Misplaced Princess

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

"Hmm! Something smells good," Minato said to his wife as he approached her in the kitchen. He gave her a kiss on the cheek before going to look for his daughter. It was well after dark and she should be home by now.

Kushina rolled her eyes; Shikaku was right. Her husband was overdoing it on the Big Bad Daddy thing. And that's why she was covering for Naru-chan tonight!

Minato quickly walked back into the kitchen less than a minute later. "Where's Naru-chan? And will Ame and Karin be joining us?"

"They're all at the Senju compound. Naru, Anko, and Kurenai-chan are all staying over with Shizune-chan!"

"Are they now?" Minato asked, deciding that perhaps this wasn't so bad. Then again, Tsunade could be quite irresponsible. He dodged the spatula his wife tried to smack him with, reminding himself that what she'd just done was yet another indicator that she was a mind reader. "Will we be joining them?"

"Oh, Minato," she pouted, "is little ol' me not enough for you anymore?"

"What? No! I'd never say that; you know that Kushi! I was just…"

"Just what?" Kushina asked, her violet eyes narrowing dangerously.

I was just going out for a second to make sure that there are no boys perving on my daughter. "Nothing!" Perhaps he should tell her the truth. "I'm just going to chaagkh! …Mmmm," Minato groaned, melting. Sure, his wife had nearly stuck chopsticks down his throat, but he still got to taste the wonderful curry she was making.

"You were just going to see how much work I put into your dinner? Is that what you were trying to say? – Something I've made for you after a long, hard day of teaching at the Academy? YOU are such a sweet man!" Kushina looked over to find the big goof hiding his blushing face in one of his hands. "And after dinner? I was thinking it's time to begin practicing making another..."

"Another…"

Kushina turned to him, looking put out. "I wanna have sex," she deadpanned, "loud sex."

"Oh! Of course!"

He flashed upstairs and Kushina heard the shower turn on. "What a baka."

"Don't lay down in that dress, Naru! You'll get it all wrinkled," Shizune said as she fixed Kurenai's makeup.

"Sorry. Are you sure they'll let me in?" the blonde asked. She tried to smooth the little black thing out.

"Anyone Chunin or above can drink. You're supposed to be 20 otherwise, but it's not like any of the bars care," Kurenai said uncomfortably. She didn't plan to drink, but she worried about the two wilder girls in their group. She shrugged at Shizune in the mirror and decided they both needed more lipgloss.

Anko perked up. "Yeah! So Chunin bakas like Kakashi could drink when they were what? Five or six?" She gave each of her other friends a very significant, gleeful look when she saw Naru look away and bite her lip at the mention of Silver Master of Having a Stick-Up-His-Butt. "It's really stupid. You'll be fine. Just let me put some more makeup on ya."

"NO," Kurenai and Shizune said together then broke into giggles. Naru was nodding her head in agreement with them. This whole makeup thing was a lot for her to take. And it was weird seeing herself without her whisker marks. She wasn't sure whether she liked it or not. She did like the cat-thing that Kurenai did to her eyes. AND the orange-flavored lip gloss, and it was shimmery, to boot!

"What if someone I know is there?"

"What are you, a CHICKEN?!" Anko shouted, too close to her ear.

"Don't make me punch you!"

"Behave like ladies, you two," Shizune scolded. Naruto and Anko both pretended to gag before they all began laughing.

Tsunade walked into Shizune's room, a glass of sake in her hand. "Well! Don't you four look pretty!"

"Thank you," the four echoed together. She noticed that Anko and Naruto were much less enthusiastic and that Naru kept pulling on the bottom of her dress.

"Leave it alone, Naruto!"

"But it's so short! And tight!"

"It's just the right length and it fits you WELL. Do me a favor, you four. Go to that club that's off the main drag: the one that's accessible through the well-lit alley across from the Academy?" She and her teammates were going to watch the kids there. Jiraiya had probably already knocked out the bartender and tied up the employees. -- He was such an idiot! She was sure that he could always simply ask to take over but no… "You won't have any trouble getting in there, and I don't want you four arrested."

Naru nodded her head but was pouting. "I'm never going to make Chunin." Chibi-Itachi had backed out of their team for the Chunin Exams, and she and Halfling-Iruka only had two weeks left for them to have another person assigned to take the test with them.

"Minato will find someone to complete your team, Naru-chan," Tsunade said as she stretched. "You can't remain a Genin forever."

Naru wondered if that was true. She hadn't been a Genin for very long, it's just that she was OLD to be a Genin, from what she understood.

"I think that Maito-san, Gai's father, stayed a Genin his entire career."

"Oh, yeah: that's true," Tsunade agreed, wanting to laugh as Kushina's daughter wilted. "You four look lovely, now get out of here." The girls only had so long until either Minato or Kurenai's father, Shinku, came looking for them.

Every girl their age deserved to go out and have some fun. All work and no play would make a very unhappy Tsunade, so she figured it was the same for them. Kushina had agreed, as had her teammates and Kurenai's mother, who was out on a long-term mission. Kushina had assured her it was fine with the absent kunoichi, however, so they were set! Tsunade's clone dispelled in a puff of smoke so that the original Tsunade would know that the girls were on their way out.

Tsunade watched the excited group of teenagers from a nearby roof, making sure they didn't get into any trouble.

Naruto was absolutely giddy as she walked with her friends in the festively lit streets of Konoha. She had never done anything like this before, and wanted to see what was going to happen! What kind of people were out at this time of night in THIS Konoha? What did people do at "clubs?" She didn't even know what a club was - outside of the big thing cavemen hit people with, of course.

Her blue eyes became wider and wider as they got closer to pulsating music. She was so enamored with it that she didn't even notice Asuma spying on them from the rooftops the entire way.

Entering a place called the Shady Shuriken, Naru noticed that a few people were inside, but the music was thumpin'! She and Anko dragged Kurenai and Shizune onto the dance floor and began hopping around. She quickly looked away from a barely-disguised Jiraiya behind the bar (well, he was wearing something that she supposed was "bartender-looking" but his little white mustache and monocle were ridiculous.) She couldn't help but think that it was kind of nice that he was here.

Ever since that whole mess with Danzo, let alone the violence that had brought her to this period in time, she became much warier of putting herself in a bad situation. She trusted Jiraiya with her safety more than probably anyone.

She just hoped that one day, when he was old, she could protect him! And the rest of her family! And her friends!

Anko took off to yell at some lady in the dark corner but came back shortly after with a tray of drinks in her hand. The lady was now chatting with Jiraiya and… oh gosh: Tsunade.

"Who was that lady?" Naruto shouted over the music just as it suddenly died down. Anko's face turned red while Kurenai and Shizune broke into a fit of giggles again.

"My sensei," Anko admitted.

Orochimaru turned toward them and raised his glass. When the light hit him, Naru wanted to run. She'd called Orocho-frickin-maru a lady!

"You won't believe what's happening," Asuma shouted as he skidded to a halt in front of a group of his friends. "Smell me," he ordered Raido, who shoved him aside, muttering threats. He should've known to count on Gai to stick his head in his pit and help a guy out.

"You smell youthfully fragrant, my friend!"

Asuma stopped and blinked, trying to decide what that meant: whether that was good or not. Gai likes flowers, but he also sweats like a pig on a near-hourly basis, even when he workout-sleeps. Asuma held his arm up again, took a deep whiff, and hoped that he was good to go because dammit: he was going! "We're going to da club," he sang, shimmying back and forth in place like a maniac - at least that's what most of the guys thought. Gai, again proving himself to be a good friend, backed him up and began dancing, too, albeit much too enthusiastically.

Genma tried to decide whether or not taijutsu should be used when dancing. "What's crawled up your ass?"

"You know how the girls are having a sleepover?"

"Hai," they all drawled in varying interest. Asuma had told them earlier in the day, thus outing himself as a definite stalker and a potential pervert.

"Well, the girls went to the Shady Shuriken," he whispered, now the center of attention of a group of teenage boys who gathered in a circle to hear more. "They're all made up, in dresses and everything!" Murmurs of interest told him that he'd found the right group of guys to go along with him.

"Who else is with them?" Raido asked.

"Some old farts," Asuma said easily. "The place was pretty empty. They need dance partners," he sang, his voice going high. He was really excited.

"And who are the girls again?" Aoba asked. Obviously, Kurenai was one.

"Kurenai, Anko, Shizune, and Naruto."

"I'm in," Genma agreed at the same time Lee and Raido did. Raido had been treated at the hospital by Shizune recently and actually wanted to stay there for once. The guys looked at the remaining silent presence.

"I don't know guys," Ebisu said, pushing his glasses up. "I don't think Naruto likes me. I never did anything to her!"

"Yeah," Genma drawled, pushing his senbon around for effect, "what about Anko, though?"

Ebisu took a deep breath, just imagining the cute and crazy snake summoner. "Let's go," he said in a determined voice, quickly leading the way.

That large a group of eager young men gathered caught quite a bit of attention as they made their way noisily through the village and across rooftops. They finally stopped in front of the Tower, not paying a lick of attention to whether anyone was watching them or not. "WAIT," Aoba said, shouting and using hand signs. "Who's going after whom?" Asuma took off running toward the bar yelling "DIBS ON YOU KNOW WHO" over his shoulder.

"Dumbass," Genma muttered to himself regarding his friend. "I call Naruto."

"Let her decide," Gai declared, getting way too close to his Rival-in-Love. "It is not youthful to choose girls like… beautiful bouquets from the shelf," he decided to use as an example, unable to think of anything else right now. He knew what Asuma and Genma were doing wasn't youthful, though. He knew it: deep down in his muscles.

"Fair enough," Genma shrugged. They looked at each other for a moment before taking off in a dash, racing to get there first.

The girls watched, horrified yet fascinated, as the Sannin or their clones got down on the dancefloor.

"Orochimaru can really move," Naruto commented despite not liking him. She wished that she had the nerve to dance as he did.

"Of course he can," Anko said confidently. "I taught him everything he knows! WHAT? SHUT UP! I mean, when it comes to dancing!"

"Are - are we going to dance or not?" Shizune asked, feeling put out. They'd only danced for maybe ten minutes before Tsunade went out there, dragging her teammates out and shaking her butt. The more she thought of it, the madder she got. THIS is what she'd missed out on by not having a Genin team! "Maybe we should go somewhere else?"

"I think that's a good idea," Kurenai said. She put up an area genjutsu and Naruto left some clones that were henged as the four of them for when it ended. The girls headed to the main drag, deciding to just head to a normal shinobi haunt that was a good walk away. And they got in, no problem! They ordered some of the same drinks that the badly-disguised Jiraiya said they were drinking, knowing that they were safe. A lot of them!

It was only minutes later that Naruto's clones, henged and not, began getting a real dance workout after her original and the other girls left. It took an hour or so for the clones to either get bumped into something sharp, run out of chakra dancing with all these boys, or dispel themselves in fear of their original before the boys and Sannin realized that they'd been duped.

.

Kakashi paced back and forth in front of his sensei's house, not knowing what to do. When Jiraiya found him, panicking and looking for Naruto and the other girls, he really didn't want to come here. He was an excellent tracker: he should be out there looking for Naruto! And the other girls, of course.

The more he thought of how Naruto had been taken by Danzo, how he'd found her in that cave, how long she'd been gone, how sick she'd been that one time, he just couldn't take it. He walked up to the Namikazes' front door and froze when he realized what was going on inside.

"Harder, Minato!"'

"Oh, God," Kakashi backed up, feeling sick. "Where are your silencing seals, sensei?" he whimpered pathetically.

"Let me be on top again!"

Kakashi closed his eyes and slapped his masked cheeks with both hands. Choosing his fate and hoping that it was the right decision, he pounded on their front door. He hoped that Naru wouldn't be mad at him. It only took a few seconds before the master bedroom light turned on.

Jiraiya ran into him like the worst winds of a hurricane, grabbing him and sunshinning away. "What the hell?" he yelled as the Toad Sage fell on top of him. "Are you DRUNK?"

"I found where my cute little student is," Jiraiya's clone said, glad that he had used the kid for a crash pad so he wouldn't dispel. "Did you wake up Minato?" Kakashi nodded and Jiraiya winced before holding his hands up and dispelling.

Just as Kakashi got up, he saw the four missing girls stumbling out of a seedy bar, tripping all over themselves, but punching, kicking, or throwing weapons at the men who were following them, much too closely. He tied the men up and threw them all in a dark alley so he could follow the girls.

Knowing they'd been caught, the kunoichi quartet just barely made it back to Tsunade's place and covered up in their futons before the Hokage himself flashed in, furious and freaking out downstairs. The four of them lay in silence as they listened to the Hokage go off on Tsunade for being irresponsible and not keeping an eye on them while she and her Sannin teammates went out and partied.

Naruto was the one to get thrown to the wolves since she hadn't told Kurenai or Anko that she lived with the Hokage. She climbed into her pajamas, put toothpaste in her mouth, and wandered downstairs - bumping into the walls a few times as she did so.

"Tou-san?" she asked as she sleepily rubbed her eyes.

"Naruto! Oh thank goodness," Minato said as he ran over to her. "Are you alright? Wh- what's on your face?"

"Eh?" Naruto asked and wanted to curse when she saw black on her fist. "Eye makeup?"

Tsunade smacked Minato in the arm. "Tch! Girls always play dress-up when they're having a sleepover."

Minato looked at her with so much emotion that it made Naru feel like a giant jerk for worrying him.

"You don't need makeup, Princess. You're beautiful."

Naru bit her lip. "It was kinda fun, though," she eventually said. Actually, they HAD been having a blast. And did her father smell like… Oh my god, he smells like sex.

Kurama began laughing in her mind.

"I'm going back to bed."

"Alright," Minato said, giving her a quick hug that Naru tried to avoid since she knew what her parents had just been doing. "Get some good rest! I've got good news for you in the morning. Be in my office at 0700."

"Great," Naru whimpered.

As soon as Minato was out of there, Tsunade marched her upstairs. She was followed by Jiraiya and Orochimaru who had been hiding from the Hokage. The Sannin scolded the girls soundly for taking off without telling them. Only Kurenai was able to get some sleep the next day, and only when she had gone home.

Naruto's head was pounding. Apparently, the drinks they'd ordered had been spiked. Or maybe "Gin" is alcoholic? It hadn't been alcoholic when Jiraiya was tending bar at the Shuriken place, she was pretty sure. Anko said Gin was fine - although Anko was supposedly immune to almost all poisons. She also liked to brag a lot about stuff that Naru wasn't sure was true.

Genma ambled up to her while she was waiting for her father to return, wishing she'd been able to get more sleep.

"Have a good time last night?"

"Shhhh!"

"Is your head hurting, Princess? You're quite the dancer."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nauto whispered, giving him a threatening look. Minato came back into the room, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as the phrase went.  Pint-Sized-Iruka was following him and Naru gave him her best smile that she was capable of at that moment.

"I've found you another Genin. This is Uzuki Yugao."

The three Genin - one of them unknowingly hungover - properly greeted each other before Naruto led them to Shikaku's office since he would be their temporary sensei.

"I think you were in the class ahead of mine at the Academy," Yugao said quietly to Iruka. The two continued to talk, although Yugao was shooting the oldest Genin odd looks as she led them through the Hokage Tower, finally knocking on her sensei's door.

"Enter," Shikaku drawled just as Iruka explained to Yugao that Naruto was old but nice. Naruto turned around and barfed on his sandals.

She didn't mean to!

She took her new team out - Shikaku included - for a ramen breakfast the next morning as a way of apologizing. Since she'd accidentally targeted Iruka's shoes, she took him out for dinner that night, too!

It was nice to be able to do that!

Iruka had had a great day. Much better than the day before, that was for sure. He snuggled up in his bed, exhausted but feeling good, liking his teammates and temporary sensei very much. He woke up less than an hour later. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Mom?"

"No," a voice whispered as he was gagged and pinned.

"What's your relationship to Nam- Uz- Ugh! NARUTO?" the masked person asked.

Iruka madly shook his head. "She's the old person on my temporary team," he wanted to cry but couldn't since the (gray-haired) old person had gagged him. A Sharingan eye - just one of them - opened and spun to life through the shinobi's white mask and Iruka blanked out, seemingly a victim of an elite young shinobi's normally flawless genjutsu.

The next morning, Iruka told his mom about the weird nightmare he had.

His mother filed a formal complaint two hours later.

.

Three weeks later -

Morino Ibiki was a butthole, Naruto decided. She didn't know what his deal was, but ever since Ino's dad had to leave the first stage of the Exam and he took over, he'd been harassing her team endlessly.

Iruka had nearly flaked out on the tenth non-question to the WRITTEN TEST that she definitely would've failed had she taken the test years ago simply because Ibiki had tried to be so threatening. Fortunately, training with Jiraiya, having parents who gave a shit, plus having a brilliant sensei who didn't want a do-do head as his assistant had enabled her to learn a lot.

Then they had to survive the Forest of Death, which hadn't been too big of a big deal (the animals simply ran away from Naruto) until they got to the Tower that was in the center of the thing. That was UNTIL they were brought into a room with Ibiki again. Iruka looked like he would faint, but Naru stood in front of him protectively. "What's next?" she asked him simply.

"Exam Section 2, Part 2," Ibiki smiled sadistically: "Genjutsu."

Naruto felt her heartbeat pick up but couldn't help but relax a smidge when both her small-scale teammates moved toward her for a change. What nice kids! Kurama also mentioned that if this guy tried something weird, he'd make dinner out of him. That was reassuring.

"Uzuki! You first," Ibiki barked, turning and expecting poor Yugao to follow him.

"Good luck, Yugao!" Fortunately, it wasn't too awfully long before Ibiki came back and asked for Iruka.

Iruka was really glad he wasn't first. He wasn't great at casting genjutsus, but he knew how to dispel them, and he wasn't afraid of them. I think.

"Umino-san," Ibiki began. Iruka once again thought about how low and gravely the Jonin's voice was - how scary it was! Focus! Iruka did, but it seemed he was too late.

"Iruka, help me," Mizuki cried. His leg was badly broken and the Kyuubi was rampaging in the distance.

"MOM!" he yelled, desperate to get to his mother. He'd left Mizuki behind! Why had he..? And – Oh: no, no, no. His mom was… His mom was laying on the ground, de- "KAI!"

"Good," Ibiki said jovially, jotting down how long it took for him to get out of a combination of D-ranked genjutsus.

"Oh thank goodness," Iruka said, trying to get his breathing under control and wanting to punch this guy's face in. He wasn't insane enough to try it, though.

"Who's your sensei?" an Iwa shinobi asked. Iruka looked around the room - the same room he'd just been in. Where did Morino-san go?

"Umino Iruka, Konoha Genin, Ninja Registration Number 011850." Iruka wasn't sure what had happened, but he knew that was all of the information he was supposed to give out.

"Aww - c'mon kid! I just want to know who your sensei is!"

"Umino Iruka, Konoha Genin, Ninja Registration Number 011850!"

Another Iwa shinobi walked in and Iruka couldn't believe it. "Naruto-san?"

Naruto rolled her big blue eyes. "I can't believe these kids fell for it. I mean, seriously: a girl my age just appears out of nowhere and they don't ensure she's not an enemy? Fucking tree-huggers."

Iruka felt sick. Naruto had always been so nice. Wait! "Kai!" Nothing happened! "So this is real?"

"Sure is, kid. Now give my friend here the information he's asking for, or I'll make it painful for you," she snarled. "Don't. Test. Me."

"Umino Iruka, Konoha Genin, Ninja Registration Number 011850!"

"WRONG ANSWER!"

Iruka screamed! She'd sliced off his thumb! The blood was flowing, his heart was racing, the Iwa shinobis were laughing… He passed out.

"Not too bad," Ibiki said to himself. He made sure the kid was stable before noting how long the Genin had lasted through a C-ranked genjutsu, and that he'd passed out when he cranked things up a bit. Shizune came in and took the kid away on a stretcher, glaring at him again. Ibiki took a deep breath, then went after his target. He was going to figure this chick out. He trusted his Hokage's judgment but knew he was fairly new to the position and young - with lots of other responsibilities.

"Naruto? This way please," he said, leading the younger girl to the same room. The blonde sat down in front of him and Ibiki had to look away. She finally looked extremely nervous.

"What do I need to do?"

Ibiki sighed and leaned forward. "I suppose I can give you a quick explanation."

Kurama was attacking the village: wait. "Kami-sama! You look like a big fucking, CRAZY badass, Kurama!"

"That's it. I'm not helping you."

"Aww, c'mon." He didn't reply and Naruto was awestruck by how real this was. Was this what "the Kyuubi attack" had looked like, or did that damn Ibiki just make this up. I bet it's real. She ran through the devastation, knowing that she was somehow in a genjutsu, but was looking for her parents. As soon as she saw her mother's bloody, lifeless body, she couldn't take it anymore. "KAI!"

Ibiki was hit with a wave of chakra. He pulled his cap back onto his head and glared at the blonde. "Interesting, but you sure took your time with dispelling it."

"I was looking for… someone," she said, swallowing so much guilt and getting so pissed off at this guy. "May I go? …Kakashi?" she asked weakly. Kakashi was dead: his Sharingan had been pulled out and…

She punched Ibiki in the face. "Are we done here?" she asked in a small voice. Ibiki slowly got up, wiped the blood off his mouth, then started writing something down. "I asked you a question."

"I ask the questions here, Genin."

"So let's get on with it," Naruto replied. She took a deep breath, thinking about how much she wanted to get promoted, how embarrassing it had been to be a Genin at her age, how…

"You FAIL," Iruka-sensei said. She looked at her pitiful excuses for clones and understood why, but…

"I can make a shadow clone! I - I can make a LOT of them!"

Mizuki-sensei's sneer couldn't have been any uglier. "Those aren't allowed."

"You FAIL," Iruka-sensei said. It was the year before. She had seen Rock Lee re-enter their classroom with a headband, and she really admired Lee, but how could he graduate if he couldn't do ANY ninjutsu, but she could do everything they'd required aside from a regular bunshin?! A regular bunshin which no one ever used in the field!

"You fail," he said. It was the year before that, wasn't it?

"Kai," Naru said quietly. She heard Ibiki recording something in his little journal but didn't pay much attention to it. THAT genjutsu-memory thing had been depressing. She sat up when she saw feathers raining down from the clouds.

The Chunin Exams? She was IN the Chunin Exams. Right now!

"I'm sorry, Naruto. The Hokage's dead."

The Hokage's my dad!

"Wake up."

"KAI!"

Ibiki stared at her for several moments before reluctantly getting up and leaving her in the room. Naruto swallowed hard, making sure that the bastard who had put her through those experiences didn't see how hard it was for her to breathe normally. She internally thanked Kurama and wished so much that she could get back at this guy for making her experience each of her parents' deaths - her parents whom she didn't have for so very long - in one way or another…

"You can go. You'll be advised whether or not you'll be allowed to enter the Third Stage of the Exams by bird." Ibiki left, and Naruto guessed that she'd have to fight her way out of the Forest of Death alongside her team to get back to the village. The plants in that Forest were awful.

Fortunately, she didn't have to.

When she finally found her way up to Floor 1 of the Tower, her father was standing there, looking perfectly healthy and in his Hokage cloak. At that moment, it didn't matter that other people were around. She quickly walked up and wrapped her arms around him, tucking her face into his chest.

"Good job, Naruto!"

It took her a while to let go. "Thank you. Ano, where's my team?"

Minato grimaced. "I took them home." He couldn't look Naruto in the eye when it came to what had happened, and it wasn't something that should be his responsibility to explain, but he was going to make things right. "Morino-san," he called over Naru's shoulder. His daughter froze and he ruffled her hair. "It's time," he told the young man. "Kushina's expecting us."

"What?!"

"Ibiki-san's having dinner with us," Minato said with a sharp smile directed at Inoichi's assistant. "Let's go!"