Chapter 5
The bad days were getting worse.
Joker was more angry than not these days. Harley dressed too slutty or too much like a clown. Harley didn’t talk right. Harley didn’t respect him. Harley never fucking shut up. Harley was too quiet.
Every time Harley saw Joker, there was a pit tight in her stomach. She had started caking on more makeup to cover the bruises and forcing enthusiasm into her voice when she said puddin’.
Harley knew it was partially her fault.
Because, lately, all she wanted was to be around Ivy.
Ivy was just… Ivy. Like the other day, when Harley was dead tired and her words were slipping out looser than normal and no matter how much Harley tried to correct herself she just couldn’t get it right. Ivy had looked at her in that exasperated way she had and said you sound fine, Quinn. Better than fine.
Harley knew she was attracted to Ivy. Obviously— she had slept with the woman!
But what she was feeling… it felt different. Like nothing Harley had ever felt before.
With Joker, it had been lighting coursing through her veins. Electrifying her, inside and out. So good it hurt.
With Ivy, it felt more like the slow creeping of vines. They had watched some video the other day, on kudzu. A slow climbing vine in Asia, and the pictures. The way these vines swallowed everything up, blanketed them softly in an ocean of green.
It was a little like that, Harley supposed.
Harley chalked it up to finally having a best friend, and tried not to think of it beyond that.
So, anyway, Harley felt like maybe she was just as guilty as Joker.
Because sure, Joker was hurting her. But he still loved her.
Harley wasn’t sure of much of anything, anymore.
“Baby. Harley.” Joker nuzzled against Harley’s neck, pulling her in close. His touch was light, but Harley still felt herself tense. “Sorry about yesterday. You understand, right?”
“Course I do, puddin’.” Harley wrapped her arms around him. “I… You had a hard day.”
“I did. I did and you weren’t there.” Joker pulled back. His eyes were dark. Fathomless. “I hate when you aren’t there, Harley.”
Harley had been out with Ivy, shopping at the mall. Ivy had scowled the whole time, annoyed to be out among the humans, but had smiled softly at Harley as the blonde tried on different outfits.
“I’m sorry, puddin’.” Harley swallowed, her throat tight. The whole side of her face ached. “I’ll be there next time.”
“I love you, Harley. You know that, right?”
Harley nodded.
“No one loves you like I love you.”
It was true.
No one loved Harley like Joker did.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Joker said, pulling her in close. “This way I feel though. You consume me, Harley. Say it. Say you feel the same way.”
Harley thought of kudzu. It looked so peaceful, the way they completely enveloped everything around them.
“I do, puddin’. I love you.”
Joker slammed his lips against hers and Harley melted against him. Joker loved her. He was one of the first people to ever love her, when not even her own parents cared.
Harley thought back to one of the first gifts he had ever given her.
“Do you like it?”
Harley ran her fingers over the choker with the golden J emblazoned on the middle. It was made out of some sort of soft leather and seemed incredibly fancy. Harley never got fancy things. She was a scholarship kid, which was the only reason she was at this school.
“Mista J…” Harley grinned up at him. “I love it. Making me your kept woman, huh?”
“You’re mine, Harley,” Joker said. Electricity zapped up her veins. “Only mine.”
“Yours,” Harley agreed.
--------------------
“Kill me now,” Ivy said with a completely straight face, staring out the glass doors of the library. “It’s raining.”
“Aw, come on, Pammy. That’s barely a sprinkle.” Harley nudged Ivy with her elbow. “If we run fast enough, I bet that pretty hair of yours won’t even get a drop on it.”
Ivy gave her a flat look. “That is literally impossible.”
“Shh. Trust the process, Ives.”
Before her friend could protest, Harley grabbed Ivy by the elbow and dragged them both outside. It was barely a drizzle, more like a mist to be honest, but Ivy was walking with her long strides like they were in some typa torrent. Harley suppressed a laugh over her ridiculous best friend.
“Stop usin’ your tall people privileges,” Harley called, rushing to catch up. “It ain’t fair, doll face.”
“You know what else isn’t fair?”
“Making you walk in the rain,” Harley said at the same time Ivy said “making me walk in the rain.”
They both exchanged a glance. Harley laughed and the corners of Ivy’s mouth twitched. Which was when the sky decided to open up and actually let loose.
“Fuck.”
“Fuck!” Harley cried, but in a decidedly happier tone than Ivy. She grabbed Ivy’s arm, somehow ended up with her hand instead, and they took off. Lighting split the air around them and Harley howled in delight. They were soaked to the bone now, and Harley could barely see through the droplets hanging off her eyelashes. Ivy pulled Harley underneath a little alcove, breathless, shielding them temporarily from the rain.
“Holy moly,” Harley said.
The alcove was barely big enough for the both of ‘em, especially with Ivy and her taller form. The woman had strands of hair plastered against her green skin, and her sea glass eyes were bright. Their hands were still pressed tight together, slick with water.
Harley was aware she was breathing heavy. She looked up at Ivy— beautiful, barbed Ivy and—
“What the fuck.”
Ivy yanked her hand away and Harley found herself instinctually reeling back.
“What? What?” Harley whipped her head around. “Please don’t tell me there’s a bug somewhere, Pammy. Let me die in ignorance—“
“Your face.”
Harley’s hands flew up to her cheeks in horror. Her makeup came away on her fingers, like Harley was the wicked witch of the west and she was melting. Harley knew exactly what Ivy was seeing. Her black eye and the bruise snaking along her jaw.
“I—“ Harley blinked rapidly. “What happens at fight club stays at fight club?”
Ivy’s expression darkened. Thunder rumbled in the distance.
“What happened? Who could have—“ Ivy cut herself off. Her lips thinned. “Harley.”
“I’m fine, sugar. Really. It looks worse than it is and—“
“It’s Joker, isn’t it.”
“Pammy—“
Ivy’s eyes darkened, the green turning into something almost black.
“I’ll kill that fucking—“
“No, Ivy.” Harley surged forward, clutching the redhead’s shoulders. “It’s not— it ain’t like that, Ives. He loves me. I just… it ain’t that bad.”
“Harley.” Ivy looked at Harley like she didn’t recognize her. “You have bruises. And I’m guessing this isn’t the first time.”
The rain poured down all around them. Harley felt like some sort of feral animal, standing there, pinned underneath Ivy’s green gaze. The woman was like some sort of goddess that had always been too good for little ol’ Harley.
“You need to leave him.”
Harley flinched backward, panic clawing at her throat.
“What?”
“You need to leave him,” Ivy repeated, her voice hard. “This is so fucked up, Quinn. This isn’t how a relationship should—
“And how would you know?” Harley didn’t recognize her own voice. Shame clogged up her throat so bad she almost couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want Ivy seeing her like this. She didn’t want anyone seeing her like this. But especially not Ivy, her best friend. Who was now looking at Harley like Harley was something to be pitied.
“How would you know?” Harley pushed again. “You’ve said it yourself— you own parents barely paid you any attention.”
Ivy flinched back. Harley kept going.
“You fuck a new broad every week, barely lettin’ ‘em warm your bed before kicking them out. You’re one of the most emotionally unavailable people I’ve ever met, Ivy. What would you know about love?”
Ivy stared at her. “I know it isn’t this.”
Harley threw out an arm. “Then what the fuck is it?”
“I don’t know,” Ivy said. Her eyes were back to being sea glass. Impenetrable. “And I don’t care enough to find out.”
Ivy shifted away and Harley grabbed onto her sleeve. The desperation and shame leaked out of her, leaving only guilt behind. Ivy had told her that stuff in confidence. And Harley had thrown it right back in her face. She was no better than Joker.
She was worse.
Because Joker at least loved only her, while Harley was out in the rain, feeling like she was about to watch a part of her soul walk away from her.
“Ives. Wait.”
She didn’t turn around.
“Quinn. I can’t— watch this. Don’t make me.”
“Give me time, Pammy.” Harley wasn’t sure what she was even begging for. “Please.”
Ivy jerked her arm out of Harley’s grasp.
“You love him?”
Harley felt tears gather in her eyes. “This is love, Pammy. It has to be.”
If it wasn’t, then why had Harley spent the past year suffering?
Ivy walked away then, out into the rain, and this time Harley let her. She had the feeling that she couldn’t have both: not Joker and Ivy. Harley had to choose one, and Ivy had made that choice for her.
Harley sank down to her knees.
Luckily, with the rain, no one could tell she was crying.