Growing Pains

now

When Minato first visited his late wife’s grave, he had been unable to look at the way her name was engraved on the tombstone. To him, it felt as though seeing the name Uzumaki Kushina written upon the polished stone, ironically, set the reality of his situation in stone.

His wife was dead. He was a widower now, the single father of a child. It was a truth too hard to bear by the man responsible for the entire village.

The many months after her death had dragged along without an end in sight, the blond man drowning in his sorrows. Each visit he had kept his cerulean gaze away from the name of his deceased wife’s, dutifully cleaning the headstone as any dedicated and loving widower would, always avoiding the delicate carving on it. A bouquet of flowers he always left behind, too, a show of the love he held for the woman he had gotten the opportunity to marry.

Grief was a fickle thing, and Minato felt so fragile under the influence of it, completely incapable of doing anything by himself. The support he so desperately needed came in the form of Nanami, the rock to his stormy sea, the one stabilizing his shaking form as he sobbed his heart out, her hands drawing shapes on his back to somewhat comfort him in his pain.

What he would have done without Nanami, Minato couldn’t say. Most likely drowned entirely in his own misery, no one there to keep him afloat.

These days when he visited her grave alongside Naruto, the boy still too young to understand what he was looking at, Minato’s heart did not feel as heavy as it used to. No longer did the amount of grief he was feeling make it impossible for him to breathe, but rather, he was beginning to come to terms with his feelings, the reality of what had happened completely sunken in, accepted by the man who lost his other half.

Without help, Minato was able to stay afloat and keep his head above the tumultuous waters, the small hand of his son around his own as a constant reminder as to why he had been fighting for so long. There were too many people left in the world to disappoint, a son he could not abandon, a love not yet lived out, and too many storylines unwritten in the story of his life.

Minato was determined to write his own destiny, to no longer let fate drag him down.

When looking at the name of his deceased wife, of Kushina, he no longer felt bound to the woman he would never cease to love. As though the chains of his emotions were setting him free, the weight on his heart no longer pressed him down, no longer bound him to the negativity he had been so focused on. He no longer felt as though at any moment his heart might break into two, but rather, as though it belonged somewhere else, to someone else.

His heart began beating faster at the thought, but Minato did not allow that to deter him from further polishing the writing of Kushina’s name, making sure to get every speck of dirt he could see on the stone.

“Perfect,” He whispered under his breath, only for himself to hear. Minato placed the rag he used into the bucket of water, drying his hands before he turned toward little Naruto. “What do you say, Naruto? Mommy’s name looks perfect like this, doesn’t it?”

The toddler clapped his hands in excitement, a huge grin on his face as he babbled happily.

“That’s right. We have done a good job, haven’t we?”

Again, Naruto clapped his hands, nodding energetically at his father.

Minato let out a laugh. “I’m glad you think so too, buddy. Your momma would be happy to hear that.”

It felt unfair to the blond Hokage that the one who had to endure the most pain between them was the one to not be allowed to spend more than mere minutes with their son. Kushina had been the one to carry Naruto for nine painful and excruciating months in her stomach, to endure the pain of child labor and keeping the Kyuubi contained. She had given her life to save her husband and child, she had given her everything to bring Naruto into this world, only for her to die and not be able to hold her son close, to tell him all the things she yearned to tell him.

On too many days, Minato found it hard to believe that the energetic redhead was truly dead. His imagination hung onto the memories he had of her, imagines her standing in little Naruto’s bedroom, gently placing kisses on his face as the small child giggled in her arms, his little hands reaching out to tug on her red hair. He would rub his eyes and the sight would disappear, a mere fidget of his imagination, his eyes playing tricks on him.

And yet, on other days, the sight did not entirely disappear, but instead morph into something else, something all too familiar. The long tresses of flaming red hair turned into a vivid shade of blonde, turning shorter by just a little. A pair of lavender eyes stared back at him, no longer the intense shade of blue-purple he stared into on his wedding day. The figure holding his son close grew taller than his imagination, dressed in a beautiful simple dress that made her out to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

His mind betrayed his heart, the woman before him not the one he married, but rather the one that got away.

“Minato? Are you alright?” The soft lull of her voice had him shell-shocked, his jaw slack. “You look a little pale.”

He swallowed harshly, rubbing his eyes again. The sight persisted, Nanami still standing before him. “I’m fine, just a little tired.”

“Maybe you should get some more sleep. I’ll take care of little Naruto in the meantime. Don’t worry about it.” The soft smile she wore was a sight he could be greeted every morning with, he wouldn’t mind that.

What was he thinking? His own heart, it was completely and utterly betraying him.

“I’ll be fine, Nana.”

No, he would not. Without her, he would not be fine, not at all. He would be anything but fine, if he was finally honest with himself.

She raised a brow at him. “Will you, though? Enjoy your free day for once, you stubborn man. Even the Hokage needs a break.”

Taking a break would mean stepping away from her, putting a distance between himself and Nanami. Against a break, Minato would not argue, especially when that also included a healthy amount of sleep for once. But as much as his mind was already exhausted, his heart could not stop pounding against his chest wildly, his feet rooted to the floor.

“If you say so.” He could barely say no to her.

His sight grew blurry and Minato’s cheeks felt hot as the memory he found himself stuck in slowly disappeared as a cloud would on a sunny day, his very own sun holding onto his hand tightly, a curious expression on little Naruto’s face.

“Dadda?” He babbled, poking his father lightly.

Minato rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, taking a moment to breathe and calm down before responding to Naruto. “I’m fine, Naruto,” Absentmindedly, he ruffled his son’s hair, making him squeal loudly. “Just fine.” It didn’t happen often that the nostalgia caught him by surprise, dragging him into an endless sea of memories.

His exhaustion was catching up to him, he needed more sleep. His limbs felt heavy as did his eyes, close to falling shut just about any moment, already prepared to return to the not-so-distant memory with a certain blonde, but Minato knew he couldn’t sleep now. He still had Naruto to take care of, and they weren’t home as of yet, as a parent, that would be completely irresponsible of him.

So, he shakily stood up and gathered his things from around the grave, taking Naruto into his other arm. “Say goodbye to momma, Naruto.” He said, cuddling his bundle of joy closer.

“Bye, bye.” Naruto babbled as best as he could, the word somewhat recognizable. He lifted his small hand and waved to his mother’s grave as his father carried him away to return on another day.

***

To Minato, there was something comforting about a long walk home with Naruto sitting on his hip, the young boy babbling and pointing at various things all the way to the doorstep of their home. He couldn’t exactly describe what it was, maybe it was the time he was able to spend with his son, entertaining the child and holding his bundle of joy as close as possible, or the way his thoughts were pulled away from the constant stress he as the Hokage was under, but either way, it felt good to not have to worry about anything for once.

Minato’s steps felt almost carefree as he arrived at the door to his home and inserted the key, pushing it open. He slipped out of his shoes and pulled off Naruto’s, before he entered his living room, and was greeted with a sight he had not expected to see today.

“Jiraiya,” Minato couldn’t exactly say that he had expected his old mentor to drop by out of the blue. “What are you doing here?”

“Checking up on my old student, of course!” No matter what the white-haired sage said, he spoke it with much enthusiasm. It was what Minato really appreciated about his sensei back then, how the man always lifted his spirits when necessary.

Regardless of that, he raised a brow at the man while changing Naruto out of his outside clothes and into something far more comfortable. The young boy clapped his hands in excitement as a fluffy jumper was pulled over his head, one arm after the other being slipped into the sleeves.

“How were your travels, Jiraiya?” One thing Minato had always adored, ever since he was young, was hearing all about his sensei’s travels. He could faintly remember how he sat before his sensei all starry-eyed, looking up at the man as though he had hung the moon and the stars with his bare hands.

“Enjoyable,” The tone in which Jiraiya spoke, said enough and to his credit, the man did not further explain his innuendos. “but that’s not why I am here. How are you holding up, Minato? How’s my godson?”

The blond man had seen the question coming. How was he, truly? He could distantly remember when his sensei had come by almost every day to check up on him, a frown on the man’s lips as he listened to Minato’s rambling, rambling about how he couldn’t do this, how he missed his wife. When Nanami wasn’t there babysitting him and his son, Jiraiya was. The white-haired man watched over him as though he were his son, concern written all over his face, the grief of also having lost Kushina in his every word.

These days, however, he could stand on his own feet without falling at the next step. He truly was feeling better.

“I’m doing better,” Minato paused for a moment, his words unlike the countless fibs he had told his sensei already. A small smile tugged at his lips. “Much better.”

Jiraiya shot his student a look, one of doubt and of relief. For a moment, he didn’t believe the words coming out of the blond’s mouth and instead raised a brow, one he quickly lowered again.

“I’m glad you’re better,” A smirk began to appear on Jiraiya’s face. “Although I think that has to do with a certain blonde.”

Minato’s face instantly turned red. “I- I don’t know what you mean,” He pressed a kiss to his son’s check, holding the toddler close as he moved toward the kitchen. “I’m going to feed Naruto, he must be so hungry-”

“Don’t change the topic, Minato!”

“I’m not!”

“Yes you are! Naruto may be hungry, but we are still going to talk about Nanami.”

At that, Naruto perked up and giggled. “Nana!”

Minato pressed another kiss to his son‘s cheek. “Yes, we‘re talking about Nana.”

Jiraiya followed the Hokage into the kitchen and leaned against the doorway. A sigh escaped his lips and he shook his head. “You can‘t keep living like this, Minato. You‘ll only hurt yourself.”

“What do you mean?“

“Your infatuation is quite obvious, Minato. Even though you think it isn‘t, it is. Nanami is blind to not have noticed yet,” Jiraiya said, a stern expression on his face. “You‘re like a lovesick puppy.“

Minato scrunched up his nose, his cheeks feeling hotter. “No I‘m not.”

“Don‘t deny it. You‘re practically attached to her. It‘s a wonder you aren‘t standing on her doorstep every day,” If the sensei thought more about it, the situation his student was in reminded him more and more of the situation he once had been in himself. Except this time, a happy ending was still a possibility. “Don‘t waste your time and hers. You did that once before already, no need to break both of your hearts a second time.”

“She doesn‘t like me like that,” Nanami of all people, liking him like that? Only in his wildest dreams! “I‘m just a friend to her.”

The white-haired man let out a scoff. “Have you seen how she looks at you? She‘s worse of a case than you are! I‘m pretty sure she‘s been in love with you before you even got married. She just never said something.”

Minato was pretty sure that his heart stopped beating for a moment. He took food he prepared for Naruto earlier out of the fridge, denial running through his veins. “B-but she never said something. She always supported Kushina and me.”

“She’s not a homewrecker, Minato. She’s your friend, you are important to her. Of course she would rather see you happy than risk your friendship.” Jiraiya explained, suppressing a groan. “She was probably scared.”

Naruto reached out for his food, a smile on his face as he attempted to grab the bowl. Minato gently told his son no, and instead began to heat up the dish, his heart still beating rapidly. “I just don’t understand…” His head was beginning to nurse a massive headache, too many thoughts running through his mind. “I don’t know– Why? But that means–”

“--that you two have reciprocated each other’s feelings for years and never realized it. Exactly that.”

Minato was just about ready to bash his head in, almost burning Naruto’s food. The toddler meanwhile was picked up by Jiraiya, who held his godson close.

“It’s best if you take your time to think about this, Minato. I can’t tell you how Nanami feels about you these days, but it’s obvious that she cares about you, a lot. Don’t take away your own chance of happiness just because you are too stubborn to see what is in front of you. I made that mistake long ago, and I regret it every day.”

Him and Tsunade never worked out, but Minato and Nanami still had their chance of realizing what had been there all along. Jiraiya desperately wanted his student to be happy, even if that meant slapping the truth into his face.

“But she’s dating Renji right now. How can she like me back then?”

“Dear kami, save me from this,” Jiraiya already felt bad for his godson and the tough family situation the toddler had to endure. “Don’t you see? She loved you and probably loves you still. She’s trying to get over you, just as you always tried to get over her.”

Minato kept quiet, his gaze trained on the food he was still heating up. He was unsure of what to say, of how to reply, the words mingled in his mind. It couldn’t be that she was in love with him still, that for so many years he had messed up his chance at happiness time and time again, too stupid and blind to realize what he had been doing.

Did he truly love her, or were Jiraiya’s words just messing with him?

He leaned his forehead against the wooden cabinet beside his stove and let out a despaired sigh. “I’m such an idiot.”

Jiraiya let out a sharp laugh. “That you are. Both of you are.”

“And what do I do now, sensei?” Ever since Kushina’s death, Minato hadn’t felt this helpless before.

“Win her heart over, of course. You could always go ahead and tell her you love her, but that might confuse her or scare her away. She has to realize things herself. I can’t tell you what exactly she feels, so don’t be too hasty, you have to figure that out for yourself,” Jiraiya said, his expression thoughtful. “It’s like in one of my books. The rivaling love interest, Renji, is slowly overshadowed by the main love interest, you, winning over the heart of the stunning woman they both seek after.”

Minato turned toward his old sensei, placing the food he prepared down on the counter. “Win her over?”

“Be kind to her, go out and do stuff with her. Show her that you are the better option. Be sappy like that, women love that stuff,” In theory, they do, but Jiraiya left that part out. “Make her want to dump Renji and be with you instead. But Minato, be sure that you truly love her before you do that, don’t break her heart twice.”

Maybe he really did love her, and that made him feel like the biggest fool.