What Am I doing?
Kakashi sauntered into the classroom and was kind of shocked at what he saw. A girl trying to cling on to a boy, the boy trying to ignore the girl, and another boy sleeping with a hat over his eyes. Whelp. He’s screwed. These genin suck. Kakashi went over to the sleeping boy, he went to go snatch the hat off of the boy’s head and the boy woke up. He moved the hat off of his head and he saw who it was. Well I’ll be damned. Naruto Uzumaki. The boy who survived. Wait, that was Harry Potter.
“My first impression; I hate you all, meet me on the roof,” Kakashi said with a smile.
Naruto sighed, put his hat back on properly and started to make his way up the stairs, the peanut gallery following him.
They finally reached the roof and saw the white-haired dude standing there all dramatically.
“Okay, for starters, let’s do introductions. Give your name, likes, dislikes and hobbies. You go first.” Kakashi said, pointing to Sakura.
“Sensei, shouldn’t you go first? So we can see what to do?” Sakura said, slightly whining.
“I suppose so. I’m Kakashi Hatake, I don’t feel like telling you guys about my likes and dislikes, I never really thought about my future dream. As for hobbies, I have many.” Kakashi said quite aloofly.
“In the end, all we know is his name.” Sakura muttered. Naruto shrugged, not really caring, he was having a really good nap and wanted to get back into it.
“Next is you guys.” Kakashi said, cooly.
Sakura went first, “My name is Sakura Haruno, what- I mean- who I like is,” she glanced to the side, “my hobby is,” another glance to the side, “My dream for the future is,” she squealed.
Kakashi sighed, “And your dislikes?”
“Naruto!”
Whatever. Naruto thought. Dat kinda hurted a bit doe. Naruto just kept staring off into the sky, thinking of God knows what.
“Next!”
There was silence. Crickets could be heard. Kakashi sweatdropped. Sasuke was quiet out of principle, Naruto just didn’t realize that he was supposed to talk.
Kakashi cleared his throat. Naruto said, “Hm?”
Kakashi got a tick mark. What a brat.
Naruto sighed and said, “What’s up, I’m Naruto Uzumaki, I like napping and training. Oh. And eating.”
Kakashi said, “And the rest?”
Naruto just shrugged. Kakashi got another tick mark. Serves you right for waking me up. Naruto thought.
“Okay, you.” Kakashi said, pointing at Sasuke.
“My name’s… Sasuke Uchiha. I have a lot of dislikes, but no likes in particular.” Sakura made a sad sound. “ I don’t feel like summing up my ambition as just a dream, but I do have a goal. The ambition to restore my clan and without fail to kill a certain man.” Sasuke said, ominously in his angsty teenager voice with his hands clasped in front of his face.
BITCH WHAT THE FUCK! Kakashi thought in his head. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID! Whelp! It’s settled, the kid’s an avenger, good luck, Itachi. He maintained his cool facade though. He had nothing if not his cool facade.
“Oooh, spooky,” Naruto said in a taunting tone, “I’m so scared!”
Sakura on the other hand, actually looked scared, but also half in love. Sasuke just kept staring forward.
“....Okay then. Anyways, meet me at training field 7 at 5:30 tomorrow. You have another test to pass to become fully fledged genin. I suggest you don’t eat breakfast for this one.”
“Whaaaaa?!” Sakura exclaimed, “We just passed that test though!”
“Consider it survival training.” And with that, Kakashi was gone.
Naruto just shrugged and left the roof. Kakashi was hiding on a roof nearby and watched the kids for a little while before finally strolling away, he let his feet take him to the memorial stone and he just stopped and stared at the stone for a while, letting his grief take him over.
Hey Sensei, today I was assigned your son as my student. He’s not a thing like you or Kushina, but I can tell he has so much potential. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you to help me. I don’t want to mess up and leave him weak and vulnerable. I wish you were here to help me, you would probably just smile the way you always did. Rin and Obito, you would have been so good for Naruto, I just hope the boy doesn’t end up like me…
Kakashi just silently stood there for a while before vanishing away, head still full of thoughts of his dead comrades and misery. Kakashi was wandering the streets for hours without a destination for hours until he could feel a familiar chakra signature and hid himself from view.
Naruto was out late to go pick a fight. His hands were twitching and his mind was more fuddled than usual, mind always wandering. He just needs a fight and he will be fine, a slightly tipsy Chuunin or a particularly angry civilian would do for today, he didn’t need anything crazy, just a small brawl.
Naruto sauntered down the streets, his snapback on, his headband hanging out of his waistband snugly. He didn’t find it comfortable so he didn’t bother wearing it, but he took pride in his village, no matter how awful they were to him so he managed to find a very basic seal to hold it in there. (I actually mean basic, he is not a genin seal master… yet the world may never know where this takes me.) He also put one on his super-badass-ass-kicking hat™, because why not, right? He loved this goddamn hat and he never wanted to have to replace it.
Speaking of ninja drip, Naruto, being the stingy boy he was, had saved up money for the last few months with his stipend and a few odd jobs of people who didn’t quite realize who he was or simply wanted the chance to be cruel to him. Naruto didn’t care, he got money. He didn’t care as long as he got the paper. Even if it were like 5 bucks. He would fight Madara Uchiha and Hashirama Senju together for the right price. The boy liked the dough so he just pretended that he was upset that they were heckling him. Power to him, am I right?
Anyhow, using the money, Naruto bought some badass clothes; A black hoodie with, you guessed it! An orange bullet proof vest layered on top, the Konoha crest on one side and Uzumaki embroidered on the other side; Some simple black Cargo pants with pockets built in, because he thought strapping something on would be a waste of time. It would also be too much work. To complete the outfit, he got a pair of Jordans. Just kidding, he got the regular shoes, surprisingly in black and not orange, but screw those damn sandals, Naruto didn’t want his little piggies exposed. He also got some regular clothes too because he has to give the ladies a chance to stop swooning over him and his drip. Kidding. He needs to go to the washers. Honestly, besides one or two nice shirts and pants, Naruto didn’t buy anything nice outside of his ninja fit.
With the last of his saving, tears in his eyes, Naruto went to the bookstore. Shocking right? He bought 5 books, 2 on the cool art of fuuinjutsu, one on wielding a blade, one on the Uzumaki clan, and the last on Ninjutsu and chakra control. He was sobbing on his way out the door. Naruto Uzumaki was broke as a joke.
Naruto got home, shopping bags in hand, he looked in the bag with his clothes inside, they were soiled. Someone dropped their soda inside of it. What the everliving fuck?! He was pissed. Naruto tried to calm down and read his book, but he just couldn’t focus, his mind spinning out of control. While he didn’t want revenge, Naruto did want the exertion only a fight could give, so he grabbed his keys, his hat and left, eager for a fight.
He didn’t realize that it was 9 o’clock and he had to be up at 5 am. The 12-year-old kid walked down the street and saw some loser walking out of the bar, beer in hand. He didn’t look smashed, but he was definitely a few beers in.
Naruto called out to him.
“OI!”
Kakashi watched Naruto call out to the guy walking out of the bar, at this point he was intrigued, what was Naruto doing? Almost all of the villagers despised him!
The man turned to Naruto, once he realized who it was he started glaring.
“What do you want, you damn monster?!” He growled.
“Who are you talking to, ya drunk? Sure as hell ain’t me!” Naruto snarled back, on the inside he was doing his happy dance because he would definitely fight this guy and kick his ass! Yipee!
The man walked over to Naruto, slightly leaning to the right, and smacked him in the mouth, Naruto didn’ bother dodging because he wanted an excuse to him the guy back obviously.
“Shut yer mouth!” The man spat out, angrily. Naruto just grinned crookedly and spit blood in his face. This guy was definitely some sort of ninja, he hit like a tank.
Naruto punched his hand, time to kick ass.
“Thank you!” Naruto beamed at the man for giving him an excuse to hit him.
After that, the brawl started. And finished. In literally 2 minutes. Naruto was standing over the man, lip bleeding, fist bloody, a wild grin on his face.
“Hell yeah.”
The two guys had a slugfest, except Naruto was completely sober and managed to dodge most of the man’s hits. He let the guy get a few punches in because he didn’t want to lose a customer after all. If he discouraged the villagers too much, they wouldn’t want to brawl!
Naruto shoved his bloody hands into his pockets and walked back to his house, took a shower and headed to bed at the middle of the night.
Kakashi was shocked. He literally just saw a blonde midget child beat a chuunin up. And then smile about it like he got an A on his math test. Shit! He thought Naruto was smarter than he let on, but he didn’t expect this. What was more concerning was the fact that Naruto wanted to fight the man. He picked the fight. And while he didn’t take the first swing, he definitely instigated the fight. What a nutjob, Kakashi thought. He couldn’t help but smile a little. This should be interesting.
The next morning, Naruto was happier than he had been in weeks. Even though his lip was split, his mind was clearer than it had been in weeks. Years even. He felt like Lee when he dropped the weights! Oops, a fourth wall break inside a four wall break! That’s like 16 walls. Great, now he’s quoting Deadpool.
Naruto grabbed a banana and granola bar as he ran out the door. Let's get this over with. Naruto thought. Even though he only got a few hours of sleep, Naruto had plenty of energy; he was ready for the test.
Hopefully there would be fighting.
Naruto got to the practice field to see Sasuke and Sakura waiting impatiently for the Old Man to get there. Naruto quickly swallowed all of his food and joined with the other people on his team.
“What’s good?” Naruto lazily drawled.
Sakura was a little agitated because Naruto interrupted her time with Sasuke and because it was 5 am and her teacher wasn’t there.
“Shut up, Naruto.”
“That was a little uncalled for, Sunshine. You’ll make me cry.” Naruto said dryly before climbing up into a tree and pulling out a hat over his eyes.
2 hours later…
Naruto heard footsteps approaching and got out of the tree and flipped his hat around again, not wanting it in the way. Kakashi walked up the road leading to the training ground with smiling eyes.
“You’re late!” Sakura yelled, but Naruto just said, “No shit, Sherlock.”
Kakashi just kept the smile on his face and said, “Sorry, a black cat crossed my path and I had to take the long way around.”
Naruto just nodded, gravely, like it was a valid excuse; Sasuke got a tick mark; Sakura just started spewing random insults that didn’t make sense.
“YOU DIRTY POTATO! A PACK OF WILD BANANAS HAVE A COMBINED IQ HIGHER THAN YOU MOST LIKELY! YOU LOOK LIKE A GHOST! YOUR SUCH A DAMN BEAVER! DEAD BUILT LIKE A CHEETO! YOU LOOK LIKE A ROBBER! YOU ARE A SPOON! NO ACTUALLY YOUR A BUTTERKNIFE! YOU DESERVE TO BECOME A PUMPKIN! AN ACTUAL PUMPKIN! I HOPE YOU BECOME CINDERELLA'S PUMPKIN JUST SO YOU CAN BECOME AMAZING AND THEN HAVE THAT AMAZING NESS RIPPED FROM YOU!”
Kakashi just sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Today, we are doing the final part of your genin exams. The challenge is to take these,” Kakashi held up two bells on a string, “the loser gets tied to the pole and doesn’t get lunch.”
Kakashi looks at the sun and then turns to the kids, “Come at me with the intent to kill, that is the only way you’ll win.”
For someone who was just calling Kakashi a potato, Sakura looked a tad concerned. After all, she didn’t want to kill the man, just permanently mutilate him.
“Sensei, what if we hurt you?”
Kakashi just kind of chuckled and brushed her off.
“Ready. GO!”
The Genin Exams finally started.