“Are you really leaving?”
Sasori asked, seeing that Deidara was putting on his clothes. It was like at one in the morning and raining heavily. Sasori wondered how stupid Deidara was.
“Hmm”
“But it’s raining heavily! Are you insane?”
“I don’t care”
Sasori was just out of shower. He pulled a pair of boxers and a plain T-shirt to wear. Then he removed the dirty sheets that both of them came on like five or six times for the whole evening and night. Both of them were exhausted to death and Sasori doubted if Deidara was able to walk.
It was a dull Saturday and Sasori thought it would be good if he had some company. So he contacted Deidara and the boy appeared at his apartment door. They had been interacting with each other for like three months. Sasori found this cute but stubborn boy in a club. Deidara was working as the bartender and Sasori couldn’t take his eyes off of those expressionless but beautiful blue eyes. It took some time for Deidara to notice Sasori’s piercing stare. Deidara realized what Sasori was up to. He was supposed to be Sasori’s one night stand.
At last, the two ended up in the men’s restroom having intense sex. Sasori got addicted to the boy who treated him with cold glances. Deidara refused to continue saying that he didn’t want to get attached. After Sasori swore that he would never be attached with his night stands, Deidara sighed but then agreed.
“How could you catch a taxi at this hour?”
“I’ll walk”
“In the rain? You won’t survive even with an umbrella!”
“Told you, I don’t care,” Deidara sipped his jacket and narrowed down, searching for his socks.
“You are so stupid, why can’t you stay? It’s not like I’m going to ask for money”
“I just don’t want to stay”
“Why?”
“Don’t question, it’s none of your business. We are done and shut up now.”
“Yes I agree but there will be a storm soon; you can’t walk on the road in this state. You will get sick!”
Deidara still wasn’t listening. Sasori was slightly pissed at this. Who was daring to walk into a storm at midnight?
“Well, I will take care of that. You are not my mother, good bye”
Before Sasori said something, Deidara was gone. He heard his apartment door shut aggressively.
“Tch, this little fucker”
Deidara didn’t even ask for an umbrella. He had that stupid pride and attitude of his which Sasori couldn’t stand sometimes. Deidara wasn’t even living nearby. Actually it shouldn’t bother him as he was promised to keep himself in line. They just had sex and that was it. Sasori felt weird when they were all silent so he tried to make some conversations which Deidara never participated in. He obviously ignored anything which was alike to make some kind of bond between them.
Sasori locked his door and turned off the lights. He collapsed on bed, his body was sore with the amount of sex they had today. He didn’t know how Deidara would survive since Sasori had wrecked him over several times. He was limping a little bit already. He sure wouldn’t be able to walk the next day. Deidara used to call him a ‘sex god’ since how passionate Sasori was in bed. And his stamina to keep up until Deidara couldn’t feel himself anymore. Deidara was only interested in the passionate sex they had. They had done all the dirty and kinky things as they needed since there were no barriers and interruption. Even if it was a sure thing that they bothered Sasori’s neighbors. Deidara got a high pitch voice that the whole apartment complex could hear him moaning for Sasori. None of them wasn’t a bit embarrassed about it.
Deidara’s scent lingered on his pillows. The pleasant cinnamon cologne of the younger calmed Sasori in a way. He burrowed his nose in his pillow to lose himself in it. Sasori was feeling bad for the younger. He didn’t know anything personal about Deidara. He knew where Deidara’s dorm was and the fact that he was a sophomore. It had been two years since Sasori had graduated from college. He had a stable job to survive but he wasn’t interested in improving his state. Buying a new house, a car, a marriage and a family weren’t in his dreams. He had no one to inspire him and he didn’t want to be inspired either. He was still twenty six years old but he felt like he had lived enough of his life. Life was uninteresting and dull. He somehow knew that he and Deidara were related.
Sasori jumped when a massive thunder boomed. His eyes were droopy but his sleepiness vanished away with the scattered lightning. There was a loud wind blowing and raining insanely, beckoning what was about to come. Sasori sat straight on his bed.
What will happen to Deidara?
Deidara probably might be on his way. It wasn’t so long since he left Sasori and the stupid would be walking to his dorm. Sasori grabbed his phone and dialed Deidara’s number immediately.
He impatiently waited for Deidara to answer low key knowing that Deidara wouldn’t answer. The sound of wind and rain was concealing every other sound in the air.
Sasori was frustrated. He hopelessly texted Deidara to come back, along with several other miscalls.
“Fuck, I told you not to leave”
**********
Deidara realized that he couldn’t keep up with the wind and rain. He couldn’t see what was in front so he just went where his legs allowed him to go. Deidara shouldn’t have left Sasori and he knew it. But he just couldn’t stay.
Deidara never stayed…
He didn’t like the consequences of staying.
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“I didn’t do anything. It’s your fault taking things serious”
“So you’ve been using me all this time!”
“I didn’t, I have never told you that I love you. And everything happened with your consent too. A hookup is just a hookup…”
It was stupidity of him trying to take a hold of that guy. He was used. Deidara’s love, his feelings and his body were all spent for someone who didn’t even think about him in the tiniest bit. It took months for him to move on. He was so dumb and naïve at that age and he wouldn’t let anyone deceive him like that again.
That was why he left Sasori. Deidara didn’t want to sleep together. Sasori was too caring for him and it felt beyond their agreement. Deidara approved no bond between each other. It wasn’t that Sasori tried to exceed their limits. But Deidara couldn’t bear the simplest things the older one kept doing in general. Sasori always asked if he was okay, let Deidara make himself comfortable around, checked if he was hydrated and many things. He wanted to punch Sasori in the face when he asked him if he could carry him to the bathroom and help with shower. Deidara was afraid of getting attached to him too. Weeks ago he had decided that he should say goodbye to Sasori but he just couldn’t. He wanted to take one more time and another time and now he was totally screwed up. He should have said no to him.
But Deidara badly wanted to stay…
He wanted to stay with Sasori, sleeping in his hold in his care…
“Damn!”
A lightning sparked with a rambling thunder following after. The sky went all blue and neon and the rain became heavier. Deidara was soaking wet already, his long hair bangs disturbing his sight, his sneakers were disgustingly drenched that he would probably gonna catch a cold tomorrow.
Deidara wasn’t confident to move further. He felt like crying. He knew that he would regret leaving anyway. And now he couldn’t do anything about that.
Constant thunder and lightning attacked the sky and Deidara could see the leaves and things floating on the air as if they were thrown away by someone. The wind was merciless and rude. Deidara wrapped his ears and witnessed a light stroke on a tree and it began to burn. He was stuck in the middle of a thunderstorm and was afraid to walk further.
What should he do? Getting under a tree? Nah, that would be the stupidest thing ever. There were no humans, no animals in his sight to ask help. He didn’t expect the rain to be this harsh. The unfortunate was always on his side.
Deidara crouched down on the pavement. He wanted to cry, wanted to scream loud. He was exhausted, exhausted from college, exhausted from part time jobs, exhausted from making decisions and exhausted from screwing up everything. Literally life was nothing but troubles and there wasn’t any aid to lean on. No shoulder to cry on, no time to whine and no one to understand. He badly missed his parents who were living apart anticipating him to come home with the success in his hands. Deidara was their only hope.
Life was just like a thunderstorm. No mercy, no excuse and just would carry away your happiness everything like in a massive wind. So cruel and would fire up your life like the sparking lightning and hold you down like the roaring thunder. You wouldn’t be able to lift your head and free your mind until the darkness would go away itself. Life was just hopeless and trapped in a thunderstorm.
Deidara’s heart was beating so fast that he could hear it in his ears. He felt restless and his breath hitched in his throat.
No, not now…
Deidara didn’t want to die from an asthma attack in the middle of the pavement. He rarely had asthma attacks and it was always when he was very frustrated. He knelt on the wet marbled ground trying hard to keep up with his breathing. He coughed to let out the tug in his throat but it was useless.
He almost lost it when someone grabbed him from his arms.
“What-”
“Thank god I found you, come on let’s go back!”
Sasori…
Deidara didn’t protest and let Sasori take his hand and followed him in silence. He forced his coughs down in his throat which burned his insides. Sasori didn’t bring an umbrella either since it wasn’t useful in the heavy wind. The red mop of hair was soaking wet and he was stuffed in a heavy jacket and a raincoat, which he had refused to wear its hoodie. Deidara suddenly burst out coughing and Sasori was concerned.
“Deidara, you okay?”
Deidara nodded still coughing and motioned Sasori to go on. He was unable to look him in the eyes. Deidara felt so vulnerable and helpless. He was grateful that Sasori came for him and didn’t complain. He couldn’t complain because he didn’t want to die. Sasori kept staring for seconds. The thunder and lightning didn’t give good vibes so he turned around and continued walking.
And all of this made him really mad.
Deidara’s insides were in a hot mess. He wanted to punch Sasori in the face. At the same time he wanted to latch onto Sasori and cry his heart out. There was a painful tug in his chest which he didn’t know if it was because of asthma or his feelings. Sasori’s hand was securely wrapped around his and Deidara didn’t want to let go again. He was a weak boy. Weak for people who took care of him and it happened to be the one and only Sasori.
**********
Sasori didn’t mind about his ruined floor which Deidara was so guilty about. Sasori quickly wrapped Deidara with a gray warm plush robe. Inside was cozy and warm but Deidara was still quivering in the cold. Deidara wasn’t able to let out a word all the time. He waited until Sasori changed his clothes then let him take care of him.
Sasori was rubbing his long hair with a towel when Deidara suddenly felt he couldn’t breathe anymore. He gripped Sasori’s shoulders tightly and tried to breathe hard. Sasori stopped what he was doing and lifted Deidara’s face to look at him. Deidara glanced at him with teary, pleading blue eyes now panting and coughing unstoppably. He didn’t want to die yet.
“You have asthma? Don’t you?” Sasori’s doll-like eyes widened like big saucers.
“I can’t breathe…” Deidara stated, his words incoherent and breathless.
“Come here”
Sasori was so calm and didn’t get bothered. He seemed confident about what he was doing. Deidara didn’t have his inhalers with him and Sasori didn’t have any either. Sasori led them to the cozy sofa and made Deidara sit straight.
“Sit straight and calm down Dei”
Sasori sat next to him without leaving any space. While circling his one hand around Deidara’s waist he interlinked the other with Deidara. Deidara squeezed his hand as if his life was depending on it.
“Deidara calm down, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. You trust me right?”
Deidara had quit trusting anyone long ago. The trust had always ended up in betrayal. Deidara didn’t want to be a victim again. But this time it was different. The only thing he could do was, believing in Sasori.
Deidara nodded.
“Yeah don’t worry about anything since I’m here with you. Now try to breathe with me. Can you do that? Just breathe when I count.”
Sasori managed Deidara to inhale and exhale slowly and deeply. Deidara closed his eyes and took long, deep breaths and exhaled from his mouth. While breathing he felt somehow relieved yet that tug was bothering him. Sasori's existence next to him gave him hope. Deidara knew he was secured and safe. Nothing would happen to him.
Moments after, he felt easier than before. Sasori kept cheering him up next to him stroking his side and hand intertwined, not letting go.
“I’ll make you a coffee. It’ll make you feel better”
“Don’t go!” Deidara tightened his grip on Sasori’s hand. With the burst of his words he started coughing again.
“Oh calm down, I’m not leaving. I’m going to be few minutes away and will be back to you”
Sasori took a daring move, leaning forward and pecking Deidara’s lips. A soft, cute smooch. They’d never kissed out of the blue. It was a lovers’ thing. They were used to intense, wet, greedy kisses. Even though Sasori preferred taking his time on slow passionate kisses, Deidara didn’t approve. He didn’t want to feel loved and bonded. He didn’t want to summon up the bad memories of the past.
Deidara let Sasori go and rested his head on the sofa. He had many things in his mind but he couldn’t talk. He blushed a little when Sasori kissed him. It felt innocent and genuine which Deidara had never experienced before. Deidara definitely knew that this red haired man with warm chocolate brown eyes would make a good partner. Deidara never thought that someone would dare to step into a thunderstorm to find him. He wasn’t anyone of Sasori but it touched and stole every single atom of Deidara’s feelings. The feelings he was always afraid of.
The instant coffee made Deidara feel good. Sasori plopped on the couch sighing exhaustedly. It was three past twenty in the morning. Fortunately, none of them had work the next day. They got plenty of time to rest.
**********
Deidara woke up to see that he was sleeping alone. His eyes were still drowsy but it was strange that he was alone. Sasori was dearly spooning him on the bed last night. It was still raining outside but not as heavy as before. It was too early to wake up at seven.
Deidara again woke up when the bed shuffled again. He was pressed back to the familiar warmth again.
“Sasori, where have you been?”
“Mmh, I bought you an inhaler. Take this,” Sasori handed him the box.
“Thank you”
Deidara immediately used it to clear his airways. After taking a few deep breaths he again lied down next to Sasori who was staring at him with a smile. For the very first time Deidara smiled back and shyly nudged his head on Sasori’s chest.
“Dei?”
“Hmm”
“I’ve never seen this side of you. You have a beautiful smile.”
Deidara fisted Sasori’s chest while giggling.
“Don’t lie”
“I’m not lying; I’ve wanted to date you ever since we met”
Deidara’s heart skipped a beat.
“Really? But why?”
“To get to know you, to be close to you, but you didn’t want that.”
“I’m sorry, I- I was so insecure. Still I am… I’m afraid of getting attached.”
Sasori caressed Deidara’s back in a comforting manner. He closed his eyes once and stayed silent before talking.
“Are you attached to me?”
Deidara’s gaze fell on Sasori’s calm face. Sasori didn’t seem emotional. He was just so calm.
“What if I do?”
Sasori moved closer and kissed Deidara’s forehead.
“I’m glad if you do because I am attached to you already.”
Deidara shivered with those words. His eyes brimmed with tears but he managed a smile. A hopeful excitement born in his chest along with unexplainable anxiety.
“You mean it?”
Sasori’s fingers smoothly ran through Deidara’s messy fluffy hair strands.
“Yeah, I mean it. Wanna give it a try? If not it’s okay too. You don’t have to say yes.”
“I’d love to,” Deidara couldn’t help with hyping up his thoughts.
I am attached to you too…
“Then it’s settled.”
Deidara drowned in the warmth of Sasori’s broad chest. It was all his, Sasori was all his because he knew that Sasori had quit sleeping with anyone after he met Deidara. He slowly ran a hand through the firmness.
“I was really mad when you appeared out of nowhere.” Deidara mumbled, dragging his finger along the pale skin.
“Why is that?” Sasori’s eyes were closed and the voice was deep and concerned.
“Because I left you. I was angry that you found me when I was helpless. I didn’t want to admit that I desperately needed you but at last I had to. I wanted to punch you in the face.”
Sasori smiled. He looked at Deidara with a half lidded gaze. He was unreal and beautiful in Deidara’s eyes.
“Still mad?”
“No”
“Good”
With pinning his hands on Deidara’s sides, Sasori hovered over him. He lowered his head down towards Deidara’s face and landed his soft lips on the younger’s.
“What are you doing?” Deidara whispered, closing his eyes and tilting his head to the side welcoming the warm kiss.
“Kissing you”
Sasori simply said and continued. He tenderly lapped on Deidara’s lips which Deidara joined, opening his mouth, smiling to the kiss. They kissed as if they were lovers. It was a whole new experience to Deidara which he obliged to the feelings he was receiving through it. He took that risk of binding ties with Sasori’s heart. He was going to be all selfish for Sasori. They would be doing all the cringey things that lovers could do.
They fell asleep again to dive off the lingering exhaustion. After waking up again Sasori would take good care of him. Deidara would receive the breakfast (or lunch) in the bed and Sasori would feed him. If not, Deidara would pout and become a bad boy. They didn’t even start yet but Deidara was already spoiled by the presence of Sasori.
And yes, Deidara would cause a lot of trouble until Sasori would say ‘I love you’ to him.