Sucker punch
After the nightly attack, shame is what is lingers longer than any other feeling, even more than the habitual thirst for vengeance which surprises even Sasuke himself, especially as revenge is the cause for him being in this dungeon of evil in the first place, although there are admittedly other temptations as well keeping him here these days.
His desire to defeat Itachi is what made him come to this place three years ago, with poisonous rage flowing through his veins, memories of Itachi's actions against the Uchiha clan having tortured him for years before he turned to Orochimaru for help.
It’s not as if that hateful flame has been doused, but admittedly his mind has begun to wander in other directions lately, however much he despises himself for being so easily distracted by a set of golden eyes and the ensnaring of raven locks around his senses.
Orochimaru is all he can think about and he doesn’t’ understand how such a thing could have happened to someone like him who normally has such a one-track mind and killing his brother has been the sole image in his head for so long that he never believed there could be room for anything else.
Sasuke can’t even pinpoint exactly when his focus suddenly shifted.
One day he just found himself staring a little too long at that pale, nimble figure during practice and felt his mouth go dry as he realised that his heart skipped a beat when Orochimaru, unbeknownst to Sasuke’s scrutiny, made a really high kick followed by a graceful air flip, his dark hair like a halo around his head while his body stretched itself like the string of a bow about to launch an arrow, depicting the most enticing vision Sasuke had ever seen.
After that he realised that he had fallen hard for the most unlikely candidate imaginable and he has as of yet not managed to snap out of his lustful haze.
What makes matters even worse and all the more shocking is that he has managed to develop feelings for someone as dark and dangerous as Orochimaru actually is.
He is the one who killed the third hokage without an ounce of regret and yet, here Sasuke is, playing house with the enemy, his heart getting caught in his throat every time he gets even a crumb of that hard-earned attention he can’t get enough off once the first taste was presented to him.
He did initially entertain the idea that it might be Orochimaru’s own doing that caused him to fall for such a depraved being, but considering how things have played out and how Sasuke so far has not experienced any favourable response to his feelings, quite the opposite if he is being honest with himself, he has been forced to discard that idea.
Orochimaru is the ultimate manipulator and no doubt those eyes of his know how to entice a person to do his bidding if subjected to his hypnotic stare long enough.
But in this case, it seems to be all down to Sasuke’s own treacherous libido.
To his infinite embarrassment he has come to realise that he behaves similar to that pathetic fool Kabuto who is all but on his hands and knees in front of his master and still never dares to reach out and grab what he wants.
Admittedly Orochimaru could smite you for even looking at him in a way that doesn’t please him, but considering the amount of time Kabuto has pined for his master it is shocking to realise that he has not managed to come so much as one measly step closer to reaching his goals.
On the other hand, Kabuto clearly doesn’t have what it takes to fulfil any dreams he might have, so it should not come as a surprise that this is slipping through his fingers as well.
Sasuke is not as pitiful as that though, which thankfully is where he differs from Kabuto.
He will not settle for longing when actions need to be taken, a rule he applies to everything in his life.
That being said, he has admittedly suffered his fair share of setbacks.
He still shudders whenever he recalls Orochimaru throwing up all over him before coldly declaring that Sasuke should take his lust elsewhere or the consequences will be far more severe the next time.
And yes, as far as threats go, Sasuke doesn’t doubt Orochimaru’s sincerity behind those words.
He is known for killing people for far less than what Sasuke tried to do to him, a mere snap with his fingers and poof...
But they are at the same time stuck in a very specific situation where one needs the other to get what they want and Sasuke is pretty sure that he is worth more than an impromptu killing simply because Orochimaru is averse to Sasuke’s efforts of kissing him.
Although the current state isn’t exactly the picture Sasuke had in mind when he initially made his interest clear, he knows that there’s leeway for progress in his favour if he applies himself and works on Orochimaru’s resolve until he changes his mind.
Sasuke has plenty of motivation to continue with his pursuing after all and has a stubbornness few others can compete with, so he does not consider his efforts to get closer to the other man to be in vain.
But now, after the assault he suffered in his bedroom last night, his focus has naturally shifted, and for once neither Orochimaru nor Itachi are at the forefront of Sasuke’s mind.
The men, because that’s what they were, even if they all looked very peculiar and more like mutants than anything else, are not people Sasuke has ever seen before and after the attack they are nowhere to be found no matter how much he chases through the hideout’s infinite hallways searching for clues, cold sweat running down his brow and rage brimming in his eyes.
His body aches in every possible orifice and is badly bruised, he has a swollen jaw where a hard punch hit him and he is limping a bit when he moves on account of a kick to his knee.
He slso feels the strong need to throw up when he thinks about what they did to him.
But that kind of erratic behaviour won’t get him the revenge that he desperately needs, so he pushes the memories to the back of his mind, hopefully so far that they will enter oblivion and cease to exist, as he keeps running with frantic steps, searching for anything that will lead him in the right direction.
Unfortunately his efforts prove fruitless.
He doesn’t find them, but instead he finds Guren.
She is sitting in one of the more spacious rooms where Orochimaru sometimes entertains those rare guests that he doesn’t immediately wants to kill or take as prisoners.
Reclining on a futon, popping nuts and small sesame crackers into her mouth, she looks like she hasn’t a care in the world when he storms into the room, screeching to a halt at the sight of her.
She is her usual obnoxious self when acknowledging his presence but he does not let that affect him.
He has never deemed her as anyone of importance after all, even if he knows that she holds a special, more privileged position than most when it comes to her master.
Similar to Kabuto but with some sexual benefits, if rumours are to be believed.
Sasuke isn’t jealous thought, not really, because he knows that what he has to offer Orochimaru will outshine her talents any day, and he can tell who the snake Sannin really favours even if he holds some strange regard for Guren as well.
She is the discarded one after all.
The one Sasuke replaced.
And naturally she hates him for it, more than he can bother to hate her in return, because they both know that he is better, that he surpasses her worth, just like he surpasses Kabuto.
So he can afford to be cocky and arrogant in their presence despite their hard-earned claim over their master, because Sasuke knows that he has them all beat.
But right now, their petty squabbles and bouts of jealousy is the furthest thing from his mind, because he has to get rid of this infernal shame that creeps up his neck and colours his cheeks when he thinks about how useless he was in the hands of those who attacked him last night.
He can’t stand the humiliation of having been forced to just take it all without the chance to retaliate, actually dreading that they were going to kill him, that he was going to die with unfinished business, in a hideout concealed in a forest where anyone rarely sets foot, helpless and vulnerable, never given the opportunity to come face to face with Itach again.
He even feared that he would never be able to see Orochimaru, even if he knows that Orochimaru shouldn’t be his priority.
Sasuke has his set agenda, which is to defeat his brother, and yet other thoughts and wishes has managed to creep into his mindset now that he is in this vulnerable state and he can’t deny that this is how he feels, even if it adds to his embarrassment.
The next morning, at dawn, when his attackers had finally left him, but still hours before the paralysed state of his body had released its hold of his limbs, he knew that he would not be able to tell Orochimaru about any of this.
It would be the equivalent of admitting weakness and despite his embarrassing infatuation, he still has his pride and he knows that there is nothing else for him but to stand poised and defiant against someone like Orochimaru, or Sasuke will never be able to earn his genuine respect.
Guren throws him a quick glance and surely she must notice the state of his body but she probably thinks he got those injuries while training with Orochimaru, vicious as the snake Sannin sometimes gets, even during fights that’s not supposed to maim or kill anyone.
That’s a relief at least, that she doesn’t ask about his wounds, but unfortunately she doesn’t remain completely silent, which he would have preferred.
“What’s up, Sasuke-kun? You look like you’re running from a ghost? Or did you just bump into Kabuto in one of his snappy moods and decided to run in the opposite direction?” she taunts from her position on the futon, causing Sasuke’s hackles to immediately rise.
“What are you doing here?” he sneers in response. “I thought you had done a disappearing act and wouldn’t show your face around here anymore.”
“Mm, you would have liked that, wouldn’t you? You and Kabuto both, I’m sure,” she replies, smiling sharply.
“As if I care what you’re up to. You being here or not doesn’t mean shit to me,” Sasuke immediately snaps back.
Guren snickers but there is a glint of darkness in her eyes as she watches him.
“No, I guess you’re stupid in that aspect,” she says and pops another nut in her mouth.
He knows that she is trying to provoke him, he can tell that she is hankering for a reaction, but he won’t satisfy her desires, because he means what he says, she is of no importance to him.
He is just about to turn his back on her and continue his search when she throws him a casual remark.
“You seem a bit stiff this morning, Sasuke-kun. More so than usual. I know you think smiling is a crime against your principles and you always have that stench of rigid, anger about you, but today you’ve managed to outdo even your usual, boring self. Is something bothering you?”
He stiffens at her words, scared that she will be able to somehow tell what’s happened to him.
But how could she possibly know?
He stares at her, tempted to retaliate simply because she is such a nuisance, but then decides against it because she isn’t worth the effort and he doesn’t want her to think that he cares about anything coming out of her mouth.
At least it’s Guren he is talking to and not Kabuto.
He knows that a run-in with Kabuto would have been so much worse on a morning like this.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but that’s not anything new I suppose, when everything you say sounds like nonsense to me,” he concludes and then leaves, hurrying off before she has the chance to respond.
Despite his best efforts, he fails to track down any of the men who took part in the assault last night and as time keeps ticking, he realises that he can’t spend more effort on chasing shadows without more clues, so he relents to stop running around aimlessly and instead tries to continue with his days as if it was a normal one.
Orochimaru is locked inside his private quarters for the day it seems and Kabuto is nowhere to be seen, but some nameless minion informs Sasuke that he will have to train on his own today and that their master will inform him when the usual routine will continue.
Not pleased about this news but at the same time a little relieved that he doesn’t have to face anyone in the state he is currently in, Sasuke makes due and entertains himself for the rest of the day.
If Guren, who he rarely sees, was able to notice so easily that something was off about him, then Orochimaru or Kabuto would probably notice it as well, and Sasuke simply can’t have that threat hanging over his head along with everything else that is stressing him right now.
So he allows his frustration to vent on the training course Orochimaru has designed for him in the forest, working himself to a trembling mess of sweat and exhaustion once he’s finished, his mind completely blank and all thoughts of the previous night overcome by the sheer effort of straining his body to the breaking point.
His usual protective shields are up again and although still suspicious of every little shadow hidden in the corners and all senses on high alert for another ambush, he feels like himself once more, and comforted because of it.
He has no idea why his body let him down when he needed it the most, why he was unable to fight back, but he suspects that some drug aided his assailants during their assault, even if he can’t figure out when he might have been slipped this supposed paralysing concoction.
The fact that he was unable to move even after his attackers had left him, supports his theory and naturally there are plenty of potions and powders in Orochimaru’s labs that could be used against him, and yet he can’t figure out how someone like him could have become such an easy target.
He remembers his assailants telling him that this was a retaliation for what he had done to their master, but he isn’t sure what exactly they are referring to.
A small voice inside his head keeps pointing him in the direction of his own nightly activity in Orochimaru’s chambers not that long ago, but no one knows about that except Kabuto and he has not made a sound about it afterwards, most likely because he was doing something forbidden himself by being in there that night.
There is a silent war raging between them, which has been the case ever since the moment Sasuke set foot in Orochimaru’s hideout three years ago, but Kabuto is too scared to end up on the wrong side of his master’s favour by doing something truly dreadful to Sasuke, so for him to arrange an ambush like this seems preposterous.
Especially as Sasuke knows that Kabuto was up to no good in his master’s room that night.
He has no proof but suspects that Kabuto was the one responsible for Orochimaru’s unconscious state, and if not for that significant detail, Sasuke would never have been able to do what he did to Orochimaru, and he also believes that Kabuto was in that room to do something similar but was prevented by Sasuke’s entrance before having had the chance to actually do anything.
Sasuke has wondered about that afterwards, if crossing lines into the forbidden is something that Kabuto has dared to do in the past or if circumstances just happened to align perfectly this particular time, but most like he will never find out, especially as Kabuto is avoiding him like the plague after the whole incident.
Besides, Kabuto is a weakling in disguise and lacks the imagination to strike back.
He can never live up to anything remotely threatening as far as Sasuke is concerned and this is something he figured out long time ago, before they became more than just normal enemies, love rivals being a more suitable title these days.
Sasuke has always carried this image of Kabuto as a failure unable to grab what he wants and that is why it rattles him to the core when evening eventually comes and he stumbles upon a scene that rips his view of the world up by the roots in shock.
As he is about to enter the kitchen to grab a glass of water before bedtime, still a bit weary of drinking anything that might be tampered with, he is surprised to find Orochimaru over by the counter, preparing himself a pot of tea in that traditional way he has of making it, as if about to participate in one of those fancy tea ceremonies Sasuke has heard about but never witnessed himself.
How Orochimaru knows how to make tea fit for a daimyo is a mystery, but the man has admittedly been around for a long time, seen many places and has more experience with different cultural habits than anyone Sasuke knows of, save maybe for Jiraiya.
Although, Sasuke is pretty sure, after having spent some time with him, that Jiraiya is all about a specific kind of experience where the fancier aspects of life are not to be considered when a nice little bathhouse is much more tempting.
Sasuke was never much for reading the novels written by the pervy sage even if Kakashi sometimes carelessly left them lying about unsupervised for him, Naruto and sometimes, but most reluctantly, Sakura to leaf through, just to see what it was that managed to capture their sensei’s interest so much.
And, despite his youth back then and the way he usually tended to react with revulsion at the kinky descriptions in the novels, he can recognise a part of the allure in the stories these days, and he knows that Orochimaru has a large part to play in that change.
As the man stands in front of him now, partly hidden by the countertop but visible enough to reveal that he is dressed in a tasteful cream-colored kimono, his face obscured by the dark hair gathered to one side of his shoulder and slender hands handling the preparations of his tea, he is the epitome of everything Sasuke wants right now, everything he hasn’t realise that he craves until having it presented to him, just within his grasp if he dares to reach out.
He is just about to step further into the kitchen to make his presence known when he suddenly spots a pair of hands emerging from the folds of the kimono, snaking themselves around Orochimaru’s slender waist, caressing the silky fabric from down below.
Frozen to the spot, Sasuke simply stares at the dextrous fingers as they trail along the waist to the hips and then towards the buttocks that aren’t visible but creates a nice silhouette underneath the smooth material.
At first Sasuke has trouble grasping what it is he is looking at, contemplating if his exhausted mind has managed to conjure an illusion that is playing tricks on him.
But then he suddenly recognises the slightly calloused hands because of the familiar stains from different potions that continuously colour the digits in a manner that makes those hands instantly identifiable.
They belong to Kabuto.
Who seems to be obscured behind the countertop as well as by Orochimaru’s kimono....
Sasuke’s mind reels as he tries to process the image in front of him and he feels the floor underneath his feet beginning to sway, as if he’s about to buckle at the knees, because what the hell is happening here?
Still staring transfixed at those wretched fingers while Orochimaru languidly keeps stirring his tea with a small whisk as if unaware of his righthand man pleasuring him down below, hidden by the kitchen counter as well as the silky fabric of the kimono, makes Sasuke realise that if helplessness is what he felt when those men attacked him in his bed last night, it is nothing even remotely compared to the paralysis he is experiencing right now as the slick sound of a mouth eagerly sucking on something, suddenly generates yet another level of hell he wasn’t aware of until his ears pick up the sound and identifies it as a blowjob being performed.
It's like his whole system is about to have a meltdown and just as he thinks that he can’t take another second more, there is a rustle of fabric and Kabuto’s head pops up over the countertop to meet his gaze, clear triumph in those bottomless onyx eyes as he looks at Sasuke.
With one of his fingers, he wipes away a drop of drool mixed with precum from the corner of his mouth, raises his eyebrows in defiance before he clears his throat and addresses Sasuke.
“Sasuke-kun, did no one ever tell you that staring is rude?”
Sasuke isn’t able to form a response even if his life depended on it, just as he finds it impossible to avert his eyes.
Orochimaru, clearly satisfied with his tea now, brings it to his lips and takes a sip as if none of the things that unfold around him is of any concern or worthy of his attention.
But maybe it is just difficult to tell how he feels about this as he hasn’t moved his head since Sasuke entered the kitchen, and his features are still mostly obscured by the black tresses of his hair.
The way he stands though, his body relaxed and leisurely, seems to indicate satisfaction.
Kabuto tutting in his direction, pulls Sasuke’s attention back to him.
“Ge out of here, Sasuke-kun, this isn’t suitable for children’s eyes. And close the door behind you as you leave, there is a draft coming from the hallway and Orochimaru-sama is trying to enjoy himself.”
With those words he shoos Sasuke with a dismissive gesture of his hand before he disappears once more down to the floor and the sucking noises quickly resumes, more ardently now with accompanying sounds of filthy moans as Sasuke finally manages to snap out of his stunned daze to turn on his heel and flee.
And as his feet pound the floor of the endless hallways, his heavy breaths panting in the empty echoing tunnels, he is almost certain that he hears the distinct dryness of Orochimaru’s laughter following him into to the darkness.