I don’t want to live without you, Dorcas.
(She didn’t)
Marlene McKinnon was dead.
The precious heart that she had recklessly let Dorcas clutch, with no fear or regret, even though the world was not kind to people like them. That heart, her heart . Was no longer beating.
What was left of Dorcas, now that the person her heart used to beat for is six feet under?
Not much.
Mostly rage, and an impressive thirst for vengeance that would put Barty Crouch Jr. to shame, she thinks. Not to compare herself to him, no, she would rather die than do that.
After all, Barty used to be her favorite. They were kindred spirits, both blinded by the light of their families, always striving to be the odd one out while surrounded by what seemed to be a political monolith. Relating to someone so deeply, to the point where you know their soul, and who carries their heart, is an incredibly damning feeling.
Especially when they know you so well, but still actively tear your guts out when they betray you and become complicit in the murder of the love of your life.
And, of course, you don’t get to love Barty Crouch Jr. without loving Evan Rosier. They’re a package deal, and since the package includes one hell of a good time before you get stabbed in the back, it almost makes it fucking worth it!
Almost.
Evan was gone too. Dorcas had grieved. Marlene had understood.
You’re never alone, baby. Not as long as I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.
(Liar)
She hadn’t seen Barty since Regulus had died, when they’d all gotten together one last time despite the waging war; it was then, that Barty and Evan told them they would continue to pledge allegiance to the Dark Lord. Dorcas never understood why or when Regulus turned against Voldemort, but Pandora (who had looked like she had been crying for so long, she didn’t know what to do with herself anymore) had told them everything that night.
Their search for the horcrux.
Dorcas had trouble wrapping her mind around how it was Regulus’ idea. In school, he seemed as if he would rather die than betray his parents, even though she knew he resented them deep down. Though, she had ceased to see him when she found out he had received the dark mark, so, for all she knows he could have had an epiphany of some sort.
Barty and Evan were furious beyond words. They had done all of it for him, after all.
Well, Barty had. Evan was just always along for the torturous ride, too in love to deny Barty anything.
Loyal to a fault, Barty was angry that he never really knew his best friend's true feelings.
To be fair, none of them really knew Regulus.
Pandora had always known the most about him, something akin to what Dorcas and Barty had, but even she failed to see this coming.
That night, they all had come to terms with the fact that Regulus Black's death wasn't an accident. He died on his own accord, drowned , Pandora had said.
Regulus had always loved the water.
He never told Pandora he found the horcrux, and he never told her he intended to kill himself trying to destroy the man, no, monster that he once worshiped. He had just written everything into a goodbye letter, which had made its way to her about a day before the Daily Prophet reported him missing. Pandora, Evan, Barty, and Dorcas were the only ones that knew the truth.
When she came home that night, Marlene had comforted her without knowing where the hell Dorcas had even been. All of the young members of the Order of the Phoenix were there; she had skipped a meeting to congregate with death eaters.
She didn't feel bad about it.
With tired eyes, she had confirmed Sirius Black's worst fear. His brother was dead.
An uproar occurred, Marlene held her through it all.
It’ll be okay, Dorcas.
(Another lie)
Still distraught, she had told everyone Voldemort had just simply sent him on a mission he hadn't come back from.
It would hurt Sirius more, she thought, if he knew he and his brother were on the same side in the end. He would blame himself even more than he already does, because he would know, without a doubt, there was always a part of Regulus that wished his brother would just come save him.
From their parents, and from himself.
Looking back, this situation should have been a sign that everything was going to shit. Even though Regulus wasn’t the first person taken by the war, it was the first death to cause a rift in the Order, and Dorcas’ life.
And now, Voldemort had granted Marlene McKinnon and her family the same fate.
Dorcas never used to be an angry person; she was the mediator in most of her relationships, but Wars don't require mediators, they require soldiers.
So, when a senile old man threw her into the shitstorm that killed the woman she loved, she got angry.
Fuck Dumbledore. Fuck the Order of the Pheonix. Fuck Voldemort.
She was going to kill him.
-
Suddenly, Dorcas Meadowes was gone.
If you’d have asked anyone from the Order, they would have said she just dropped off the face of the earth; would have put a hand over their hearts and said - oh poor girl, the grief was just too much for her.
They didn’t know her, she was never as close to any of them as Marlene was; a Slytherin, she certainly didn’t fit in with them, and she had told Marlene as such.
She was well past caring about what they thought anyways, she only did before for Marlene's sake.
Please, Dorcas. My friends will love you if you just show them who you really are.
(Too late)
As much as Marlene believed it to be true, Dorcas never understood why she was loved, it's not like her parents ever taught her fondness. She was taught that one must be tough enough to take on this wretched world, to grow claws and teeth long enough to tear your own way through, and to bear those fangs at anyone who opposes you.
Now, she is grateful for their teachings, as they laid the foundations for her overwhelming tenacity; the feature that led her straight to Voldemort's doorstep.
This was pointless, she knew.
This was her last day on earth, she knew.
But, what is life without love?
I don’t want to live without you either, Marlene.