It was a miracle. It must be a miracle. It felt like a miracle.
The first time I met you, you were only 5 years old, an academy student, while I was 8, a pre-chuunin. I didn’t need to meet you there, alone in the training field, I never felt the need to meet the Itachi Uchiha. But when I did, I did — and I fell for you. Right there and then. Of course, I had no idea at that time.
You became a genin quickly. You were smart. You were strong. You were a genius. Still, you were humble and grounded. You, an innocent, fragile being, were hurt, too, by this cruel world. In spite of this fact, you possessed a kind smile, covering up any of those painful emotions and expressions. You were perfect. A perfect being I was always satisfied with. You were a living miracle in my eyes.
“You are a good friend,” you said. “I’ve never had a good friend, or a big brother…until you.” I smiled, listening to your voice.
‘A good friend’… The term was pretty nice, yet disturbing for some reason. That’s when I knew, I wanted to be more than a friend to you, someone who could own your body and soul — someone you belonged to. It did seem weird, you were still a child. But I didn’t care. I was deeply in love with you.
Your facial features changed bit by bit. It all became downright obvious after you became an Anbu member. Your skin turned warmer. Your hair grew longer enough to reach your thin waist. Your eyelashes were more elegant than ever. Although your smile devolved smaller by the slightest, it still gave a gentle vibe deep into my heart. And your eyes shined the brightest yet the darkest colour as well as your jawline got thinner and sharper.
Beautiful. Gorgeous. If I had to describe you in one word, it would be either of these two. You made me happy and I was glad to make you happy. I longed to confess my feelings to you, which I did. Except that it was too late.
“I love you.”
The awkward silence after I spoke those three words was predictable and acceptable. Although it caused me to almost regret saying it, at the same time, I was pleased that I had enough courage to be standing before you, like this, waiting for your response.
“Shisui…” Your face was entirely unreadable. How possibly could you have grown to be someone so complicated and reserved? I could stare at your blank face all day and still have no idea what you were thinking about. What a miracle. Out of the blue, your voice, again, interrupted my pool of thoughts. “I love you too.”
I must admit, I wasn’t expecting that. I was prepared for a rejection, maybe I wasn’t but it didn’t matter. What you constructed your words as a reply was one part of your miraculous existence. Yes. That was it. After all, it was what I needed to hear. No, what I desired to hear. That dialogue was what I had to hear before I died. I nearly had a heart attack, full of euphoria.
Before I even knew what was happening, my lips were on yours, forcefully making an entrance into your delicious mouth. You parted your lips widely and wrapped my arms around my neck, obligingly pulling me close. Your body against mine was leading to another pile of dirtiest thoughts ever possible. I wished it was forever. I wished I hadn’t just got one of my eyes taken out of its socket, which was, though, now the reality. I pulled away, stroking your hair and looking at your flustered face. “Fucking beautiful.” I smiled, or rather grinned. It made my heart ache to see you tear up and sniffle between sobs.
I held you in my arms, watching you mentally break down.
In factual honesty, I didn’t want to do that, neither. It was just…left helpless as the responsibility to prevent the coup should come upon at the top of my concern, after my failed attempt to capture the Uchiha clan in my Koto Amatsukami. I wanted to let you know that I had no choice. Besides from stating I didn’t want to leave you alone, I couldn’t do anything else.
When the time was up, I gauged my other eye out, entrusting you with everything I left behind. It was a selfish act, indeed, but you know, Itachi, there was no one I can believe in other than you, as a friend, a brother and a lover.
“SHISUIIII!!”
I’d wondered how tragic and sorrowful my death would be. Would anyone cry for me? What would my final words be? And such. When it actually took place, I realized then that dying isn’t about those things. Death is, in reality, leaving those, who you want to spend your lifetime with, behind. It hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt before. Undeniably, the face you made as you screamed my name in despair was absolutely tragic. I wanted to grab your hand, hug you with my whole body and comfort you like a little kid. Saying words like ‘I’m here’, ‘Everything is all right’ was not going to happen now. Just thinking about that fact made me want to tear up as well. Instead, I found myself smiling. Smiling because you were alive. Smiling because you were okay.
It was the start and end of our miracle. Yet, it was not too bad, I suppose, because in the end, you will be together with me, for sure.