It all started in the Chunnin Exams, sure she was already lovey-dovey towards Sasuke way before that, but that was all infatuation. Childish, puppy love.
That level of fondness can be shrugged off if she wanted, with the right amount of dedication and a help of time.
But after the exams, it wasn’t the case anymore. No. It was far from that.
Now, only Lady Luck can help her. And although many thought of her to be an extremely lucky individual, for her, Lady Luck wasn’t fond of her. Or at least, not in this situation.
She hates herself for it, but a part of her wishes she didn’t take the exams. She didn’t gain the Chunnin title, but that doesn’t mean that she left empty handed.
She wishes that was the case.
But it wasn’t.
She left with a disease.
A disease that makes her lungs hurt, makes her spit blood, makes her cough flowers. What an irony for her name. Sakura... Sakura Haruno. They said that she bloomed in the exams, Sakura Blossoms. But they didn’t know how literal it was. Because in her lungs, there were also flowers that blossomed.
No. Literally.
After the forest of death, she felt a petal in her mouth as she was going home. “Huh?” She didn’t remember eating one, nor passing by flowers. She didn’t put much thought of it and just thought of it to be funny. They say she bloomed, there’s a petal on her mouth. That’s blooming, all right.
But then the night after that, it got severe. What was once only a petal, was now a whole damn flower. It hurts. She can’t breathe. That night, she bled all over her floor. She went to sleep clutching her chest, manually breathing through a bloody mouth.
Just like the book smart she is, the morning after, she sought books in the library Naruto recommended, hoping to find whatever it was that made flowers bloomed in her lungs.
Oh, and did she find out what it was.
After skimming through tons of possible diagnosis, she finally diagnosed herself.
Hanahaki Disease, or so they call it.
At first, she doubted the said disease. No, she thought. It has to be something else. Hanahaki Disease wasn’t a very well-known disease. In fact, it’s the first time she heard of it. A lot of doctors oppose of the idea of such disease. Only a handful of them believed there really was one. Overall, the idea that something of some sorts really do happen was sneered at. Making the existence of such disease an uncommon knowledge.
If she heard of it without experiencing it first hand, she would also refuse to believe such idea.
But what does she have to do with being discrete late at night, praying her coughs won’t bleed through the wooden walls, if it wasn’t for the said disease.
She knew she got it during the Chunnin Exams and the person who caused it, but what she doesn’t know is exactly how.
1. It was when Sasuke revealed Naruto’s imposter, saving all of their ass in the making.
2. It was when he stabbed himself so he can fly him and her from the snake Orochimaru is.
3. It was when the sound ninjas attacked them, and his cursed mark awakened. He asked who hurt her, and that might only be a reasonable and generic response when you see someone beaten, especially if it was your teammate. But it can’t be if it’s Sasuke, and she’s herself. Sakura, Sakura who has been seeking validation from the boy... from the start.
Yup, she agreed to no one in specific. It was definitely the last one. The third reason. Or maybe, it was all of them together. Maybe, it was all of their interactions together, starting from their first mission in the Land of Waves. And that moment in the Chunnin exams was just the initiator of it all. Just a string, a string that binds all her feelings in a tight knit. For years of infatuation, she can finally call it love.
The day that Sasuke left the leaf village, she thought she would cough the greatest number of flowers she ever had.
That wasn’t the case.
It was rather far from what she was expecting. No, not a single petal or even a drop of blood escaped her lips that day. But the pain in her chest made her wish that she was choking up on flowers instead.
Naruto, this boy claimed to love her. It was obvious that she didn’t love him, well, at least not romantically. She loved Naruto as much as she would her best friend, her family. It amounted the same amount of love she felt for Sasuke, just not of the same kind.
But she hadn’t seen the boy coughing flowers. She knew she shouldn’t depend on the disease to decide whether the blonde was sincere of what he was saying or not, but she couldn’t help but to play the detective.
She then pushed him numerous times to the Hyūga heiress, now knowing her teammate was only infatuated by her. It would be better. This will be for the better. This way, she can also prevent her teammate from coughing flowers as she was sure if ever Naruto decided to fall for the dainty girl, she would sure as hell catch him.
Unlike her... Her that was already suffering the disease caused by another man.
She thought she was clever.
She thought her plan was working.
Until one day, Kurenai who went back from a team mission along with Kiba and Choji approached her asking if she was to know why Hinata was coughing flowers out of nowhere. She couldn’t bring herself to tell them why. Tsunade did it herself. The Hyūga clan all searched for a cure, even though there was only one obvious solution.
Later that day, Naruto excused himself abruptly in the middle of their conversation. When she followed his trail, she saw petals. It was winter.
Turns out she was too late.
How dumb of her. Naruto was the one who recommended the library where she had found the answer to her illness. Naruto wasn’t the type to go library-hunting for fun.
He was also like her.
Maybe that was why they are best friends. They’re both great at hiding.
She saw Sasuke again.
Ino is disappointed at her. Why... Just why is she so dumb? Shikamaru agreed. Sai said something along the lines earlier. Kakashi looked away. Sasuke also wants to know why.
But they’re not the one who goes to bed with heavy lungs.
Naruto understood.
Hinata smiled bitterly, she also knew why.
Sasuke, Sasuke is not the nicest. But he wasn’t that bad. Or that was what she wants to believe in order for her to execute her goal.
So, she approached him... with a question in mind.
“Can you make your heart beat faster when I’m around?”
The boy was confused.
She asked again
“Can you do me a favor and fall in love with me?”
The boy looked more confused than he was earlier. He walked away.
She wasn’t in the slightest mad at the man. She knew it was as hard to love someone as it was to unlove one. If she could, she would stop loving Sasuke. Loving him... it wasn’t a conscious choice at all. Just loving him... It was not enough. Not for the disease.
And let’s not forget about Naruto, the boy also didn’t harness any hard feelings for her.
Only if she can unlove someone and love another instead.
Oh, only if she could.
The next time she saw Sasuke, he saw Naruto asking him a question, he asked if the unique-eyed boy reciprocate the feelings of their pink-haired childhood friend.
“I don’t know” he said.
Sakura thought hard that night, if they swapped chests, will that help him decide?
Sakura doesn’t need an answer from the boy. In fact, she can be the one to give him answer as it was obvious from her position. She was still coughing flowers, still trying not to make too much of a sound whenever blood comes out of her mouth.
She still has the disease. It didn’t go away from the day she first had it.
Oh, was it obvious. The raven-haired boy didn’t love her. At least, didn’t love her as much as the Hanahaki disease required.
He approached her.
She said something weird.
“Are there some butterflies I can cultivate? Is there even a tinge of feelings you have towards me? I promise, I’ll take care of the rest. Just dedicate a small piece of your heart to me.”
“What do you mean”
“I think it’s only fair... there's got to be some butterflies somewhere” She laughed; a tear also dropped. The lone tear soon turned into a sob, and the sob turned into a wail.
That’s when years of feelings let out.
She was tired of this fucking disease, but even more of the cause of it.
No. She was not only hurting because of the flowers.
This interaction was only a trigger of the thousand tears she kept at bay, now, they’re piled up and are rushing to spill.
She went home that night with a heavy pair of lungs, and a heavier heart.
She had to get up in the following morning early. An A-Class Mission turned into S-Class. It was only a single individual but it had already taken down the Land of the Waves. The individual was on the run but is now currently facing the Mizukage. The Mizukage can handle it by herself, but as she was on the area, she was also called for assistance in case the Kage needs a healer.
But as soon as she arrived, she found the Kage unconscious. Shit. The rogue ninja already took notice of her presence.
That fast? She thought.
She was a Medical Ninja, but she wasn’t that bad of a fighter herself.
The rogue ninja was already attacking her, she can’t run away now. The only choice she has left is to fight.
She was strong.
He was stronger.
She was fast.
He was faster.
She can heal.
He regenerates.
Fuck.
But she, she is dedicated. After the land of the waves, it seems that the criminal will go after Konohagakure next. He said it himself.
Of course, he might be bluffing. Using the love, she has for her village to trigger her more.
But she can’t sense any bluff from his voice.
So, fuck.
This man might be a better fighter in any other situation against her.
But not now.
No, not now when her village is on the line. Not now that her village is the one she’s protecting, the one she’s fighting for. Any other situation, he can be stronger than her. But not now.
She has been dedicating her life for someone she wasn’t sure she was needed by. But her village, her village needed her. And now, it needs her to dedicate to them stronger than she ever had.
So, she saw his chakra blade about to pierce into her heart, she did nothing to stop that.
As soon as the blade pass through her fully, she used her strength to drag his arm holding the blade to pierce her chest too. Now, his whole arm is incorporated into her chest.
He’s fast. She smirked, now you’re stuck.
She used all of strength left to raise her right hand and snap the rogue ninja’s head.
As soon as the arm’s body supporting her went down, she fell into the warm grass.
The warm pool of her blood giving her warmth and comfort.
Can she heal the injuries she had sustained? Sure, she can try. But there’s no assurance she can succeed.
But she can feel flowers blooming.
What is this? Is she going to throw up flowers at a time like this? She laughed bitterly. That’s a good way to go.
But she felt it blooming in her chest right after it filled her lungs, the hole in her chest is now blocked by the flowers mixed with her chakra. She can also feel the blood spill stopping.
She heard a dozen of times how her love for her former teammate can kill her. But nobody told her once that it’ll save her. Somehow, right now, that was the case.
She wasn’t sure if she was to be happy, since after all, it did mean that her feelings were still not reciprocated.
She settled for a laugh. A laugh for the irony of everything.