Chapter 10
Day One - Evening
Iruka made a simple meal of miso soup (without eggplant, to Kakashi's disappointment), gyoza dumplings, and white rice, complemented by an assortment of pickled vegetables and a seaweed salad.
They ate quietly at adjacent sides of the kotatsu, their knees touching in a comfortable sort of reassurance.
Iruka didn't mention the fact that Kakashi continued to sniff a little.
God, when had he become so weak to his experiences? When had he gotten so weak that he let himself get consumed by the sorrow until he cried? When had he last cried?
Iruka must find him pathetic. Some elite shinobi he was, reduced to a sniveling mess over something that had happened nearly two decades ago.
"Stop," Iruka suddenly said into the quiet.
Kakashi pulled his mask back up without even thinking about it. "Stop?" he asked as he did, mild puzzlement bleeding into his words.
"Whatever you're thinking. I can hear you beating yourself up. Stop it."
"I'm not–"
"Yes, you are," Iruka interrupted before Kakashi could even finish his denial. "What are you so worried about?"
Kakashi turned his masked face away, trying in vain to hide the parts of him that Iruka saw so simply. How? How could Iruka read him so easily, like he was a simple book, whose pages could be read by merely opening the cover?
"Kakashi...." Iruka's hand slid over Kakashi's. "Not to be egocentric, but... are you afraid of what I think of you?"
Kakashi nodded wordlessly.
"Sweet, silly man," Iruka said fondly. "I think you're brave. Yes, you're lonely, you're hurting, and you're afraid. But you're also kind, devout, and fiercely loyal. You're generous. You do what you can to heal others, even though you won't let others heal you. You have your flaws; we all do. But I see so much more in you, and of you, than just that. You're wonderful, do you know that?"
Kakashi sighed, his heart hurting. It seemed silly for Iruka to tell him that he was wonderful when it was Iruka who was the wonderful one.
"Eat," Iruka said warmly. "Eat, and we can talk. Or I can read to you. Whatever you'd like."
"Thank you," Kakashi said, his voice low.
They ate in silence. Kakashi let himself get lost in his own thoughts, though he obediently tried to keep his thoughts on less painful things, like the fact that Iruka's knee pressed against his own, or the way Iruka's mouth had felt on his skin–
It was enough to wipe all other thoughts from his mind.
He shifted uncomfortably, trying to hide his arousal. He had never been one to use a great deal of chakra to control his body's physiological reactions more than every once and awhile, but he suddenly realized he'd never fully appreciated his ability to do so before. Now that his chakra was bound up, out of reach to him....
"You okay?" Iruka asked, worried.
"Fine," Kakashi said shortly. He could feel the heat rising on his cheeks, and he yanked his mask back up over his nose in an attempt to hide it.
"Are you angry with me?" Iruka asked softly.
"No," Kakashi replied. He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. "No, I'm sorry. I'm fine. Just... thinking. It got me for a moment, that's all."
"Alright," Iruka said hesitantly. "Would you like any tea, or...?"
"Tea would be great," Kakashi said quickly. He did not want to get up from the kotatsu yet. He especially did not want to sit on the couch with Iruka's warmth pressing along the length of his side. Just the thought of the embarrassment made his face go even warmer.
"Are you done eating?" Iruka asked, and Kakashi realized that Iruka hadn't looked up yet.
"Not quite," Kakashi said quickly, even though he knew his dishes were empty. But if Iruka went to wash the dishes, Kakashi would feel like he had to go help dry them, and then Iruka would know–
"Um... alright," Iruka said, puzzled. "Are you still hungry? Can I get you some more food?"
"Ah... maybe," Kakashi said, flustered. "I'm not sure yet. Maybe a few bites more of rice, if you wouldn't mind?"
"Sure," Iruka said, collecting the rice bowl from in front of Kakashi and padding out to the kitchen.
Kakashi sighed silently in relief, then went about the business of willing his body back into compliance.
He heard Iruka fill the kettle.
Think about the Land of Snow. (That cave would have been so warm with Iruka there, sharing his bed roll–). Okay... run through his mental pages of the Bingo Book, listing Missing Nin alphabetically. (The fantasy of Iruka as Missing-Nin, having his way with– okay, that image was far sexier than it had any right to be–). No; dead puppies. (Iruka, rescuing puppies; who could resist that?). Oh, come on!
He jumped as the kettle shrieked. He heard Iruka call, "I'm pouring the hot water into a teapot," accompanied by the sounds of him doing just that. And then, "I'm opening the rice cooker," describing himself serving rice as he did. Kakashi sent a silent prayer of gratitude to whatever gods he could think of that his body was finally beginning to calm down.
"Alright, I'm coming back out," Iruka called, padding back into the living room.
Kakashi resisted the urge to twitch. "Sure," was all he said.
Iruka set the bowl of rice and the teapot down on the kotatsu. "May I take your hand? I'll show you where the rice is."
Kakashi hesitated. On the one hand, he desperately wanted Iruka's hand over his own. On the other, he was still fighting off arousal, and he knew just how warm Iruka's hand was.
"Thank you," he said, hovering his hand out over the table.
Iruka's palm slid over the back of Kakashi's hand, warm and comforting, but full of more promises than Kakashi wanted to allow himself to feel. And with those promises whispered in that touch, Iruka guided Kakashi's hand to the rice bowl.
And then Iruka's hand was gone, leaving an aching cold.
"Let me go get a couple of mugs. I'll be right back."
Kakashi tipped his head in a single nod.
Iruka walked quietly back out to the kitchen. In the moment before the cupboards banged and the mugs clacked on the countertop, a multitude of thoughts came back.
The ease with which Iruka could immobilize Kakashi, kidnap him, harm him, even kill him with those unbelievable seals. Even without Kakashi's temporary lack of sightedness and his chakra bindings, Iruka could certainly hide a seal on the bottom of a mug or in a pyjama pocket, waiting for Kakashi's hand to brush it.
He shivered pleasantly. (There was something wrong with him, to be affected so by the thought of the power Iruka could have over him.)
Kakashi's confession about Obito and Rin.
His shiver turned haunted.
His accidental arousal at Iruka's innocent touch.
He shivered somewhere in the fog between those pleasant and painful memories.
Kakashi shoved his thoughts aside, focusing entirely on the warmth of the rice seeping through the ceramic of the bowl in his palm.
A distant part of his mind heard Iruka coming back out, saying something, and setting down the cups. Then, Iruka sat down, his knee brushing Kakashi's once more.
"Tea?" he asked.
"Please," Kakashi replied, tilting a smile up over his mask for Iruka's benefit.
"What time is your appointment with Tsunade-sama tomorrow?" Iruka asked conversationally as he poured the tea.
"Four thirty," Kakashi said. "Maybe I could buy you dinner afterwards? As thanks for everything you've done."
"That's entirely unnecessary," Iruka said shyly. "It's been my pleasure. Really."
Kakashi's nerves jumped. "And if I asked you for another kiss?"
"I... guess you'd have to ask to find out," Iruka said, his voice suddenly dropping lower, the timbre achingly husky.
"Let me take you to dinner?" Kakashi asked softly.
"O– oh," Iruka said, suddenly shy. "You really don't have to."
"I know. I want to," Kakashi said. "Please?"
"Al– alright," Iruka stammered.
Kakashi lifted his hand in a silent request. After a moment, Iruka's hand met his. He lifted Iruka's palm to his cheek, letting it settle there.
"Kiss me?" Kakashi asked quietly.
Iruka shifted himself to Kakashi's side, took Kakashi's hand, and raised it to his eyes, covering them in lieu of a blindfold or a hitai-ate. Then, using the hand whose palm had just rested on Kakashi's cheek, he curled his fingertips over the edge of the mask and gently pulled the mask away from Kakashi's face.
He pressed a soft, almost timid kiss to Kakashi's lips, sending tiny, jagged lightning bolts searing deliciously beneath Kakashi's skin.
"Again," Kakashi breathed.
And Iruka pressed another kiss to Kakashi's slightly-parted lips.
The kiss tasted like dumplings and miso and Iruka. Kakashi groped forward blindly, sliding his hand at the nape of Iruka's neck beneath his loose hair to urge the kiss in closer.
"Nn," Iruka moaned almost silently as his whole body melted forward toward Kakashi. His own hands tangled in Kakashi's shirt in a tight grasp. "What about our tea?"
"It's the weather for iced tea, anyway," Kakashi replied against Iruka's addicting mouth.
"It's January," Iruka countered, and his chuckle glided over Kakashi's skin like melted chocolate.
"Is it?" Kakashi asked absently, chasing Iruka's laughter with hungry kisses. "Strange. I'm feeling kind of hot. And you're definitely hot."
Iruka's chuckle grew into laughter. "You're awful, is what you are," he retorted.
He caught Kakashi's mouth in a kiss and practically knocked him backwards onto the floor. Kakashi's knee hit the kotatsu, making dishes rattle. Neither of them cared.
All that mattered was Iruka's leg between Kakashi's thighs, their heat blending together like dragons of a fire jutsu. Iruka shifted so he could lick and suck at Kakashi's throat where it lay revealed by the pulled-down mask.
Kakashi panted for breath, his desire coming out in soft, wordless bursts from his throat. He rocked his hips up against Iruka's and was rewarded with Iruka's own long moan.
"Can I get the handkerchief to use as a blindfold?" Iruka asked breathlessly.
Kakashi pouted. "I suppose next, you'll be suggesting I get up so we can go to the bedroom," he joked with affected petulance.
He earned the laugh he'd been going for. Iruka gave him a swift kiss and struggled to help pull Kakashi's mask back up, and Kakashi let his hand away from Iruka's eyes. "Well, since you suggested it...."
"Noooo," Kakashi complained with a silly smile he couldn't suppress. He pressed a masked kiss to Iruka's mouth.
"You're absurd," Iruka laughed. "Come on."
He took Kakashi's hands in his own and walked backwards, leading Kakashi through the living room and into the bedroom.
It took Iruka only a moment to collect the handkerchief and tie it over his own eyes. He let Kakashi run his fingers over the fabric before pulling down his mask, baring his face once more.
"Ah, you're gorgeous under my hands," Iruka breathed, crowding Kakashi up against the edge of the bed. Kakashi fell backwards down onto the mattress, Iruka close behind, tongue already exploring Kakashi's freshly-bared throat once more.
"Even though I'm cold-blooded?" Kakashi whispered between Iruka's relentless kisses.
He yelped as Iruka nipped him – hard.
"Ow! Oi!"
"I said," Iruka growled in that way that said he was about to start bellowing, "those words don't belong in my home."
"Yes, sensei," Kakashi said meekly.
Iruka nipped the muscle of Kakashi's shoulder, and Kakashi yelped again, his body instinctively bowing, hands scrabbling for purchase at Iruka's shoulders, at the unexpected surge of arousal that accompanied Iruka's teeth.
"If you call me sensei again," Iruka purred in his ear, "I'm going to have to teach you a lesson. Since teaching is literally a teacher's job."
Kakashi heard a long whine of uncontrolled desire ooze from his own throat. "Yes, sensei," he whimpered.
"'Green' tells me to go ahead," Iruka's voice broke through Kakashi's lust with a sharp, serious edge. "'Yellow' tells me to pause. 'Red' tells me to stop. Understand?"
Kakashi swallowed, immediately understanding that Iruka was giving him permission to trust, to beg, to fight, to surrender. "Yes. Green," he managed.
"Good. Green. Oh, I am going to make you feel good."