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Narusasu one-shot.
Enjoy!
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Last night. The night I needed to realize my emotions towards you. I can't bring myself to regret it, not matter how I look at it....
How could I, everything...... Everything you told me, how could I possibly pretend to never have heard that?
How could I possibly pretend I didn't need to desperately hear those words leave your mouth.
The acceptance that you has of me is impossible, the forgiveness you have given me is one I simply don't deserve, and that isn't where you stopped, no you don't stop there at all...
I reported to Hokage's office, we shared a drink on the roof, from mission talk to the past, from the past to memories, from memories to my feelings of loneliness and my mistakes. It got me feeling guilt, so much guilt for what I put you through.
And yet here you are smiling, thinking about the past. How?....how were you able to put it past yourself.
How were you able to forgive me?
How were you able to handle the pain I put you through, the constant torture to your mind. Your emotions, your feelings. How?
How did I find it in myself to be so selfish, to be able to hurt you ruthlessly.
I don't understand.... I don't understand why and how I was able to forgive myself because of your acceptance. Why did your forgiveness mean so much to me and why was it strong enough to change my heart.
Why I felt so strongly for you....
Nothing answers my questions, It's been 6 years since our fight in the final valley, and I still have no answers to any of these questions...
And deciding to ask was the worst decision I could've ever made.
A bunch of sentences simply spilled out of your mouth so effortlessly. Giving no thought about the emotions that you put me through, usuratonkachi, you understand nothing.
To this day, this moment, this very second you're never going to understand what you makes me feel.
"Because I couldn't think of a world where you didn't exist, I couldn't live in a world you weren't in" you grinned like the idiot you are.
"You were and still are the most important person to me sasuke, no matter what anyone else might say or what I might say, it's unfortunate that I'd eventually always chose you over everything" looking down as if almost guilty, guilty that no matter how hard you tried you couldn't change what you just confessed.
Everything you said broke my heart, why do you put me in a position I don't deserve?
"If there was anything I could change it would be-"
"Never meeting me" I interrupted, anyone with a brain would think that but this looser is not only someone without a brain-
"Never, if it was you I'd do everything all over again, my only regret will be not reaching out to you sooner. That will be my one and only regret. I regret nothing else and meeting you never came in question."
-but someone with a heart of gold. Anyone would be lucky to have you all to themselves and yet there isn't a single soul that deserves you in any way.
No one, no one is worthy of you.
"Do you think we will meet again?" you ask looking at the lonely stars wrapped in the blanket of never-ending darkness.
"I'm going to stay in Konoha" I replied in case you thought that I was going to abandon everything, including you and run again.
You chuckle softly, "That wasn't what I meant, I now you'd never leave.... What I meant was... In another life or maybe in the afterlife. Do you believe that we will be able to find each other?"
It's your fault, it's all your fault for making a bond this strong. Naruto you might not realize it but my soul is now bound to yours for eternity. In every life, I'm bound to make horrible mistakes and without you there everyday will be impossible. I need you to find me and save me, like you always did, like you continue to do.
Death could never do us apart, Naruto.
"I wouldn't want that sasuke, I wouldn't want to drift away from you. My life will have no purpose without you there" you confess looking at the stars, your eyes, calm blue eyes reflecting their shine. Why are you saying this? Don't you realize what you are saying.
I looked back at the stars, I'm lost without you.
I'm nothing without you .
You're the light, the sun to my moon. I can't shine, I can't exist and nor can anyone see me without your rays. The rays that light me up and keep me going.
If I was the sky, the dark black night sky, then you would be the stars. Stars that shine so brightly that everyone appreciates the crude darkness that falls upon them.
You're my saviour, my everything, why would I want to drift away from you.
"Sasuke..." why do you call my name that way?
Why do you believe that I'm......
That I'm the one for you?
"Sasuke, I'm serious. I love you, I know you turned me down, but I love you. There is no one, no one I can love more than I do you. Please don't walk away from me Sa-"
"Naruto," I cut you off, "I can't give you what you want."
I turn you down again, I can't do this, not after everything I've put you through in this life. I can't accept your love.
A tear rolls down your eye, "Have I got no place in your heart? Can I know why you can't accept me Sasuke?"
The only person in my heart is you, "I can't Naruto, I simply can't have your love"
I confess watching your eyes widen, "What do you mean by can't have my love?"
I want to let it out, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I want you to find the happiness from someone who deserves you. Not from me. Not from someone like me.
"I don't deserve it" I say simply, looking down at the village and the evening lights of the village hidden in the leaves.
More tears roll down your face...
Don't cry, please.
"So you're turning me down because you think that you don't deserve me?" you ask in a voice that implies that I might be crazy.
What's so hard to believe, I don't deserve your love, your attention or even your friendship after everything I put you through.
Why are you so shocked at my confession?
I look at you, in your eyes you show pain. The pain I can't bear to see, everytime I hurt you, that was the look in your eyes, the pained look in your eyes. Everytime you failed to reach me, to save me from myself, everytime you watched me destroy myself, that was the look in your eyes.
But Naruto.... You never gave up on me, why?
I can't bear to watch you feel the same pain, because of me, again.
Stop this. Please.
I can't take it.
"Sasuke" you approach me, certainty held in your voice. "You deserve me, you have to believe that you deserve me the most" you hold my shoulders and make me look straight into your azure eyes.
"But I don't" I smile at you, the smile I held had not a single trace of happiness, I wasn't able to conceal my pain, my sadness. I feel my eyes water.
"Answer me this Sasuke, do you love me?"
.... I had no answer. Or rather how could I answer?
Of course I love you... I love you with everything I have but it's selfish of me to admit it, I know.
For if I admit it.... You will make me yours.
You won't give up, you will keep chasing me like the idiot you are, if I confessed that I do.
And I, yet again, will take from you what I don't deserve. I'm not going to waver and I'm not going to be selfish.
"I don't"
"Don't lie to me, I'm the last person you can get away from by lying" you say looking into my eyes, "I need the truth" you plead.
I can't give you the truth and I can't lie, What are you making me do Naruto?
"What do you wish to hear from me?" I ask.
"The truth" you ask with certainty. Maybe you're ready to hear it but I'm not ready to tell you.
"Then no, I Do not love you" I say, it's easier for me to lie, but to watch your heart break is one of the hardest things have ever done. The tears don't stop for you, but mine don't either. I'm crying.... I'm giving away that I'm lying to you, right?
You actions become anxious, your eyes show desperation, your breathing steadily rises. I notice it all, how you are trying hard not to break in front of me, the pain you are feeling. I know it all and it's all because of me. Again.
I don't want to put you through this, but what choice have I got?
You look at me dead in the eye, "Why are you crying then?" you ask me in a broken voice.
How do I keep lying to you, it pains me Naruto. It pains me so much.
"I hurt you again... It hurts me" I confess looking at you.
You break a little more at that, I know that you expected me to say I was lying, I know you expected me to love you back.
Oh Naruto, if only you knew how much I do.
You become more restless and hastily decided on doing something extremely stupid.
You hold my cheek with your hand and pull me in.
Our lips meet....
My eyes widen and my heart aches. I've wanted this, I've wanted this so much for so long. I can't help myself, I kiss you back.
My tears roll down without stopping, my arms move to pull you closer, but I can't, I need to drift away from you. I can't have you getting closer than you already are.
Before I could push you away, you pulled back. "Tell me. Please tell me, I wasn't the only one who felt something" you plead, your eyes closed and your forehead rested on mine.
My tears don't stop, how do I lie?
How do lie if you keep this up, I can't hurt you Naruto, I can't hurt you anymore.
You scare me, you scare me so much. I only ever wish to see you happy. So why, why does that said happiness depend upon me?
Why does everything you do have to depend on me.
You're hurting me, you're hurting me so much. I want you to stop, just like before, stop involving yourself with me.
"Why?" I ask you, the one question, have you really got an answer to it?
"Because..." you stop, you don't go on. You're eyes open again. "I don't know" you look down as if you have too much to say and nothing to say at the same time.
"There is just no way I can live without having you by my side....and as a friend is just not enough. What I feel for you is strong. So strong that it hurts me everyday to have you so close and yet not as close as I want you to be. To show you how much I appreciate you, how much I love you. I don't have a reason or maybe I just have too many reasons, if you could see yourself the way I see you, only then would you know" you confess, how am I to react to this?
You don't have a reason to love me and yet you do.
I'm scarred and imperfect.
"You are beautiful and perfect"
I'm selfish and impulsive.
"Your decisions have always been for the better"
I have hurt you willingly and I've been horribly wrong.
"You didn't mean to, you've always cared maybe not in the way I hoped you would-" the disappointment and pain in your voice, please don't do this to me"- but you still did. Everyone makes mistakes, those don't dictate your life unless you let them"
I love you and I want to be yours.
"I ask again, do you love me?" your hands are entangled with mine. The closeness I have with you is one I longed for and I want more. I'm selfish, I want more, I don't want to let you go and I don't want you to leave.
For once in my life, I could be cherished forever though I don't deserve it or I could walk away and hurt both of us endlessly, the choice was entirely mine.
What do I chose? How do I chose, be my light and guide me again, but you will only bring it to your favor.
"How could you love me?" I resorted with a question.
"I've done horrible things and not only to you. I'm feared and hated, you.... You are the hokage, how could you wish for something that would tarnish your reputation, the dream you worked so hard to achieve"
"I don't know, love makes you do stupid things-"
"Well your position isn't one to make stupid decisions over a trivial thing called love." I frowned.
"No, just for once, stop thinking about others. Why aren't you answering my question, why are you avoiding it, why are you lying to me?"
"Because I can't give you what you want. You can't just not think about others, love isn't the only thing that's going to help you, you need to be fucking rational. I'm a criminal, straight out of the bingo book, they might have accepted me as a part of this village upon your will but the could never accept me as their beloved hokage's lover" I raised my voice a little at your stupidity.
"I don't care! I don't care about what they think, I don't care about them. What I care about is you and your opinion. To me nothing else matters!" you raise your voice too.
I start to get more irritated with your priorities, "Do you honestly think I'm just going to let your reputation burn. Do you honestly think I would destroy everything you've worked hard to build, over my feelings-" it slipped, I've done it now. You know now.
"-Do you honestly believe that I'd ever let anything go wrong with you because of me, because I was selfish, because I fucking loved you-" I need to stop, stop me Naruto, I pray you aren't paying attention. Tell me to stop!
"I can't have your love, I don't deserve your love, I don't deserve your affection, acceptance, forgiveness. None of it and I love you, I love you so much it hurts, but how could I not think, how could I impulsively destroy your life. Your hopes, your dreams, your chances at happiness. How do you expect me to destroy that with my hands Naruto!?" you say nothing, your eyes are wide.
My chest hurt, my eyes hurt, my voice hurts, everything...everything hurts. My tears don't stop and I can't calm down.
Help me Naruto, please help me. I'm suffocating.
You stop me from falling forth, "Sasuke...." you manage in a choked voice.
I don't get it...
Why aren't you saying anything, just crying... Why are you crying?
"Oh God sasuke" you cry, you make me look straight into your eyes, I can't stop my tears, the world is spinning and my focus is on you.
Is that all you have to say to what I've revealed. Or are you speechless?
What's going on in your head, what are you thinking?
My chest is burning and so are my eyes, calm me down Naruto. Do something!
You kiss me, you held my cheek and kissed me slowly. It calmed me, it felt like a breeze blew past me. I needed this, I can't think rationally any longer and my thoughts have blurred. I can't take it, I can't stop myself any longer. This is all your fault. I need you, Naruto. I love you so much.
I want more of you, every part of you. Your scars and your beauty. Everything. I long to be close to you, closer than this. These restrictions are stopping me, they're stopping me from seeing you.
I want more of you.
So much more.
When did we get to your place? How did we get here, it doesn't matter. I know that what I'm doing is wrong, it's a mistake but I can no longer stop myself.
You pushed me to confess, you tested my patience. I gave in, I gave into you. I'm afraid, tomorrow you'll leave realizing this wasn't what you thought it would be.
I'm afraid you'll walk away.
I'm afraid you'll walk away after clearing my emotions to myself. What would I do then?
You'd leave me, everyone leaves, I'm afraid to go on. To step in, I've fallen for you and I can't lie to myself any longer, you cleared my emotions.
I don't want to lose you like I did with everyone else in my life. I don't want to let you go, I don't want this to be on a whim. I don't want this to be for just one night.
I want to give myself to you, all of me, over and over again if I could.....but would you want it after you see what it consists of.
Would you want me after seeing how imperfect I am?
Or would you walk away from me saying its for the better?
I need the answers but I'm afraid of them.
"Stop" I tell you, my eyes water again. I'm now afraid of your answers.
"I-if we go on, I can't have you walking away. Stop here if you're going to leave" I say looking into your blue eyes, the one I have fallen dangerously hard for.
Your eyes soften, you look at me with so much love it goes straight through my heart.
"If I leave you, that would the most stupidest decision I'd ever have made. I've fallen for you a long time ago, now that I have you I'm never leaving. Never."
I kiss you again, does everything you say have to make me this happy?
You're capturing my heart, rapidly. In no time, the only home I'll see is in you.
Are you ready to accept me too?
"My heart belongs to you. Tonight if you would've chosen to walk away from me, my heart still would've belonged to you. Earlier you spoke about destroying my chances at happiness-"
You stop making sure to look in my eyes as you speak the truth.
"-the only thing that could destroy those chances would be you walking away from me. My happiness lies with you as does my heart"
You caress my cheek gently as gently as you can.
"Give me a chance tonight to show you how much you mean to me" you say looking at me longingly.
How could I say no to you? How could I say no to this? The very same thing I long deeply for?
When I don't reject your advances our lips meet again, but this was different. I could feel your love through this gesture of yours.
I try to return the kiss with my emotions, and that is when I realize.....just how strongly you feel for me.
Maybe even stronger than my emotions and feelings and you were able to tell me that with just one gesture. One kiss.
When will you realize just how much your actions affect me.
I'm giving in Naruto, I'm giving into you....
Your lips find a way to appreciate every part of me that you find and your hands treasure me. You hold me down as if to keep me safe from the world.
You hold me close as if I'm the most valuable possession you have ever obtained.
And I ask myself again, do I really deserve this? What have I done for you?
My skin burns with your touch and I'm addicted to the feeling now.
I just want to be yours now, make me yours Naruto. Make me yours.
I can't hear anything but the sounds of desire, my thoughts incomplete and mixed up for I can't think straight as you keep going.
I can hear myself already asking for more, the thoughts of need overtook where once lied my sanity. And the feeling you bring to me, oh the feeling. Is this what it feels like to be cherished?
Why do you treasure me so?
I wanted more, this wasn't enough. This was never going to be enough. After all those years of waiting, you couldn't stop either.
Do you want me as much as I do you?
Do you need more?
Do you feel as good?
Do you feel complete now that you are at one with me?
So many questions and I don't know if it's my imagination but everything looked a bit more colorful than before. This night was the night that made me forget my past and what I put you through.
This night made me realize that you would never feel I deserved any less love than any other on this planet.
Why do you love me so?
Why am I the one to reside in your heart?
We go on, together. When once wasn't enough, we went on, over and over and over again.
For the night was still young, you found several ways to show me how much you loved me, treasured me, appreciated me.
Several times you made me reach the peak of pleasure that you and only you would be able to bring to me.
And everytime I released I felt the need to stay with you for all eternity. No one, no one can make me feel the way you do, no one can love me the way you do.
No one is capable of making me feel the need for proximity to another like you can.
I'm connected to you, not on a physical level alone, but on an emotional level, a spiritual level and every other level to fucking exist.
I'm connected to you and now that is all that matters to me. All that matters to me is you.
I wish to know if I'm enough to satisfy you, the way you say my name, it holds so much love, desire and pleasure, you say it over and over again, and I think I have my answer. I don't understand how you could find beauty in someone like me but I suddenly don't regret a single thing that occurs tonight.
I don't know when you stopped and laid down beside me and I don't know for how long you have been staring at my face with several emotions held in your eyes. You hands never once stopped caressing me and the warmth of your body doesn't leave me in this cold night.
You're close to me, so close...no restrictions, just how I wish to be for the rest of my life.
Why do I love you so?
Eventually you talk again, about what I don't really register, I just watch you as your lips move and the various expressions flow through your face again.
You call my name, it seems that you are talking about me. When you say my name it hold so many emotions, your eyes gleam and you grin. Your face lights up at the mention of my name, not necessarily spoken by you.
I feel my heart warm as I unintentionally come closer to you, watching as you talk about me. Then you stop and wrap your arms around me again.
The feeling of belonging somewhere flows through me.
You come closer to me, your face is so close to mine, your lips are grazing mine.
And you say those words again....
"I love you"
The value of those three were never really clear to me, and yet as you say it I feel I know the exact meaning of it, the value of it.
I wish to know what you mean when you say it and yet I think I know it clearly. Crystal clear.
You love me, you always have...
As have I.
Is this what it feels like to be in love? I feel myself falling endlessly, in a world I never knew of.
I don't fear falling, not at all. I want to go deeper, I want see and feel it all.
I want to know you more than you do yourself.
I don't fear being lost in your world for maybe that is where I feel I truly belong.
Then there is this feeling that I don't know enough, there is just so much I don't know and I wish to learn and see it all.
By your side, I want to go on together with you, fall deeper, go farther, know much much more, together.
I say them back to you and I mean it.
"I love you too"
It leaves a weird feel in my mouth as I say them to you, maybe I'm just not used to it.
You smile so happily that my heart soars.
Did you wish to hear those words from me for a long time now?
You hug me and stuff your face in my hair, you hold me so tightly. I hold you back, running my hands over your bare back knowing that I now can without having to feel wrong or guilty about it.
Your happiness means everything to me and if I'm the one you have entrusted that happiness to then I will gladly try my very best to give you what you deserve.
The happiness that you deserve.
When we feel asleep I do not know, but as my eyes open and I wake up to another dawn.
I feel warm and safe.
The world doesn't exist any longer. I only feel you, holding me close, in your warm loving embrace.
I support myself up on my elbow and watch as you sleep. The rays of the sun warmed your face, the breeze blew gently playing with your messy blond hair.
A piece of the sun, that is what you looked like.
A piece of the sun had been bestowed upon me to love and cherish.
How had I ever been so fortunate?
You mumble something along my name and smile, it burns my heart. That smile of yours, so calming, so perfect, it draws attention to your ever glowing face.
I sigh running my hand through the mess of your hair and rest it at your nape. My forehead rests on yours and my lips once again connect with yours.
Your breath stinks, I chuckle to myself and run my hands on your whiskers.
And suddenly I wish to wake up like this everyday for the rest of my life.
Smiling at your face, I start to think. I need a little time to myself to make peace with my choices. My choices of staying with you.
I dress up and look at your calm face before heading to the one place I believe I could go to think.
I came to the half bridge by my deceased clan's territory.
The Uchiha clan.
By my house, I spent days looking at the water in sadness, just me and my reflection until one day as you passed by with your arrogant pouty face, but I knew since that day, I would want to be someone to you.
A friend?
A rival?
Someone important...
And today, I've come to make peace to my choice of becoming your lover by the same waters.
We have come a long way, Naruto.
I sit down.
What I've done to you has been wrong but I know you have forgiven me. It was my turn, to forgive myself.
Last night, you showed me how much I meant to you like you said you would and I, for once, didn't feel guilty at all. I felt loved by you.
After a night such as that one what would my options be?
What would my decision from these options be?
Do I chose to hurt you more than I already have.
Or do I give myself a chance to make up for the pain I've caused you, give myself a chance to be worthy of the love you have to provide.
I smiled to myself, the most probable choice would be to give myself time to heal under your care. To eventually make myself worthy of you.
Every smile of yours that I can bring would prove that I am succeeding in keeping you happy.
Every achievement of yours would be mine, for then I know I'm not hurting you or being a burden to you.
Suddenly I felt arms wrap around me, tightly. I hear you sob, are you crying? My eyes widen.
"Naruto?" I whisper your name while raising my hands to hold you back.
"I'm so sorry, Sasuke.... I'm so so sorry. Just whatever you do, whether or not you forgive me just d-don't leave" you say, I pulled you back to see tears streaming down your face.
"Forgive you? For what?" I ask.
"Last night. I'm so sorry, I wouldn't have done any of that, I swear"
My heart stopped, you what?
"Do you regret it?" I ask you, I'm terrified of what you are about to reveal. What went wrong?
What happened?
You look down guiltily, "I'm sorry sasuke, but none of what I said last night was a lie. I'm so-sorry but I don't.... I don't regret a thing. Unless you feel I fo-" you stop and take a breath absolutely refusing to look into my eyes.
"I forced myself on you. Do you feel that?" you ask.
My eyes are wide. Why? Why would I feel that.
"Even if you do, Sasuke. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. You don't have to forgive me at all, just don't leave again" you finally look into my eyes but you are in so much pain.
Why?
"No, no, Naruto. I don't! Why... Why would you ask that!?" I ask completely shocked at every thing that you are saying.
"You don't hate me?" you ask taken aback by my revelation.
"No, I don't hate you. I don't hate you at all"
"Then last night, I forced you into-"
"Naruto, it doesn't matter how you treat me, I'm not weak. That there is a scientifically enhanced arm, don't forget the cause of it. If I wanted to, I could've stopped you at any moment"
"So then..." you look at me and I smile.
"You didn't force me into anything I didn't want" I clarify it for you. You hug me again.
"So you really love me?" you're still crying.
"I still love you" usuratonkachi.
Your arms tighten and you can't stop crying.
"Why would you think that?" I ask when I realize you don't have a reason to think that at all. Especially since I confessed to you.
"I woke up and you weren't there" my eyes widen, of course!
It was my fault, you thought I didn't...
You thought I was mad at you, you thought I was going to leave because you...
Oh God, how do I even blame you for this?
I remembered how last night, I prayed you wouldn't walk away from me in the morning and I did just what I hoped you wouldn't.
How could I be such an idiot?
"I'm so sorry Naruto. I didn't mean it. I do love you, I came here to clear my thoughts. To make peace with my decision"
"What decision?" you finally pull back. My hand comes to your face and graze my thumb across your whiskers along with your tears.
"My decision to stay with you forever" I see your beautiful blue eyes widened.
"With me? Forever?" you ask as if you don't trust what you heard.
"Yes, with you. Forever" You stayed silent, utterly speechless. Mouth slightly agape before you let out a small smile, a chuckle followed and you started laughing. You sounded so relieved. I noticed it all, I know you loved what I just said. I meant it.
"How did that go?" you ask me with the biggest smile I've seen on you.
"Rest assured it went well" I smile at you. You laugh louder and I chuckle.
You bring me closer and kiss me again. I can tell you barely believe this. "If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up at all"
You kiss me again.
You're forehead on mine and your hands playing with my hair, everything is quiet, peaceful, calm.
I could never leave you now. I don't have a world without you any longer. For my world confides in you and you alone.
"There is a little problem" you say suddenly.
"What?" I look at you.
"I may have left the keys back home. So we are going to have to break in...to our own house" you chuckle nervously.
Our house, I like the sound of that.
"Of course you did, dobe"
I entangle my hand with yours.
"Let's go home"
"Yeah" you smile at me as we look at each other like we are each others whole world.
And that is perfectly right.
THE END!!