Looking Out for Iruka-Sensei
Kakashi looked sideways at Iruka-sensei as the teacher held a crying Konohamaru and comforted a stoic Naruto with wise words and surprisingly dry cheeks. After floating in the periphery of Iruka-sensei's life for some years, and particularly after that more recent and ill-fated request by Hiruzen that he look out for Iruka-sensei, he had fully expected the chūnin to be an emotional, weepy mess at the funeral. But Iruka-sensei's jaw was set with determination, and his eyes might have been damp, but his hands held steady. He didn't seem at all like someone who needed someone to look out for him.
It didn't even occur to Kakashi to weep. The iron doors had closed on yet more memories, and all he felt was strangely hollow.
But as Kakashi listened to Iruka-sensei's words, about bonds and the ties between people, it suddenly struck him that Iruka-sensei did not weep not because he wasn't grieving, but in spite of the fact that he was grieving.
Iruka-sensei grieved.
He grieved for the loss of his father figure, and of Hayate, too, and many others his tongue did not name but his eyes remembered. And Kakashi wanted, badly, to stare at Iruka-sensei and whisper, "What?"
Because he had never seen someone grieve the way that Iruka-sensei grieved, before.
Because when Iruka-sensei waved goodbye to Team 7 after the funeral, the sorrow in his smile was still there, open and unafraid, but so was the love for Naruto.
Kakashi had never noticed the way Iruka-sensei smiled, before, full of joy and sorrow both and unashamed of either.
It flabbergasted him.
Because where Obito had not been made weak by his emotions, he had also not been strong. But Iruka-sensei somehow seemed to stand more solidly, more powerfully, less apologetically, because of the multitudes of feelings that shared space within him. They did not battle, and he did not try to hide from them. He simply welcomed all of it.
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"Get dinner with me."
"W– What?" Iruka-sensei asked, gaping, a blush immediately rising high on his cheeks.
Kakashi considered. Right, that probably sounded like a proposal for a date. Even if it had been – and it hadn't – the evening of Sandaime's funeral probably would have been a pretty bad time.
"Sorry, that came out wrongly. I meant, if you have time, I wanted to discuss Team 7 and their respective progressions as shinobi with you. I thought dinner might be a convenient time to do so."
"Oh." Iruka-sensei sighed with what looked very much like relief before slumping back in his chair. The hard-backed seat looked terribly uncomfortable. "Right. Of course. Um. When?"
Kakashi shrugged.
"Whenever is convenient to you. I'm flexible."
Kakashi watched with interested curiosity as the blush came back, full force, across Iruka-sensei's face. Why had that...?
He blinked as he recalled his words. Oh.
He wasn't doing a very good job of making this sound strictly professional, was he?
Not that it was, precisely, but he definitely wasn't trying to pick Iruka-sensei up like the Mission Assignment Desk was a cheap bar!
"I mean my schedule," Kakashi said, a little flusteredly. "My schedule is flexible."
"I know what you meant, Kakashi-san," Iruka-sensei said embarrassedly. "I mean, I figured that's what you meant. Uh. How about this evening? I get off at nineteen o'clock. I was just going to go to Ichiraku afterwards, so if you'd like to join me...."
"That sounds perfect," Kakashi said gratefully. "I'll see you at Ichiraku then."
Iruka-sensei smiled slightly, and Kakashi watched with fascination as emotions ran openly across Iruka-sensei's face without a whit of self-discipline to hide them.
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Dinner was more of the same.
Iruka-sensei was almost like a caricature of a person, full of full-bodied laughter when sharing stories of Naruto's funniest pranks and aching sorrow in his eyes when the topic of Sandaime arose. He stuffed his face with noodles (no wonder Naruto had no table manners!) and openly winced when he turned wrongly, clearly tweaking the scar along his back.
Kakashi itched to see it. Most shinobi hid their pain under all circumstances, and he wanted to see what had made Iruka-sensei wince. Was it so bad that Iruka-sensei couldn't hold back the wince? Or was it less terrible, and Iruka-sensei simply did not care to hold back the wince?
"So what did you want to talk about, exactly, anyway?" Iruka-sensei asked politely as the stories wound down.
"Since the attack left us spread so thinly, I'm certain I'm going to be sent out on solo missions more often," Kakashi said frankly. "Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura have improved immensely from the Chūnin Exams, but I was hoping you would have some insight into how I can best support their learning while I'm not in Konoha."
It was odd: for all that Kakashi lied readily and easily – a necessity in their line of work, and well-practised during undercover missions – Kakashi had something of an aversion to lying when he wasn't required to do so by a mission. But he certainly didn't usually feel the little twinge of guilt when he told only a convenient part of the truth.
No part of what he said was a lie, really. It simply wasn't the reason Kakashi had initially reached out to Iruka-sensei. No; his curiosity had been piqued, and he wasn't above using the excuse of the kids' training to simultaneously dig a little deeper into Iruka-sensei's psyche while also following up on Sandaime's request.
...So why did he feel guilty?
Iruka-sensei's brow furrowed as he thought.
"I suppose a lot of jōnin will be going out," he mused. "Maybe you could find a tokujō to train them while you're gone? Or a teacher– oh! What about Ebisu-sensei?" Iruka-sensei suggested excitedly. "He'll be staying in Konoha to watch Konohamaru and help out at the Academy, so he'll be staying in town for the most part."
Kakashi didn't even have to consider, to know that Iruka-sensei was right, and that Ebisu-sensei's expertise would be a good fit for his students' needs. And Kakashi hadn't actually thought of Ebisu-sensei, despite the fact that he'd tried to saddle Ebisu-sensei with Naruto's training only a month prior. Huh. That alleviated some of the guilt.
"Thank you, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said with a small smile tilted over the top of his mask. "That's a good suggestion. I'll speak to him tomorrow."
Iruka-sensei's smile turned a little bashful.
"I wish I could offer to help, myself, but I'm afraid I have my hands full with the Academy and the Mission Assignment Desk. But if there's anything I can do, please let me know," he said earnestly.
Kakashi heard himself chuckle slightly. It almost surprised him.
"Your insight is plenty, Iruka-sensei," he told the blushing teacher. "Though I wouldn't mind meeting with you sometimes for additional insights into their training. As you pointed out, you were their teacher for quite some time. I'm sure there's a great deal I could learn from you, if you would allow me to."
Iruka-sensei blushed and stuttered something incoherent, but the smile twitching at his lips and the softness at his eyes said he was pleased by Kakashi's words.
"'Til next time, sensei," Kakashi said, leaving enough money to cover both of their bowls of ramen and ducking away before he could make an idiot of himself.
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But the next morning brought Itachi and Kisame, and with them, all-consuming pain.