Chapter 4
Genma was a chill guy. He was. Until Raido almost stole Naruto.
Then he started hiring genin to bother him. There was this one genin team he hired specifically because damn it, they were good. Very, very good at annoying people.
He also hogged Naruto a bit more. He should probably be scared of anything Kakashi might throw at him but oh well. Kakashi was away on a mission and Genma couldn’t care less what Kakashi had planned.
“Weasel-neechan?” Naruto said. Anko snickered from where she sat in the tree. “I want ramen.”
“For dinner,” Genma nodded, “Ichiraku is closed right now getting your food ready.”
“Is it dinner yet?” Naruto asked.
“No, not yet,” Genma sighed, “It’s a pity, but we just finished lunch.”
“Incoming,” Anko hummed.
“Genma!”
“Oh, it’s weirdo guy,” Naruto hummed, picking up a dandelion. “Is green weirdo guy coming too?”
Genma choked on a laugh, ruffling the yellow hair. “Let’s hope not. We can’t deal with two weirdos. It’d just be extra weird,” he snickered.
Naruto nodded solemnly, “Super duper weird.”
“Genma! Look at what you made them do!”
Genma looked over his shoulder, choking on his spit as bedazzled Raido stormed over. With a skirt sewn into his pants. He’d have to pay them extra.
“He looks like a pretty princess,” Naruto said.
Anko fell out of the tree, cackling as pink and yellow sparkles fell down around Raido. “You look super pretty,” Naruto beamed at him. “Like a pretty princess’s in the books Dove-neechan reads me!”
“I bet I do.” It was a miracle on Raido’s part that he didn’t sound bitter. “I have to talk to Genma for a-”
“No! He was playing with me,” Naruto huffed, latching onto Gemma’s arm. “Go away weirdo.”
Raido spluttered and Anko wheezed as Genma hugged Naruto closer to him. “Yeah, go away weirdo.” Genma snickered as Raido flashed a threat in the Konoha sign language and stomped off.
“Ne, Weasel-neechan?” Naruto asked, “Hide-and-seek?”
Genma sighed, standing up. “Don’t think I’m going easy on you,” Genma said, smiling competitively at the kid.
Naruto giggled, “You count first!” And he was off. Running towards the playground.
“No peeking, Genma,” Anko sang.
“Shut up,” Genma rolled his eyes, not panicking about losing sight of Naruto. Anko would have seen where he went. “10! 9! 8! 7!” Genma counted down, eyes scanning the playground for any sign of the bright blonde hair that blinded most of the ANBU in the mornings and scared the living shits out of them at night when he was stealing out of the cookie jar.
He scanned the playground, frowning when he didn’t spot the normally bright hair. There’s no way that kid could just disappear. He checked for distinct chakra but that was gone too. How the hell…?
That kid better not disappear, or else it was to the early grave at Kakashi’s hand.
“Anko?” he asked. She shrugged, eyes darting around. How did they lose the kid?
Genma walked around, eyes darting around and looking for the bright ball of sunshine. He couldn’t lose Yondaime’s son. Not when he was tasked in making sure he stayed alive and as well as he could be surrounded by ANBU.
Maybe that’s how he learned to effectively hide from them. Taking from the cookie jar had to be more than a weekly occurrence.
He glanced at Anko and saw the panic on her face. She pointed to the left and Genma turned, yelping when he was met with Satoshi’s cold stare. “Uh-hey, Satoshi!” he laughed nervously, taking a step back.
“Where’s Naruto?” he asked, hands snaking to his weapons pouch.
Genma took another step back, “He wanted to-uh, play hide and seek! Come on Naruto! You win!” He laughed nervously at the glint in Satoshi’s eyes. “We’re just-holy fuck!”
Genma screeched when Naruto jumped down, clinging onto Satoshi’s back. “Hey, Bear-niichan!” he exclaimed.
Genma had to hand it to Satoshi. He was able to hide his surprise very well. And was that a little bit a fear? Respect too?
“Where did you come from?” Satoshi asked.
Naruto grinned, “Up there.” He pointed to the canopy above the climbing area in the playground.
“Up there?” Genma said, “How’d you even get up there?”
“Climb!” Naruto beamed.
“And where were you when he scaled a 10 foot structure?” Satoshi said.
“Counting,” Genma said, “Anko was watching!”
“Hey! Don’t put the blame on me!” Anko whined.
“I was playing with a kid,” Genma rolled his eyes, “You weren’t.”
“Naruto-kun.”
“Cat-chan!” Naruto beamed, launching himself off of Satoshi and at the two Uchiha. “Bird-chan!”
“Naruto-kun!” Shisui exclaimed, catching the little gremlin and spinning him around, “How are ya?”
“I’m good!” Naruto beamed, “Me Weasel-neechan we’re playing hide-n-seek!”
“Who won?” Shisui asked.
“Me of course!”
“Nice!” Shisui rubbed Naruto’s head. “Genma-san never was good at finding people.”
“Shut up,” Genma scowled. He was plenty good at hide and seek.
Just not ANBU hide and seek. Which dealt with trying to find people while they actively move around and throw kunai at the seeker. He hated ANBU game day.
Some people thought that ANBU was just a group of emotionless shinobi who had nothing left, no fucks to give. It really was just a group of elite shinobi who wanted to get away from their first skin and into a second. Usually filled with tokobetsu jounin, regular jounin, and elite jounin. So really, it’s just a bunch of adult children playing dress up and doing more sketchy missions.
The ANBU were only scary because the masks conceal their emotions. They still felt them.
“Ne, ne, Bird-chan. Wanna have ramen?” Naruto asked. The brat.
Genma said they’d have it for dinner. But the freaking brat knew that Shisui would take him to Ichiraku then if Genma said no, he’d be the bad guy and Naruto would get the wobbly lip and that forced tear then he’d get glared at by Satoshi, Shisui, Anko, and Itachi.
And when Itachi glared, it was scary.
Genma sighed as Shisui agreed, putting the brat on his shoulders and walking towards Ichiraku.
“That was a lost battle,” Satoshi sighed, placing a hand on Genma’s shoulder. “Shisui-kun never says no to the kid.”
It was at the tip of his tongue to say ‘you don’t either’ but he really didn’t want to be a target of next weeks games. So he bit his tongue and trudged behind the Uchiha pair. At least he’d have time for a nap, they would gladly entertain Naruto. Maybe even bring mini Itachi to play with Naruto. Fugaku could shove his disapproval somewhere else. Sasuke and Naruto got along well and Genma would keep it that way.
And Genma wouldn’t be responsible for the few corpses in the Naka river if Root doesn’t back the fuck off.
They stroll through the village, Satoshi getting four marriage proposals — which is a high score within an hour — and turning them down.
Naruto was quieter than usual, though, curling onto Shisui’s head and playing with fluffy hair. He usually chartered nonstop about all the sights and new things not even Genma noticed.
But he was quiet.
Genma watched him intently, watched how Shisui looked up slightly when Naruto flinched, his hands tightening on Naruto’s legs while Naruto’s tightened in his hair. Something was going on and Genma didn’t like it.
“Ichiraku!” Shisui exclaimed, pulling Naruto out of his silence.
“Teuchi-jiichan!” Naruto called, squirming down until Itachi lowered him. The kid ran into the stall, jumping up onto the stole.
Satoshi sighed, shaking his head before following the two Uchiha in to the ramen stand.
“Hey, Naruto-kun! How are you?”
“Good! Bird-chan said he’d get ramen!” By then, Teuchi had gotten used to Naruto calling them by their ANBU code names, never batting an eye even as knowing their code names could put them in line for interrogation.
Then again, Teuchi probably knew a lot more information then they knew. A lot of high profile Shinobi came here after all. Both Ayame and Teuchi has seen Kakashi’s face. Genma would bet money they have been offered money to get them to tell them some gossip or even a picture of Kakashi’s face.
“Well, Shisui-kun, I hope you got paid recently,” Teuchi hummed, a glint in his eye, “I need Naruto-kun to taste test a lot of my ramen today.” They all knew that Teuchi never gave him something different. But that didn’t stop Naruto’s wailing when they tried to cut him off. It was an easy thing to say that Naruto had them wrapped around his chubby little fingers.
They all ordered, minus Itachi who had to go pick up Sasuke from his grandmothers, and chatted around. Genma purposely sat right next to Shisui, eyes on him the whole time.
“You saw it too,” Shisui hummed, eyes darting around. “Root?”
Genma nodded, “Yeah. Their hanging around Naruto too much for comfort.”
“We’ll just have to have someone with him at all times,” Shisui shrugged.
“And the flinches?” Genma asked.
“I don’t know,” Shisui sighed. He smiled at Ayame who placed ramen in front of them. “Thanks, Ayame-chan!”
Ayame chuckled, “Of course.”
“Thanks for the food,” Genma hummed, digging in. Maybe ramen wasn’t so bad midday.
“I asked Naruto-kun about it. He just shook his head and played with my hair.” Shisui shrugged helplessly, “I’m pretty sure he’s not telling us something. And it’s probably really obvious that when we find out, we’re gonna hit each other over the heads for not noticing.”
Genma snorted, “Isn’t that how it usually is?”
Shisui huffed a laugh, “Your not wrong there.”
They watched Naruto start an energetic conversation with Ayame, effectively slowing down the intake of ramen. Maybe he’d admit to being full instead of eating 10 bowls of ramen.
That’s the hope at least. Genma has yet seen proof that it works. He gave up after the first temper tantrum.
“Hey, anyone notice that Kashi-kun hasn’t been around a lot?” Anko said, something mischievous in her eyes. Genma feels bad for Kakashi already.
Satoshi nodded, “I have,” he said.
“Yeah, Naruto-kun’s always happier after trips with just Kakashi-taichou, though that’s normal.” Shisui smiled at Naruto when the kid looked at him.
Genma shrugged, “I just thought he’s been trying to get Naruto-kun out of HQ.”
“Well, I sent a snake to tail him-” Satoshi looked on the verge of giving a lecture about not spying on comrades. “-and he’s been with Umino Iruka.”
Genma choked on his ramen. Shisui patted his back, though just as shocked.
“What?” Satoshi’s eyes were wide.
“They have shown up here together,” Ayame hummed.
“Cozy too,” Teuchi said, placing another bowl in front of Naruto.
Just because Teuchi heard information that put him on the ‘Civilian protection’ unit didn’t mean he never fed the gossip. Harmless gossip like dating always originated from here.
“Yeah! Kashi-kun even let Iruka-chan hold Naruto-kun!” Genma was gonna go into shock. “And Kashi-kun even let Iruka-chan hug him!”
“We’re gonna need to interrogate both Kakashi-san and Umino-san,” Satoshi hummed.
“Iruka-kun’s seen Kakashi-kun’s face too,” Ayame chimed in and holy shit. What?
“Have they been-”
Ayame snorted, shaking her head, “I asked the same thing to Iruka-kun. Naruto-kun’s got in their way every time. At least that’s what he said.”
Genma grinned, ruffling Naruto’s hair, “Good job!”
The gesture got him a side eye, but Genma didn’t find it in him to regret it.
Shisui fake sniffled, wiping a tear from his eye, “Our Kakashi-chan is leaving us!”
“We’ll have to save him from this love that is tearing us apart!” Anko cried, swinging the bowl back like sake.
The idiot. She even admitted to being clumsy. They all stared at the broken bowl on the ground and the broth stains on her jacket. She laughed sheepishly, smiling at Teuchi innocently.
Satoshi didn’t even flinch. “Thanks for offering to pay, Anko-san,” he hummed, stirring his noodles.
“Thanks Anko-chan!” Shisui grinned.
“Shut up,” Anko grumbled.
Naruto patted Anko’s arm sympathetically, “Don’t worry. You get another ramen, Dove-neechan.”
Genma and Shisui snorted, snickering as Anko stared at Naruto’s ninth bowl, soon followed by a tenth. “There goes my last mission’s pay,” she grumbled.
Naruto stared at her for a moment longer before shrugging, smiling happily as he ate his ramen.
Genma laughed, patting Anko on the shoulder, “You know your clumsy,” he said.
“Shut the f-”
Anko froze as both Satoshi and Teuchi stared her down. Oh, how Genma wished he had popcorn.
“Dove-neechan?” Genma nearly cried as Naruto hesitantly offered up his ramen, “Do you…want some?”
Anko smiled shakily, “I’m good. Thank you though, Naru-chan.” She wiped a false tear in her eye as Naruto sagged in relief, quickly eating the rest of his ramen as if she would attempt to steal it.
Which she would, but she’d be banned from Ichiraku and the ultimate target of everyone in the ANBU and would be in the hospital for the next month.
The ANBU were all very protective of Naruto after all. Anyone who does any harm to Naruto would, ah, be dealt with in a not at all peaceful way.
Genma snickered at Anko’s dejected face as she paid, yelling a farewell to Teuchi as Anko mourned her brokenness.
“Ne, ne, Weasel-neechan! Read me a story?”
Genma internally died, but outwardly, he nodded. “Sure, I can read you a story when we get back.”
Naruto cheered, draping himself over Genma’s head. He yawned sleepily.
Satoshi smiled at Naruto before turning off the road, “I’ll be investigating Umino-san tonight.“
“Alright. Have a good night sir.” Genma grinned, shunshinning into his ANBU room. By then, they’d gotten Naruto used to it. The first time they’d done it with him, he threw up and then begged for ramen.
“What do you want me to read tonight?” Genma asked, snagging Naruto’s night clothes and helping him get dressed, ruffling his hair when he finished and hoisting the kid onto his bed.
“Ah-the one where the bad guy fought against the sho-shodaime!” Naruto grinned.
Genma sighed, changing into his night clothes — which was really just want he went out in: sweatpants and a different tank top — and hopping into bed, letting Naruto cuddle into his side. “That one again? I did that one last time!”
“Again!” Naruto tugged Genma’s arm until he could hang onto it.
Genma dramatically sighed, though his lips quirked up, “Well. Our Shodaime, after hearing reports of the Kyubi being spotted with his long lost friend…” He recited the story, smiling as Naruto slowly drifted off, snoring slightly. Genma sighed, shuffling down and tossing a kunai to turn off the light. It was a little late to move away, but Genma didn’t really care. Naruto was a comforting weight.
Gods, he really was stupid for being wary of Naruto when he was younger. He’s so glad he worked through it. How could he ever be wary of this ball of sunshine?
Genma sighed, shifting down and cloak by his eyes, letting his breathing slow down and smiling as Naruto curled into him.
As unconventional as it may be, he’s glad Hiruzen placed Naruto in their care.