Chapter 6
After her mother calmed down, the pair talked for an hour or so at the tables outside Nyx café, eventually the woman went home and Onyx stayed seated. Unwilling to move after that emotional roller-coaster. She stood from the chair realizing she left her bag inside but as she made it to the door Onyx broke down into tears. She tried not to cry so much in front of her mother as the woman clearly needed to get it out. But Onyx couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks and the sobs that broke out as she put her back against the door and slid to the floor, she curled into herself burying her face into her knees.
Thanks to the bad blood between Onyx and her mother, the barista didn’t spend much time with her uncle. However, when she was younger Onyx would train with her uncle, being the only other shinobi in the family Onyx learned a lot from the man. She learned more from him then she did her own sensei. Her Genin team leader was next to useless if she were being honest, so having her uncle to train with really helped her move up the ladder. She enjoyed those lessons; they were fun but also intense and sometimes scary.
“Nyx?” Onyx gasped quietly as the familiar voice echoed toward her. Refusing to move, refusing to face her friend like this Onyx only held herself tighter. She couldn’t do this; she’d never had friends before and never had to face people while in this state before. She hated it; this wasn’t her. She didn’t break.
“Nyx,” the voice said again. She felt him take a seat next to her against the door. “What do you need?” he said. Onyx let out a small squeak as she tried to stifle the oncoming sob. She couldn’t look at him, they didn’t hang out but Onyx would still consider him her friend and she couldn’t have her friends see her like this.
“Onyx, how can I help you?” Shikamaru asked, practically a beg. Onyx knew his story as well and Onyx knew how much he hated seeing his friend's cry. She couldn’t put this on the young man, he has better things to worry about.
“Okay,” he decided, “I’m going to get Kakashi.”
“NO!” Onyx finally lifted her head, tears streaming down her face. Shikamaru looked at her with a smug smile and sympathetic eyes.
“You're my friend Onyx, please le-” she broke into another sob before he finished his sentence. The young man put his arm around her and let her rest her head on his shoulder. “I’m not very good at this,” he said, “but I can’t let you stay here like this.” Onyx knew he wasn’t going to budge on this. Either she let him take her home or he’d go get Kakashi. Onyx managed to pull herself to her feet, Shikamaru following suit and picking up the set of keys she dropped. Shikamaru kept his arms in reach of Onyx as she walked on unsteady legs back to her apartment.
“You know,” he said as Onyx struggled to unlock her door, “I’m not very good at this, the whole comforting thing. However, Kakashi Hatake is really good at it.” Onyx turned to glare at the man through tearful eyes. “I know what to do when Ino’s upset, or Naruto or Choji. I grew up with these people and they all need specific things said or done when they’re upset, they’re weird people. But I don’t know what you need, hopefully, one day I will, but right now... I think the best thing for you is to have your best friend by your side.” Shikamaru shrugged at her suggestively, asking permission she realized.
“You know, I don’t know what I need either,” Onyx laughed, “I’ve always been alone, so I’ve never had to chance to figure it out. Yet” She finally got the door open and stepped inside. “Thank you for walking me home.” She caught the young man's grin as she closed the door and stood there listening to his footsteps fade.
*
“Didn’t I just let you leave, why would you willingly come back here?”
“Hey man,” Shikamaru greeted as walked into the Hokage’s office ignoring the confused look Kakashi throw him.
“Why are you here?” Kakashi questioned as Shikamaru stood over him across his desk with a crooked smirk.
“None of these papers need your signature, do they?”
“We-”
“You know it doesn’t matter; I can forge it.” Shikamaru interrupted getting an impressed look from the Hokage. “Someone else needs your attention right now, I’ll do this.” Kakashi gave the younger man his signature ‘ explain yourself’ look. “Astera.” He said bluntly and stepped back as the older man was on his feet before he even finished the word. Kakashi caught himself, trying to act as casual as possible at Shikamaru’s suggestive expression.
“Now why... why would Onyx Astera need my,” he coughed, “ahh, attention?”
“Stop,” Shikamaru said gesturing to the door, “just go.”
*
Onyx rushed to door at the sound of rushed but gentle knocking. She paused as she reached for the handle, panic setting in as she unsuccessfully processed what she asked (in not so many words) Shikamaru to do. She stepped back from the door as her breathing sped up, tripping over her own feet she ended up on the floor with a loud thud. Actually, with her thoughts screaming at her she didn’t hear the thud. But since she was now staring up at Kakashi who had barged in at the sound of it she assumed it was loud. Onyx saw the outline of his mouth moving beneath his mask, so she knew he was talking but she couldn’t hear it.
“Onyx?” Kakashi said kneeling in front of her, “are you hurt?” he asked carefully. He narrowed his eyes at her as she slightly shook her head, her eyes looking everywhere but his eyes. He held his hands up, her eyes instantly narrowing on them. He tried moving his arms toward her but backed off as her breathing sped up again, still on the floor she shuffled back from him. He sat down; legs crossed, he put his hands on his knees where she could clearly see them.
“Onyx?” She shook her head again. “You can’t hear me, can you?” she just blinked at him. Kakashi sat quietly on the floor while Onyx's breathing alternated between hyperventilation and is she even breathing? Trying to think of a way to calm her without getting close to her as that seems to startle her. She can’t hear him, so he can’t talk her down. Any movement on his part seems to frighten her.
“I don’t know what to do.” He said to himself, starting to panic as he realized his friend was in pain and he couldn’t help her. A few minutes passed and Kakashi noted her head tilting to the side and her eyes focused on his face. Kakashi removed one of the hands-on his knees, she didn’t move. He eyes stayed glued to his face; her breathing hitched but evened out again. He slowly moved his hand up to his face and with a deep, shaky breath Kakashi slowly pulled his mask down.
Onyx blinked, her breathing stopped and Kakashi started panicking again. But then she moved, she leant forward and put her hands on the floor. Kakashi took a deep breath as Onyx began slowly crawling toward him.
“Onyx?” Kakashi questioned as she got closer, he watched her eyes widen. He wasn’t sure what that meant. Whether she heard his words or if she just realized his mask was down. She moved closer, stopping within arm's reach. He wanted to move, he wanted to reach for her and never let go.
“Onyx,” he said again, not daring to move, afraid she’d break down again or run the other way.
“Kakashi,” was all he heard before Onyx moved, her arms wrapping around his neck and crawling into his lap. Kakashi still didn’t move, terrified to touch her.
“Kakashi,” a broken sob came from her and Kakashi broke into a sob himself at the anguish in her voice. Letting out a breath he finally moved to hug her, she held tighter as his arms wrapped around her.
“My mum and I never got along,” Onyx said after minutes of silent crying into Kakashi’s shoulder. “Right from the moment I started talking. She wanted a boy and growing up I always knew that she didn’t want me, I was a pissed-off kid and I did everything I could to aggravate her. She hated everything about me, I could just tell. She is really into those gender roles, so when I was born a girl she made it her life's mission to turn me into a lady. So when I decided on the shinobi trach she practically disowned me. She didn’t speak to me for two years. Literally, two years, not a word, she turned my father into a messenger bird. I think after I started going on missions and I got a few injuries she realized she couldn’t keep it up, and she started to accept my decision. After my father died we had nothing left to connect us, aside from blood I suppose but... Then I came out, when she found out I was Bisexual, she really did disown me. She throw me out and destroyed most of my stuff, including gifts from my father. We didn’t speak for years, not until the day I came home from the fourth ninja war. She welcomed me back and said she was glad I wasn’t seriously injured, but after that, I didn’t hear from her for a month. And when she got word that I hung up my headband, she came for me, determined to get grandchildren from me.” Kakashi stayed silent as Onyx spoke, not wanting to scare her and she stopped talking but also not knowing what to say.
“My uncle, he was the only other shinobi in the family. He helped me train when I was young and he prepared me for the chunin exams and he became the only souce of information my mother and I had on each other. I wasn’t stationed with him in the war and I spend the majority of it scared to death of what might happen to him. That I might lose him too. He was all she had after she lost my father... and me, he was all she had. And now he’s gone too.” Kakashi’s arms tightened around her as she let out a choked sob and buried her face in his neck. Kakashi didn’t speak, he just held her there, squeezing her tightly. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours.
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Okay,” Kakashi said, “okay.” A few minutes passed and Kakashi’s legs were going numb, he couldn’t stay in that position much longer. Without warning, Kakashi moved with hands, one to her back and to other to her legs. He stood up, taking her with him. He smiled at the squeak Onyx let out at being lifted, he clung tightly to him as he made for the bedroom. Onyx let him carry her to her bed, he carefully put her down and watched as she curled into the pillow. He pulled her blanket up to cover her and sat down on the edge of the bed as Onyx breathed slowly, still working to calm herself down. She grabbed his sleeve, afraid of being alone, though there was no need. He's not going anywhere.
Soon enough Onyx was fast asleep. Crying is exhausting and she'd totally drained, still Kakashi didn't move.