Chapter 5
That night Neji dreamt of (Y/N).
The ghostly touch of her lips against his in his dreams almost felt too real.
Even when he awoke, with his heart quivering and his core kindled bright by desire and want, he had to run his fingers against his mouth.
He had almost kissed her last night. He couldn’t hide from that fact no matter how hard he tried.
The thought spiraled endlessly in his brain as he rolled out of bed and walked through the house and back to the front porch, right where he was the night before. The outdoor sofa felt warm against his skin, with the morning raze of the sun casting a blanket of heat against the face of the house.
Even outside, where he can take his mind to other places and distract him from his issues, all he could think about was last night.
The thought of her soft touches and caresses, her wide (e/c) eyes staring into his pale ones, her voice saying his name.
It was enough to spiral his brain into a stupor.
But Neji knew his fair share of struggles.
When it came to family and success, for example, he was familiar to that kind of stress and felt that it was around every corner. In a world where he needed to make his family proud, much was expected of him. This not just from his family, but from himself as well.
But the inner turmoil of loving a friend? It was new and uncomfortable for him.
The worst part of it was that he had no idea how to tackle it.
The man rubbed his eyes with an exasperated sigh. For most of his life, everything was planned out for him, whether he wanted it or not.
Relationship trouble and “feelings” had never been on the agenda.
So whether it was his pride or his fear of losing her that kept him silent about those feelings, he wasn’t sure.
Maybe both if he were honest.
At this point, he was angry. He was angry at his uncle for neglecting him the chance to ever work out these feelings himself. He had never even had a girlfriend before because of how strict uncle Hiashi was, and he had rarely been given affection from his own family, so affection and love felt taboo. He was angry at the situation he put himself in. The ride home that night had been dead silent, and all Neji could think was how badly he fucked up his friendship with the person that truly meant the most to him.
Most of all? He was angry at himself.
Angry that his feelings couldn’t come out naturally, angry that he couldn’t control his heart, and pissed off that he couldn’t tell (Y/N) how he really felt.
Furiously bouncing his knee as he sat, the Hyuuga weighed the pros and cons of his next decision. Pulling out his phone from the pocket of his night pants, he pressed the call button.
If anyone that Neji knew was up this early on a Saturday morning, it was him.
After a few rings, it answered.
“HELLO MY FRIEND, NEJI! IT IS A WONDERFUL SURPRISE TO RECEIVE A CALL FROM YOU!”
Neji winced, having retracted his phone an arms-length away from his ear.
“Lee…hi. I was just calling to see if you were busy today.”
There was shuffling on the other end as the man pressed the phone back to his ear.
“NOT AT ALL. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MY FRIEND?”
The man bit back a groan as his left ear began to ring, rubbing his eyes again.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out with me today. Maybe we can have lunch. I…I just need someone to talk to.” Neji explained, staring at the line of trees next to the driveway. The wind made the leaves dance, and for a moment his racing heart felt a bit of calm.
Lee went quiet again on his end and Neji bit the inside of his cheek nervously.
Of course Rock Lee had no obligation to say yes to him. Neji wasn’t the nicest to him or others when they were younger and he didn’t see Lee as often. Besides, it’s not like Neji ever really initiated hanging out with him in the first place…
But…
“Lee, I just--I need to talk to someone I trust right now.” The man admitted, a storm of nerves and fear brewing in his chest.
When he heard Lee take a breath from the other line.
“I…I would very much enjoy hanging out with you and talking with you, Neji. I can stop by and pick you up in an hour? Half hour?” Lee said, his tone calmer and lower in volume. The understanding in his voice was comforting.
By the time the two met up and got to talking, Lee had most of what happened between Neji and (Y/N) understood.
“Well, Neji. I think you should just confess to her, so it explains your behavior from last night.” The bright-eyed man put simply, leaning his back against the lounge chair he sat on across from Neji.
Well. Straightforward as ever.
Neji sat frigid at Lee’s words as he held his coffee in his hands. As he glanced around himself and then back at the cup, he couldn’t truly believe how much had changed in his life since meeting (Y/N) right here, at Konoha Kafé.
He hated the way it sounded, but life was just sweeter, including the drink he grasped in his hands. Always made the same way he liked it: black with sugar.
What if he did tell her how he felt and she didn’t feel the same?
Would he lose that sweetness?
Would he lose her?
If confessing to her risked losing her, he didn’t want to take that chance.
“It’s not that simple, Lee.” He murmured, taking a sip from his drink.
“I think it is very simple, however. It doesn’t have to be hard. Would you then be okay if (Y/N)-chan got into a relationship with someone else if you didn’t tell her how you feel? Would you be happy for her?”
Neji paused mid-sip.
As the Hyuuga lowered his cup, Lee saw the raw emotion on his old friend’s face. Neji had come a long way from who he once was when they were kids, and it was clear that he had gotten better and was more open with his emotions.
He still had some troubles, but he definitely improved.
Neji was quiet for a moment, before he shook his head.
“No, I wouldn’t be happy. But I would never do anything to get in the way of her happiness.”
Lee leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs.
“Think of it this way, my friend. You may keep things the way they are with your relationship with (Y/N)-chan,” He smiled at his uncomfortable looking friend, light amusement tickling him at the sight of an always stoic Neji being flustered and shy because of love.
“…Or?” Neji mumbled, trying to avoid Lee’s strong stare.
“Or…you can take a leap of faith and discover the truth. You can find out how she really feels about you, and work from there.”
The bitter taste of rejection, even if he hadn’t experienced it yet, made Neji’s face cringe slightly.
He hated how these feelings made him feel.
Why couldn’t it just be easier?
Why did all this have to be so hard?
Why did he have to fuck it up and nearly kiss her?
After talking a bit more with Lee and heading home, Neji had deliberated on how he was going to talk to (Y/N) after last night. Ultimately, he chose to take Lee’s advice and tell her the truth about how he felt.
Later in the night, before his nerves could get the better of him, he called her number, placing the phone to his ear.
When she answered, he felt his breath catch.
Hearing her voice felt like a calm in the storm of his mind, and for the first time that day, he could think clearly. While it had been nice to hear her, the man couldn’t help but hear the timidness, almost nervousness, under her tone that made his heart sink.
She must be thinking about last night, the worries in his mind whispered.
Is she disgusted? She didn’t say anything to me after…
He wanted so badly to tell her how he felt; but now?
Already Neji could feel his confidence come crashing down. Lee's pep talk from earlier now deafened by the static of his mind. He felt like a little kid again being scolded by his uncle. He felt scared and exposed.
“Ah…well,” Neji cleared his throat, squeezing the phone with his sweaty palm as he searched for the right words, safe words, to tell her. He couldn't tell her the truth.
He couldn't.
“It’s just about last night…I was wondering if you can just…just forget that it happened?“