Jealousy Jealousy
Jealousy was something that Kakashi was intimately familiar with.
Okay, maybe not intimately but it was something he knew nonetheless. Something that he has felt, something he has gone through.
It bubbled inside him, poisonous like his grief and it filled his mind with 'What if's' and 'Why couldn't have had that?'.
Kakashi's jealousy is repetitive. It was invasive, dark thoughts that took hold of his mind before he could even realise it. It was an endless cycle of questions and self hate and regret and what-ifs and painful hope and-
It was also something that he thought he was over. Something that he thought he would never experience. Younger Kakashi thought of himself above jealousy, of emotions like grief and sadness until he earned himself a small family that he lost as quickly as he got them.
Young Kakashi- 15 with the eyeball of his best friend inside his left eye socket and his hand in the chest of the girl he viewed as his last link- had been a ball of angry repressed rage and grief and Kakashi- older and more matured Kakashi who grew from his sensei and pseudo-older sisters death- was more carefree and laid back.
Older Kakashi learned how to make the best of what he had, to gather and protect what he was given instead of stewing about what he lost and what he could've had. He was mature and he had learned; 26 year old Kakashi was far from his 15 year old self.
Yet as he stared at the heartwarming scene in front of him, something in Kakashi breaks.
He thought he was over with jealousy, thought that he finally learned and was able to overcome it.
Yet as Kakashi stared and stared and stared and stared-
Kakashi was wrong so very wrong and he wanted to laugh, wanted to roll into a ball and hope that he was the one who died instead of Obito because-
Sometimes, the jealousy comes back and even older Kakashi was powerless against it.
The sight of his batch mates and friends living their lives happily, easily going through everything with no shadows of blood and death following them. Seeing people hang out with their friends that they've known since they were children, facing odds and challenges together and conquering them. Watching a small child sit on top of her fathers shoulder, both of them laughing happily as they walked down the street-
It kills Kakashi.
It brings up the ugly poisonous bubble of jealousy in him and in his mind, he screams. All angry, all grieving.
He rages in his mind and he asks himself, asks his dead teammates and teacher and anyone who can hear him-
"Why can't I have that?"
"Why can they be happy while I have to suffer?"
"Why do I have to be alone?"
"Why me?"
Kakashi's jealousy is repetitive. It was invasive, dark thoughts that took hold of his mind before he could even realise it. It was an endless cycle of questions and self hate and regret and what-ifs and painful hope and-
This was no different.
It was always the same, an infinite pattern he had gotten so familiar and accustomed with that Kakashi could pinpoint the exact moment he falls into pieces when he sees how fucking happy Yuuji is as he reunites with his friends, how the two roughly yet fondly gets angry at him while Satoru flutters around with a wide grin, also introducing Junpei.
It was a melting scene. It was heartwarming. It was comedic and if Kakashi was in any better place, he would've laughed at the reaction of Yuuji's two classmates when he bursted out of his box.
Satoru looked happy, a wide grin on his face and Kakashi could imagine his sky bright gem eyes shining as he watched what could be his world having their touching reunion. Satoru looked like he wouldn't exchange this scene for anything in the world, looked like he was having the time of his life watching his own students.
Kakashi would know. He felt the same with Naruto and Sakura and it was a relief, his world being pieced back together when he saw Sasuke side by side with his two other students, standing where he belonged.
To Kakashi and Satoru, the sight of their students, their most beloved, is like a heavy burden being lifted off, the feeling of accomplishment and utter joy filling them and overriding any feelings of disappointment and regret directed to themselves.
"It hurts." -
Is what Kakashi wanted to say.
"Maa, these are some cute students you've got, Satoru." -
Is what he says instead.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Is what he asks himself.
"I hope my students are safe."
Is what he latches onto instead.
It was easy, too easy to anchor himself to the memories he made with Naruto, Sakura and even the short tiny ones with Sasuke. It was easy to drown himself in them as he ignored the screams inside his head that said;
"Come home. Come home to your pack. To your students. You can have that with them so come home, Kakashi. Come home."
Why was he hurting himself like this? Why was he making himself suffer like this? Why does he feel jealousy as he watches Satoru mingle with his students happily, content to watch them bicker with each other?
Kakashi notices a woman with a scar on her scowling face approach him in his peripheral vision but he's in too deep that all he could manage is slightly tilt his head to meet the woman's eyes.
"Who are you?" She asks when she's close enough, no small amount of wariness and suspicion in her eyes.
"Come home, Kakashi," His mind screams at him, deafening and suffocating and-
'This is home,' Is what he thinks of as he answers the woman.
"Maa! I'm Satoru's friend. Hatake Kakashi, but I suppose you can call me the Second Honored one."
~~
Something like a shiver goes down Satoru's spine. It's electrifying and it reminded Satoru when he first laid his eyes on Kakashi, when his heart throbbed for love instead of life.
"Maa! I'm Satoru's friend. Hatake Kakashi, but I suppose you can call me the Second Honored one."
Second Honored one.
The thought makes Satoru chummy and a possessive smile comes to his face. He liked that, the thought of Kakashi finally accepting that he was like Satoru, that he was chosen like him, honored by the gods above.
In this accursed world filled, there was only Satoru and Kakashi.
They were the strongest and at the top, they shall sit together.
Satoru could see the shit-eating grin on Kakashi's face as he introduced himself on Utahime and he is pleased to see that his dear partner is already sowing chaos.
The frozen scowl on Utahime's face was absolutely delightful and it made Satoru stifle a hysteric giggle, eyes bright behind his blindfold.
The declaration Kakashi made the whole courtyard quiet, everyone staring at him in a mixture of bewilderment, horror and no small amount of 'What-the-absolute-fuck-did-you-just-say?'
It was a bold statement after all, to claim himself as Satoru's friend and the Second Honored one; It was all big words and Kakashi had said it with such confidence, no hesitation as he claimed himself on the same level as The Gojo Satoru, the strongest sorcerer in this Era of Jujutsu World.
It made Satoru giddy and his absolute glee shot off the roof when the eyes moved to him, Principal Yaga's glare alongside that old man Gakuganji and Utahime's searing a hole onto his face.
They could see his grin and Satoru was nearly drooling at the thought of the headaches he was causing so much right now.
"Y-you're kidding us, right?"
Maki looked like she'd eaten a lemon, face mirrored by Kugisaki and Megumi. Like they couldn't accept that there was another one like Satoru, someone who's as great and strong as he is.
They stared at Kakashi with a mixed look of sheer disgust and disconcerted look that Satoru nearly yelled in offense. The others weren't fairing much better and while their faces weren't as bad as Maki, Kugisaki and Megumi, they still stared at Kakashi with an disturb and unnerved look.
How can they look at Kakashi like that?! He was literally the prettiest thing a person could lay their eyes on!
He's literally the best thing that could happen to someone!
Satoru's eyes slid from their watchers to Kakashi, the man looking undisturbed and instead taking their reaction with a kind and pleasing smile. Not that anyone other than Satoru could see
It made Satoru warm and if he had his blindfold off, everyone would see how lovesick he is through his eyes.
Then the kind and pleasing smile morphed into a cheery shit-eating grin that Satoru soon matched.
"Nope! You heard me loud and clear," Kakashi chirped, eyes smiling and Satoru swore he saw rainbows and unicorns behind the man as he made himself the perfect picture of innocence and purity.
"I wouldn't say that I'm as strong as Satoru since he's incomparable but I am strong," Kakashi continued, vanishing from where he stood and reappearing behind Satoru in an impressive show of speed.
Well, to Satoru it was a show of speed. To the others, it was like teleportation. What had Kakashi called it once again?
Ah right, Shunshin Jutsu.
Satoru wastes no time pulling Kakashi close to his side, an arm possessively wrapped around his shoulder as he hung himself on the man.
The show of power immediately puts everyone on guard sans Junpei and Yuuji, eyes wide as they stared at Kakashi in shock.
Something inside Satoru purred.
"Aww, Kashi," Satoru cooed. "It's flattering that you see yourself below me but I've told you many times that we're on the same level! Granted, you have more experience than me but to power levels, we're nearly matching!"
Satoru basked on the gaping looks sent their way and the barely noticeable flush under Kakashi's mask.
"Maa, matching in power level the same way we're matching in nearly everything," Kakashi chuckled.
Something like butterflies fluttered in Satoru's stomach as he tightened his hold on Kakashi. If it was possible, his grin widened.
"You're disgusting," Junpei spat without heat, only looking disturbed as he glared at them. "At this point, you're only feeding your ego's and fooling each other."
Maki, with Kugisaki and Megumi, stared at Junpei with something akin to respect, quickly building a comradeship with him. It made Satoru happy that the other two warmed up to Junpei even if it meant banding against him.
"That's rude, Junpei-kun! And hurtful too," Kakashi gasped in fake offense, curling into himself and by relation, into Satoru as well. "Why are our students so mean, Sato-chan?"
Satoru cooed, patting Kakashi's back as he 'cried' . He 'consoled' him and Satoru could fucking see the many exasperated and horrified eyes rolled against them.
"Friends my arse. They're practically fucking twins! I'd apologise to Maki if they're not fucking related!" He heard the Zenin brat from the Kyoto student's hiss.
"I think it's really cool! I mean, there's two Gojo's now and both of them are teachers and wears masks though I don't understand why Hatake-Sensei introduced himself as Hatake-"
"Miwa, please," The robot, Mechamaru, and the Kamo kid begged the teen, fond exasperation clear in their voices.
"At least someone appreciates me," Kakashi sniffles, sending a smile towards Miwa that made the teen squeak.
Satoru's smile twitched.
Thankfully for the remaining sanity everyone had, the gods took pity on them and allowed a divine intervention.
Said intervention took the form of a very pissed and angry Principal. Satoru could see his energy twist in agitation, didn't even need to see that his former teacher was angry.
"Satoru. Hatake," Yaga called, words hard as he glared at them. "Office, now."
"Uh oh," Kakashi whispered to him from where they were practically hugging each other, voice teasing even if he was also sweating as he stared at the frankly terrifying man.
"We're in big trouble, Sato-chan."
"Ne Kashi, didn't you say you have a dimension of sorts. What was it again? Kamui?" Satoru frantically whispered back. "I think it's a good time for you to activate it."
"Deserved," Junpei deadpan, his sentiments echoed by nearly every student as well as Teacher.
Satoru glared at them, clinging to Kakashi as he tried to think of how he would escape his teacher's wrath.
He can't even enjoy being so close to his crush!!!