Covetous
As he finishes cleaning the lab, sweeping a rag across the surface with a neatness that is ingrained in him from his childhood, Kabuto’s mind, as it usually tends to do, lingers around the topic of his master.
For some reason his mind has chosen to recall their first meeting, when Orochimaru was still just some anonymous ninja passing by the orphanage and by pure incident ended up being treated by Kabuto, a pattern which would repeat itself multiple times over the years.
Even back then Orochimaru relied on Kabuto to take care of him, none of them knowing that this would turn out to be a frequent commitment.
From that first meeting Kabuto mostly remembers a young man with very pale skin, long dark hair running down his back and a pair of eerie but fascinating eyes that looked straight into his own childish features while he complemented Kabuto for his healing skills during a time when few other people said much about his abilities.
Kabuto isn’t sure he has ever witnessed Orochimaru acting as kind as he was that time, planting a seed of hope inside a boy who didn’t have many dreams or aspirations to begin with, making him think that he could strive to be something better one day, even if it took some time to break away from the mould other people had decided that he should form himself into.
It isn’t until years later that Kabuto realises that Orochimaru’s words that day made an impact on him and has continued to resonate with profound effect regarding every decision he makes.
Orochimaru was gone the next day and time passed by as it tends to do, but in hindsight Kabuto likes to pretend that his master always remembered him and that there was a reason why they crossed paths again later on.
Orochimaru has a way of making people feel special the first time they meet him, as if they are being chosen for something significant, worthy of his interest and attention.
He whispers words about the promise of uniqueness that manages to rope them in and soon they follow him unquestionably straight down to hell and beyond if he orders them to.
Kabuto has a vague memory of being a nice human being once, as a child he wanted nothing more than to help other people but now his soul feels rotten and tarnished, tainted by his actions as well as the company he keeps, and yet it sometimes feels as if this is his true self and his formative years were nothing but a phase he went through to become the person he is today - a lying, manipulating, fiendish young man with high aspirations and a lack of conscience to pull every trick in the book to get what he wants.
Some might even call him worse than his master in that regard.
He likes to blame this development on Orochimaru but isn’t sure he actually can, and he also wonders if all the other subordinates have gone through this same transformation.
Kabuto has never been present when other dedicated followers met their master for the first time but he assumes that the feeling he felt when he decided to join Orochimaru is the same one they all experienced, and once it got stuck in their bloodstream, it was near impossible to get rid of the need to please and fulfil his every demand.
That loyalty and the hunger for Orochimaru’s attention is so strong that it pumps like a drug through the system, everyone is constantly craving more and when realising how difficult it is to earn their master’s respect and interest, it makes them all fight for every measly scrap he is willing to throw in their direction.
Orochimaru has many acolytes scattered in different places, some of them Kabuto has met, but some he is pretty sure he doesn’t even know about, hidden away somewhere like paper bombs ready to be detonated whenever their master wishes for it.
He has had plenty of time to collect his group of followers and considering his wandering ways, he has met plenty of interesting specimens during his travels.
He grooms them, cultivates each person for a specific purpose and then they either wait for the right time to be of use or they perform other chores for their master in the meantime.
They are all jealous of each other and Kabuto knows that the majority of them hates him the most because he has the privilege of being close to their master at all times.
They have no idea what that actually entails, that he trots behind Orochimaru like a neglected spouse behind an unfaithful mate, swallowing down the bile of resentment threatening to choke him whenever he watches his master favour someone else with his attention.
He makes sure they all think he is the trusted right-hand man Orochimaru can’t cope without and sometimes that fantasy manages to convince even himself, making it all a bit more bearable, but mostly he is well aware of what the truth actually looks like.
He hates all the other subordinates just as much as they hate him and he makes sure no one is ever permitted to challenge his position as the one closest to their fickle master.
Some of them try of course, ambitious and hungry as they are, but he always manages to thwart their plans one way or the other. He isn’t afraid to use extreme measures to ensure they never achieve what they want and he feels no regret about it either.
Orochimaru is well aware of Kabuto’s jealousy and sometimes taunts him for it in that manner he uses when he is slightly amused but also rather annoyed with his underling’s pettiness.
But he never properly tells Kabuto to back off, he expects his henchmen to get along sufficiently to serve their purpose, beyond that he doesn’t care how they feel about one another.
Kabuto still can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not.
If he would like his master to care more about the status between his subordinates and how his own rank should be more solidified within their group, he knows that he has to approach the issue from a different angle.
If he was to open up regarding his devotion with the same willingness as Kimimaro or Guren have done, he knows Orochimaru would lose interest in him eventually, and yet he sometimes can’t help but wonder if they haven’t made the right choice by being so obviously dedicated, because those two continue to be Kabuto’s biggest competition. They share ties with their master that go way back in time and they have talent beyond anything he can ever achieve.
And perhaps it strokes Orochimaru’s ego to know just how loyal they are.
Kabuto is devoted as well, but he isn’t as good at showing it as Kimimaro for example, he is probably the most faithful underling Kabuto has ever met.
He is willing to offer his life, his body and his talent on a platter for his master to use, that’s the kind of dedication you can’t buy with all the money in the world and Orochimaru never paid him so much as a measly coin for his loyalty.
Sometimes Kabuto suspects that his master is rather fond of Kimimaro in a way he isn’t fond of anyone else.
If not for his developing illness, Kimimaro would be destined to become Orochimaru’s vessel one day.
As it stands right now, he will probably never be well enough to be reconsidered for such an honour, but Orochimaru seems to appreciate his willingness none the less and Kimimaro holds a position as one of a selected few that Orochimaru makes leeway for and Kabuto sometimes wonders if it is because Kimimaro has been so open with his feelings for his master, and if Kabuto should perhaps try the same technique.
He can’t see himself gain any advantages by doing such a thing though.
If nothing else, Orochimaru would probably lose interest in him pretty quickly, or even worse, reject his offer straight away. He has never once hinted that Kabuto would be suitable as his vessel, no matter how willingly Kabuto would make that offer and Orochimaru is a capricious master who easily grows bored.
There is always a risk of rejection from someone as changeable as Orochimaru even under normal circumstances but at least Kabuto won’t have embarrassed himself in the process by showing his real emotions to someone who might so easily discard of him.
Kabuto is well aware that he is possessive and jealous and even pathetic sometimes, it’s obvious in the way he bows so low in front of Orochimaru, calls him his Lord and tends to his every need without question, following his every whim.
Kabuto never realised that he was made for servitude like that until he had lived with Orochimaru for a while and realised that he wasn’t the only one tagging along after his master like some devoted pup. Competition makes a person strive to always do better though and Kabuto is certainly covetous enough to not let anyone else take his place.
There are plenty of others, people who has been around for much longer, that technically have a stronger claim to Orochimaru than Kabuto has, he just happened to be the new shiny toy for a while and he took advantage of that upper hand to claim his current status.
That initial phase of being a novelty didn’t last that long, Orochimaru’s interest is constantly wandering and when Kabuto realised this painful fact, he swore to make himself indispensable to his master so he at least would be allowed to stay near him.
While plotting to achieve that position, he started to keep track of his competitors, knowing full well that if he knew enough about them, he would know how to crush them one day, if necessary.
Aside from Kimimaro, one of the first ones that Kabuto finds out has a really special bond with his master is someone he hasn’t actually met in person.
It is an individual that was actually released from her bond with the snake sanning, even if she still carries the memories and scars from her time with Orochimaru with her and allegedly has some severe post-traumatic stress syndrome lying dormant, triggered by circumstances beyond her control.
Kabuto isn’t even sure Orochimaru actually meant to mess her up as badly as he did, there was allegedly something akin to a really special bond between them and she is someone who actually met Orochimaru when he was still very young and not as daunting as he is these days.
At least Kabuto assumes he wasn’t, considering that he himself didn’t find him particularly daunting the first time they met either.
The moment Kabuto realises that someone else has held the same position that he now holds, many years before him, is when he catches sight of a photo of his master as a teenager, standing next to a young girl with unruly hair and keen eyes, smiling proudly into the camera.
He finds the photo in a very unexpected place, among the belongings of the third hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, who is currently away on business and has left his office open to entry for a seasoned spy like Kabuto who is there on a mission to retrieve some scrolls his demanding master is after.
He finds the photo in a drawer and stares at it for a long time, drinking in the details of a younger Orochimaru, no sharp features yet, basically a cute, pale and rather strange-looking kid in a white and purple yukata, not surprisingly having a good sense for how to dress even back then.
Most people stick to a certain garment that they like and which serves the purpose they need, ninjas seldom having the time nor the requirement for several pieces of clothing to choose from.
But as with a lot of other aspects, Orochimaru differs from how people generally are in that regard, because even if he has pieces of clothing that he prefers to wear, he has a wardrobe full of clothes and it all seems to come down to a question of what he is in the mood for when picking out how to dress for every occasion.
There is plenty of silky yukatas and obis hanging in his closet and when he isn’t there, Kabuto sometimes sneaks into his master’s private room to run his hands over the soft fabrics, inhaling the familiar scent and just visualise how Orochimaru might look wearing each piece of clothing.
He has seen him in a few of them but he knows that there are plenty that he hasn’t had the honour of witnessing yt, garments that Kimimaro has seen and sometimes referred to with awe in his voice.
It makes Kabuto gnash his teeth thinking about it, he doesn’t like others having spent time with his master that he himself can never be a part of, and Kabuto sometimes wonders if it isn’t hate instead of love that he is feeling, his possessiveness never faltering.
It’s that same possessive and envious feeling he gets as he watches the girl standing next to his master in the photo. He knows there is history between them and he already hates her for it even if he has no idea about the circumstances or who she is.
Later on he learns that her name is Anko and that she possesses a curse mark that Orochimaru gave her, that she was a devoted student that later on was discarded and that some resentment keeps lingering in their shared history. Orochimaru doesn’t offer up much information but there are others sources to be found and Kabuto collects every piece of information like a magpie stealing treasures.
He feels glad that Anko is no longer a part of his master’s life, he isn’t sure he would hold the same position with Orochimaru if she was still around.
Despite the urge to steal the photo along with everything else he takes with him as he exits the office of Hiruzen Sarutobi, he decides to leave it where it is. He has a feeling his master would get very cross if he found out Kabuto has it.
He sighs as he throws a final glance around the lab, feeling tiredness weighing him down and decides that enough is enough and puts the rag away.
No one will thank him for his efforts and yet he knows that his master would be very displeased if he was to return to his lab and see it untended to in his absence.
It’s those things Kabuto has learned the hard way, it’s better to do more than to do less, and he likes to keep things orderly anyway so it serves his purposes to keep the place clean.
He has no idea what time it is but assumes it’s way past midnight and as he walks the empty hallways he gets the feeling that if staying down here long enough, he would lose track of time completely.
It doesn’t really matter anyway.
His master keeps his own schedule and everyone else is just supposed to adjust to his habits and be available when summoned.
Kabuto finds himself trailing towards Orochimaru’s private quarters, curious if the man will be awake and if so, in what mood he might be in.
They have not interacted much today and Kabuto finds himself longng for his master's presence, that familar magnetic pull that causes him to search for Orochimaru's presence, despite the late hour.
He has no idea what to say if he actually isn’t sleeping, Kabuto has no real business to bring to his master's attention, but he is drawn to him nonetheless and figures that snooping around is what he is known to be doing anyway, Orochimaru will probably not be too surprised by his appearance.
As he gets closer he realises that the door to his master’s private room is slightly ajar and Kabuto furrows his brow as he quietly approaches and prickles his ears, listening for any sounds coming from inside.
He doesn’t hear any voices and he steps forward to silently push the door open to put the room properly into view.
The bed is empty and looks like it hasn’t been slept in and at first glance the room looks deserted, no one in sight to catch his attention.
But then the corner of his eyes catches movement to his left and he turns his head towards the ornamental screen where his master sometimes hangs his robes and yukatas.
It’s paper thin and the light in the room turns it into a perfect canvas for the display taking place behind it, his whole body turning cold and motionless as his brain catches up with what his eyes are looking at.
He can see shadows moving behind the screen, the recognisable shape of his master, his hair dancing as he moves his body, like a snake coiling before an attack.
The other shadow is not as recognisable but Kabuto knows who it is anyway.
He has seen this view before after all and it is always the same unpleasant sight he never grows used to witnessing, no matter how many times he’s been subjected to it.
The first time it felt as if merciless fangs pierced his body, tearing at his insides and sending thick dark bile up his throat.
He managed to steel himself enough to turn his back on the nauseating sight, return to his own room to lick his wounds and these days he knows not overreact even if the sting of watching Orochimaru being intimate with someone else tears at his insides with ferocity.
His rival will be dead one day anyway.
His body is already marked by disease and Kabuto knows how to be patient.
Soon enough Kimimaro won’t be able to move, he won’t be of any use and he will lose their master’s interest. Kabuto is fully prepared to wait for that day to come and perhaps even help the progress along if he can do it without risking his master’s ire in the process.
It’s small comfort to think about the future as he hears a soft moan escaping Kimimaro’s lips and he watches Orochimaru bend over his lover’s body in a way Kabuto can only dream of ever having the chance to experience himself.
It’s painful to watch and yet he lingers by the door for several minutes, as if taking some perverted pleasure in feeling the sting of jealousy claw at his insides.
He hates the sight as much as he can’t stop looking and it’s not until Orochimaru’s familiar silky voice reaches his ears, telling him to get out and close the door as he leaves, that he snaps out of his trance, clenches his teeth in mounting hatred and slowly does as he is told, closing the door behind him as he walks away from something he silently wonders if he will ever be able to have.