Tenzō knew something was wrong when Kakashi didn’t show up to their usual morning training. It was very unlike him to leave open ends, especially when it came to his right hand ANBU. After his initial panic, he squared his shoulders and made his way to the ANBU headquarters.
He was the first to arrive.
Without much of a thought, he fidgeted with his armor, tightening and loosening, pushing and pulling. He eventually left it alone, telling himself to buck up. You’re fine. He’s fine. The mask stared blankly up at him from his hands, and he briefly thought of Danzo. Maybe he had something to do with it? Was he attempting to steal his sharingan once again?
He found himself flinching every time the door opened, hoping desperately that he would walk in and the unease slithering in his gut would fade away. He tried to spark up conversation to kill time, but still, his head swam with possibilities. What if he was bleeding out in some backwoods shed? Or worse, what if he was dead in some backwoods shed, already marked off in some bingo book? The thought made the pit in his stomach that much deeper. He wouldn’t let that happen, he told himself. But he knew the risks of their line of work. Even the strongest can come home in a body bag.
The room was full, bustling with small talk, when he finally walked in. Tenzō watched him carefully, noting the way he kept his eye averted to the ground and his tone turned falsely cheerful as he greeted everyone in the room.
“Kakashi-senpai,” he offered, smiling tightly.
“I apologize for missing our training this morning,” he said evenly. The ANBU narrowed his eyes up at him. “I had an emergency summons.”
“A new mission?”
“Something like that.”
Tenzō blinked up at him.
Something was definitely wrong.
He kept his eyes on Kakashi as he addressed the group, assigning their posts for the day. He was always quick and to the point, but today it felt… different. The lack of urgency and passion in his tone was unnoticeable to the members who complained he had a stick up his ass, but Tenzō noticed.
He kept his distance while he and three others accompanied Kakashi on a reconnaissance mission within the village to keep an eye on the movements of some big wig investor. Eventually, the five of them split up, creeping in corners and sticking to the shadows as the man made his way around town. These missions, Tenzō hated. He knew he could rely on ANBU to do their jobs. But beyond his team, beyond Kakashi, there weren’t many he could fully put his faith in. He knew there were more important, more urgent missions they should be out on. So why play babysitter all day? He erased the thought from his mind as quickly as it came, focusing his attention back to the task at hand.
Finally, the man settled into his hotel at the hot springs, and they could stake it out until their comrades relieved them. Kakashi typically requested Tenzō be by his side during stake outs, so they could discuss strategies and possible stumbling blocks. But he insisted they split up, leaving him alone with his thoughts again. Are we under suspicion? he thought, the unease getting heavier. Did something happen? Did we screw up? Is Team Ro getting benched?
If that had been the case, they wouldn’t have sent them out on a mission at all. Unless it was something so hush-hush, not even they could be given any details.
He grit his teeth.
Kakashi seemed to know something- so why didn’t he share it with him? Out of every ANBU, Tenzō had proven to be one of the few truly reliable members. The rest gossiped behind his back and kept their guard up, afraid of what would happen if they turned around. They called him Friend Killer Kakashi- but Tenzō knew better. He always had. Despairingly, he thought what if it’s me who’s under suspicion? It would make sense why he missed their training- why he couldn’t look him in the eye, or stand near him for more than minutes at a time. But he knew he was a better ANBU than that. Kakashi would’ve kept everything normal so as not to warn him of any trace of distrust.
By the time their shift ended, his mind was reeling. When they made it back to HQ, he wordlessly gathered up his belongings and placed them neatly in his packs. The ANBU around him said their goodbyes and headed home, but the more silent he became, the more his mind ran in circles.
Then he felt Kakashi by his side in an instant, with a small gust of wind, and looked up. He realized suddenly, that it was just the two of them now. He gulped.
“I need to speak with you,” Kakashi said, low and flat. He nodded, standing up off the bench.
“Of course. What’s going-“
“Not here. Follow me.”
He kept his eyes on Kakashi’s back as they walked through the familiar winding paths of the HQ hallways, out the front door, and East. He realized he was taking him to their training spot- a small clearing in the woods untouched by anyone else. They’d made sure of it, putting up barriers and seals to keep everyone out. He fondly remembered once that to celebrate his birthday, they camped out and foraged for a weekend, staying close enough to Konoha that they could be summoned if needed. But far enough away to forget all the bullshit, all the responsibilities, all the violence.
Kakashi finally stopped, shoving his hands into his pockets, and stared distantly at the sky. He joined him, watching as a small cloud drifted past the bright moon, creating dancing shadows across the forest floor.
“I’m being removed from ANBU,” Kakashi said, finally.
His stomach dropped.
“I was informed yesterday. Sandaime-sama told me himself.”
He struggled for words.
“Wh-what? Did something happen? Did… did we-“
“He appointed me jounin-sensei. I’m going to teach genin. Me. I don’t- I don’t get it.” Kakashi looked down at his right hand- a common gesture that wasn’t unnoticed by him. He didn’t dare ask- in fact, he could infer just fine. “I don’t think I’m up for this. I don’t want to do this. If I had my way, I’d-“
He stopped, his shoulders flinching. He reached out a hand there and squeezed. Kakashi reached across his body and placed his own hand on Tenzō’s, making his forehead suddenly begin to sweat. To make matters worse, he leaned over, pressing a cold cheek to their hands and sighed.
“You’ll make a great sensei,” he said, ignoring the pace of his heart quickening. Kakashi sucked in a cursory breath and looked over at him. There was something there, something Tenzō hadn’t seen before. Something…
The white haired ANBU wrapped his hand around his, circling his thumb around and around. He didn’t dare move, wishing the moment could last a lifetime, when he was unexpectedly yanked forward. Before he could think to say anything, Kakashi’s hands enveloped either side of his face.
He stared down at him through one dark eye, inching his face closer and closer, until they shared the same air.
“Tenzō,” he breathed.
And desperately, their lips met.
Yamato was surprised at first, but found himself leaning into it, not at all caring about the fabric between them. He felt Kakashi’s hand slide down his neck and around his torso, pulling him in closer. He used his other hand to yank down his mask and pressed his lips, urgent but gentle, against the other’s again. Tenzō’s eyes flew open, and he pressed a firm hand against his shoulder, shoving him away.
“K-Kakashi, wait,” he whispered. He took a step back, carefully eyeing the brunette with an upturned brow. He turned his head to the ground, evading the other’s gaze. “Please. Don’t.”
Kakashi put more space between them and pulled up his mask, his body suddenly rigid. A dark shadow covered the sliver of cheek that pinked with embarrassment.
“Tenzō-“
“After all this time,” he whispered. He tried not to focus on the quiver of his lip. “Why now?”
Kakashi’s head hung.
“Why?” he gasped, his breath hitching in his chest and tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
Tenzō kept his eyes locked on him, waiting, but it only made Kakashi sink deeper into himself.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I never meant… I couldn’t…”
He lifted his shaking right hand again.
And they shared another silence- one wishing for the right words, the other unable to find them.
“I can’t do this,” Tenzō said. “This-this-this goodbye, this loving you-“
He stopped.
Kakashi’s head shot up and his eyes blew wide.
Tenzō watched a single tear roll down his cheek and onto his mask, illuminated by the red glow of his sharingan.
“I can’t do this,” he repeated. It was partially true. ANBU interactions with civilians, chuunin, even jounin were limited. It was best that those chosen were never seen or heard. Never had someone to come home to, never had someone who relied on them, someone to love. He wished achingly for him to reach out again. To kiss him over and over, tell him he loved him too.
Kakashi closed his eyes and dropped his head again.
“I understand.”
He felt the air leave his lungs.
His stinging words hung in the air for a moment as they stood, staring.
And then Kakashi turned his back.
No. Please don’t.
Tenzō took a tentative step forward, his hand reaching out, then stopped.
Wait! Please!
He could feel the words on the tip of his tongue. But all he could do was blink away tears as Kakashi quietly walked further and further away, not looking back.
Years later…
Kakashi stood before the grave many times. And every time, it was like pouring salt into the wound. The wind blew and suddenly, he felt a familiar chakra behind him. It had been so long, he almost couldn’t pinpoint it.
“Have you been waiting for me, Tenzō?”
He grit his teeth and turned.
When he stepped out of the shadow of the tree, he felt a lump rise in his throat. He looked the same, but so different. When he took his mask off, Kakashi bristled. He would never forget his face that night, would never forgive himself for the pain he put him through. He would never forget that he asked for a reason to stay, and didn’t get one.
“Stop calling me ‘Tenzō’, senpai,” he said, offering a sad smile.
“Then drop the ‘senpai’.”
Yamato’s smile widened, and he threw his hands up.
“You’ll always be my senpai. That will never change, even if you’re no longer ANBU.”
Kakashi couldn’t help but feel the weight of the word ‘my’, and the urge to take off running started to build up in his chest.
“So what do you want?” he asked, trying not to sound short and failing. “I’ve heard the rumors that it’s been pretty difficult trying to find my replacement.”
Yamato smiled the same sad smile once again, making his urge to run pour into his muscles. His right hand twitched. “Or did you come all this way to laugh at me- the genin babysitter?”
His sarcasm fell a little flat and he clenched his jaw so tight his temples hurt.
“Not at all! It’s… been a long time… You haven’t changed a bit, senpai.”
Yamato stood before him the same as he did that night. And if he blinked, he could still see the moonlight casting shadows over his tear stained face.
He would never forgive himself for the pain he put him through.
“Sorry, but I’m busy today. I… don’t have time to chat.”
He walked slowly toward him this time, eye trained on the ground before him. Their shoulders nearly brushed when he spoke up.
“It’s way past the time you were supposed to meet your genin,” he said. They were so close. They could feel the heat spark between their arms. They could reach out and take each others’ hands.
Kakashi laughed through his nose.
“Well, see you later… Tenzō.”
And there he was, walking away again.
Except now, he was a little lighter.
Yamato turned after a beat, watching him.
“‘See you later’, huh?” He smiled. “Maybe he did change a little.”