The Grass Hasn’t Been Greener Since You Left.
"Come on mom it's time to wake up. It's nice and sunny out, maybe we can go for a walk?" I said to my mom while opening the curtains in hopes the light would bring her dark room back to life.
The only response I got was the same as always. A blank stare and silents.
My mom hasn't been the same since my dad died; to lose the love of your life is extremely hard, as one could imagine. However, it's as if she's in a dream like state. Denial. I haven't heard my mom speak since she found out my dad died; her screams were the last thing I ever heard from her. I thought maybe she tore her vocal cords for a while but, she stopped functioning completely; refusing to cook, clean, eat, speak, and even take care of herself. People said that she would begin the grieving process eventually, but it's as if my mom died alongside my dad and all that's left is her shell.
My dad, Hara Sarutobi of the Sarutobi clan, was a fine shinobi. He wasn't very flashy; however, he was well respected and known by many. He met my mom, Yuna Yuzuki, when they were in ninja academy. My dad claimed that the moment he locked eyes with mom, he knew they would eventually get married. Her long wavey hair and dark green eyes are what really hooked my dad in apparently. They eventually started dating when they were adults, and after three months got married. Many people believed they married to fast or at too young of an age, however they weren't like your average couple. Never fighting if there was it was always a small disagreement that didn't last long. After multiple miscarriages I was eventually born.
I helped my mom up out of her bed and into a wheelchair; this way I could wheel her to the bathroom to get showered and changed for the day. It was always the same routine to get my mom ready for the day. Shower her, make breakfast for her, run errands, clean the house, prepare dinner, put her back to bed, take a shower, and crash. Luckily yesterday I was able to catch up on some much needed deep clean for the house, so I had some time to go hangout with friends. I eventually get my mom clothed and begin making an omelet for breakfast. Shikamaru and Choji came through the door, I must have forgotten to lock it last night.
"What are you cooking Hana?! It smells delicious," Choji says while licking his lips and rubbing his hands.
"Food you can't have idiot. If I made you food, I would have no food left in the house!"
Choji looked down at the floor defeated while Shikamaru and I laughed hysterically. Choji eventually sluggishly walked to the cabinets to his chip stash in my house, sniffling with every bite.
"Hello Mrs. Sarutobi, do you mind if we kidnap Hana after you finish eating?" Shikamaru politely asks my mom who returns the same response I got this morning. Silents.
"You know you don't need to ask her, it's not like she's going to ans—," Before Choji can finish his sentence Shikamaru slaps him on the back of his head while gives him a dirty look.
"He's not wrong Shik. She hasn't talked in almost a year." I say while feeding my mom her food, "I know you're wanting to be respectful and ask her permission, which I appreciate, but she's not my mom anymore. My mom died alongside my dad that day."
"I know Hana, I just thought maybe this could be the day she comes back, you know?"
"I stopped believing she would come back a long time ago." I state in a cold manner.
It's true though. The first month after my dad dies people came by can helped us out. People would bring food, help run errands for us... but it eventually stopped. My mom, who was supposed to care for me, never woke up. So, I had to fend for myself. Cook, clean, run errands, take care of her, take care of myself. A part of me feels like I need to care for her since this is all my fault. I did this to her. To him. To myself
"Hana, Hello?" Shikamaru said while waving his hand in front of my face.
"Sorry" I said. "Let me clean up and then we can head out.
Choji, Shikamaru, and I started walking to the shopping district in the village. Before we left, I put mom back in her bed with the TV on just in case she falls asleep. I don't know how long getting things will take, since were bound to stop at every food place for Choji, so I would just rather she stays in her room.
Choji and Shikamaru have been the two people who have kept me sane since this all happened, especially Shikamaru. All three of us have been inseparable, becoming close after all the other kids wouldn't play with Choji due to his size. I felt this same issue but more because I looked different. My dark brown curly hair, tan skin, and dark green eyes made me stand out amongst the other kids in the village. However, Shikamaru never cared about that. He was always kind to me, being my first friend or really peer to acknowledge me. He always stood up from me when it came to bullies. So, when I saw Choji going through a similar situation as me, I knew Shikamaru's big heart would take him in. He always tried to act like the cool guy who didn't care, never really wanting to get himself involved in things. However, he always found himself standing up for people and putting himself out there. I guess that why I admire him, he never really cares about what others think about him or those he's friends with.
We eventually wrapped up our time in the shopping district, mainly because I had gotten all the stuff I needed for the week, and it was getting late. Shikamaru decided to walk me home to help me carry some things. The sun was no longer in sight; however, the sky was still holding onto its rays. The streetlamps had just begun to flicker on, and the store fronts were beginning to close shop. It was peaceful, the first time I didn't feel extremely stressed, almost forgetting my mom is waiting for me at home. There was always this comforting silence between Shikamaru, and I when we were alone. The only sound you could hear was the wind picking up the leaves and crickets beginning their nightly lullabies.
"Did you mean what you said about your mom, you've stopped hoping?" Shikamaru bluntly spurted out, completely breaking the peaceful sounds.
"Yes, I can't keep waiting for this to past like it's a thunderstorm Shik. My mom has been the same for almost a year. If she ever did come back, I don't know if I could forgive her, or even myself." I can't help but feel a small lump in my throat form as I speak those last words.
"I know it's been hard for you, especially everything surrounding how your dad died, but don't lose yourself... You know what great about a storm, after them grass gets greener. I think your whole situation is such a drag, but there's got to be something positive that has come out because of it, even if its small. Something green must have shown up or is starting to come out now." Shikamaru says with a bit of enthusiasm.
"I learned how to cook. There's my positive. My dad dies and my mom is gone, but hey look at me I can cook eggs and instant ramen... WOHOO!" I say sarcastically while rolling my eyes.
"I mean, you do make better breakfasts than my mom, just saying. "I can't help but chuckle knowing he's not wrong regarding his moms' breakfasts.
"I don't know Shik, I worry about what's going to happen when school starts next month. Who will be there while I'm gone?"
Shikamaru stops and stares at me, "We will figure it out, I'm always here for you. Every step of the way Hana." I can't help but feel a light blush on my cheeks as I stare wide eyed at Shikamaru. I smile and nod at his comforting proclamation.
We continue walking and talking until we return to that blissful silence. The moonlight slowly lighting the way to my house. Eventually we get to my house where we said our goodbyes and parted ways. I open the door announcing that I'm home, almost hoping there would be a response this time.
Silence.
I take a deep breath to worn off the sense of loneliness that is becoming more aware now that I'm home. I take off my shoes and change into some old slippers that no longer fit me. I then I lock the door since I forgot to the night before. I begin unloading the food and other items I need for the week. After putting everything away I check on my mom seeing that she is sound asleep. I close the curtains, turn off the tv, tuck her in and give her a kiss goodnight. I then take a quick shower before climbing into bed. However, I can't help but think about Shikamaru's words. Is it supposed to get greener? It hasn't been that way since you left. My thoughts slowly drift off as the silence engulfs me, releasing all my deepest thoughts into the unknown darkness that is all too familiar.