruto had howled, hurt and heartbroken, and absolutely furious.

Sasuke sneered back at him, eyes spinning red and empty of tears.

‘No,’ Sasuke told him meanly, lips curled up in a sneer, ‘But she was ours.’)

Sasuke didn’t miss Sakura the same way Naruto did. Didn’t miss her as terribly as him. But Naruto knew now that the bastard did miss her. It had seemed callous of the boy to Naruto at first, when he refused to cry or openly mourn their teammate. That was before Naruto had slowly learned who and how Uchiha Sasuke was. The story had come out in pieces, from Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke himself. Little pieces until Naruto had realized just how alone and hurt Sasuke was under that cool exterior.

(‘Sasuke is…angry,’ Kakashi-sensei said softly.

‘All the time?’ Naruto asked.

‘All the time,’ Kakashi-sensei sighed, ‘Life has not been fair to him.’

‘It hasn’t been fair to me either,’ Naruto cried.

‘No. It hasn’t. Not to any of Team Seven it seems. But I just want you to understand why he does not grieve like you. Sasuke cared in his own way, does care, but it’s not the same way you do.’)

Sasuke missed Sakura in a way because she had been his teammate. But he missed her more for the fact she had been taken from him. If Sakura had walked away from them Sasuke would not have cared, would have likely forgotten her quick enough. But the fact she had been taken from them, ripped from their hands, had hurt Sasuke. He might not have cared for Sakura but he had cared for a fellow Konoha shinobi in a way.

Sasuke missed Sakura, hurt from her loss, because she had been taken from him. Taken from him under his watch. It had been Naruto and Sasuke and Sakura versus the world and the world had taken her from them and they were both bitter and angry about it. But Sasuke had lost so many people that way.

Naruto had thought it cruel of him, thought Sasuke mean for not missing Sakura personally, but Naruto better understood his teammate now. They hadn’t grown up enough or been together longer for Sakura to be a true person to Sasuke beyond as teammates. But that was okay. Sasuke just looked at people different.

(‘We’re teammates right,’ Naruto whispered.

Sasuke grunted instead of answering but his expression was sharp and mulish. He was also standing so close to Naruto that he could feel his body heat.

‘Even without…even just the three of us, we’re Team Seven,’ Naruto said reaching out.

Sasuke didn’t grasp his hand but he didn’t shake Naruto’s grip off either, just stood their letting Naruto cling. It was the clearest yes Naruto knew the boy would give.

Beyond them there was the murmur of people trying to decide their fate.

‘We won’t let them split us up.’ Naruto said fiercely as some old man tried to claim Kakashi-sensei must be a failure as a teacher to lose a student so quickly. He suggested Naruto and Sasuke be given to him to train and Naruto didn’t know who this old bat was but he already hated him.

‘We are Team Seven,’ Sasuke finally murmured in agreement, eyes burning red as he looked at the closed door.

It was practically a declaration of love from the bastard.)

Naruto stood from his kneeling position to join the boy with one last glance back at flower-pink hair.

Sasuke had fallen apart just like Naruto after Sakura’s loss. Just like Kakashi-sensei had. The world had ripped their blinders away, had smashed them down on reality and taught them what hurt and loss felt like.

(‘Iruka-sensei says you have to pack a bag,’ Naruto demanded.

Sasuke stared at him with something like anger on his face. Naruto crossed his arms mulishly and stared the bastard down. Sasuke did something like a snarl.

‘Sasuke,’ Iruka murmured gently, like he was trying to sooth a skittish animal, ‘You and Naruto are going to stay with me for a bit.’

Sasuke slammed the door on them and Iruka sighed as Naruto yelled after his teammate. All around them buildings creaked in various states of disrepair. When Naruto barged into the bastards house to drag him out he found the place a mess as well; covered in dust and dirt with things tossed here and there and kunai stuck in the wall. Sasuke, when forced, packed nothing but his gear and his clothes. Naruto took his hand angrily, half dragging Sasuke after him as Iruka sighed.

There were no pictures in the house except for their one of Team Seven. There were finger prints smudged all over it like someone had kept picking it up. The smudges were thick on Sakura’s face.)

Kakashi-sensei had refused to explain what those men had done to Sakura when they had taunted them the bridge but Naruto was a gutter kid and he had known exactly what the words they had spewed had meant. Sakura had died in a way that no one could call merciful. And Naruto had shown those men in turn how that felt.

Naruto had blood under his fingernails. Just like Sasuke, just like Kakashi-sensei. They had not taken this crime lightly, had not taken having Sakura taken from them lightly and Naruto had learned just how easy it was to kill a man. Naruto wanted to say he had learned what rage felt like as well but Naruto had nursed anger his whole life.

(The people of Konoha spit and cursed at him. Pulled their children away, glared at him. Naruto yelled and shouted, irritation on display. But the anger, he let simmer in his gut. He thought of making them regret it one day.

Naruto lived with this ugly feeling in his chest. Felt it grow when people were ugly to him in turn.

But that paled as he thought of Sakura screaming and crying and begging and dying. The fury that grew in him burned, made his vision tint red. He knew in a way that he was pulling on the Kyuubi’s chakra when his nails lengthened like claws and his teeth grew like fangs in his mouth. The fury drove him to rip out throats with his bare hands, drove him to rip and tear with claws, drove him to kill as many of these animals as he could get his hands on.

Naruto had known anger but he was learning what real rage did when it had a target.)

“Did you make one for Sai?” Naruto asked as he watched Sasuke portion out the food for lunches.

Sasuke cut him a glance but wordlessly pulled out an extra bento. Sasuke didn’t like the boy and in some ways Naruto didn’t either, but Naruto also didn’t hate him. That was reserved for real enemies. He just thought the boy was a weirdo. Naruto also knew that Sai was not who was supposed to be on theor team. And not just because Sakura was gone but because that old bat who had tried to take them away from Kakashi-sensei had introduced the boy to them.

Naruto was stupid but he wasn’t ignorant anymore. He had realized he couldn’t afford to be after everything. Even now Sakura was teaching him. Naruto had done what he did best when faced with grief and anger; he had thrown himself headfirst into training. And staying with Iruka for those first few weeks meant it hadn’t all been physical training.

(‘Why can’t we enter the chunin exams?’ Naruto demanded of Kakashi-sensei.

The sand-nin and their weird presence had sent Naruto and Sasuke scurrying for Kakashi-sensei to see what was going on. They had both been stunned to learn the chunin exams were happening.

‘You need a three-man team to enter,’ the masked man said quietly.

The wind was pulled right out of Naruto’s sails. Even Sasuke didn’t protest that as he looked at the ground.

‘Come on,’ Iruka-sensei cajoled, ‘Lets have some tea and snacks and I’ll tell you about Suna and Konoha’s history and the chunin exams.’

Naruto listened because he was curious, because it was Iruka-sensei.

The next day, when Sai was introduced, Naruto thought about saying they could take the exam now. But Kakashi-sensei didn’t bring it up. And Naruto looked at Sasuke and they both looked at their new teammate. They both knew now how easy it was to lose a teammate now and while they didn’t say anything out loud, they both knew it wasn’t worth it. A stupid exam wasn’t worth losing someone over. Not now when they were still reeling from loss.)

Naruto watched as Sasuke finished the lunch boxes before joining him at the table for breakfast.

“Did we have to do D-ranks today?” Naruto asked.

“Training day,” Sasuke said simply, digging in.

Naruto watched the boy eat for a bit even as he ate his own food. Iruka-sensei had kept them for a few weeks, had done a lot for them from making food to making sure Naruto got out of bed even when his eyes were wet with tears. Had made them sit and talk some nights or play games instead of exhausting themselves with training.

And Naruto had grown used to having other people in the house. Sasuke had too; he must have or he wouldn’t have followed Naruto home when they left Iruka-sensei’s. It was easier anyways. They shared chores and only paid half utilities and could make sure they made it to training and home every day.

It wasn’t what Naruto had expected when he’d been put on a team. He hadn’t expected another futon jammed in his room or the easy way they took turns making dinner. Hadn’t expected doing laundry for two or making lunches for a weirdo or knowing he could go to Kakashi-sense or Iruka-sensei for anything.

“I hope Kakashi-sensei gets back from his mission soon,” Naruto said.

Sasuke grunted.

It was weird being so close to the boy he had once thought was an arrogant bastard. Sasuke was still an arrogant bastard but Naruto had learned he was more than that too. Was learning he might be something more like a friend.

Life would be going pretty good if only…

Naruto glanced at the picture of Sakura in the little shrine. His chest hurt when he looked at her and imagined her there with them. When they threw their sandals on and hurried off to meet Sai and Iruka-sensei who had taken over for Kakashi-sensei for the next two weeks, Naruto tried to imagine Sakura running with them, laughing as Naruto tried to beat Sasuke to the bridge. Tried to imagine her happy and laughing and healthy. Tried to imagine her there.

Tried to imagine she wasn’t dead.

.--.

Shizune finished the check up with a sort of clinical detachment.

“We’ll have to make sure your diet is steady. Lost of vegetables,” she said keeping her voice light.

The girl watched her with flat green eyes, following every movement of her pen on the clipboard. Shizune was careful not to clench her hand as she wrote line after line of notes on the girl’s health. It wasn’t terrible was the thing. Wasn’t great, but wasn’t really any worse than many people she’d seen in parts of the world that didn’t allow for regular healthy meals. Shizune had seen people worse off from Konoha alone who didn’t know how to eat and exercise properly.

The thing was about the girl, about Haruno Sakura, was that part of that was Shizune’s fault.

Shizune had been the same as Tsunade. Been there at her Aunt’s side as she turned away a kid looking for safe passage back to Konoha. Had seen her being dragged about by Momichi Zabuza of all the monsters and Shizune had done nothing but give Tsunade a disappointed look like it was all her fault.

Tsunade was her aunt, her mentor, her whole world at this point. Shizune had lost everyone she had cared about and followed Tsunade out Konoha’s gate without a backwards glance. But people seemed to think it was Tsunade who had dragged her alone, who held Shizune at her command like a lapdog, like Shizune wasn’t a kunoichi who could make her own decisions. Even Tsunade in someway considered Shizune like a student to pull around and order; thought her obedient to the point Shizune wouldn’t disobey. And she was partially right. Shizune respected and trusted Tsunade enough to follow nearly any command, any direction, which was why she had let herself be dragged from casino to bar to casino and then running from debt collectors.

But Shizune had thought if it came down to it, she would always be able to pick the right path even if Tsunade didn’t guide her. And Haruno Sakura was not just a symbol of Tsunade’s failure as a Konoha Shinobi but Shizune’s as well.

“Do you know what’s going to happen now?” Shizune asked, and she tried for kindly and felt it fall flat.

She didn’t know how to react to failure. She’d so rarely failed before. Failure at techniques sure (she’d not be the one to surpass Tsunade) but never in something large like people.

The girl watched her, silent and still, eyes flat and mouth as shut as it had been this whole time. She hadn’t uttered a word since Kakashi had carefully passed her over to Shizune at the Hospital doors, having followed all the way as if to make sure she really was getting a check up and not ferried to TI. Even now Shizune sensed one of his clones hanging out in a tree in the courtyard.

“We’ve lined up a guardian,” Shizune said gently because that was easier than kindly, “You will be staying with Umino Iruka. You will of course be able to visit your parents with supervision but we know the trauma that shinobi face after imprisonment. You will have to visit TI for a debrief but I promise it is just a visit. Inoichi, your friend’s father, has agreed to do the check with you. If you need further sessions with an Yamanaka Mind Healer it will be scheduled. Do you have any questions?”

The girl watched her with lips slightly parted, nearly the start of snarl like a wary dog eyeing up a hand raised to strike it. Shizune was pretty sure the girl didn’t even know she was doing it.

“I’m going to be your doctor,” Shizune continued, “With checkups every week to make sure you are gaining back a healthy amount of weight and there are no complications. You won’t be allowed to train for at least two weeks to allow your body to rest.”

“Will I be allowed to train after that?”

Shizune managed to hide her flinch. She hadn’t expected to hear the girl’s voice.

“Yes,” Shizune said carefully, “Umino Iruka will be the one in charge of getting you back on schedule and testing your skills.”

The girl watched her, eyes still hooded but with less teeth showing.

“Now,” Shizune said, “We have to go meet Umino in the Hokage Tower. Where the Hokage is.”

The girl didn’t call her out on such stupid words. Instead the shoulders hunched more.

“You know who is Hokage?” Shizune asked carefully.

“Yes,” the girl answered.

Shizune considered it.

“Tsunade has made a lot of mistakes in her life,” Shizune said finally, “And will probably make more. But she’s trying.”

Shizune could see the words fall flat as the girl closed up again.

“It doesn’t make it right,” Shizune sighed, “But please don’t stab her in the Hokage’s office in broad daylight.”

The girl eyed her and Shizune really couldn’t say anything other than she reminded her of a beaten dog, unsure of whether to cower or bite.

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