Chapter 4
Day One - Early Morning
Kakashi woke suddenly, eyes wide and unseeing, gasping for air as the sensation of Rin's heart around his hand slowly faded. He flailed against the blankets, struggling to breathe, and found them pulled away from him. Sweet relief.
He swallowed down great lungfuls of air.
And then he realized that even though he was panting for breath, unstaunched terror still pounding in his veins, his fist was closed on soft fabric not hung on his own frame, and his silent sobs fell against something solid and welcoming. A gentle voice hushed him, not in command but in invitation, letting Kakashi heave dry, wracking sobs into the warmth. A tender hand stroked his hair with all the sweetness of a loving mother soothing her small child.
He didn't register the way he clung to the solid, comforting presence beside him. All he knew was that the presence had chased his nightmares away, holding him in a way he had never known, and he felt....
Safe.
Protected.
Cared for.
...Loved.
"I'm sorry," Kakashi whispered, trying and failing to hold back another silent sob that shook his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I– I didn't think I would have– I normally don't dream except when I'm at home."
"You don't have nightmares around other people?" came the breathed inquiry.
"No. Only when I'm alone," Kakashi whispered back. His shoulders still shook, but as the gentle fingers carded through his hair, he could feel his shaking slowly diminishing.
"Oh, Kakashi. That's terrible." He could barely hear the aching words. "It's okay. I'm right here. I've got you."
He leaned into the embrace, his taut muscles slowly softening with exhaustion and, inexplicably, peace. He couldn't remember having ever woken from a nightmare and being able to relax again the same night.
"Please," Kakashi whispered, turning to bury his face against Iruka's chest, his hand still fisted in Iruka's pyjama shirt. He didn't know what he was asking for, only that he was desperate.
"I've got you," Iruka murmured again, still stroking Kakashi's hair. His other arm came up and gently pulled Kakashi further into the embrace. "It's okay. I'm right here. I've got you."
Over and over, Iruka repeated the words like a breathed mantra.
It worked. Eventually, Kakashi's shoulders ceased shaking, and he took in a long, deep breath, tired beyond words.
"Are you feeling better?"
"Yes," Kakashi said.
But when Iruka went to pull away, terror seized Kakashi in ice-cold jaws. He clung to Iruka.
"Don't leave," his lips begged. His brain caught up and gaped in shock at his own audacity.
"Okay," was all Iruka murmured, gentle and understanding. "It's okay. I'm right here. It's okay. I'm not leaving."
Kakashi let out a shuddering breath of relief despite himself.
"Can I pull up the blanket?" Iruka murmured into Kakashi's hair.
Kakashi hesitated, then nodded.
He felt bereft as Iruka's safe embrace disappeared into the darkness. But then Iruka drew the blanket up, using the motion to guide Kakashi down onto the bed. He, too, laid down, his arm crossed over Kakashi's chest.
Kakashi took another deep breath. He knew he would die of embarrassment in the morning, but for now, he found he desperately needed this. He had never known what it was to have his nightmares chased away and dissipated for him into the night, leaving only softness and warmth.
He turned and curled up against Iruka, hiding his face against Iruka's chest once more. He breathed in, letting Iruka's warm scent comfort him.
Somehow, Iruka curled around Kakashi, his lips pressed into a kiss against the top of Kakashi's head, his arms around Kakashi's body like an impenetrable shield.
"I've got you," Iruka whispered in the darkness. "You can sleep now. It's okay. I'm right here."
He continued to whisper until the nightmares had been gentled away, leaving nothing but warmth and Iruka's scent in the darkness.
Kakashi didn't even notice himself drop off into deep sleep.
Kakashi stretched and yawned, feeling pleasantly rested. Then he opened his eyes and, with an unpleasant jolt, remembered that he couldn't see, and more horrifyingly, that he had been woken by a nightmare and comforted by Iruka until he fell asleep again.
He was alone in the bed. The blankets around him were warm, but not in a way that told him definitively whether Iruka had been in the bed with him until a short time ago.
He could hear someone puttering around in the kitchen, humming a soft melody, though. Kakashi didn't recognize the melody, but the faint voice sounded enough like Iruka that Kakashi relaxed slightly. He wasn't sure what he would do if someone else had come into Iruka's apartment.
He felt for the handkerchief. It had fallen down around his throat, so he adjusted it back up over his nose and mouth.
The humming stopped, and footfalls approached the bedroom.
Kakashi jumped slightly as three soft knocks tapped the bedroom door.
"Kakashi-san?" Iruka called softly, as if he didn't want to wake Kakashi if Kakashi was still asleep. "Are you awake?"
In all honesty, Kakashi wasn't even sure how he'd stayed asleep when Iruka had risen. He was normally an incredibly light sleeper, and he typically woke at around sunrise. Since his eyes weren't working at the moment, though, he wondered if he simply hadn't been able to perceive the sunrise.
"Yeah," he called back, slipping out of the bed and doing his best to pull the comforter back over the bed. It was surprisingly difficult to figure out why he kept feeling folds after he'd thought he'd straightened the duvet. "You're welcome to come in. I'm sorry I overslept." He wondered how to apologize for waking up like a terrified child in the middle of the night.
"Did you?" Iruka asked, opening the door and entering. "I always wake up at five o'clock, but I know that's pretty early for most people, so I thought I'd let you sleep. Oh, here, let me get that." Iruka moved to the opposite side of the bed and twitched the covers into place.
Kakashi smiled. "I usually wake up around sunrise," he said. "I suppose I didn't because–" And he motioned vaguely over his eyes.
"That makes sense," Iruka said. It was becoming clear that Iruka didn't mean to talk about what had happened in the night. "I made some breakfast, if you'd like some. It's, ah, nothing fancy."
Kakashi could smell toasted bread, eggs, and little else, and he guessed that buttered toast was the centerpiece of Iruka's breakfast. He'd have to cook Iruka a real breakfast after his sight was returned to him.
...He felt his face go warm as he computed what he'd just thought. He'd been daydreaming as if he'd have a reason to make Iruka breakfast after his sight had been returned. But once he could see again, he would wake up in the morning in his own bed, in his own apartment, very much alone with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company.
Kakashi plucked at his pyjama trousers. "I suppose I ought to change first."
"Oh. If you want to," Iruka said, sounding somewhere between surprised and nervous. "You're welcome to eat first. I, ah, am still wearing my pyjamas, actually." He chuckled awkwardly.
Kakashi felt his lips quirk into a poorly-suppressed smile at the thought of Iruka cooking breakfast in his pyjamas.
Iruka was so... domestic.
"In that case, lead the way, sensei," he said, putting out a hand for Iruka to take.
Strong fingers slid into Kakashi's palm, the touch light and relaxed.
Iruka guided Kakashi through the apartment and sat him down at the kotatsu. Kakashi settled in, by now beginning to have some idea of the immediate surroundings of the kotatsu.
"Let me go get the plates," Iruka said to excuse himself.
He went out to the kitchen, and Kakashi heard the sound of things banging around as dishes were handled.
Then, there was the clink of silverware on ceramic, and Iruka emerged from the kitchen. He set one plate down in front of Kakashi and the other across the kotatsu before sitting down.
The scent of buttered toast wafted around him, underlined by the scent of what he thought might be eggs. He also smelled what he decided was definitely sausage.
Kakashi pressed his bare palms together and said, "Thank you for the meal."
"Go ahead," Iruka replied. "It's just toast, sausage, and eggs. I hope that's okay."
"It's a veritable feast," Kakashi said with a cheerful smile over the handkerchief. "I rarely have a home-cooked breakfast."
"Ah, well... I mean... I didn't have to do much," Iruka mumbled. "It really doesn't qualify as much of a home-cooked meal. That's a fork," he offered as Kakashi fingered the handle of the flatware he'd found. "Eggs in front of you, toast on the far side of the plate, sausage on the right hand side. Would you like jelly on your toast?"
Kakashi sniffed delicately. "You've buttered it already, haven't you?"
"Oh. You have a very good sense of smell," Iruka said, surprised. "Yes, I have."
Kakashi smiled. "Almost as good as an Inuzuka, apparently. To be honest, I'm not terribly fond of sweets. Buttered toast is perfect."
"Ah. Okay," Iruka said awkwardly.
Kakashi heard Iruka begin picking at his own food, and Kakashi, too, tucked in.
Iruka's cooking was... not toxic. At least, Kakashi was pretty sure the food wasn't toxic. The eggs had been scrambled without any seasoning added in and ended up bland and a little rubbery. The sausage was one Kakashi recognized as something available pre-cooked at the grocery store, and yet, somehow, he was pretty sure Iruka had managed to overcook it. The toast was... surprisingly perfect. If he had to guess, Kakashi thought Iruka probably normally only ate buttered toast for breakfast, and the rest of the items were for Kakashi's benefit. Or perhaps Kakashi had just happened to invite himself into Iruka's apartment right after Iruka had decided to experiment with cooking sausage and eggs. Maybe both.
In either case, Kakashi schooled his expression into bland appreciation and proceeded to slowly attempt to eat without getting food in his lap. He didn't need any more reasons to be embarrassed. He'd probably end up crawling into a hole under a tree to die as it was.
"I won't look," Iruka said softly, suddenly. "If you want to pull down the handkerchief, I mean."
Kakashi hesitated.
"If you'd like me to go eat in the kitchen–" Iruka began timidly.
"No," Kakashi interrupted quickly. "That's completely absurd. This is your home. I don't want to force you out of your own space, not after you've been so generous to me. No. It's alright. I trust you."
Despite his words, his fingers hesitated at the knot in the handkerchief.
But Iruka only whispered, "Thank you," and Kakashi could hear that his face was turned down. He resumed eating, his fork clattering against the ceramic and echoing in the still air.
Kakashi scolded himself firmly and impatiently yanked the knot free.
The handkerchief loosed and slipped free of his face, leaving himself feeling disconcertingly naked.
He laid the handkerchief across one leg so he wouldn't misplace or dirty it and began, too, to eat.