The Assassin of the Milk
~In which Kakashi won't let you commit Dazai'~
A/N: Everyone.. I have an announcement. This is the EIGHTH draft of this chapter. EIGHTH. Why, you may not ask? My best friend, Writer S. Block. Because of Writer, I have had numerous notable brain deaths caught on paper, including, but not limited to;
- Kakashi and Y/N discussing eating sand (Yes, DSMP fans, it IS what you think it is)
- A really creepy nursery rhyme (Sung by Y/N is PERFECT PITCH.. Totally)
- Sasuke falling off the boat (He was pisssedd)
- Teletubbies. (That's all I'm going to say)
Please help me.
^^^Recap^^^
Out of nowhere, Naruto whips out a kunai and uses it to stab his poisoned hand. "Why am I so different!? Why am I always- UGH!" Naruto growls in silent fury.
Sakura takes a few steps towards him. "Naruto! Stop that!" She pleads, "What do you think you're doing!?"
"I worked so hard to get here! Pushing myself until it hurts! Training alone for hours.. Anything to get stronger to reach my dream! I will never back down and let somebody else rescue me. I will never run away, and I will not lose to Sasuke." Naruto declares, "Upon this wound, I make this pledge! Bridge builder, I'll complete this mission and protect you with this kunai knife! A real Ninja never gives up, and neither will I! Don't you guys worry about me, I'll be fine! Now let's go!" Naruto finishes, as you whoop, whistle, and clap.
"Uh, Naruto.." Kakashi says, "That was really cool how you removed the poison and all, but if you loose any more blood, you're going to die.."
Naruto begins sweating profusely with an 'Oh, damn, he's right' expression on his face.
"NO, NO, NO!! I'M TO YOUNG TO DIEE!!"
^^^Present^^^
After *definitely not* leaving the two demon brothers tied to a tree, you all continue on your journey towards the Land of Waves. The farther we traveled, the denser the fog surrounding us became. The sun was hardly visible through the cloud cover, its golden rays becoming a thing of memory. As your little group stops at a dock, you see the ferryperson already awaiting your arrival.
Boarding the boat, you sit next to Sakura on the left side, with Sasuke and Kakashi to the right of you. In front of you is Naruto, with Tazuna in the back. The ferryman begins to pull away from the shore as you begin to sing slightly beneath your breath to ease your nerves. You've never been the biggest fan of water since.. Well, since then.
(A/N: Guess what everybody! We're doing a ✨Tragic Backstory✨)
(A/NN: No, you do not have a say in this.)
^^^Flashback^^^
(TW- Death, Car Crash, Drowning, Severe injury, Blood )
"Mom? Dad?" Your shaking voice could only just be heard, nearly drowned out by the distant sirens. "Where are you guys?"
They said they were right behind me..
Bubbles rose and popped on the surface of the lake, stemming from the broken window of the car laying on the lake floor below.
Your family had been driving peacefully alongside a steep hill when your father fell asleep at the wheel.
Just that one second, just that one moment, was all it took for all hell to break loose. His head hit the car's steering wheel, setting off the horn. Startled, he jerked awake and yanked the steering wheel to the left, sending them hurtling through the barriers placed at the edges of the road, stopping anyone driving by from falling into the lake below.
The car plunged into the water, a curtain of bubbles flying all around the family inside. They sank like a stone, jolting from the impact with the lake floor. Water was rushing in from a broken window next to you, causing you to panic.
"Mamma!? What's happening!?" You yelled, nearly in tears.
"Starblazer."
Your nickname.
Your mother glanced at her leg, which was stuck under the crumpled dashboard. She then looked to her husband, who was unconscious with an alarming amount of blood rushing from his forehead. "I need you to swim to the surface. Can you do that for me?"
"But-"
"No buts. I need you to go now. I love you, Starblazer, we always will. But I need you to live. Promise me, you will live. Now go, we'll be right behind you."
The child gave their parents one last glance before pushing themselves through the open window and up to the surface of the lake.
It was faint, but she heard her Mom say one last sentence, nearly drowned out by the water; "You are destined to do great things."
~~~
We'll be right behind you.
Promise me, you will live.
You are destined to do great things.
The child may have been young, but they were not stupid. After watching the smooth surface of the lake for what felt like hours, they knew that their parents would not be emerging.
They would not ever be emerging, not alive at least.
(TW- Over)
They put their head onto their knees and began to cry, waterfalls of tears streaming down their cheeks.
You are destined to do great things.
"I.. I promise, Mom."
.
.
.
"I won't let anyone else die. Not if I can help it."
It seemed that the universe heard the oath of the little kid, as the clouds parted revealing a clear and starry sky. The moon shone its silver light down upon you, causing you to look up from the tingling sensation on your skin. You could have sworn you made eye contact with one star in particular, one that shone brighter than the rest.
T̷̜̼͕͙̦͕̬͗͐̋́̑͆̈́̐͘͝ḫ̸͓̺͇̘́è̶̳̖̝͚̹͎̭̓̽̒̀̇ͅm̷̤̣͙̳̝̩̾̑̔̌͊̕͝ͅ.
^^^End of Flashback^^^
Y..?
/N..?
Y/N!?
Jolting, you look around, seeing everyone looking at you worriedly.
"You kinda' zoned out for a bit there, N/N-San." Naruto said as Sasuke and Sakura nodded.
"We felt it would be best to snap you out of it.. Y/N, if you ever need to talk .." Kakashi says, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.
Everyone stepped in with their own comforting words or actions, and from the kind words of Naruto to the 'Are-you-okay' looks from the ferryperson, for once in your life, you felt.. You felt at home.
"I'm okay guys, really." You smile a smile that reaches your eyes- You paid close attention to getting that right. You then calmed your breathing and heartrate, resulting in a convincing and calming façade on all fronts.
Convincing enough, at least, to fool the occupants of the little boat.
Is it a bad thing that I'm so good at suppressing my emotions? At acting like everything is okay when it really, really isn't?
After your little moment, the boat sank into silence for the rest of the journey.
Way to go, Y/N. You made things awkward.
However, luckily for you, everyone seemed to wordlessly agree to put your.. episode behind them in favor of completing the mission.
"WOAH!!" Naruto exclaimed, "It's huge!" (A/N: 😏)
Putting the game of scissors-paper-rock you were playing with Sakura on hold, you look up to see the bridge. Sure enough, there it is in all its glory; Unfinished and bridgey.
"Wha..?" The ferryperson says, "Quiet, I told you no noise. Why do you think we're traveling like this, huh?"
"Umm.. To take the scenic route?" You (Validly) guess.
"No. Cutting off the engine and rowing, moving through dense fog- It's so they don't see us."
Naruto quickly moves to cover his mouth as you loudly sneeze.
"Ah-CHOO!!"
"Mr. Tazuna.. Before we reach the pier, I wanted to ask you something." Kakashi says with an underlying tone of Tell-Us-The-Truth-Or-I-Revoke-Your-Living-Privileges. "The men who are after you, I need to know why. If you don't tell us, I'm afraid I'll have to end this mission when we drop you ashore."
Tazuna seems to weigh his options for a moment as we all turn to face him. "I have no choice but to tell you.." He eventually sighs. "No, I want you to know the truth. Like you said, this is beyond the scope of the original mission. The who seeks my life is a very short man, who casts a very long and deadly shadow."
"A deadly shadow, hm? Who is it?" Kakashi questions.
"You know him, at least I'm sure you've heard his name before. He's one of the wealthiest men in the world: The shipping magnet, Gato." Tazuna says.
"Huh!? Gato? Of Gato transport!? He's a business leader, everyone knows him." Kakashi says in shock.
"Who who? What what?" Naruto asks, lost.
"Gato. He's a very powerful tycoon from a famous company, that's true. But below the surface, with the same ruthless methods he uses to take over businesses and nations, he sells drugs and contraband using gangs and Ninja. It was one year ago when Gato first set his sights on the Land of Waves. He came to our island and took control of our transport and shipping- Anyone who tried to stand in his way simply disappeared. In an island nation such as ours, a person who controls the sea controls everything. Finance, government, food.. our very lives. But, there's one thing he fears; The bridge. When it is complete, it will join us to the land and that will break his control. I am the bridge builder." Tazuna says.
"So that's it.." Sakura says, in thought. "Since you're in charge of the bridge, you're standing in this gangster's way."
Sasuke turns to her, "That means that those guys we fought in the forest.. they were working for Gato."
"I don't understand" Kakashi says, "If you knew he was dangerous, and you knew that he'd send Ninja to eliminate you, why did you hide that from us?"
Oh, I don't know.. DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO THE SPEECH MISTER 'I'M SO SMART, I HAVE 27 PHDS'!? IT'S-
"Because the Land of Waves is a small, impoverished nation. Even our nobles have little money." Tazuna states.
*Pause for sip from alcohol, a habit which (At the rate he's drinking) would cost a LOT to maintain*
"The common people who are building this bridge, they can't pay for an A or B ranked mission. It's too expensive. If you end the mission when you drop me ashore, there will be no bridge. They'll assassinate me before I can reach home. But, don't fell bad about that! Of course, my sweet little grandson will be upset. He'll cry, 'Grandad! I want my grandad!'"
Everyone groans, the guilt tripping having been successful.
"Well, I guess we have no other choice.. We'll keep guarding you." Kakashi says, finalizing his decision.
"We're approaching the shore." The ferryperson announced, "We've been very fortunate.. No-one has noticed us.. So far."
"Geez, dude. Can you lighten up on the 'We're-all-gonna-die'?"
As the fog recedes, you are greeted with the lovely sight of land. Quickly jumping off the boat, you don't waste a moment before running off the dock and face planting into the sand.
"Y/N, what are you doing?" Kakashi asks, catching up to you with the others.
You raise your head, a mouthful of sand muffling your speech. "Kakashi, have you ever eaten sand?"
(A/N: DSMP fans, I think you know where this is going-)
(A/NN: I didn't have it in me to remove my brain death from the following paragraphs, and I apologize for any trauma this may cause.)
(A/NNN: Yes, I did go and find the stream and transcribe this conversation word-for-word)
(A/NNNN: Also no, I don't care that Kakashi's OOC, fite me. If I wanna make something completely unrelated and stupid, I will make something completely unrelated and stupid.)
(A/NNNNN: This my overcomplicated way of saying 'timeskip brought to you by Wilbur Soot and Philza Minceraft')
"..No, I don't think I have." Kakashi replies. "I may have when I was a kid, I guess. Why?"
"You could."
"I.. have you ever eaten sand?"
"Yes, I have actually. It's crunchy."
"Please never say that again. Y/N, you had a strange childhood."
You look Kakashi dead in the eyes before replying, "This wasn't in my childhood, Kakashi."
"..."
"..."
~
After walking for a little while, Naruto suddenly stops. Throwing his kunai into a shrub, he proclaims; "Over there!"
Every is quickly on guard, until they realize that it was a false alarm. "Hm, it was just a mouse.." Naruto says.
An irk mark appears on Sakura's forehead as she hits Naruto on the head, "Mouse? Yeah right! Everyone saw through your stupid act! You're so obvious it's embarrassing!"
"Naruto, those are kunai knives!" Kakashi scolds him, "They're dangerous!"
"STOP TRYING TO SCARE ME, YOU STUPID LITTLE DWARF!!" Tazuna yells, going from 1 - 100 real quick.
Naruto ignores them, continuing with his search for the bush phantom.
"Hey, is someone hiding over there? No, they're over there! No, there!" Naruto begins throwing kunai at all of these spots.
"That's it, Naruto!" Sakura says, hitting him yet again. How does he not have concussion!?
"Wha- Why'd you do that!?" Naruto asks in disbelief, "Someone is really following us! I mean it!"
As the two argue, you follow Kakashi to the bush where he discovers Naruto's kunai lodged into a tree trunk alarmingly close to a terrified white rabbits head.
Wait, white rabbit..?
.
Oh No..
.
You whip out your notebook, eyes widening as you confirm your theory.
.
.
.
Welp, that's it! I'm going to die!
"Look out!!" Kakashi shouts as big-ass sword comes spinning towards us.
"Sweet Cinnamon Rolls!!" You shout, ducking as the sword passes inches above your head, embedding itself into a tree.
As everyone looks towards it, you see a certain Ninja clad in his iconic cow-themed clothing standing on the handle.
"ZABUUUZZAAAA!!" You screech, letting out your inner weeb (That is 100% gonna get you killed one day), "IT'S ZABUZA!! THE LEGENDARY NINJA OF THE MILK! ZABUZA, MY BELOVED! I PLEDGE MY SOU- MFF!"
Kakashi slams a hand over your mouth, trying to get you to shut up. "Y/N, be quiet. Now is not the time for you to mess around. Especially not with him. He's not like those other Ninja- He's in a whole other league. If he's our opponent, I'll need this." Kakashi says, directing the attention off of you and onto his headband.
If they get hurt.. No, I wont let them die.
"This could be treacherous."
"Kakashi of the Sharingan Eye." Zabuza finally says, speaking for the first time. "Did I get that right?"
Everyone stays silent, watching him. "It's too bad, huh? But you'll have to hand over the Old Man and the E/C-eyed one."
"Waitwaitwait.. Why me!?" You ask, confused.
Ayo, this ain't cannon.
Zabuza glances at you and says, "Word has it that there's a Ninja that has the future written down in a book. They call them 'The Author of Fate', or 'The Author' for short."
Seriously? 'The Author of Fate?' Ugh, that's so cringe.. Who the hell even came up with that?
"Enough talking." Zabuza says, getting ready for a fight. "I need to exterminate the old man and capture the kid now."
Immediately after he says this, everyone jumps into action. Rushing to protect Tazuna, you stand protecting the rear whilst Sasuke stands on the right with Sakura and Naruto on the left and right.
"So, I'll have to eliminate you first Kakashi? So be it." Zabuza draws his sword before moving, quick as lighting, to the water source nearby.
"Where is he!?"
"He's over there!" Naruto yells, pointing.
"Standing on the water!" Sakura says in shock.
"He's Jesus!" You exclaim.
Zabuza stands with droplets of water circling his body as if dancing, with hands positioned in hand signs.
Oh no.. You think. He's about to do the rock concert- I mean, Hidden Mist Jutsu!"
The mist surrounding you gets denser and thicker until all around you is white.
"He vanished.." Naruto says from your left.
"Sensei..?" Sakura calls worriedly.
"He'll come after me first." Kakashi informs, attempting to be even the slightest bit reassuring.
"But, who is he?"
"Zabuza Momochi. Ex-Leader of the Hidden Mist assassination unit. He's a master of the silent killing technique.
"S-silent?" Naruto asks, afraid to know the answer.
"As the name suggests, it happens in an instant without a sound or warning of any kind. It's so fast you pass from this life to the next without even realizing what has happened. Even the Sharingan cannot fully neutralize it, so don't lower your guard."
"The mist is getting thicker and thicker.." Naruto says in awe.
Yeah, no shit Sherlock.
"The Land of Waves is surrounded by ocean. The swirling mists are ever-present." Tazuna responds.
Ignoring them, you look around in search of the cow rip-off, eyes laser-focused. Where is he..?
"Eight points." Zabuza's voice cuts through the mist like a knife.
"What's that!?" Sakura gasps.
"Larynx, spine, lungs, jugular, subclavian artery, kidneys, heart. Now, which will be my killing point?"
"Oh! OH!" You speak up, "Heart! Strike me through the heart like cupid, my little calf!"
(A/N: That physically hurt to write. It was probably even worse to read.. Oh, I can see the comments now..)
"Calf..?" Zabuza asks, caught off guard at the pet name.
"Mmhmm! Cause' you look like cow!"
"I do not look like a cow."
"Dude, have you looked in the mirror, like, ever?"
"I'm gonna kill you the second I'm done with that Sensei of yours."
"Not if I kill myself first."
Kakashi, breaking up your banter, performs a Jutsu that propels the mist away from you all. As you looked around your now-visible surroundings, you see Sasuke standing frozen with a kunai in his hands.
"Oh HELL NO!" You quickly run up to him, carefully taking the kunai from his hands.
"Hey!" You say, slapping him. "Cut it out! We already have one suicidal person on this team, and we don't need another! Sasuke Uchiha, remember what you fight for."
Sasuke's eyes widen for a moment as he gives you a rare, soft smile. Gently grabbing your wrists (To stop you from continuing to shake him like a magic eight ball), he looks at you with newfound determination.
Kakashi, being the hurricane-on-your-parade he is, decides he ALSO wants to be inspirational. "Sasuke, I'll protect you with my life. All of you. I will not allow my comrades to die. Trust me."
Yeah, cause' you did such a great job with Rin, you attention-stealing fu-
"I wouldn't be so sure." With that declaration, Zabuza your beloved suddenly appears in front of Tazuna. "It's over."
.
.
.
Ayeeeeee CLIff hanger!!!
Heheheheh, Writers Block go brrrrrr.
P.S, It's so late it's early where I am right now, and I genuinely need sleep. You can probably tell from the sketchily written A/N above. So, that's it for now!
See you in the next chapter,
-Rando :]
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
HAKU MY BELOVED,
I LOVE YOUUUUU
P.S.S, ...Dear Perry Platypus, GO TO SLEEP AUTHOR.