Chapter 3
Age six - Naruto
Naruto collapsed on the ground, drawing in quick breaths as Ankoku, the toad that first greeted him, loomed over him. Naruto sighed, grumbling quietly when Ankoku moved and taking away his only source of shade at the same time. He waited to hear what he needed to work on, glaring at the toad. “You are getting better,” he said, “Just focus on not wasting moves and energy.” Naruto let out a soundless groan.
“Easier said than done,” Naruto muttered, slinging a hand over his eyes. He still had a lot of energy, but it was untrained. He didn’t have as much stamina either anymore. But that didn’t change what he used to do. “I always used-”
“You want to win. Throw away past tendencies. Pick up new ones. Keep some good moves and that's it,” Ankoku said, tapping him with the blunt end of his tanto. Naruto swatted it away. “Get up. Let’s go again.”
Naruto let out a groan, heaving himself up and looking at the forest with disdain. There were times where he loved to go jumping from tree to tree, feeling the rush of wind against him while admiring nature.
This was not one of those times.
Ankoku and he had been at this since he arrived, which was about 4 months ago. He had been getting better. He knew that. But that didn’t soften the annoyance at not getting it the first few days.
He had gotten his signature ninjutsu down, the rasengan and his kage bunshin at top notch. And he was learning more wind jutsu’s quickly. And easily. He also had some fire jutsu’s and water jutsu’s in his repertoire as well. Though they were just D-rank jutsu, it was better than what he had in his past life. He only just realized how much he relied on his shadow clones and the rasengan. Without sage mode and Kurama and the shadow clone jutsu, he’d be useless. He hated how much better Sakura and Sasuke actually were than him, which is why he worked twice as hard now because he could. He grabbed the chance to actually learn from someone rather than learning by himself.
Naruto watched as Ankoku jumped into the forest, letting the toad get to his hiding spot. They had gotten closer, close enough that he lived with Ankoku now instead of in a spare tent. The toad, he found out, lived with a younger frog. He hadn’t known frogs lived here, but apparently the toads took them in as well and are quite close to the small clan of frog summons.
Ankoku had taken the frog in as a tadpole and named him Tetsuya when he grew a bit more. Naruto and Tetsuya got along great, great enough that even Kurama started getting jealous. Naruto had just laughed though when he was visiting his fox friend, telling him he had nothing to worry about and Kurama would always be his favorite. The seal was still open and luckily no one at the village had seemed to notice or he would have been found out a lot quicker. Granted, he hadn’t stayed a day there, but still. Luckily, he hadn’t needed to tamper with the seal just yet and it hadn’t been damaged in the jump back. Later, when he learned enough about fuinjutsu, he’d fix the remnants of the seal, tweak it so that Kurama could stay outside his body for a little while and Naruto wasn’t in danger of actually dying.
Nothing would come between Naruto and Kurama, not even his new friend. Naruto told Kurama that too, many times.
“Oh shut up, kit. I wasn’t jealous.” Naruto snickered, looking at the clear sky. “You should probably go now,” Kurama mused.
Naruto grinned, you’re probably right. He took off running, weaving between the trees and stopping when rocks were hurled at him. He had plenty of bruises from those rocks, though luckily Kurama could heal him pretty quickly. Ankoku brings a whole new type of training, he thought, freezing when a rock almost hit him. He stopped behind a tree to get his breathing under control before stalking up it. He had practiced his chakra control and often meditated instead of sleeping. He couldn’t fall asleep, not with the nightmares. Meditating was the next best thing. It also helped with chakra control and with his ninjutsu. He never had much chakra control before, never having to have it with his limited techniques.
That would only get him so far now.
Naruto climbed from up the tree and started running from one branch to the next, looking for the toad. This would help him with his plan to get into the Akatsuki. He’d be a mercenary from no village, hoping that people will trust him more and think he didn’t have any loyalties to any village. This exercise Ankoku had given him after hearing what he would do would help him get to his target and take them out. All he had to do was get a leaf on the toad. But whenever he tried to get one on him, Ankoku would jump away.
It was infuriating.
And tiring.
And exhilarating.
Naruto slowly extended his sensing range, flinching when small chakra networks ate at his mind. He couldn’t turn it off, but he could push it to the back of his mind. He had been taught to put all unnecessary chakra signatures in small bubbles, letting them pop when they were too big or too small. A noteworthy small. It was hard to explain, but Naruto was able to organize his mind this way. And it worked.
He easily knew what was going on within a 5 foot radius and he easily caught onto Ankoku’s chakra.
Now the hard part: to get a damned leaf on that toad.
He jumped down from his perch and ran towards Ankoku, flinching when the surprising loudness accompanied his footsteps. He let out a small breath, keeping his breathing in check as he quieted his footsteps. Naruto turned left and jumped back up in the trees, stalking the Toad in a circle. He kept going even as a rock hurdled right where he was previously.
How do I get this?How do I get a damn leaf on him? There has to be a way, Naruto frowned.
Ankoku had always been in a clearing, waiting for Naruto to find him. He constantly fired rocks at him and just waited, only moving when Naruto approached him.
“All you have to do is get a leaf on him, right?” Kurama said.
Yeah, why? Naruto asked.
“He didn’t say how,” Kurama pointed out, “he always stayed in a clearing. Just lead him into the forest by making sure he can’t jump around the clearing.”
Naruto paused, thinking it over because why hadn’t he thought of that? Kurama snorted and Naruto resisted sticking his tongue out at him because he wasn’t a six year old. Mentally.
Instead he got a leaf and a rock, staring at it for a moment.
He could use kage bunshin and spread the leaves around. He could set off a bomb, though that wouldn’t be descrete. He could use a barrier seal.
He could use a barrier seal.
Naruto grinned as he made three other kage bunshin. They apparently already knew what to do. ”Do you think you can do it?” Kurama asked.
Yes.
Naruto grinned as he and the clones got in formation. “Four Crimson Ray Formation!” he whispered.He made a ram seal and grinned when a red barrier formed. He jumped down and his three other clones walked in too. Ankoku’s eyes widened in surprise as he looked around, “Like the jutsu?” Naruto asked as his clones held the seal. They guided the barrier towards the forest and the barrier pushed Ankoku, “I actually learned it about a lifetime ago, when skimming a fuinjutsu scroll. Surprised it was even in there.”
“Huh, interesting,” Ankoku said as a leaf landed on him, “It seems you finally figured it out.”
“Kurama did,” Naruto nodded.
Ankoku sighed, “You’re lucky Kurama is basically you,” he said.
“Yep!” Naruto grinned, “So, did I complete it?”
“You did,” Ankoku nodded. Naruto let down the barrier and walked toward the toad, “Nice thinking. I honestly thought you would blow up the place.”
“Oh, it crossed my mind,” Naruto nodded, “Though if I want to be a mercenary, I have to be as discreet and quiet as possible. I came up with the barrier idea. Kurama just pointed out the fact that I physically didn’t have to put the leaf on you.”
“Nice thinking then,” Ankoku said, “Come on. Let's do a stamina exercise.”
“Right!”
Hiruzen
Peace was a fleeting thing. All shinobi knew this. It wasn’t new, it was just life. Peace could come in small spurts or in a year's time. But it was never there to stay. Something had to break it. It was just the circle of life.
Peace had different time spans for certain people, it seemed. Hiruzen never had a moment of peace since he first became Hokage. Peace was too far out of reach to even think about aiming for it. All he had to do was keep moving, keep doing. Finish with one thing quickly to get to the next, a circle. A never ending circle on Life’s on going line.
Hiruzen sighed, looking out the window once more, down at where Naruto had met his eyes. It had only been four months since the boy ran, since he was last seen. He had seemed so happy, had been happy at the academy, but he had run. Hiruzen didn’t understand why he would run, didn’t understand why Naruto looked at him that way, why he had even looked at him if he was going to run.
And what was with that look? He knew that look as good as Minato did. It was a look Hiruzen had seen on Minato too many times, a look he had seen on himself too many times. A look he had seen on too many Shinobi.
A look of a wounded and war ridden shinobi.
That look shouldn’t have been seen on Naruto, a six year old boy. Sure, the village hated him and on a few occasions, hurt him. But not enough to gain that look. Naruto couldn’t have killed someone, could he? He couldn’t have witnessed death that young, right?
Hiruzen wasn’t sure anymore.
When Kakashi had arrived back at his office with his ninken, saying that they lost Naruto, Hiruzen couldn’t believe it. Hiruzen had let him have the rest of the day off, knowing how much that would weigh down on him. How he would only think about how he failed Minato. He himself wished he could have the day off, but he was the Hokage, he didn’t have that privilege, despite Minato's picture glaring at him as if he lost his entire world. Except he had, he lost and failed Naruto. But he just couldn’t believe that the bright kid with an even brighter smile would just run.
Naruto had spoken about wanting to be Hokage. He couldn’t do that if he ran away. So why did Naruto run? Why did Naruto leave? Why? That was the big question, wasn’t it? They hadn’t given up on him, of course, looking around the pond Naruto had disappeared in. He couldn’t have just disappeared, that they had seen him yet lost him at the same time.
But Naruto had done just that - disappeared. There wasn’t a single trace of the boy and that shouldn’t be possible. He was six years old and had evaded jounin and the ANBU. Sure, he had reports of Naruto evading a few of the ANBU before, when they had intervened with the villagers. But that was only for an hour or two. Not four months.
Hiruzen sighed, sitting back down on his chair and lighting his smoking pipe. He knew he should have done better, but what could he do? He couldn’t tell the people that Naruto was Minato and Kushina’s child. He couldn’t put Naruto in danger like that. Minato had many enemies, and word would get out that he had a son they could take their anger out on. Hiruzen was going to tell him when he was older, when he could protect himself.
He couldn’t curb the villagers' anger either, couldn’t make them see reason. But they weren’t that harmful compared to the drunk shinobi wishing to hurt Naruto the way the beast inside him had hurt them. They believed that the child was the beast and Hiruzen couldn’t do anything about it.
Plus, Danzo fed those lies. Hiruzen couldn’t just go against him. That would make them look weak. And then more conflict than needed would show up and Hiruzen couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let the other villages attack his village. But Danzo overstepped more than once, yet Hiruzen didn’t do anything. He still hasn’t. He couldn’t.
Of course, none of this matters anymore. All he had to do was focus on finding Naruto and making sure no other villages found out their jinchuuriki ran away. They would use that as an opportunity to destroy them and try and gain another beast and he didn’t want to fight another war.
It was always one thing that led to fifteen other tasks to complete. One thing finished, fifteen things to do, ten things to keep up. Peace or war; Fight or flee; Sink or swim. It’s one or the other, not both.
No one has to know that Hiruzen’s circle was slowly coming to a stop, long past when it should have stopped originally.
Hopefully he could find a new Hokage soon.
Age seven - Naruto
Apparently, Mount Myoboku took in frogs. And these frogs were nice company and just as strong as the toads. Ankoku had taken in Tetsuya from when he was a tadpole. They both used poison and Naruto learned more about both poison and medical ninjutsu through them.
Naruto shot a grin at Tetsuya, dodging the frog once again. He was getting more agile and flexible through their training sessions. It almost felt like dancing, sometimes, when he and Tetsuya had been assigned a certain technique or drill. They would go in circles and follow each other's movements. Sometimes on a circular board on a top spike or in the middle of a pond. They would have to copy each other's movements to not fall into the water; something neither of them liked very much. Of course, the weight difference made it more difficult, but Ankoku let them figure it out themselves.
Now, though, they were just sparing with wooden sticks - straight kenjutsu. No ninjutsu, no chakra, and limited taijutsu.
Their swords clashed and feet were thrown, but other than that, there was no sound. This was fun, the most fun he had while training, even in his past life.
He didn’t like to think of his past life much, most of his memories shaded over by the war and him. He had few memories he could look back on with a small smile and even then, they all led to the war, to the massacre, to being left behind. The toads had tried to help him heal, to help him actually sleep, but the wound was still too new, too raw, too messy to mend properly. If Inoichi was alive, or well, here, he’d probably sit Naruto out of all future missions and say ‘lead the life of a civilian. Your mind isn’t stable’. He’d fail the psych exam and be sentenced to life of therapy.
Luckily or maybe unluckily, he couldn’t take the psych exam because he ran and Inoichi doesn’t know what happened and none of that will come to pass and he’d fix everything so none of that will come true. Besides, he could focus on his mental health when Obito was dead and he stayed dead.
Naruto parried Tetsuya’s hit and counterattacked, hitting Tetsuya’s stomach, “Hah, I won!” Naruto grinned.
“Shut up,” Tetsuya stuck his tongue out, hopping up on to Naruto’s shoulder, “I let you win.”
Naruto laughed, “Sure you did.”
“You’re picking kenjutsu quick.”
“Pop!”
“Ankoku!” Naruto grinned, jogging over to the toad, “How did the visit go?”
“Fukasaku said he’d take you to learn Senjutsu…again,” Ankoku said, “Hopefully you pick it up quick, so we can get on to more fun stuff.”
“I would hope so!” Naruto said, “I did pick it up in a week before, so it should be quicker this time. I already have a technique to learn new jutsu, I’ll just use that.”
Tetsuya looked expectantly at Ankoku, “What do you want?” the toad asked, feigning ignorance.
“You said you would teach me new poison techniques.”
“I did?”
“Yes!”
Naruto laughed, nudging Ankoku, “You should teach him,” he grinned. “If I get better, Tetsuya better get better too.”
Ankoku let out a sigh, though it was more fond than anything, “Alright, alright.” Tetsuya let out a quiet ‘yes’ and Naruto chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets. It was fun, just the three of them. It was a weird dynamic, but Naruto couldn’t help but love them. They gave him a home, a family. He would have stayed here forever if he didn’t have to save everyone.
Kurama let out a sigh that Naruto chose to ignore.
Naruto would be fine. He’d leave them and not lead them into any danger. They wouldn’t miss him much. They had each other. Besides, he could summon them, if need be. Both were great at stealth, both were strong to help with a fight. They could help, as long as he didn’t put them in danger.
“So, what do you want to work on next?” Ankoku asked.
“My sensing,” Naruto said, “It’s range and dealing with it for long term. Plus I want to work a bit more on taijutsu.”
Naruto didn’t like the look, or the smile, Ankoku had. “Okay,” he hummed, “How’s losing your senses?”
His mind froze for a second, turning over what was just said. “What?” Naruto asked.
“Losing your senses. Sight and hearing,” Ankoku explained, a manic grin on his face, “They’re both really good, along with your sense of smell, because of Kurama.” “Damn right.” “So taking those three away and leaving your sense of touch and sensing to protect you. It should work on it and maybe even work on knowing what you're sensing.”
“What am I protecting myself from?” Naruto asked, already dreading the exercise.
“Rocks!”
Naruto groaned, “What’s with you and rocks?” Both Ankoku and Tetsuya laughed at Naruto's whining. Traitors.
Kakashi
Death is unforgiving. It doesn’t care what it takes, whether it’s a day old child or a hundred year old person. It just takes and it takes and it takes.
So does Life. Life moves on unforgivingly no matter who dies and who lives and who leaves and who stays. Life moves on in a straight line, uncaring who falls off its balance beams and who’s just clinging on. Life is just as unforgiving as Death. If not more so.
Kakashi knew Death and Life well. His father committed suicide. Obito died protecting him. He killed Rin. Minato-sensei died protecting the village. Kakashi lost Naruto. Naruto left the village. Yet the village seemed to move on, uncaring of the inner turmoil he held. Uncaring of any of the turmoil going on in its shinobi ranks.
But that’s Life. Life just continues as it does, uncaring that Kakashi was slowing down, precariously moving along its balance beam.
He stood in front of the Hokage memorial, hands tightly clenched at his side as the wind beat at him mercilessly. He didn’t care, honestly, about the wind. It seemed like it was punishing him for what he should have done, but didn’t. Because he was too much of a coward and didn’t do anything.
He should have stepped in, taken Naruto in against the Hokage’s wishes, against everyone’s wishes and thoughts.
But he didn’t because he’s a coward.
Naruto was Minato-sensei’s son and Kakashi lost him. He didn’t do anything for Naruto and failed Minato-sensei and Naruto.
He was a coward. A coward that was filled with guilt and grief and a coward that didn’t do anything about it. He fought and killed but he was a coward, nevertheless.
His dad left him. He failed Obito. He killed Rin. He lost Minato-sensei. He failed Naruto. What else would happen? He couldn’t deal with anymore loss and failure.
Kakashi sighed, tracing Minato’s name on his engraved stone. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. He stood there for a minute longer, staring at the engraving. Beloved Hokage, husband and teacher. He’ll forever be loved and remembered for his sacrifice. He turned around and left, hands deep in his pockets and head bowed. I’ll find you, Naruto. I won’t fail you again
Life kept moving and Kakashi slowed down more. The wind didn’t knock him off balance though. He didn’t know why he was still holding on anymore. The Uchiha massacre rocked the village to its core and Hiruzen knew that he had to hold up a united front. That the Hokage was barely hanging on even as more matters were unveiled.
The Uchiha massacre put him off too, with the reminder of Obito feeding his nightmares. It took his position as an ANBU. Kakashi couldn’t bring himself to care about that though. He only thought of Obito and every now and again Itachi, who he got along with pretty well.
He visited Itachi’s brother every day, sitting and waiting for him to wake up. He’d take Sasuke in, no matter what the Hokage said. He wouldn’t leave him alone like he did with Naruto. He would fight to get Sasuke’s guardianship. He’d help Sasuke.
Life kept moving even as the village’s foundation shook. Even if Kakashi was close to falling off.
Life was even more unforgiving than Death was. Kakashi didn’t know why people treasured it. Maybe Sasuke could help him unknowingly. Who knows.
Age eight - Naruto
Naruto grinned, dodging the punch, the stick, the rock, a sandal, again and again, throwing his own punches and kicks to have them blocked. Blocked. Not just ignored, but blocked. He was actually on target. A feat that he couldn’t do when he first started this training.
Ankoku and he traded blows, some landing, some not. Though Naruto wasn’t exactly annoyed. He had no use of his sight, hearing, or smell. He was just relying on sensing Ankoku’s chakra and the feeling of the wind rushing against his skin to dodge and hit and find Ankoku. Taijutsu came just like walking did at this point. It was second nature with the 11 months he’s been doing this exercise.
“Stop!”
Naruto stopped at Tetsuya’s call, folding over himself as he heaved in breaths. “Fuck,” he wheezed, inhaling sharply to try and get his lungs to work with him again.
“Language,” Ankoku chided, though he didn’t really mean it. He just liked to mess with Naruto, something Naruto appreciated but still got annoyed with. It was fine though, Naruto loved the guy like a parental figure at this point. “Good job, Naruto. Your taijutsu is a hundred times better than before.”
“I’d hope so!” Naruto snorted at Tetsuya’s remark. Tetsuya jumped onto Naruto’s shoulder and rested there comfortably. It had apparently become Tetsuya’s favorite spot to rest, not that Naruto minded. “After all, if I progress, you have to, too.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Naruto said. Ankoku chuckled and the three started walking in silence towards their rock house. It was a comfortable silence, not one that he felt he had to fill with worthless information and jokes and jabs. He wished he could stay here, but he had to save everyone. He couldn’t just let everyone die. It’d kill him if he did.
Naruto shook the thought away from his head. He wouldn’t think like that. It would make it harder to leave.
“So, what’s next?” Ankoku asked, nudging Naruto’s shoulder. Naruto smiled, glad for the distraction.
“Kunai?” Naruto suggested, glancing at Tetsuya who nodded in agreement.
“And…?” Ankoku prodded. It was what they did, shove two things together to make a whole new thing that would work. They had decided to, two weeks before, give Naruto one final assignment, a task. He’d have to fight a week long with Sage mode and Tailed Beast mode going, fighting one Toad onto the next, using everything he knew. It was really just to reassure Shima that he would be alright. She already had him sign the contract, so she and Ankoku would be there to assist him whenever needed.
“And…fuinjutsu?” and “Genjutsu?” Both he and Tetsuya said at the same time.
Naruto shuddered, shaking his head, “No. No genjutsu.” It was said in a weirdly serious tone, one he rarely used. He didn’t like using it - it showed just how much he was affected. Luckily they didn’t comment on his hard no to genjutsu, just shrugged it off. Because it was normal, by now, that he’d turn down anything that had to do with him. Whether it be trying to talk about it or talking about the damn dojutsu or learning genjutsu.
He remembered being put under one, remembered that it was broken when he plunged his hand in his chest, but didn’t remember the genjutsu at all. He remembered falling, though that could have been confused with the nightmare he had when he was revived.
Ankoku shrugged, “What about working on your wind release?” he offered, “You can mold the chakra around your blade and body to make it like you're cutting the other. Wind chakra can be hidden easily, as well. It’s quiet and cuts nicely.”
Naruto thought back to Asuma, how he had covered his chakra blade with his chakra and cut the tree. “But it’s visible?”
“To someone untrained to hide it.”
Naruto looked curiously at Ankoku, “Huh?”
“You can hide chakra. Not to dojutsu, but to the untrained eye. Which is everyone. It takes a bit of mastering, but you can dull the chakra to blend in with its surroundings. So far, I only know of sage’s being able to do that. Another way is just making it so fast it pasts the human eye.”
Naruto hummed, “That sounds useful.”
Ankoku laughed. Tetsuya snorted, “No, really. Hiding chakra? Totally not.”
“Shut up!” Naruto laughed.
Hiding chakra, huh, Naruto smiled. It wasn’t a bad idea to come here after all. He learned more here than he ever did in Konoha.
He kinda understood why Sasuke decided to leave the village. He grew stronger here than he did there. And that’s saying something.
Kurama only snorted. Much help he was.
Sasuke
Loneliness could be many things. It could be alone in a crowded room. It could be completely alone in the middle of nowhere. It could just simply be when one is overlooked. It’s like the sun and the moon. They light the paths for others while no one is there to light their path. The sun is bright but is a million lightyears away from the moon, who feeds off the sun's light to shine. The moon is eclipsed by the sun with its radiance while the sun still shined even if the moon tried to eclipse the sun. Loneliness could be different for everyone. It could be when someone is surrounded by people then suddenly alone.
Loneliness wasn’t a new thing for him. On the contrary. He was always alone, always in his brother's shadow. Always overlooked for his brother.
‘Oh! Itachi’s brother! He was always the best!’
‘I had your brother! Such a good kid.’
‘Your brother got this so quickly…’
Sasuke loved his brother, but hated him at the same time. His brother always overlooked him for his own training, always said “Next time, Sasuke” with that stupid forehead poke.
But at least he had some friends in the clan.
Until Itachi took that too. Killed them all mercilessly. Itachi put him under a genjutsu and almost killed him, too. Itachi killed his own family and the whole clan in a single night to “prove his strength”.
But he kept Sasuke alive.
And now Sasuke was alone.
Hatake Kakashi had taken him in for some unknown reason, but Sasuke didn’t really care for him. He didn’t know where he stood with the jounin. Sasuke could tell it was the same for the jounin. There was an underlying tension around the apartment and neither of them knew what to do with it.
They skirted around the other, attempting to reach out but always falling short. It didn’t help that both of them were emotionally incompetent and they didn’t talk unless necessary.
In the beginning, Sasuke hadn’t even talked to him, ignoring him and running off to the Uchiha Compound and just trained. He practiced his katon and his taijutsu until he shook from exhaustion. Kakashi was there, though, always there after. Sasuke had brushed him off for the first few months when Kakashi, however stunted and tense, offered to carry him back to his apartment. But Sasuke once relented after going a bit too hard with his legs and couldn’t walk without stumbling.
Since then, their…relationship? That seemed like the right word but it felt…off too. Either way, their relationship evolved and Kakashi helped him train and even though he was often sent off on missions, he always came back. Their relationship had gotten better but…
But he was still lonely.
No one tried to be friends with him, always comparing themselves to him, always comparing him to Itachi, even though Itachi was a traitor to the village. No one tried to be friends or, heaven forbid, enemies with him. They were always in a neutral area with him. There had been that Naruto kid, but he disappeared too. Gone with the wind. Iruka-sensei had said that he went off to train, but Sasuke didn’t really care. The kid was gone.
It was lonely, but it was better that way. No one would hurt him. No one could hurt him anymore.
He’d rather be lonely than be hurt again.
Age nine - Naruto
Nightmares weren’t a new thing. He had them even before the war. Of bars and cages, of being neglected and hated and hurt, of being cast out. He was constantly afraid of thunderstorms and had always cowered under the covers. Looking back on those nightmares, Naruto realized that some of them were influenced by Kurama; probably the ones of cold bars and metal cages with shackles holding him down. Those, though, made him claustrophobic. Big time. He easily got over his irrational fear of thunderstorms, though sometimes they did shake him to his core.
The nightmares he had now made the ones he had before pale in comparison.
They were quick scenes of the battle field, of the blood and Shikamaru and his teams. They were blood covered and red tinted. Some, he was behind bars as Madara killed his friends, one by one. Some he was falling, hearing everyone blaming him, begging him, yelling at him to save them. He always woke up screaming apologies for all of his nightmares.
He didn't sleep as much as he should have, but that’s what sage mode, Kurama, and meditating are for. He’d be fine.
Until he wasn’t.
Naruto woke up screaming, scrambling out of the raised bed with a loud thump. He collapsed, breathing raggedly, tears streaming down his face. Blood ran down his arm and down the walls, painting the gruesome field once more. He felt a pulsing pain in his chest, where his heart was. Apparently, his body loved remembering the feeling of Madara’s hand entering his body because it was always there in the morning, always a phantom pain to torment him even if he wasn’t revived yet. He collapsed on his shoulder, curling in on himself as he grabbed his shirt over his heart. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he sobbed. He heard his door slamming open and Ankoku’s chakra flooded his brain. It was calming, his protectiveness calming his overworking brain.
“Hey, hey, sh. Where are you?”
“There were so many bodies,” Naruto sobbed, “So much blood.”
“Where are you?”
Naruto sniffled, “Shika died right there. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Why wasn’t I there? Why didn’t I feel them!” he sobbed, grabbing his hair with one arm while the other grasped at his heart. “I was supposed to be the best sensor yet I didn’t sense a single fucking thing!”
“Breathe, Naruto.”
Such a simple thing seemed impossible. If he couldn’t breathe, then what hope did he have to change the future? “I-I failed them. What if I fail them again? What if-”
“Focus on the now. Where are you?”
“I-” Naruto blinked, trying to get rid of the blurriness. There was a heavy fog settled over his brain, muddling his thoughts. Where was he? He shuddered a sob, squeezing his eyes shut. He let his senses expand. Chakra signatures. There was a lot. No one was dead. Toads, his mind supplied him. Right, he was at Mount Myoboku. “Mount Myoboku.”
“Good. Look at me.”
Naruto heaved himself up with a struggling breath. The room was covered in blood and he snapped his eyes close, “But what if-”
“Look for yourself. Am I hurt?”
Naruto peeled his eyes open, looking at the Toad. He seemed untouched, no blood or wound on him. But poison…
“Poison can’t hurt me.”
“Right. Poison can’t hurt you.” Naruto nodded, taking a deep breath, “You’re unhurt and poison can’t hurt you.”
“Right.”
Nightmares sucked. It showed he was weak. But he didn’t have much control over his mind while asleep. It showed he wasn’t fine and he didn’t like that. He didn’t like how Ankoku had to ground him, help him through the after effects of the nightmares. He didn’t like how he settled next to the toad who sat next to him, how he curled into the toads comforting cold-but-warm temperature. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he hugged himself.
“It’s okay.”
Naruto wished that were true.
Shikamaru
Shadows often get overlooked, forgotten about in a fight as the sun moved and shifted the shadows with time. That's why Shikamaru liked to use them. They offered a silent comfort, a weird warmth not associated with them often. Of course, only people who use the shadows the right way would know of this warmth.
But the coldness surrounding Uchiha Sasuke could also be seen as a shadow, always lingering around him as it shrouded him with grief and anger. But who could blame him? His whole clan was killed by his older brother, so it was a given that those two hovered around him.
There was another type of shadow, a type Shikamaru didn’t get. The one that seemed to suffocate Uzumaki Naruto. He’d only seen it in short spurts. From the time the vendor threw the mask at Naruto or when he’d sit alone on that damned swing.
But it had gotten bigger, stronger, heavier, apparently overnight because that cloud from when he bumped into Naruto a couple years ago was not the normal one.
That day Naruto had vanished had not been a normal one.
Naruto wasn’t seen at Ichiraku’s, not seen on the damned swing, or even at his apartment when he and Choji went to check. Two ANBU had told them to leave and they did because what could they do against the ANBU? Either way, Naruto had been missing for three years and no one, not even Ino, knew where he was.
Ino said that her father was more tense than usual, seeming more tired. The same could be said about Shikamaru’s own father.
A rumor had been spread that they had taken Naruto in for training, to use his big chakra reserves. The village was ecstatic that ‘the monster’ was taken away, never having to worry about him again.
Shikamaru hated the villagers for that.
They treated Naruto as if he’s their own personal grief outer. As if he should take all their grief and pain. It wasn’t fair and probably fed the shadows around Naruto. It thickened and hardened at every comment tossed his way and Shikamaru seemed to be the only one able to see it, to feel the negative emotions radiating from their shadow.
Ino, Choji, Hinata, and Kiba, surprisingly, helped Shikamaru dig into Naruto’s disappearance because they could all agree that it was unnatural the way he just disappeared. Training seemed like a good excuse, but they all had a gut feeling it wasn’t that. They probably should have dropped the topic a year ago, seeing as they hadn’t known the kid all that well either, but Shikamaru had become, embarrassingly so, fixated on the blonde the first time he saw him. He had heard of the Nara Fixation, had seen it with one of his older cousins who became fixated on a jutsu. The guy had to be dragged away from his papers for meals and had been taken off missions for a bit until the Fixation came down a bit.
So, Shikamaru hadn’t dropped it, and neither did his friends after seeing how involved he was in finding more about Naruto’s disappearance. (Maybe that’s what he’s fixated on, the sudden disappearance and not Naruto. Who knows). Of course, being nine year olds, they couldn’t do a lot because who would tell pesky nine year olds about Naruto’s training? That didn’t deter them, though. Ino was great with seeking out information and all five of them were from clans up in the food chain. They could all eavesdrop on conversations for the price of some energy.
That’s probably what surprised all of them and further urged them on. Shikamaru wanted to look for Naruto, put forth energy to look for him and didn’t constantly say it was a drag. Of course, he said it every now and again, but not as much as he would with other things like the Academy.
He wanted to find out what happened to Naruto. He couldn’t say why, wouldn’t admit just yet he might’ve had a case of the infamous Nara Fixation, but his gut told him to look for him.
So he would.
Age ten - Naruto
Naruto let out a slow breath, taking air back in just as slowly. He sat on the board on one of the peaks, letting the gentle breeze sooth him and push away the remnants of the nightmare he had a few hours ago. Naruto couldn’t tell if they were getting worse or better, but he honestly didn’t ponder it because that would mean thinking about them in general and he couldn’t have that.
So he meditated to ignore it. Not what the toads had in mind but it worked for him.
“Naruto!”
He jolted, holding out his arms and letting out a steady stream of air to rebalance himself before looking at Tetsuya. He grinned at the frog, letting him hop onto his yellow hair. “Hey,” he hummed, closing his eyes again. “How are you?”
“The prank worked!”
Naruto let out a snort, “I told you it would,” he grinned. Tetsuya had wanted to get back at Ankoku, who pranked Tetsuya by painting his entire room pink and yellow. Naruto would deny he had any part in this small prank war Ankoku and Tetsuya had going on. He also wouldn’t say that he didn’t do any of these pranks back in his past life. And he wouldn’t say that he gave Tetsuya the idea to tape all of Ankoku’s poisons, weapons, and cushions on the sealing, basically making it look like everything was upside down.
But he would say that it was hilarious.
“Tetsuya!”
Naruto and Tetsuya choked on their laughter, trying to stifle it as they got into a meditating pose.
“I know you're up there! I’m gonna get you back!”
“Sh!” Tetsuya shushed the toad, “We’re meditating!”
“Like hell you are!”
“Language!” Naruto sang.
“Shut up!”
Both he and Tetsuya snickered as they climbed down the spike, landing next to Ankoku who sulked in its shadow. “Come on, I’ll watch as you try and take them all down,” Naruto said.
“You’re evil.”
“I’m amazing.”
“You’re a menace, that’s what you are,” Ankoku snapped playfully. Ankoku let out a resigned sigh when Naruto beamed at him, starting to hop towards their place. “Fine, fine. Come on. I have something to give you. Then you’ll help me take all my stuff down, Tetsuya.”
“What! Why?” Tetsuya whined.
“Because you're the one who put them up there,” Naruto hummed.
“Traitor!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Naruto laughed as Tetsuya hopped into his hood, huffing. There were days where he was okay, where the past didn’t get to him as easily as it did four years ago. It was all because of Ankoku and Tetsuya, though. They helped keep him grounded as he and Kurama healed together.
They walked to their shared dorm and Ankoku rushed ahead. Tetsuya and Naruto sat down on the floor, snickering as swords and kunai dangled from the ceiling above them along with the cushions they would have used. Ankoku shuffled through a few drawers before letting out a triumphant sound and hopping over. Naruto frowned as a case was laid down on the floor in front of him. He looked at the case distrustfully and Tetsuya peered curiously over his shoulder. Ankoku spun it around. “Open it,” Ankoku urged, a smile lighting up his eager face.
Naruto hesitated for a split second, scanning Ankoku for any mischievous tendencies he had liked to pull on Naruto before opening the case.
He couldn’t breathe, awe eating his air supply and words.
He opened and closed his mouth multiple times before picking up the kodachi sword gently tilting it from side to side. They were perfect.
“It’s handcrafted,” Ankoku said, excitement dripping off of him, “It can withstand any type of poison and fire plus there’s three. This one is for long range and the smaller two are close range and-”
Naruto laughed, stopping Ankoku’s on going rant that would have lasted hours, “Thank you,” he said, smiling.
Ankoku beamed, “Of course!” Naruto snorted; the toad could get so excited over weapons, acting like a child getting a piece of candy for no reason.
“But why’d you make it poison proof? I get fire proof, but poison?”
Naruto narrowed his eyes at Ankoku’s stare at Tetsuya, who jumped off of Naruto’s shoulder to sit on the floor in front of him. Tetsuya grinned, “I’m going with you!”
It took a minute for it to register, his mind going blank as they both stared at him. He only let out a quiet “huh?” at the statement. He stared at them before putting the sword safely in the case. They sat in silence, the toad and frog staring at him as his brain actually registered the phrase. “Wait, what?” he exclaimed, eyes widening, “You don’t have to. It’ll be dangerous and I’ll be-”
“I’m going whether you like it or not,” Tetsuya said fiercely, “And you can’t stop me.”
“But-”
“Nope! I’m going!” Tetsuya grinned victoriously as Naruto deflated. “And to answer your question, the swords poison proof so that it could hold my poison and you can poison your enemies if you have too. Plus, if you’re really gonna be a mercenary, it’ll make killing easier.”
“Smart,” Naruto admitted.
“I know.”
Naruto huffed a laugh, smiling as Ankoku inhaled victoriously. The toad always had an affinity with weapons and Naruto knew he made his own tools. He had no doubt he crafted these himself. “Thanks.”
“Of course.”
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have Tetsuya with him. He'd as lease have some company other than the cranky fox in his head. "Shut up."