The Funny Kunai 1 (Funnies, Insanity, and Parodies)
An Alternate Scene to: The Ambiguously Gai Duo
"Chokuchō Datsu no Jutsu (Rectal Prolapse Technique)!"
And Naruto's rather colorful ninjutsu was offshoot by two degrees. Instead, poor Kakashi got the full brunt of the chakra beam attack that practically caused him to lose his bowls ala water gun-style. The screaming of the colorful obscenities filled the air, even causing a flock of birds to flee the scene. The Oni Kyōdai (Demon Brothers) was laughing at the sight, and Naruto found the scene a bit funny himself; Sasuke and Sakura however were whiter than bed sheets. One of the brothers from Kirigakure mysteriously had a digital camera out and recording the fabled Sharingan no Kakashi (Kakashi of the Sharingan) ripping his pants off, thus increasing the reasons to censor this next paragraph due to the little kids in the audience.
"Hey kid, let us go and we'll leave the old man alone!" Gozu said, still giggling at the site.
"Dude, we so need to upload this on YouNinja dot com!" Meizu exclaimed with another barking laugh.
Naruto thought for a minute. "Okay... but only if you'll send me the video via email."
"Deal," the fearsome duo say.
After an exchange of email addresses ("The Most Electrifying Hokage In Konohagakure?" "So I idolize The Rock, something wrong with that?" "Nope."), the duo finished recording Kakashi's dilemma, before fleeing the scene. Kakashi meanwhile was fishing out a fourth bottle of hemorrhoid cream.
Poor Kakashi...
When it happened again, this time during the Zabuza encounter...
Zabuza quickly withdrew his hand from the shit-colored murky water, and looked at it. "Ew," he muttered. He tried not to breathe through his nose; his hand smelt really bad right now. And when Naruto prepared to use his jutsu again, this time to try and strike him, that's when he sent the signal to get falsely killed by his accomplice in the trees. Too bad when he fell, the dissolved water prison formed a wide puddle so...
Yeah... face full of poo water...
Eww...
Poor Zabuza and Kakashi...
After the mission and one sneaky after night where Naruto scored with Inari's hot MILF mother (and somehow it turned into a threesome between Naruto, Tsunami, and Inari himself), it turned out that somehow, Naruto and Ino were indeed related! How that was is due to Kushina being a bit of a wild girl before she mellowed out when she and Minato secretly married. But she was already pregnant by the day they exchanged vows...
So... what happened?
Naruto and Ino were completely naked in her bed. She was cuddled up next to her... brother...? Cousin...? Well, whatever it's called when a man (who's a brother who is your father)'s younger brother knocked up the Hokage's wife two weeks before the secret marriage no one except Sarutobi Hiruzen and his late wife knew... I'm confused.
"Ahh... that was nice," Ino coos sweetly.
"Yes it was," Naruto replied, feeling very awesome at the moment.
"So... never knew you had skill," she giggles.
"Well, then you fucked a hot MILF during a C-Rank mission turned S-Rank in Nami no Kuni who has a eight year old son that joined making it a kinky threesome... well... can't complain much. That and training with the ANBU Seduction Corp."
Ino raised her head a bit to look at Naruto pointedly.
"Really? A mom, her son, and you?"
"Yup. This was after I singlehandedly defeated Zabuza into full retreat, watch a giant shark jump and chomp the bridge containing the mercenaries and Gatō, and you'll have to fast-forward two hours after the party in the town gone to full swing..."
"And what about the ANBU Seduction Corp., Naruto...?"
Naruto thought for a moment.
"Since I was capable of shooting at age eight due to my secondary genealogy I obtained from my mother in regards to better health, increased stamina levels, a higher sexual drive and going into puberty in some areas earlier than most normal males, enlarged chakra pools that can rival a Kage when I turn sixteen..."
Ino was wide-eyed.
"Wow..."
"Yeah..."
"I wanna do something," she told him.
That "something" was the two rutting on the couch while Naruto in graphic detail retold his story of that night with Inari and Tsunami on Ino's request of wanting to know how that night went in Nami no Kuni (the energy between increased every minute of the story telling), and Ino's mother just giggled and keep mentioning about grandchildren while running the flower shop for the day. Meanwhile, Itachi became a pimp in order to combat Orochimaru who was known in some circles as Sugar Snake Daddy. The world continued to spin even when no one cared years later Madara ODed on mushrooms, and the Akatsuki transformed from World's Dangerous S-Rank Ninja Organization, to Red Raving Dawn Club that included strippers, a miniature church for quick-time weddings, and doughnuts.
Kagebunshin Yūwaku
"Kagebunshin Yūwaku:Rinkan no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Seduction: Gangbang Technique)..."
The various young ladies whom appeared to be in their late teens to under the mid twenties stared at the various clones of their target, Uzumaki Naruto, inside the large well-comforted and furbished dungeon deep within a section of ANBU HQ.
"What do you think? Can be interesting, huh?" the original Naruto questioned the Head Captain.
The red-haired woman smiled saucily.
"We'll see soon enough," she replied.
Four hours passed when Naruto's clones all finally dispelled when their energy and stamina had fully drained. All twenty-five kunoichi in that room were panting, moaning in delight... that room just stank of sweat, heat, and sexual musk. Thankfully the Head Captain, cuddling the original Naruto close to her developed ample breasts, had the slight of mind to turn the vents on to circulate some fresh air into the room.
"Well... I... must say... Naru-koi... you passed... with flying... colors..."
Naruto himself was equally exhausted, but he had a shit-eating grin on his face. So many memories... this was one information overload he'd gladly enjoy...
Omake: The Great Landscaping Crisis: Naruto Insurance Letter
Dear Customer,
In regards to the increase of property damage and taxes due to Bunshin Daibakuha or any derived child jutsu to Bunshin Daibakuha, (Name of Insurance Company) would like to offer you an added clause recently drafted and executed entitled Naruto Insurance. Naruto Insurance is highly recommended, especially if you live anywhere within the borders of Hi no Kuni. The attached pages to this letter will explain fully what Naruto Insurance covers along with your current insurances.
Sincerely,
(Name of Company Owner 2X in print and hand-written calligraphy)
(Name of Insurance Company)
(Image Stamp of Insurance Name)
Nyan Cat
"Kuchiyose no Jutsu (Summoning Technique)!"
A plume of smoke exploded from the arcing of seals that formed from performing it, and there was an uneasy silence in the stadium. Many wondered what it could be. Others questioned where the boy got a summoning contract from...
But when the smoke cleared...
"Nyan!"
The creature that was summoned was a light gray adult cat with cute black eyes, and anime-styled blush on its cute cheeks. The difference was it had a body that resembled a pink frosted strawberry pop-tart with tiny sprinkles. And it floated in the air. And when it flew around, a rainbow trail was left behind "tracing" its flight. With the way it looked, you'd believe it came right out of some girl's cutie anime...
"Isn't he cute?" Naruto squealed, "Nyan Cat's awesome!"
Only one other person agreed, and Hinata was wondering if she could sign whatever summoning contract Naruto held...
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?"
"Oh, that? Nyan Cat!" Naruto shouts.
"Nyan!" Nyan Cat cries cutely.
Some girls fangirl-squealed at the cuteness Nyan Cat eluded.
"Nyan Cat was created by magic and a boy's wish. You see, legend stated Nyan Cat came from another era of time before us. A small boy was sad because his faithful companion died of an illness that wasn't treated in time. The boy was sad and ran from home when the poor cat took its final breath and closed its eyes. He ran and lost himself in a forest close to his home, where he came across a lady shaman. Given a magical powder, the boy soon returns, listening to the lady's words. But when he sprinkled his dead companion's body with the powder, he was unaware crumbs of his pop tart lay uncleared under his companion's dead body. And when he awoke the next morning knowing his wish would never come true, he was greeted with his companion once again living."
"Nyan!" Nyan Cat says.
"Ever since, Nyan Cat flies through space, leaving his path of rainbows and joy, defeating the evil Tact Nyan, defending the small star creatures called Luma, and also became a defender of all things sweet and tasty!"
"Nyan nyan!"
Neji stared. The thing... too cute...
...
Let it be known here, Naruto defeated many a dark and dangerous ninja with the cuteness of Nyan Cat, and the song that accompanied it when victory was achieved...