Growing Pains

Nanami had always known that she could rely on Minato, even as he had begun to date the fiery redhead known as Uzumaki Kushina. In a situation where she felt overwhelmed, the sunshine blond was her shoulder to cry and lean on, the arms to run into if necessary. Said arms would engulf her entire figure and hold her close to him with murmured promises to never let her go, to be there for her no matter the time.

At sixteen years old, there was a time Nanami needed her sunshine best friend more than anything. That day, she felt more than overwhelmed with all the emotions brewing up in her stomach, the same organ churning uncomfortably as she stood in the operating room of the veterinary her father owned. Her hands were pressed against the cold table, fingers curling even though there was nothing to hold onto. Through her gloves, she could feel the cold metal press against her skin, somewhat grounding her. Almost rhythmical, her breathing staggered about every minute, the blonde gasping for air.

Tears stung in her lavender eyes, the surface of them practically burning as she stared ahead, not blinking at all. Her mouth stood agape with no words coming out, only choked sobs escaped periodically. Nanami was fully focused on the sight ahead of her, the unmoving figure of her patient she had just lost captivating her.

Dead. The dog was dead. For the first time since starting her career as a medical ninja with a focus on animals, she had lost a patient other than a training fish.

Nanami had not expected it to hurt so much. To lose a patient she had only known for the few visits she had done with the furry friend, it shouldn’t hurt that much. The emotional pain she was feeling was without a doubt overwhelming and made her mind a dizzy mess, one that barely allowed her to think properly.

She had lost a patient. She couldn’t save the dog. She failed.

The golden blonde squeezed her eyes shut and gripped the table harder, focusing on the feeling of her gloved fingertips almost digging into the material. Somehow, she had to ground herself. Outside the room stood the family of her patient, waiting.

She had to go out there, she had to tell them that she was failed. The dog was dead, she couldn’t save him. It was her task, she failed.

It hurt.

The sound of the door opening distracted her wild thoughts for a moment, dragged them away from the omnipresent picture of the dead patient flickering in her mind. Her father entered the room in swift steps and closed the door behind himself, isolating both of them from prying eyes in the waiting room. He wore a compassionate expression, lips pulled into a frown, as he walked toward his daughter

“Dad,” Nanami spoke, her voice breaking. “I lost him.”

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt.

Nanami just wanted the pain to stop.

The frown on her father’s face only deepened. “I know, little one. I know.”

“It’s all my fault,” Nanami sobbed out, staring at her father with tears leaving stains on her pink cheeks. “I should have done better, I should have helped him and I should have saved him, but I didn’t. They trusted me with him, and I failed.”

“Nanami,” Her father took a step closer, reaching out his hand to rest it on her shoulder. “You did all that you could. You did your best to help him. You couldn’t have done more than that.”

To her, it didn’t feel like she did her best. There was always more to be done for her patients, for the ones asking for her help.

She gritted her teeth, her chest heaving. “As a doctor, it is my job-”

“Your job is it to do your best to help our patients. Beyond that, you cannot do more. You are a doctor, not a magician,” Her father interrupted, “and even if you were, you can’t save everyone, Nanami.”

If she could, she would.

“I know.” Nanami sighed and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Losing your first patient is always the worst. After your first loss, it gets better. Slowly. As doctors, we have to deal with death and pain every day, and it takes time to get used to. No one expects you to immediately be alright with it. I don’t expect you to be alright with it. It is okay to mourn, and it is okay to be upset. First and foremost you are human, then a doctor. Not the other way around, Nanami.”

“Does it really get better?” It sounded like a lie, but she hoped for it to be true.

The man nodded. “It does. It takes time … but it does. We are human, and we feel. Don’t forget that.”

“I just-” Nanami cut herself off, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I just feel like I should have done more. I’m a doctor and I can’t even save a life. How pathetic.”

“You saved countless other lives. You are doing your job well, Nanami.”

A sob pushed past her lips, but she muffled it with her hand.

Her father placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it once. “I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter to help me around here. If anyone is good enough to take over the veterinary one day, it is you.”

Sometimes, Nanami didn’t feel good enough to do so.

“But to do that, you will have to work harder, Nanami.”

At that, her head snapped upward to look at her father, her eyes still swimming with tears that blurred her vision.

“You cannot cry after every loss, Nami. Us doctors, we have to stay strong and comfort the families who just lost their loved one. We are the ones who are there for them and sometimes the ones they blame. A doctor needs to keep their emotions in check, as hard as that is,” The man let out a small sigh. “It is difficult, you don’t need to tell me. But as your father, I am telling you that you have the potential to be a great doctor, but to do that you need to endure.”

With the back of her hand, Nanami wiped her tears away. “Yes, dad.”

The man smiled at his daughter, reaching out to ruffle her hair fondly for as long as he could. He already knew that as soon as he began, his daughter would reach up and push his hand out of her hair with a grumble.

“Nanami. I want you to go home now and rest, alright? It’s been a … difficult day for you, and I don’t want you to be distressed like this at work.”

The blonde stared at her father wide-eyed, in a state of disbelief. “But I still have-”

“-patients?” He finished and shook his head. “I will take them over for you. You need time to process what has happened today, so I want you to take it. No backtalk.”

That was exactly how Nanami found herself standing on the doorstep of her sunshine blond friend with dried tears still visible on her red features. Loudly, her knuckles rapped against the door while she wiped her eyes with her other hand, sniffling twice as she waited for any movement from inside the home.

To say the least, she felt pathetic.

On the other hand, Nanami did not know to who else she could go. Her sensei Jiraiya had left Konohagakure some time ago already to go on his adventure to who-knew-where and was nowhere to be found. Her father worked in the veterinary and took over her patients, and that left Minato as the last person whom she trusted enough to show herself in such a state.

Still embarrassing in Nanami’s opinion, but she needed someone. As she often did with ice cream, she practically craved his touch, yearned for it even.

That was also why as soon as the wooden door to the home flung open to reveal the sunshine blond with disheveled hair and a tired smile standing there, that Nanami flung herself right into his arms. As soon as her smaller frame collided with his lean one, the blond took a few steps backward to keep himself from falling. Immediately, his arms wrapped around his best friend, engulfing her in a hug.

“Nana?” Minato asked. “What’s wrong?”

Her face was pressed into the front of his chest, muffling her words. “A patient died today.”

Minato placed his hands on her shoulders, gently pushing her away from his body. “Huh? I couldn’t understand you. Can you repeat that?”

Nanami refused to look up at Minato and swallowed harshly before repeating herself. The words felt heavy on her tongue and made the situation even more real than it already was.

She felt even worse.

“Nana …” Minato began, his hand coming to rest on the small of her back, rubbing it up and down in an attempt to comfort her. “You’re going to be fine, trust me.”

The golden blonde did not feel like she would be.

“I lost him.”

For a moment, Minato’s hand on her back stilled.

“They put the dog under my care and I couldn’t even help him. It was my task. Even worse, it wasn’t even me who told the family about the loss, but my dad! I couldn’t even face them.” Nanami confessed to him, again pushing her face into his chest in a search for comfort. Her cheeks practically burned from all the embarrassment bubbling up in her.

For him to see her like that was mortifying.

“I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you,” His other hand came to rest in her hair, his finger gently running through the thoroughly-brushed strands of her hair. “but I know that you are strong enough to overcome your first loss and learn from it. Every veterinarian starts somewhere, after all. You are still a talented veterinarian, and your first loss won’t change the fact. You live, you learn and you grow. If someone can do that, it’s you, Nana.”

Nanami raised her face from his shirt to let out a sniffle. “I just-,” She paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m just not … used to it.”

There was a beat of silence before Minato spoke. Again, he pressed the other blond away from his body so that he could lead her further into his home, gently pressing her down to sit on a chair. Then he kneeled before it, wearing a soft smile. “I know. You always excelled at everything you did. But it is normal to fail, Nana. It is human. You can’t be good at everything, no matter how hard you try to be.”

Deep down, she knew that he was right, that at least one time she would fail in her profession and then be forced to confront her failure, but that did not mean that she accepted the fact so easily. Her first failure went directly against her pride and confidence and practically shattered it into pieces she found herself unable to pick up. As a broken mirror, her self-image could not be repaired into what it was before it was destroyed so brutally.

“I’m sorry,” Nanami blurted out. Quickly, she turned away from her friend to hide her puffy features. “I am b-being dramatic, shit, and bothering you, and that is like the last thing I wanted to do.”

“You get to be upset sometimes. You are human, you have emotions, and you are allowed to feel them,” Minato explained. “that doesn’t make you dramatic. Calm down first, drink something with me, and then we will talk more. Alright?”

Without allowing for the other blonde to answer, Minato already began to hurry to his kitchen and immediately put the kettle on the stove. Every other second, his focus traveled over to his friend, sneakily inspecting her puffy features and the persistent frown pulling at her plump lips. The sight had his heart feeling heavy, a frown of his own beginning to appear.

His hands made quick work to pour in the tea as soon as the kettle began to hiss on the stove. In careful motions, Minato poured the hot water into two mugs. In one of them was peppermint tea with a hint of lemon, her favorite, and in the other his favorite fruit tea. The mingling scents captivated his attention for a moment as they warmed up his small kitchen.

“Some tea for you, coming right up.” Minato chirped as he carried the tea over to the small table of his dining room. In front of his friend and another chair, he sat down the two cups, immediately settling in before his beverage.

Almost shyly, Nanami wrapped her hands around the steaming mug. “I’m sorry to have bothered you, Minato.” She felt like a nuisance.

“You can always come over,” Minato told her earnestly. “You are my best friend, Nana. No one can get in the way of that. Not even Kushina. If you are upset, my door is open for you.”

At the mention of the fiery redhead, Nanami’s heart practically dropped into her stomach. She had completely forgotten how her best friend had gone on several dates with the other woman already and was practically smitten with her.

In her seat, Nanami stiffened. “How’s Kushina?”

“Kushina is doing good,” Minato said with a dreamy look washing over his features. The gleam of delight lighting up in his cerulean eyes spoke more than words. “but let’s focus on you, Nana. Then we can talk about other people.” He allowed for his chin to rest on his hand, offering his full and undivided attention to the girl opposite of him.

Nanami could again feel her cheeks flush at his piercing gaze. Drastically, her heartbeat began to speed up, not that she would make that known. “I- uh, tea was just what I needed to calm down.”

Minato’s brows dropped into a slight furrow. “You sure?”

In her answer, she hesitated. The blonde let out an awkward laugh. “Y-yeah. I think I have a headache now from all that crying.” Her head did indeed begin to throb uncomfortably in a persistent manner.

Immediately, he stood up from his chair. “I’ll bring you some painkillers then. I can’t let you suffer after all.” Without awaiting her answer, Minato sprinted into his kitchen again to rummage through his drawers for the medicine.

In Minato’s presence, she felt safer than everywhere else. Somehow, it brought her a sense of comfort only he could create, and one she would indulge in for forever if she could. Nanami wished she could spend forever with him, if it were in his arms or in his home, as long as it were with him, she would always be alright.

Only her calamity played into the fact that the only man to calm her down was the one she could not reach. Love was a tricky thing, she had decided. And more than anything, it burned those who refused to stay away.