Obito.
Obito. His friend. No best friend. Perhaps his first friend? Unless you include Guy though. Doesn't matter. Not to him. Not anymore. He stood in front of the memorial stone, staring at the name, 'Obito Uchiha.' He would stand at the memorial stone for hours. Just staring and being overwhelm in guilt and regret. Sometimes he would talk to the stone, where no one could listen. It wasn't often that he talked to the memorial stone, he only did it when he felt like it. Often he would just keep his thoughts to himself, letting himself drown in overwhelming sadness.
He felt guilt. He felt regret. He felt... so much sadness. He felt empty? Heh, he wasn't sure about that one.
He laughed humorlessly at the thought of Obito being his friend, or rather best friend. After years of knowing each other's existence he only now decides to acknowledge Obito as a friend? Hm, how pathetic of him, he thought to himself. He tensed up at the thought. More guilt. More regret overwhelmed him.
He wished he had tried to acknowledge Obito more. Perhaps even just once. He wished that he had agreed going to the new ramen stall with him and his other two members. He wished he tried to actually connect with him. He wished... No, he regrets not becoming friends. Friends with Obito Uchiha. His best friend. His hero. Or rather, a hero in his eyes.
Sadness. Sadness was something he hadn't felt in quite awhile. Not since the White Fang's suicide. Or rather.. his father. He bit his lip, maybe he was finally understanding a little why he chose his comrades. They truly were precious. More precious then he ever thought they were. He chuckled humorlessly, his younger self would've probably scolded him for breaking the rules, hell even slowly agreeing with the choice on why the White Fang was disgraced.
He would always try to push his emotions out the way, deeming them unnecessary. Also deeming them as a form as weakness. But it never worked, not like it did before. Every time he tried to push them away, hold in every tear that dare to even spill out, it never worked. He was always reminded of the eye. He put his hand over his left eye. Obito's Sharingan. His late gift to him for becoming a Jounin. Something that wasn't his. Something that shouldn't even be his. Something that belonged to Obito, not him.
He finally looked away. Away from the memorial stone, and at the sky. The sun was almost all the way up. He should probably go before Rin worries about him and goes looking for him. He wouldn't want to worry Rin. It may cause her to go looking all over the place. After all, he promised. Promised Obito, his hero, that he would protect Rin, he would protect Rin with his life. Heh, perhaps try to make her happy in the meantime to? That's something Obito would like. Or rather appreciate.
Rin.
Rin. His teammate. His friend. Not a best friend like Obito of course, but a friend he appreciated very much. He could see why Obito liked her a lot and was pretty obsessed to even get her attention. She was pretty, quite kind, sometimes to kind. And had potential to become a good medic. He knew she liked him, for a very long time actually. But it never would've worked. He couldn't, not when he knew Obito, his best friend loved her oh so much. It felt like he was betraying him.
He would always try his best, try his best to protect Rin the best he could. He would keep his promise, no matter what.
What a lie. What a lie he pathetically told himself. Now here he was, standing in front of her grave. It was very much like what he did with Obito. He would stand there for quite some time, not hours though. Not like he does with Obito's. He couldn't stand to stand there for so long knowing that it was him who killed her. It hurt him to even think about it. It truly did ache his heart, even the eye. The Sharingan. It wasn't his. He had no right to call it his. He would tense up thinking how he couldn't protect Rin every time. He would tense up how he could be the one who killed her. Not some Iwa Nin, him.
He felt guilt. He felt regret. He felt... so much sadness. Heh, maybe even more sadness now. He felt.. deep agony. Wow, that's a new one now isn't it?
Rin truly was an amazing person. He wondered how someone like her even liked someone like him? He wasn't like Obito. No, the complete opposite actually. He tried to be caring, passionate even, but it didn't work. He only knew how to be emotionless and cold. He tried though he supposes.
He had hoped everyday was a dream ever since her death. He hoped this was just a very long dream, and that one day he'll wake up to Rin and Obito healthy and alive.
That day never came though unfortunately for him. He grieved in overwhelming sadness and guilt. How it was his fault that he killed her, how he couldn't keep the one promise to his best friend. He would stared at the grave, reading the name 'Rin Nohara.' Surprisingly he actually talked to Rin. Much more then he did with Obito. Perhaps with Obito he felt to guilty to even speak. To guilty to tell him how he failed miserably. With Rin though, he felt like he could speak with. He felt like he hadn't failed her as much? Yeah he goes with that reason for now. It's a pathetic reason, truly it is but it works until he finds out the truth. If he ever does.
Sadness often overwhelmed him ever since Obito's death. Rin's death not making it much better either. He often woke up from nightmares of Rin, Rin yelling at him at how he killed her. At how it was his fault.
Guilt seemed like a somewhat normal thing by now. Regret was also quite normal, along with agony sometimes. He carried these feelings with him, he let Rin's death and words taunt him, he let Obito's Sharingan and death taunt him as well. He didn't try to stop it in any sort of way he could, he deserved it and he knew it very well.
Minato.
Minato. His sensei. A fatherly figure to him actually. Someone he looked up to like others did in Konoha. His sensei also meant quite a lot to him just like his dead teammates, Obito and Rin. His sensei often tried to get Obito and him to get along. Make some sort of connection, some sort of teamwork. It never worked though, it made him tensed up on how it was practically his fault. His fault that he couldn't make the teamwork work. His fault that he failed his sensei. Or well it felt like he did.
When he looked at his sensei he often saw something in his eyes. Something like regret. It wasn't uncommon for a shinobi to feel like that. Hell everyone in shinobi history felt it most likely. For some reason though, it made his heart ache slightly. He missed the old sensei. The old sensei who seemed genuinely happy and joyful. He supposes he can't hope for that though. After all, he was only truly like that when the team was alive. When Obito and Rin were alive.
He often felt.. remorseful around his sensei. He was never sure why. He always deemed it as because he was the reason of his two teammates death. He knew his sensei cared deeply about them as he did to.
His sensei always felt fake. No, perhaps more.. forced? It happened a lot after Obito's death. Even more after Rin's death. His sensei's soft smile, felt often forced, like it was trying to reinsure him that it wasn't his fault. Or rather that he was okay and had nothing to worry about. It worried the silver teen. Worried him more then he ever thought actually.
He felt guilt. He felt regret. He felt... sadness. Sadness wasn't much a surprise to him anymore. Nor did guilt and regret. He felt agony. Deep agony. He felt.. melancholy. Wow, now that's another new one isn't it?
He remembers when his sensei became Hokage. The fourth Hokage. He was happy for him of course, he achieved his dream. He felt even more agony though deep in him. Perhaps it was because Rin and Obito couldn't see this once in a lifetime moment. His sensei seemed to be somewhat over there deaths. Seemed to accept it unlike himself, himself who just continued to drown deep in sorrow and regret. He sometimes hated deep down how his sensei got over there deaths over a seemingly quick time. It felt.. weird in a way. No, actually it felt.. more wrong in a way he supposes.
His sensei had assigned him to ANBU. He wanted him to be more closer to him, or that's what he says. He accepts none less, no questions asked of course. He wasn't sure what to feel now. If he was younger he probably would've been overjoyed how he moved up so quickly, perhaps maybe even bragged about it. But now, he just felt.. nothing. Not empty, not yet. Perhaps just guilt. Overwhelming guilt that drowned him deeply.
He regrets. He regretted not spending more time with him and perhaps his team when he was younger. He wished he had talked to his sensei, accepted to move in with him when he was younger. He had always had the offer to move in with him even when him and Kushina got an apart together. Like he was welcomed anytime. It made him feel.. nice. Something he hadn't felt in quite a while he supposes.
He couldn't accept the though. Not anymore. How could he accept the offer of somebody who's dead? Heh, wouldn't make sense now would it.
Now, here he is, standing in front of his own sensei's grave. Is was third grave he's visited today. Or rather like usual. He didn't do much actually. He stood there, talked to it sometimes, tell it how he was. Sometimes how Konoha is doing as well. He never stood there long, not like he did with Obito and Rin. He was never sure why, it just didn't sit right with him he guesses. He would laugh humorlessly again when he would tell the gravestone about how he now took teamwork so seriously. Perhaps hoping it would make the now dead person somewhat proud. Oh what was he kidding, he couldn't. It would be impossible. He's dead, and he forever will be.
Nothing could change that. Just like Obito's and Rin's death.
Kushina.
Kushina was an interesting women in his opinion. She was somewhat similar to Rin he guesses, caring and kind, just more— aggressive? Yeah. He saw her as a motherly figure sometimes. It was weird to him, weird to him how kind she was when she first meet him. Weird how she was so kind and caring even though she barely knew him, as him himself was a rather quiet and private person.
Kushina was truly a beautiful person just like Rin. Her bright long red hair stood out, made her—her. Like she was her own person. Unlike him. Sure he was his own person but.. it felt like he was owned. No, maybe more like obligated to do something. Obligated to always stay loyal and do whatever Konoha says perhaps. He admired Kushina. No, respected her more actually. She had to deal the nine tails in her for practically her whole life. Being given such overwhelming power. That doesn't seem easy to be given such power and not knowing how to control it.
One thing he truly loved about Kushina was perhaps her hair. It was amazingly beautiful actually. It made her—her. Made her stand out. Made her just- an amazing person in general. If there was one thing he wished, he wished he could see that long bright hair one more time with that cheery smile that suited her.
Now he can't. She's dead. Dead like the rest of his team. She had died along side with Minato, dying with apparently a smile on there faces from what he heard.
He wasn't surprised at this point at what he was feeling. Guilt, regret, sorrow, sadness, melancholy. He felt all that everyday, it was like an everyday feeling.
He stared at the gravestone that was right next to his dead sensei. He read the words 'Kushina Uzumaki.' Oh a sense of guilt. He wasn't sure what he was guilty or regret of. It seemed like he had nothing to be regretful or guilty of. He just felt like he had to.
Just like with the other gravestones, he stood there. He stood there, he sometimes talked to them. He stood there grieving deeply in guilt and regret.
The sun as completely risen. He should probably go, he has a mission now. He shouldn't be late, he wouldn't be a good shinobi if he was, now would he? He says his goodbyes to Kushina and his sensei's grave and walks away.
He thinks. He thinks how cursed he is. How cursed he is with everyone he truly loved just to die.
He bit his lip as he looked up into the blue sky, this place did truly seem like hell to him.
Fin.