Coke Sweats
I stare into the mirror as I smooth moisturizer onto my face, it took too many years to get my skin to this point. My skin glows, my complexion is even, every acne scar i’d ever had is erased from my barrier. I make myself up, light touches of concealer here and there but outside of that I look fine. I smooth a thick layer of gloss over my lips and give myself a once over. Im satisfied with this look, I let my hair curl naturally.
Sliding my phone from the pocket of my jeans I sigh, nothing new. I click into instagram, scrolling until my phone rings, it’s Skye. I smirk, letting it ring a few times before picking up, I press the phone into my ear.
“Hey.” I speak. “What’s up?”
“Hi! Uh, are you busy?” she sounds a bit on edge, out of it.
“No,” I pick at the underside of my fresh blue acrylics. “what’s wrong.”
She sniffles a bit in the speaker. “I’m just, I really need someone to talk to…I fucked everything up. Can I come over.”
“Uh-”
She cuts me off. “I- no its okay I don’t want to impose.”
“You didn’t let me finish, no, yeah you can come over. Do you remember my address?”
“Yeah,” she sniffles again. “I’ll, uh i’ll be there soon.”
“Alright.” I hang up
About an hour and a half I hear a knock on my apartment door, I throw my phone onto the couch and open it. Revealing a very, very disheveled Skye. I step aside to let her in, but she basically push’s’ past me, I puff a rush of air past my lips; it’s going to be a long night.
“Hey…” I approach slowly, she’s already sitting on my couch, her hair a mess, mascara streaks running down her cheeks. I don’t think i’d ever seen her in jeans before, these don’t even look like hers. “How are you feeling—” I move to sit next to her but she jumps up, pulling s little baggie out of her pocket, every move she makes is frantic and quite frankly she’s stressing me the fuck out.
“Skye is that fuckin’ coke?”
She taps some onto her hand, one second the little pile is there and the other it’s gone. She sniffs and wipes at her nose, holding the bag out to me.
I shake my head holding my hand up. “No, I think i’m okay.”
I tried coke ONCE, i’m not doing that shit again.
“Skye, what the fuck is going on, please because right now i’m confused. There is no way you showed up to snort a fucking pile in my living room.”
She finally looks at me after shoving her stash back into her big jacket pocket, her pupils are huge too. She sits next to me, grabbing my hands.
“I fucked up, I really fucked up.”
My eyebrows furrow. “What did you do?”
“I was literally shooting a video earlier and Gemma was there, she’s like my best friend you know that,” she talks with her hands, I sigh. “So I wanna get high, I get high and here comes that self-righteous bitch telling me what I can and can’t do. Who the fuck does she think she is? Like she has absolutely no idea what the fuck I go through y’know? She has no idea what it’s like to live inside my head on a daily basis and she wants to sit here and pretend like she cares,” she laughs, it’s sorta scary I won’t lie. “And so I told her about herself.”
I smooth down the front of my hair, leaning against the armrest.
“What exactly did you say to her.”
She bounces up to sit with her legs folded under her. “I told her she was nothing but a money hungry hypocrite. I told her she could fuck off like the scum she fuckin is, and she could eat shit.”
She looks so proud of herself that’s what gets me.
“Skye, skye look at me.” She faces me, I press the sides of her face between my palms. “That girl was your best friend, none of what you said to her was meant you’re high. She was trying to help you.” I emphasize, she pulls away from me with this betrayed sort of look.
"Help me?" Skye scoffs, her eyes wild and unfocused. "She wasn't trying to help me. She was trying to control me, just like everyone else."
I can see her spiraling, the cocaine fueling her paranoia. I need to keep her calm, but I'm way out of my depth here, I have no clue what to do.
"Skye, listen to me. You're not thinking clearly right now. Let's just take a breath, okay?" I know most of the time I sound like a condescending bitch but I really try to keep that out of my tone.
She jumps up, pacing the room like a caged animal. "No, you don't get it either. Nobody gets it. I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I feel fucking amazing."
"You're high as a fucking kite," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "This isn't you."
"This is exactly me!" she shouts, whirling to face me. "This is the real me. The me that none of you fucking understand! I have never felt more free! You’re just like the rest of them, trying to control me, trying to make me fit your narrative of who the fuck I should be.” She laughs manically.
I stand up walking to stand in front of her, this is painful to watch. “No, I fucking care about you and you’re standing here killing yourself. Gemma cares too, nobody wants to sit here and watch you kill yourself, she was trying to talk sense into you like i’m trying to talk sense into you.” I clasp my hands together giving her a no shit look.
“Oh of course you would say that ‘Best Newcomer’ my ass. You’re a homewrecker. You knew I was with Paul when you got with me and you did it anyways, what? Are you going to expose me? Tell all the tabloids Skye Riley is a fucking lesbian and a cheater! Right? That’s the case, you’re only interested in your own gain, don’t think I don’t see you for who you are.”
She gets in my face, her words catch me off guard, I know myself well enough to take a breath before I speak, I want her, I need her, I watch my words, my tone.
“You didn’t oppose though, you were more than eager to show me your songs, respond to my flirting. You let me kiss you and you kissed backed. We had sex and you were more than willing! So don’t sit here and try to say that i’m some homewrecker trying to expose you, because we can sit here and talk back and forth about who is who, but you’re really showing your ass right now, Skye.”
Skye's eyes flash with anger, but I catch a flicker of something else - fear, maybe even regret. She takes a step back, her shoulders sagging slightly.
"You don't understand," she says, her voice softer now. "None of this was supposed to happen. I was supposed to be straight, successful, the perfect pop princess. And now..." She gestures vaguely, her hands shaking.
I grasp her hands forcefully, my grip tight and unyielding. "You're finally fucking real. No more pretending, no more hiding behind a perfect image. Bitch, do you know who the fuck you are? You’re Skye Riley, international, household recognized name, grammy-award winning superstar. You don't need to be anyone's perfect anything. You're already a goddamn icon."
Skye's eyes widen, a mix of shock and something else - maybe hope - flickering across her face. She tries to pull her hands away, but I hold on tighter.
"Let go of me," she whispers, but there's no real force behind it.
"No," I say firmly. "Not until you hear me out. You're scared, I get it. But running away, denying who you are - that's not the answer. You think your fans will abandon you if they know the truth? Fuck that. They'll love you even more for being authentic. I’ve never been anything more than the woman you see right now and everybody loves me.”
Skye's lower lip trembles, and I can see the walls she's built starting to crumble. "But Paul...I can’t leave him my mom—"
"Paul is your beard, and you know it," I continue, my voice losing it’s edge, "You don't love him, Skye. You never did. He’s your safety net, your shield against the truth. But you can't keep living a lie. You don’t want me?”
Tears start to form in Skye's eyes, and I can feel her hands trembling in mine. "I'm scared," she whispers, her voice barely audible.
"I know," I reply, loosening my grip slightly but not letting go. "But you're not alone. I'm here. And Gemma will be too, once you woman up and apologize.”
Skye shakes her head, a sob escaping her lips. "She'll never forgive me. The things I said..."
"She will," I insist. "Because she loves you. We both do. You need to get off all this shit, it’s not a good look. When I met you, you were a different being entirely. You’re never gonna be that woman again, but you don’t get to be this one. Even if you have to rebuild, ill help.”