Chapter 12
Day Two – Very Early Morning
"Hey, hey. I've got you. Kakashi. I'm right here. I've got you."
His own whimper hit his ears, faint but audible, and he clung to the bare, warm body in front of him, willing the memory of Rin's heart, stuttering to a halt, away from his hands.
Warmth, smooth and gentle and not at all like lightning, rubbed over his hand.
"I've got you," came the whisper, followed by gentle shushing sounds as Kakashi felt his hand being rubbed and his body being rocked gently. "Kakashi. It's okay. You're safe. I'm right here."
The words ran over him like cool rain while the warmth continued rubbing his hand. No, not quite rubbing; gentle patterns traced over his skin, nonsense patterns: fingers sliding over his skin, so totally different from the bloody heat of a dying heart.
"Are you awake? Come on, nod for me if you're awake."
Kakashi nodded helplessly, unable to do anything but pull the comforting body closer.
"Good, that's good. I'm right here. Shh, shh. You're safe now."
The words continued to be whispered into Kakashi's hair, running down his skin, sizzling where they hit phantom lightning. But slowly, the sizzling faded, leaving only the cool rain and the cold tears running down his face.
"Come on, Kakashi. Lie down with me. Here, just like that. I've got you. I've got you."
Kakashi curled tightly against the gentle warmth, seeking comfort, seeking forgiveness, seeking love. He felt a kiss pressed into his hair and curled more tightly against the warmth, letting his whole world be filled by the warm scent imbued into every soft surface around him.
It was the smell of comfort and of love.
Still shaking, still weeping, he lost himself as sleep claimed him once again.
Kakashi woke surrounded by a comfortable, but definitely confusing and even mildly alarming, warmth. It took him several long seconds to remember that he and Iruka had fallen asleep cuddled together on the bed, and that later, Iruka had soothed him from another nightmare. He thus deduced that the warmth ensconcing him must be Iruka's front molded to his back, arms and one leg wrapped languidly around Kakashi in an almost possessive embrace.
He could feel Iruka's slow, even breathing in his hair.
He shifted slightly, blinking sleep from sightless eyes, and pulled the handkerchief up over his nose.
"You awake?" Iruka whispered into his hair.
Kakashi definitely didn't twitch with surprise. "I thought you were asleep!" he accused.
"Mm, one of the nice things about having less chakra than average," Iruka murmured serenely with a smile. "People misread my chakra signature quite often. And it's pretty easy for me to suppress my presence. I don't even have to think about it."
...Huh. Kakashi had never thought of that before.
But yes, now that he was focusing on it, the glow of Iruka's chakra was certainly fainter and more subtle than Kakashi had ever consciously realized before.
"Do you ever go on undercover missions?" Kakashi asked innocently.
"I don't really go on many missions out of Konoha," Iruka said. "Even during breaks, I teach follow-up classes for the genin who are sent back by their jōnin teachers, so I don't really have the time to leave Konoha on missions."
"Do you want to?" Kakashi asked, turning slightly to face Iruka.
"Sometimes I miss it," Iruka admitted. Kakashi caught a whiff of morning breath and schooled his face blank. For Iruka, he would tolerate far worse. "Actually, I miss it quite a bit. But I love my students, and I wouldn't give them up for the world. And I'm just not reliable enough on missions to be sent out, either. No, I think I'm happier just teaching. I mean," he added quickly, "I wouldn't turn down a mission if one came to me, but I have no intent to actively seek missions that take me outside of Konoha. ...Your eyes are beautiful, even when they're cloudy."
Kakashi felt Iruka's breath catch at the non-sequitur admission.
Kakashi only blinked and smiled over the kerchief. "It's very strange to be unable to see you, when you can see me," he said.
Iruka hummed in agreement. "Can I admit something?"
"What's that?"
"I kind of like that you can't see right now."
"Why?" Kakashi asked, curious and puzzled.
"Because it means I have an excuse to have you here," Iruka whispered, like his words were the secret admission of a great wrongdoing.
Kakashi chuckled. "You know, I recently learned that good things come to those who ask."
"Well, and I get you all to myself," Iruka confessed shyly, though Kakashi could hear the smile in his voice.
"Like I just said...." Kakashi let his voice trail off meaningfully.
"I couldn't make myself get up to fix breakfast," Iruka whispered instead of responding. "Isn't that terrible? I just... wanted to be greedy for a few minutes. To have you in my arms."
"I don't think that's terrible at all," Kakashi said, smiling despite himself. "It was nice to wake up with you here."
"You're welcome anytime," Iruka said with a strange, faint hoarseness in his voice. "You can always stay here, whenever you'd like. Weekend, school night, right before a mission, right after a mission.... Heck, even for a nap in the middle of the day or whatever. Whenever. I mean that."
Kakashi felt fondness squeeze his heart, making his breath catch. Thoughts of vague, future nights invaded his mind, unbidden. "Thank you," he said sincerely. He sighed. "As much as I'm enjoying this, I think I'd better get up and brush my teeth and wash my face. My mouth tastes kind of gross."
Iruka stretched to press a kiss to Kakashi's forehead. "Ah," he said with quick embarrassment. "Forgive my taking liberties. I just can't believe that I got to wake up this morning like this... and I can't help but be afraid it will disappear if I do so much as breathe," he whispered, his lips brushing Kakashi's forehead.
"You promised I could take you out to dinner this evening," Kakashi reminded him airily. "They do say not to take someone home on a first date, but...."
Iruka laughed and rolled out of the bed. "Alright, alright, charm my socks off, I get it."
"You don't even wear socks," Kakashi pointed out.
"Naturally. You're very charming," Iruka retorted from the bathroom.
Kakashi snorted as he, too, climbed from the bed. "I am many things, but 'charming' is not one of them."
"Then why aren't I wearing socks, wise guy?" Iruka asked snarkily before running the tap and beginning to brush his teeth.
Kakashi rolled his eyes and fumblingly felt his way toward the sound of Iruka brushing his teeth.
Iruka moved over so Kakashi could feel for his toothbrush. Applying toothpaste to the toothbrush was one thing he would be happy to be able to see again this evening. What a funny thing to find so difficult.
"Oo ahn me oo oo aht?" Iruka asked around his mouthful of toothbrush.
"What?" Kakashi snickered.
Iruka pulled his toothbrush out of his mouth. "Do you want me to do that?" He resumed brushing.
"Thank you," Kakashi said gratefully.
Iruka paused his own brushing to take the toothbrush and tube of toothpaste from Kakashi's hand. After a moment, he plonked the tube back into the mug with a rattle and passed the toothbrush to Kakashi, wrapping his fingers around Kakashi's to make sure the toothbrush would stay in his grip.
Kakashi smiled over his mask.
Iruka spat, rinsed his toothbrush, and practically threw it into the mug. Kakashi heard it spin around the mug twice before finally coming to a stop.
"I'll be in the kitchen," Iruka said quickly, disappearing from the room in less than a heartbeat. The door clicked shut behind him.
Kakashi snickered, though he had to admit he was touched by Iruka's thoughtfulness.
He brushed his own teeth, humming softly in thought to himself as he did so.
He wondered how Iruka would react to seeing his face. He finally admitted to himself that he was partly waiting to pull down the mask so he could see Iruka's reaction. Even though he was sure it would probably hurt. Well. Better a pain he knew than knowing too little. And he wanted to make sure Iruka didn't just want him for his looks. (Because if he was being honest with himself – and he sincerely tried to be honest with himself at all times – that was a valid concern.) He couldn't make sure Iruka didn't want him for the rest of his appearance; but he could at least be certain that Iruka wouldn't just swoon for his face.
Or, more likely, see that Iruka would, he thought with a sigh.
He rinsed the toothbrush and put it away, faltering a moment when he realized that realistically, it was completely possible that this would be the last time he would use it.
He ignored the tightness in his chest and did his best to amble charmingly out into the living room. The ambling was hindered by his toe catching rather painfully, and very loudly, on the edge of the couch's wooden foot. He hissed in pain, biting back a plethora of curses on his tongue.
"You okay?" Iruka asked quickly, already halfway into the living room.
"Fine," Kakashi said, forcing his face into some semblance of a smile. Or at least, into a slightly less horrible grimace than the one his face wanted to give.
As soon as he was satisfied Iruka had once more gone into the kitchen, Kakashi wilted to the floor, wincing as he grabbed his throbbing foot. Getting his eye literally cut out of his face by a blade that also went through a portion of his brow bone? Get up and fight. A kunai to the gut? No problem, maybe bandage it later if he felt so inclined. Catching his little toe on Iruka's couch? He might be disabled for life. Augh.
No more trying to casually amble around, he promised himself fiercely, biting back stinging tears. So uncool. So much for attempting to be even slightly charming.
"What happened?" Iruka called from the kitchen.
"Just... checking to see where your couch was," Kakashi gritted, trying to sound nonchalant. "Rest assured, it's exactly where you left it."
"Oh, good! That's a relief to hear. Sometimes I worry about that," Iruka said, chuckling.
The sound of his laughter made the toe-smashing totally worth it. Kakashi smiled, and though the smile was laced with pain, it was wide and genuine.
Hours sped away from them, the remains of breakfast still on the table. Never had time seemed to move so quickly as it did when he and Iruka talked and laughed. Where had that laugh been, all of Kakashi's life?
"Oh, we need to get going, or we're going to be late!" Iruka finally yelped, halfway through a story about the time Naruto had defaced the Hokage Monument.
"Why? What time is it?" Kakashi asked. If his internal clock was anything to go by – and his sleeping in the past two mornings said it definitely wasn't – it was only around noon or one in the afternoon.
"Quarter past four!" Iruka said. "We need to hurry! It'll take us thirty minutes to get there unless I flicker us–"
Kakashi chuckled, unconcerned. "She'll be expecting me at five."
"Hatake Kakashi! I'm going to smack you upside the head." Iruka smacked him upside the head. "I'm not making her wait to do you a favor! If she sends you right back out of the hospital without your chakra, it would serve you right."
Kakashi rubbed the back of his head ruefully. He probably should have expected that one. "Alright, alright," he said easily, unfolding himself from the floor and holding out a hand to be led to the door. "Though I wouldn't complain about having to reschedule for tomorrow," he added, suddenly pulling Iruka close, palms wandering up Iruka's sides as he nuzzled down against the curve of Iruka's neck.
"Kakashi," Iruka growled, though the growl was only mostly angry. Kakashi could feel the portion that wasn't anger as the heat pooling between them. "Do not get me worked up right when we need to leave, or I will make your life a living hell."
Kakashi smiled innocently. "Worked up?" he asked huskily by Iruka's ear, slipping his bare hands beneath Iruka's shirt.
"Kakashi. I will murder you."
"You wouldn't. Would you, sensei?"
"Hatake Kakashi, get your skinny, jōnin butt into gear, or so help me, I will make sure you're aroused in the most embarrassing circumstances and without an outlet for a week," Iruka said with his Teacher Voice, in all its glory.
"Okay," Kakashi said meekly, quickly pulling his hands away from Iruka's soft, warm skin. Iruka's Teacher Voice was... unreasonably sexy, but Kakashi was pretty sure the threat wasn't an idle one. "But you know, Icha Icha says that withholding sex as punishment isn't a healthy basis for a relationship."
"Nobody said anything about withholding sex," Iruka growled in Kakashi's ear, sending a thrill down Kakashi's spine. "Just that you would be aroused in embarrassing circumstances and without an outlet."
"Ah," Kakashi said (squeaked). Orgasm denial; nice. He had not realized that was a kink he had until exactly this moment. He subtly tried to adjust his trousers and tried not to whine.
"And if we're on time, maybe we can come up with a suitable... reward, don't you think?" Iruka finished with a purr.
"Jacket. Shoes." He didn't have enough breath in his lungs to say more.
Fortunately, Iruka understood. He trotted into the bedroom and came back with Kakashi's jacket in hand.
Kakashi slid his jacket on, checked his weapons pouch once more, and was half-dragged to the entryway to step into his shoes.
They stepped outside, Iruka locked the door, and then Iruka grabbed him and body flickered the both of them to the hospital.