Kakashi was one of those people Iruka could not assess. This was not only because the man with the gray hair always wore a mask covering the lower half of his face and his left eye was rarely visible, but also because he had never really had anything to do with the person with whom he would spend the next few days.
Of course, he was aware of some rumors and stories. Kakashi had lost his parents early, his father was said to have committed suicide. At the age of 5 he became a genin, at 6 a chunin and at only 13 he was already a Jōnin and also joined the special unit ANBU at about that age. He was known as the copy ninja and one of the strongest in Konoha. Perverse, ruthless, heartless and a friend killer. These were just a few of the traits attributed to him. Iruka knew that Kakashi had killed one of his friends back then, and it often happened that the Jōnin returned from missions alone - without his comrades. He also made no secret of his preference for dirty books. So at least the perversion was true. Despite all the rumors, Kakashi seemed to be very respected in the village and behaved politely and friendly towards everyone. Iruka could confirm this as well, but he had never really had much to do with the older man, except for exchanging a few sentences now and then. He wondered if everything they told was true.
When he got to the meeting place, he was not surprised to find that his team partner was not there yet. Unpunctuality was another trait the man was said to have, and it was one hundred percent true. Iruka stopped and looked at the filling streets of Konoha.
It was already very warm in the early morning, typical for a day in September. A few weeks after the Summer Festival, there was usually some sort of trade festival, where merchants from Konohagakure and the surrounding countries presented their wares and bartered. It was a hustle and bustle and thus a great security risk, since of course many weapons were offered and foreign people found their way into the city. However, this gave Konoha even more prestige and wealth. On the other hand, there had been no incidents for several years. This had not least to do with the fact that the security measures were improved every year and were now accordingly high.
It was the last week of the summer vacations, so Iruka did not have to teach his students. And so it happened that he was assigned to a team together with Kakashi and was supposed to patrol with them. 'Supposed to' was the right word in this case. Because the Jōnin was still missing. Iruka would have much preferred to do his shift with Genma, Kotetsu or Izumo, but the Hokage had made the assignment personally. Iruka suspected that Tsunade had paired the strong fighters with the somewhat weaker ones in order to distribute the fighting power as effectively as possible.
After ten minutes, his colleague finally arrived. Kakashi smiled at Iruka through his mask, scratched his head, and apologized. "Iruka-sensei. Sorry for the delay, I had to help an old lady carry her groceries. She would have broken her back otherwise!". The brown haired man couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Kakashi. Even my students come up with better excuses..." he sighed, turning to the crowd. "We should get to work...".
The gray-haired man nodded and followed Iruka, who had already started walking. The younger man found the first half hour very uncomfortable. They squeezed through the crowd in silence and he had the feeling that the Jōnin did not really take the task seriously. This was due to the fact that Kakashi had his face buried in one of those perverted books and was hardly paying attention to his surroundings.
"Were you able to enjoy your summer vacation, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi suddenly asked, and Iruka was a little startled. He hadn't expected the man to talk to him again today. He turned to him and shrugged "As well as you can relax when you spend your hours at the mission desk and patrolling the last few days."
He got a puzzled look from the gray haired man before he spoke "I can imagine. I'm very sorry about that. Tsunade should really give you some rest.". After a brief pause in the conversation, Iruka already thought that was the end of it. Instead, the rest of the shift turned into a conversation about a wide variety of topics. Kakashi even put his Icha Icha tape in his pocket at some point. The brown-haired man talked about his activities as a teacher and they got to talking about Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke, which were pretty much the only things that actually connected the two men. They were rather superficial conversations and the topics never went into detail, but it helped tremendously in killing time until finally their shift was over in the evening and they said goodbye to each other.
The next days were similar, Kakashi was more or less late to the meeting point and had every time another ridiculous excuse prepared, as Iruka found. But it bothered him less and less every day and he even found it amusing what stories the elder came up with. The conversations continued, though it no longer took half an hour of getting started before they spoke to each other. Iruka found the dialogues enjoyable and had fun talking with the Jōnin. On the last day, the elder suddenly made a suggestion. "What do you say we go out for a meal to finish off? To celebrate the day and the work done? My treat."
Iruka was surprised, but agreed after a moment's hesitation. "Sure, why not?" he said with a smile and followed Kakashi to Ichirakus. Once there, they both ordered themselves some food. The brown-haired man averted his eyes and focused entirely on his noodle soup as Kakashi brought his hand to his mask. Out of the corner of his eye, however, he saw that the man also turned away from him a bit, so his face wouldn't have been visible well anyways. Iruka was surprised that even as he ate, the man still made a secret of what he looked like under his mask. Was he so ugly that he couldn't show himself? Or was he simply being arrogant? Iruka could only imagine the latter, though the man didn't seem particularly conceited to him.
As they finished eating, he glanced to the side and looked at the gray-haired man.
"I guess you don't go out for dinner much, do you?" asked Iruka with a sly smile.
"Not really..." was the reply, however he got a friendly smile back "You go here with Naruto more often, don't you?"
"We used to come here a lot, that's true. Now Naruto has really grown up and often goes on missions. So we don't have as much time anymore, unfortunately. But I always invite him over once he's back in town..." said Iruka thoughtfully, briefly taken back to the time when Naruto was young and he taught him.
"Do you miss these times?" came from Kakashi, and the brown-haired man wondered at the question. It was only now that he really noticed that the older man had found out a lot about him throughout the days, but he hadn't really found out anything in return. "Yes, quite a bit. A lot has happened since then too... the death of the third Hokage, Akatsuki, the incident with Orochimaru..." he answered in response. "It's been kind of calmer and more untroubled times."
"Mhm," Kakashi agreed with him and lowered his gaze a bit.
"Is it true that you became a Jōnin in your youth?" blurted Iruka.
Visibly surprised at the question, the gray-haired man stared at the younger man before gathering himself and putting on a smile. "Yes, that's true," he returned. "But I don't want to bore you with stories of my youth".
"I doubt the stories you have to tell are boring," Iruka interjected, but the other man was already on his feet and putting the money for both dishes and drinks on the counter.
"I'll be happy to tell you about it next time, but it's late and I have to go on a mission tomorrow morning. I believe you also got students to teach again starting tomorrow?" asked Kakashi, looking at the chunin with a friendly smile.
Irritated by the sudden departure, Iruka only nodded and thanked him for the invitation before the Jōnin disappeared into the now empty streets. He wondered if the question he had asked had been too personal. Pondering, he went to his apartment and went to sleep.
-----
In the following days, Iruka taught the young children and his life went back to normal. It was not until the end of the week that he met Kakashi again, when he handed in his mission report. The brown-haired man couldn't find any other injuries on his colleague except for dirty clothes and minor abrasions, which relieved him. He was shocked at how injured the shinobi were even on B-rank missions when they came back. Kakashi just made a tired impression.
"Iruka-sensei. Good to see you again!"
"It's good to see you too! How was the mission?" the younger asked, seeing the man in front of him smile.
"Exhausting, but not particularly exciting... do you feel like going out for a drink tonight?"
Iruka was again surprised at the invitation, but after a moment's consideration he accepted the offer. "I still have to work until seven, so I'd be free after that."
"All right. I'll come pick you up," came from the elder "See you later!"
Looking at the mission report, Iruka realized how many mistakes had been made. "Oi, Kaka..shi..." he wanted to call out to the gray-haired man, but he had already disappeared from the room and the next shinobi was standing in front of him. The Chunin sighed and put the report in the drawer. He would have to talk to the man about it again tonight, even if it wasn't the best conversation to have after work.
----
Kakashi arrived at the arranged time as promised and the two went to one of the bars in the middle of the city. On the way, the two talked about the chunin's shift today and the missions that were submitted. The bar was pretty crowded, as was to be expected on a Friday night. Iruka didn't go out much. It wasn't because he didn't have friends or didn't like bars. He was usually just way too tired after his double shifts at school and at the mission desk. And then on weekends he had to prepare students' lessons or grade and correct homework. Still, he was glad on getting out tonight. Especially because he liked the company of Kakashi.
"You took advantage of my confusion to give me a completely terrible mission report. Was that your plan?" asked Iruka with a grin, sitting down at the bar with Kakashi. There, the only two seats left were a little further away from the familiar faces. Asuma, Anko, Guy and Genma had greeted the two and offered them seats next to them, but Kakashi had excused themselves and gone to the bar. Much to Iruka's surprise.
"The report wasn't that bad!" the Jōnin replied after ordering sake and a beer for both of them.
Iruka looked at him skeptically.
"Okay, okay. It wasn't my best performance, I admit. I promise to do better!"
"I hope so!" the brown-haired man smiled. "Are you going to answer my question from last time today?" he inquired, scratching his scar sheepishly with one finger. He thought he saw a deeply sad expression in Kakashi's eye for a brief moment before he smiled back at him.
"Oi, sensei. What exactly do you want to know?" the elder inquired.
"Is it true that you were only 13 years old when you became a Jōnin and joined the ANBU?". Iruka didn't know why this question bothered him so much. But of all the rumors he had heard, he felt this one was the least likely. He knew that Kakashi was one of the most talented shinobi in Konoha. But to hold such a rank at a young age was crazy in his eyes.
"Yes, that's right. I became a Jōnin at the age of 13 and joined the Anbu at 14, reporting directly to the fourth Hokage." Now Iruka had his answer and didn't know what to do with it. He could feel his cheeks getting hot. How was he supposed to build a conversation on that?
"This... this is really incredible. I-" he interrupted himself when he saw Kakashi drinking through his mask and stared at him. "Do you really never take that thing off?" he laughed now, completely irritated by the gray-haired man's habits.
"Liquids go through the fabric just fine!" grinned Kakashi, lowering his glass again.
They chatted some more about the elder's strange habit, and Iruka was glad that he didn't have to find a connecting point to his previously asked question. They stayed in the bar for quite a while, talking excitedly about various topics. Kakashi talked about his funniest missions and Iruka about the most interesting situations with his students.
As the bar slowly emptied, the brown-haired man noticed how tired he suddenly was. Their mutual friends had said their goodbyes some time ago, and a glance at the clock told him how late it had become in the meantime. "I should be getting ready to go home," he heard himself say, and the older man agreed. After paying, they stepped out of the building.
The fresh evening air did Iruka good, however, he only now noticed the effects of the alcohol. He hoped that he had not acted strangely during the conversation with Kakashi. He was also still sorry for his question and hoped he hadn't offended the Jōnin with it. When the man next to him stepped into the street and smiled, the thought was quickly gone.
"I'll walk you home" Iruka heard the older man say and was surprised as he had been so often in the last few days.
"You don't have to, it's not that far to my place."
"I'd like to, though, if I may."
"Okay... Sure."
The two walked side by side in silence. Iruka heard the cicadas and looked up at the sky. The night was clear and the full moon brightly lit the streets. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kakashi watching him, but he didn't want to address the man about it, so he said nothing.
After five minutes they had arrived at Iruka's apartment. It the bottom one of a total of three. "Here we are," he said, turning to Kakashi.
The latter smiled at him and scratched his head.
"I really enjoyed the evening and the shifts with you in general. I'm glad we got teamed up," came from the older man. "Maybe we can do something again soon?"
"I thought so, too. It was fun talking with you. I'm sure we'll find time again.", Iruka spoke and walked up the few steps to the door. "See you!".
With that, he entered his apartment. He took off his shoes at the entrance, and went straight to the bathroom. He undressed and got ready for bed. While doing so, he thought about the last few days and smiled slightly. The time with Kakashi had actually been very pleasant. He was an interesting and handsome man....
At this thought he blushed slightly and shook his head. He shouldn't even think something like that in the first place. Kakashi was a Jōnin and he was only a Chunin. Besides, the man was anything but dating material, what with all the stories he had going on. Iruka pushed the thoughts away once and for all.
Tired, he dropped onto his bed and soon fell asleep.
----
The next few days, he saw Kakashi much more often than he had before. Or did he just notice the man more and he was actually just as present as before? Even if that was the case, at least they had much more personal contact. Kakashi waved at Iruka every time he saw him and smiled at him. He would often approach the brown-haired man to exchange a few sentences. At the end of the week, the elder even waited outside the classroom and intercepted Iruka as he was about to leave.
"What are you doing here?" the brown-haired man asked in surprise, scratching his face scar in embarrassment.
"I was wondering if you'd like to get something to eat again later? And maybe want something to drink afterwards?"
"I...". Iruka hesitated for a moment before agreeing.
"Yeah, why not? Seven tonight?"
"Perfect!"
They said their goodbyes and both went their separate ways for now.
----
The evening went very nicely. They ate at Ichirakus' place and then went to the bar they had been to last time. They talked about their week and Kakashi told Iruka that he would have another mission next week. But it was only a B-rank mission. In turn, he told the Jōnin what he had planned for his students. Who of them had talent and who had more difficulties. Iruka enjoyed the time with the elder. Although the latter held a higher rank and naturally performed much more exciting and important tasks, he did not feel as if his counterpart looked down on him.
The two spent a lot of time together over the next few weeks as well. Some nights they would go to the bar with Asuma, Guy, and the others and spend time there, others they would go to Ichirakus or another restaurant and hang out together. No matter what they did, Iruka strangely became more nervous with each time they met. He was looking forward to their time together, but noticed how he was getting more and more attracted to Kakashi. And he definitely didn't want that. He would burn his fingers on him. For sure.
----
Kakashi's intentions became really clear to Iruka for the first time when the older man was waiting for him outside the classroom with a bouquet of flowers.
The brown-haired man was completely stunned, then looked around uncertainly to his left and right. He hoped no one had noticed the gesture.
"What... what's that?" he asked uncertainly.
"Well, what do you think? A bouquet of flowers for you!" the older man replied, smiling. "Did you know that most men get their first flowers as a funeral gift?"
"No, I didn't know that..." uneasily Iruka reached for the bouquet. He was more than uncomfortable with the whole situation, although he was happy about the gesture and he felt a tingle in his stomach. "Thank you..."
"Seven again tonight?"
"Yes, seven...", Iruka mumbled and lowered his eyes. So this was really the direction this all was supposed to go? He had mixed feelings about the whole thing.
"See you later then!" said Kakashi with a smile, leaving Iruka alone with his confusion.
----
From this point on, such incidents became more frequent, much to Iruka's dismay. Not that he didn't enjoy Kakashi's attention and really had fun in his presence. But Iruka was noticing more and more the stories that were being told about Kakashi. More than ever before. Bedtime stories he overheard with one ear as two kunoichi chatted at the mission board. Favorite positions of the elder. Fetishes.
Iruka would have loved to run out of the room every time. Everything cramped in his stomach and he had to suppress the feeling of nausea. And as much as he liked the time with Kakashi, it was more and more covered by the negative thoughts.
----
One evening in December, the Jōnin invited Iruka to dinner again. As they sat down at the table, the brown-haired man noticed a feline statue, small and black, sitting at his spot. He took it in his hand and looked at the gift. The cat was lying under a tall bonsai tree, sleeping. Iruka's stomach tightened.
"I got this for you from my last mission," Kakashi said, sitting down in his seat. "I had found them at a local merchant and thought they were very fitting. Remember you had told me about the black cat one night-"
"I can't do that." he was interrupted by the chunin, looking at him in surprise. "What-?"
"I'm sorry Kakashi, but I can't do any of this. You want something that I can't give you. I don't want to become one of your bed stories, even if I like your company a lot," Iruka sputtered out, looking into a completely puzzled face.
"Where do you come up with bed stories?" the older man wondered. "Why don't you sit down and we'll talk first?" he offered.
Iruka shook his head and turned to leave. "I don't want to."
He was about to walk away when he was grabbed by the wrist by Kakashi. "Iruka, please. Let's-"
The chunin pulled his hand away and looked at the gray-haired man with an indistinct look. "I don't want to! I know what you're up to, and I don't want to be on your list... I'm uncomfortable with you giving me gifts," he countered. He paused for a brief moment before leaving the restaurant.
As he stepped out into the street, the cold air hit his face and his eyes watered. At least he told himself it was because of the air. After the first few steps, he was already sorry for his words. He didn't want to push Kakashi away so roughly and reject him. He wanted so much to learn more about the man himself and maybe even build a future with him. But he was afraid. Afraid of being betrayed again, like Mizuki betrayed him back then. Afraid of being just a toy again. And why should Kakashi - a Jōnin and one of Konoha's most famous ninjas - bother with him?
He just couldn't keep his feelings in check anymore, his insecurity. And rather than get hurt, he wanted to end it all. The gift was the straw that broke the camel's back. He had casually mentioned in a conversation during the shift at the merchant festival that he used to have a black cat and liked felines very much in general. The fact that Kakashi remembered such a minor detail made him happy and anxious at the same time.
And now? Now he was right there in his apartment, having turned down the man he was in love with. In the middle of a restaurant. He unlocked the door with trembling hands and entered his apartment. Iruka leaned against the door and slid his back down it. He buried his face in his arms, which he had placed on his legs, and cried. It hurt like hell. But it was better.
Eventually he was able to pull himself together to go to bed and fell asleep from exhaustion.
----
When Iruka opened the door the next morning, there was the little cat statue on the ground. He had left it at the restaurant the night before and Kakashi must have left it there. His eyes filled with tears again and the feeling of guilt plagued him. He had to talk to the Jōnin and at least apologize for his behavior. He placed the statue on the windowsill just inside his hallway before stepping out into the streets.
It had been two days since he had seen Kakashi. On his way to his shift at the mission desk, he ran into Guy.
"Hi Guy..."
"Hey Iruka!" the man answered him, giving him a big grin. " Is everything alright? You look a little down."
"I'm fine." Iruka forced himself to smile. "Have you seen Kakashi? I need to talk to him about something..."
"Kakashi? He left for a mission early the morning about two days ago, as far as I know."
The chunin looked at him in surprise before sighing. "Oh well, thanks... I have to go to work now, see you!". He smiled weakly and then went on his way. Then, for better or worse, his apology would have to wait.
Kakashi's mission was going anything but well. Not only had they been stuck in a cave for two days because of a snowstorm and had to use their chakra to keep warm despite the fire, but they had also gotten into a fight with other shinobi once and lost one man and another was injured. The gray-haired man was just glad that he had learned to switch off his feelings and mood during a mission and to concentrate completely on the task at hand. Nevertheless, his thoughts drifted to Iruka in the quiet moments. He had not cared about the rumors and opinions about himself until today and had simply ignored them. He had never suspected that this could really affect his life. And now it was doing just that.
Kakashi looked at the map he held in his hands. They were already halfway through Frost Country, trying to avoid the city of Shimo as best they could. Konoha had no direct hostility to Frost Crountry, but crossing the mountains with a diplomat and Konoha's Special Forces was considered a threat. This was not the only reason why they had to try at all costs not to draw any attention to themselves. The shinobi of Frost Country were not only superior to them in their country, but also more practiced in dealing with all the snow that presented itself to the ANBU. It really wasn't a good idea to do this mission during winter. The next morning they would continue their way to Lightning Country at any cost.
Irkua rubbed his eyes sleepily as his alarm clock rang. He had not slept well, as he had the previous few nights.
He got ready in the bathroom and dressed before taking a look outside the window. First snowflakes fell on the slightly glittering ground and remained. Today, the kids' outdoor practice would have to be cancelled. They would have to go indoors and improvise. Sparring would probably replace the shuriken training. He sat down at his table in the kitchen and had a quick breakfast with a cup of green tea. After washing the dishes, he turned to leave before his eyes fell back on the cat statue Kakashi had given him that night. He felt a lump forming in his throat and swallowing suddenly became difficult. He took his key from the hook before averting his eyes and walking outside. It had been nine days since he had last seen Kakashi. After he ran into Guy who told him that Kakashi was on a mission, he went to Tsunade and asked her about the mission. She hadn't been able to tell him, though, since it was an S-rank mission - with ANBU.
Worries sprouted in him when he thought about it. He didn't know that Kakashi continued to accept ANBU missions. He wondered if the man would have told him anything about it if he hadn't pushed him away. Iruka sighed and continued his way to the school building while some snowflakes landed on him.
It was hard for Kakashi to admit it, but the whole mission was slowly turning into one big disaster. Shortly after they left the cave, they were ambushed again. The attackers managed to escape, but it was only a matter of time before they would return with reinforcements. The previously injured ANBU was killed, leaving only four of his comrades and the diplomat. After the conspiracy, he ordered his subordinates to tend to their wounds and once again lock the body of their friend in a scroll. He wouldn't leave anyone here, not even the fallen. And if that meant they had to carry more weight.
He himself leaned against a pine tree and studied the map. Unless he was wrong, they were still very far from the national border and the highest ascent to the mountain was still ahead of them. They would need at least four more days to arrive Lightning Country. And even then, it wasn't clear that they wouldn't be followed or ambushed again. If there wasn't another blizzard, the safest route would be back to the Hot Water Country to regroup or even abandon the mission for now. He would rather travel with a stronger team and at a different time of year than possibly throw his comrades and himself to their deaths.
Kakashi looked to his companions and sighed. What was he supposed to do? The mission was very important, but the lives of his companions were even more important.
"We're turning back!" he heard himself say. "Now!"
Iruka slumped back in his chair and sighed. He was far too tired for the extra shift at the mission desk, but needed something to distract himself. In the two weeks he hadn't seen Kakashi, he had realized for the first time that he missed him. He missed the older man's conversations and smiles. Not just as a friend.
A glance at the clock told him his shift was over in ten minutes. He went straight to an upright position as the door opened. When he saw Guy, he sank back down a little. Shifts at the mission desk weren't the best idea, with Iruka just waiting for Kakashi to come in every time.
Guy put his mission report on the table and eyed Iruka worriedly. "Is everything alright? You look pretty knocked out today..."
"I'm fine, I just had a rough day."
"Do you miss Kakashi?"
Iruka noticed his cheeks getting hot at the question and quickly glanced at the report. "What nonsense, I'm just working too much!" he countered, hoping to sound as believable as possible.
"And you're doing it because you miss Kakashi."
The brown-haired man stood up outraged and opened his mouth to respond. But he couldn't think of anything. So he closed his mouth again, sighed and slumped back in his chair. "This is stupid!" he whined, opening his eyes again only to see a grinning Guy standing in front of him.
"You're off work now, aren't you? Why don't you come to the bar and we'll talk a bit?", Guy suggested and Iruka agreed after a moment. Even though he was very tired, he could use a little company right now.
---
Arriving at the bar, Guy and Iruka sat down at the table with Asuma, who was apparently already waiting for Guy.
"Hey Iruka, good to see you again!" the man said, smiling. "You look pretty beat... are you okay?"
"Why does everyone tell me the same thing?" sighed Iruka, dropping into the chair.
"Because you can tell from fifty meters away!" came Guy's reply. "What's bothering you, sensei?"
"It's... nothing...". That probably didn't sound so convincing, because the two men looked at Iruka with skeptical looks. "Okay... maybe I said something to Kakashi that I regret now," he replied sheepishly.
The two exchanged a look before grinning at the man with the scar on his face. "Well, we didn't get all the details because Kakashi hardly ever tells anything, but you could already tell that there was something going on between you two."
"There was nothing going on between us!" said Iruka quickly, blushing slightly. "We didn't slept with each other!"
"That's not what I meant either," Guy replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I meant that you guys got close. Not just in the sense of friendship..."
The chunin pondered for a moment. Had it been that obvious? It was certainly recognizable to him. After all, Kakashi had made it clear to him more than once what his intentions were. But to outsiders, it shouldn't have looked that way. He had always made sure that the gray-haired man curbed his attempts and wasn't too obvious. His stomach tightened at the thought. How Kakashi must have felt? He had certainly noticed that Iruka had been careful not to let anyone overhear and had been paying close attention to the looks other people were giving him.
"Yeah well... Kakashi wanted more than friendship..."
"And you don't?"
"Yes I do...". Iruka felt a lump forming in his throat again.
"But?"
"I couldn't..."
The two men fell silent for a moment before Guy continued. "Why couldn't you? And can you now?"
The brown-haired man eyed Guy and Asuma as he nervously slid around in his chair. He felt like he was being interrogated, but he didn't want to leave either. "I don't know if I want to right now...it's way too complicated. I just don't know anything about him! I only know the stories that are told about him."
"What stories do you mean?"
"Well, that he's a friend killer. A murderer. A pervert. Heartless. And had sex with half of Konoha-"
"Stop!", Asuma interrupted him. Both he and Guy glowered at him. "You'll have to ask him about all those things yourself. But I can tell you one thing: he surely doesn't sleep with anyone or everything!"
"But I've often heard-"
"You can trust me, he doesn't do that! People just like to talk and make up stories to make their lives more exciting, with no regard for anyone else. I was pretty much always there when Kakashi was in a bar and he never went home with another person. Even otherwise, I would never have noticed him being seen with someone longer or ever dating. Think I'm crazy, but I think Kakashi is still a virgin!" Asuma and Guy both burst out laughing.
Iruka listened intently to the man and looked at him in surprise. He didn't feel like laughing at all. Could all those things really be lies? Had he not only rejected Kakashi just like that, but also for the completely wrong reasons? He clenched his hands into fists.
"Are you serious about this? Then what about those weird books he's always reading?"
Guy shrugged his shoulders as Asuma continued laughing "Well, I did peek into one of those books once and the stories aren't actually that bad." Iruka looked at him in disgust and the man with the thick eyebrows did the same.
"No, no. Not what you think. Kakashi had put his book in my hand once when he needed to do something. I looked through it a bit and sure enough, there were a few explicit things described there. But most of all, it was a real love story." Asuma laughed again, but this time it was an embarrassed laugh. "I think he secretly longs for a love story like the ones described in the books, too."
Iruka had to let that sink in. He stared at his hands, which he had placed on the table. He definitely had to talk to Kakashi as soon as he was back! The guilty feeling was filled with the feeling of hope and joy. He would then not only see Kakashi again, but also get to know him properly. At least he hoped that the elder would listen to him.
The brown-haired man was disturbed from his thoughts by a door that was literally ripped open. He saw a shinobi running to a woman sitting at another table with her comrades. He whispered something in her ear. She jumped up and followed him outside. Iruka shivered briefly at the cold air that had entered the room from the opening of the door. Guy and Asuma paid little attention to the people and had started talking to each other.
Noticing that Iruka was listening to them again, Guy smiled kindly at him "How about you just ask Kakashi about everything yourself? When he thinks the time is right, he'll answer all your questions. But you can be sure of one thing: he won't take advantage of you."
The chunin nodded and smiled back. He was glad he had come here. As soon as the Jōnin returned from his mission, he would speak with him.
A few days before...
It couldn't have been any worse. Just beyond the border of Hot Water Country, the pursuers had caught up and cornered them. The fight was unbalanced. The opponents were skilled in this kind of terrain and not as worn out as the ninja from Konoha. Fighting through the thick snow had drained their strength. In addition, the fighters from Frost Country were outnumbered. The ANBU fought without mercy, but the longer the fight lasted, the more their numbers were decimated. Kakashi had to watch as one after the other of his comrades fell in battle. And he had also been hit hard. While trying to protect the diplomat, he was struck with full force by one of the frost ninja with a kind of ice weapon against the right side of the back of his head. At the same moment he was hit, he drew his katana and was able to slash the opponent's face from bottom to top with one cut. He staggered and finally fell to his knees before vomiting. Blood ran in streams from his head and stained the white snow red. His head throbbed so badly he thought it would explode at any moment. He took one deep breath before standing up again with tremendous dizziness. Through his blurred vision, he could only see that there was not a single man left on his feet. If no one else was hiding nearby, the fight was over. Kakashi staggered to each of the men and found all but two dead. One of his comrades and the diplomat. He had to get back to Konoha at any cost. But even alone, with his injuries, that would be a difficult task. Carrying two men would be impossible. He knelt beside his comrade and turned him on his back. Blood was already running from the mans mouth and he was breathing weakly.
"Com...mandant...," he heard the ANBU gasp. "Get...out...of...here...with...the diploma...ate..."
Everything tensed up inside Kakashi and the nausea intensified once again. The man wouldn't even make it to the Konoha border, that was certain. The Jōnin would not be able to save him under any circumstances.
He grabbed his comrade's shoulder and squeezed briefly. It was a gesture of grief, of appeasement and respect. Kakashi stood up. With a well-aimed stab to the heart, he put his subordinate out of his misery. He turned to the diplomat, who was leaning injured against a tree.
"Can you walk...?"
He had to make it to the border.
After spending the evening with Guy and Asuma, Iruka was feeling much better. He had left the bar around midnight and was now strolling through the deserted streets. The night was crystal clear and it turned very cold. The thin blanket of snow crunched with every step and Iruka found the sound relaxing. Although he was tired, he wanted to move a little more and think about everything he had found out today. Leaning against a building on the street, he saw the two shinobi he had seen earlier in the bar, who had left in such a hurry. They were probably medical ninja, judging by the green coat they wore. The chunin nodded at them in greeting, and they nodded back as well, before talking again.
"Really exhausting..."
"I hear the other one is even more beat up..."
"Yeah, I don't want to-"
Those were the snippets of conversation Iruka had overheard. He shuddered and zipped his jacket all the way up. He hoped the person they were talking about was okay.
He decided to return to his apartment afterwards and sleep. He would have to grade a bunch of assignments tomorrow before it was time for the winter break.
When he got home, he took a quick shower. The hot water felt good on his cold skin, but the warmth only made him more tired. Sleepily, he put on his pajamas and climbed into bed with his hair still wet. He was far too exhausted to dry them properly. As soon as he closed his eyes, he was already in the land of dreams.
Only to be awakened three hours later by an energetic knock on his door. He startled upright, his heart pounding. A glance at the clock told him that it wasn't even four in the morning yet. Who the hell would bother him at such an hour?
The brown-haired man pulled on a T-shirt before answering the door. In front of him stood Guy with a serious expression.
"Guy. What's wrong?!" asked Iruka, feeling his heart beat faster and faster with excitement. An uneasy feeling spread through him.
"Kakashi... you should come with me." came from the man with the bushy eyebrows.
The chunin nodded "Just a moment...". He made his way to his bedroom and quickly pulled on a jacket and regular pants over his pajamas. At the door, he slipped on his shoes and followed Guy outside.
"What happened?!" asked Iruka frantically "Where is he?". This question was unnecessary. He knew the Jōnin had to be in the hospital.
"I don't know for sure. I got the news that Kakashi was in the hospital from an ANBU. But if that's why Tsunade had them summon me...", the black haired man didn't finish his sentence. But he didn't have to. Iruka could guess what that meant. They hurried and jumped over the rooftops of the city. The chunin's mind was racing and the walk to the hospital was unbearable.
The two reached the building and hurried inside. At the reception desk, they asked for Kakashi's room number and learned that he could be found in the intensive care unit. As they entered the ICU area, they were stopped by two ANBU.
"Where's Kakashi?!", Guy wanted to know.
"Tsunade is in his room. We're going to call her. Stay here until then!" one of the men in masks said, leaving the two standing in the hallway. Guy and Iruka exchanged uncertain glances as they waited.
After a few minutes, Tsunade approached the men from the back room of the hallway, visibly exhausted.
She pointed to the chairs that stood in the hallway and wanted them to sit down. When the shinobi followed her request, she did the same. Iruka's throat tightened and a sick feeling spread through the area of his stomach. He just stared at the woman fearfully, not uttering a sound.
"What about Kakashi?" asked Guy, visibly agitated. "Where is he?"
Tsunade took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly before looking at the men, then speaking.
"He's... in the back room." She hesitated, thinking about how to explain everything. "The mission went wrong. Kakashi's squad got ambushed several times on the way to Lightning Country. Kakashi must have ordered them to retreat, but they were caught just beyond the border to the Hot Water Country. Hatake, along with one other person, were the only ones who... survived." The way she said the last word made Iruka shudder.
The woman noticed the irritation and continued speaking in a dejected voice. She also found it difficult to express the following. "The reason I said this so hesitantly is because it's not certain if Kakashi will survive... he suffered severe open craniocerebral trauma and the pressure inside his skull is drastically elevated. He is on artificial respiration because he is having severe respiratory and circulatory problems. He has been in a coma since he arrived here in Konoha. It was fortunate that there were two shinobi patrolling the national border just as he reached the country with the diplomat...". Tsunade rubbed his face with both hands. "Once his brain swelling has decreased somewhat, we will close his skullcap to prevent encephalitis...that's why you can't see him, unfortunately. The risk of infection is too great."
Iruka felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to scream and run away. Everything was like a nightmare. Two weeks ago he had been talking to the man, spending time with him... pushing him away. And now his smallest problem was whether the Jōnin would forgive him for his behavior. Perhaps he would never have the chance to speak to the man again. The knot in his stomach tightened and Iruka felt like he couldn't breathe properly.
He looked to the door where Kakashi was behind as he felt warm tears running down his cheeks and dripping onto the floor.