You had been dreading this day all week.
Ever since the invitation arrived in your mail, you’d been wrecking your mind, trying to think of excuses— something, anything, to get out of the dreadful misery this day was about to present. Any possibilities of a sudden ankle fracture or an unexpected call to duty, however, were put to rest when you ran into your dear friend, the childhood bosom bud you’d recently reunited with after ten years, on your run to the grocery store this morning— who demanded—well, warned, really— that you “better fucking show up” to what was going to be one of the most important nights of her life.
So there you were now, standing in front of your closet which was filled mostly in hues of blue or black, and rolls of what people refer to as “practical clothing”, looking for that one peach-colored dress you had stuffed at the back somewhere after the last time you wore it— the one that your mother had given you many moons ago on your birthday.
If you had known that you would be coerced into attending an engagement party not five days after your return to your village, you’d have delayed your return. But fact of the matter remained that Kurenai was indeed your best friend, and if your being there mattered to her that much, then perhaps you could push your own feelings—and by that you meant your general detest towards weddings and anything involving matters of the heart (Shinobi don’t show their emotions, that’s rule one) aside. Well, that and the fact that she threatened to hunt you down if you deigned to not show up.
But it’ll be fine, you told yourself. You would go, congratulate the happy couple, smile and nod at the people who approach you, have a round of drinks and appetizers, and slip out as soon as the crowd thickens. All in all, it shouldn’t take more than one, one and a half hours tops. You could do one and a half hours. It’d be fine.
Forty minutes and heaps of wrinkled clothes scattered all over your floor later, you finally managed to find the dress you were looking for. It’d need ironing and there was a stain in the front, but it could be covered up with the silver butterfly pendant you had. A quick glance at the mirror informed you that the load of laundry you were about to do would have to wait until tomorrow. Your hair was greasy, and you needed to do something about the bags under your eyes.
And of course, a present. You needed to get a present. This truly was turning out to be a massive pain in the ass.
...................................................................................
With the towel wrapped around your hair, you laid your dress out on the ironing board. You must have been eighteen when you last wore it but thankfully, it still fit. It was a beautiful piece— the fanciest piece of clothing you owned, no doubt, with a sweetheart neckline and lace detailing at the back.
Seeing the dress after so long did open a floodgate of memories…
It had been one week since your sixteenth birthday.
You had just passed your jounin exams.
You could still recall how the air felt that day, grain to grain in your mind. You were elated, you’d worked so, so hard for months. And finally, it had paid off. Anything seemed possible that day. The sky was the colour of water, the sun had never shone brighter. Everything was possible.
Even confessing your emotions of deep adoration to the boy you’d admired all through your young years.
It’s now or never, you’d told yourself. You’d never feel as courageous as you did that day. It was the perfect time.
And so, you’d put on your best dress, picked some daisies from your backyard, and strode off to where you knew you’d find him—the boy whose name cluttered the last pages of every notebook of yours, the one who starred in each of your daydreams— Kakashi Hatake.
You’d found him climbing a tree in the forest, a piece of cloth tied over his eyes and another tying his hands to his back. Chakra control practice.
You still remembered the tremor of your voice and the gigantic gulp you’d taken before uttering the next words. “Kakashi, would you mind coming down for a minute?”
The words were set on your tongue and your little heart banged within your ribs. You’d watched as he climbed down the branches with his eyes and hands redundant with the same meticulousness of a cat.
The moments he had taken to take off the blindfold and free his hands may have been the longest moments of your life.
And then, he’d fixed his dark eye on you, the frown on his face making his annoyance at being interrupted painfully clear. “What is it?”
Now usually, this is the part where you stopped reminiscing and yanked yourself out of the memory. If only you could go back in time, grab your younger self’s wrist, and yank her out of that very situation itself. But alas, that’s not how things work.
Back when the wound was still fresh, you’d replayed the next few moments time and time again in your mind but with the years, you’d mostly succeeded in blocking that part out entirely, as if you could just ignore it out of existence.
You hated to admit it now, but it truly had broken your naive heart into pieces. After all, being met with an impudent “That’s stupid, you shouldn’t” after confessing your admiration to the guy you’d written poems about in your journal isn’t exactly every sixteen-year-old’s dream.
But these were all in the past. Now when you thought of that moment, you just felt pity for your young, foolish self.
If only you could go back in time and…
Regrets aside, you were proud of how far you’d come. There was very little that could faze you now and things like juvenile crushes and fantasies about romance were things of the distant past. You’d burnt your journal not long after that incident—the one filled with poems about how Kakashi’s hair reminded you of the moon.
Eurgh. The thoughts made you cringe now.
It’s not that you didn’t find chances at romance past that one unfortunate incident. You’d left the village at seventeen, and in your ten years of voyage around the world learning about medicine, you’d come across many a man who had shown interest in you. But none had piqued yours.
But now, finally, you were home. Truth be told, you’d missed Konoha. The village, at least. The people…were another question. Once you’d left, you were almost completely out of touch with your friends back here and it had partly been intentional.
Which was another reason why the evening’s ceremony was turning out to be a particularly dreadful affair for you. You hadn’t seen these people in a decade and now to see them all together, at one place, in an engagement ceremony of two of your old classmates…it was all a bit overwhelming. You never were much of a socializer and after that incident, your self-esteem had taken a huge blow, leading you to mostly isolate yourself from your peers. It also hadn’t helped that Kotetsu and Izumo had been sparring that hapless day not far from where Kakashi was and had watched the entire situation unfold in front of themselves, and had then taken the liberty to do a dramatic retelling of the events to each of your comrades, with embellishments and exaggerations added for flair. You had been mercilessly teased, mocked, and ridiculed for weeks.
Sigh.
Was there really no way you could get out of this?
........................................................................................
You stood in front of the big stretch of lush green grass, known as the Konoha Public Park. Yellow lights twinkled in the distance where chairs and tables had been set up in close circles. Rows of cherry blossoms stood swaying along the edges of the park, their feathery pink petals swirling about and settling on the grass under your feet.
Soft music and cackles of laughter flowed into your ears from where you stood now. Right ahead of you was a small arched bridge, hovering over a stream of water. The way the lights danced on the water made it look like little stars were floating along the currents.
The place really did look beautiful.
They must have spent thousands on this thing, you couldn’t help but think. It made sense. Asuma was the third Hokage’s son after all.
All around you, more and more people started to come in—mostly in pairs of two. You still didn’t see anybody you knew yet, and you couldn’t decide whether that was good or bad.
Far in the distance, your eye caught Kurenai, arm in arm with Asuma, throwing her head back and laughing at something he must have said.
Alright.
You took a deep breath.
Here we go.
Once inside, the sea of faces—some familiar, some unfamiliar was making your mind dizzy. Wherever you looked, it seemed like the throngs of happy couples never ended. Was everybody on some kind of love potion in this town?
Your mind was telling you make a run for it, but it had only been— you checked, twenty minutes. You had already met Asuma and Kurenai and congratulated them, and exchanged niceties with a few other old friends who had come to ask you about your journey.
You had yet to pass forty more minutes somehow and there was only one thing to do—hit the bar.
The bar was a few feet long counter on one corner of the park, stocked with all sorts of premium brands and manned by three people dressed in black and white.
If this was the engagement party, what in the hell were they gonna do for the wedding?
“Hi, can I have a vodka cranberry, please?” you said, sitting down on a stool. This spot provided almost an entire view of the venue and you could see two very familiar-looking guys making their way towards the bar, and judging by the way they were vehemently waving their hands, it looked like they—Kotetsu and Izumo recognized you too.
You had NOT prepared for this.
Thankfully at that very moment, the bartender slid a glass of crimson liquid across to you. The ice cubes bumped around on the surface as you grabbed the glass in one hand and your purse in another, took a quick sip, and made a dash for the farthest end of the park, completely cut off from all the merriness.
Clutching the glass close to you, you took quick, hasty steps–stumbling and tripping your way along the sprawling field, all the while keeping an eye behind you to make sure you weren’t being pursued. The grass was uneven in some parts, and your heels weren’t helping.
With a lurch of your heart, you felt your toe hit what must have been a rock. In seconds, your glass was flying from your hand as you attempted to steady yourself, only to feel your body crashing into someone else’s with a thump.
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I’M SO SORRY,”, you screamed out, before looking up to glance at the unfortunate bystander whom you had no doubt doused in your drink. “Please let me-”, you started, but your words dissolved in your throat.
Your drink was fine.
The glass was intact.
And holding it was none other than Kakashi Hatake– the last man you ever wanted to see, let alone crash into.
Great.
Okay, deep breaths. Maybe he won’t even recogn–
“Hello, y/n.”
Ah, perfect.
Words, words, words. What are some words?
“Kakashi”, you heard yourself respond. Thank God.
Within the walls of your brain rang a thousand different sirens.
“I heard you were back in town, you look well”, said the man in front of you, whose figure towered several inches over your head.
You didn’t remember Kakashi being quite so tall. But then again, the last time you’d seen him, he’d only been a boy. His gangly limbs had grown into muscled arms, his once gaunt torso, now broad and firm–even beneath the dark grey suit that he was clad in right now.
You hoped you didn’t look too floored.
“Yes. You too”, you managed, looking back at him, ensuring to not look too surprised, or more accurately, awestruck with him.
In the absence of the headband, Kakashi’s silver hair– free and silken, caressed his eyebrows. His face, though covered in its majority by a mask, had sharpened along the edges, in contrast to the boyish softness it once held.
With most of his face covered, you couldn’t help but look him in the eyes.
Surely you were immune to him by now? He was handsome, yes. But so, what? You’d seen handsome men before. Been in their company, spent time with them, studied with them, lived alongside them.
Kakashi was no exception.
If he had any similar feelings of astonishment in seeing you after all this time, he didn’t let it show.
“Anyway, I better…”, you muttered, proceeding to reclaim your glass from him, and stepping aside to move past his still surprisingly tall figure. “It was good to see you”, you said, without looking back.
Barely had you taken a step when the voice behind you called out.
“Not even a thank you for saving you from public humiliation?”
And there it was. The cockiness.
Perhaps he hadn’t changed that much after all.
Sighing to yourself, you turned on your heel to face Kakashi, fixing him with a glare.
“Thank you so very much”, you drawled, flashing him your phoniest smile.
Kakashi sniggered, speaking through a smirk as he bridged the gap between you. “Now, now, y/n. That didn’t sound very sincere”.
He was clearly enjoying this. Embarrassing you once in this lifetime must not have been enough.
And could he stop saying your name?
But you were no longer an infatuated doe-eyed little girl who blushed and fawned upon him. And you wanted that fact known.
“Don’t you have something better to do rather than being a pain in the ass?”
An impish glint peeked through Kakashi’s dark eyes.
“Pardon me, I didn’t realize I was being,” he paused before adding, “a pain in your ass”.
You didn’t enjoy the way his enunciation of the last two words made you squirm. You needed to get away from him. Fast.
But fleeing would be cowardly. And more importantly, why would you? He no longer had an impact on you. No, you were going to stay right here, look him in the eye and face him.
“What are you doing here anyway, Hatake?”
“Same thing as you are, rejoicing in the union of my closest friends.”
You scoffed, repeating his words back to him, “rejoicing in the union of your closest friends?”. “I’d have thought these things are beneath you.”
The smirk was unrelenting on Kakashi’s face. “You must not know me very well then, Y/n.”
There it was, your fucking name again.
“Y/N! Kakashi! There you both are, I have been looking all over for you!” shrieked Gai, coming towards you with hurried steps. You had already exchanged pleasantries with him earlier in the evening, and unlike some others you had encountered, Gai remained exactly the same as he had been when you last met—warm, generous, and very, very spirited.
“Yes”, you retorted, “and I’d like to keep it that way. Now if you’ll excuse me”, you said, turning around to walk towards the centre of the park, where a buffet table had been stationed, with sweet and savory items laid out across its stretch.
Once again, however, your attempt for departure was interrupted.
“Is everything okay?” you asked, as Kakashi stepped up beside you.
“Yes, yes, everything is fantastic! Don’t you worry, Y/N. I was only looking for you to ask you to join us. All of us back there have been playing some very fun games, and you are missing out on all the fun!”, Gai said, pointing behind him to a gathering of people.
“Oh um, I actually…” you started, ravaging your brain for an excuse, but you knew it would be as fruitless as telling Gai that a thousand push-ups a day was way too many push-ups.
“No excuses, Y/n!”, “You too, Rival!” Gai added, cutting Kakashi off in the middle of an unoriginal excuse about requiring to use the washroom. “Come on now, over here”, Gai ushered, leading you towards the gathering as you and Kakashi followed with thwarted faces.
Taking a large plentiful sip of your drink, you kept your glass aside, hoping it would be enough to fuel you for whatever lunacy lay ahead.
If only you could go back to the moment in time when you made the decision of coming here and smack yourself in the head.
“Well, what are we playing?” Kakashi asked without fervour, standing beside you with his hands in his pocket as he soaked in the sight in front of him. Multiple pieces of paper had been cut into squares and piled up on the grass.
“I’m glad you asked, Rival! Everybody, gather around please!”, Gai called, as each pair of eyes fell upon him. “For our next game, we’ll be playing Paper Dance! Please form yourselves into groups of two, pick up a piece of paper from the ground, and position yourselves on it. Please remember that both partners must be standing on the paper at all times! When I say start, the music will begin and you will have to dance, maintaining your balance. Once the music stops, the paper will be folded into half and both partners will stand on the halved paper. The music will begin again and when it stops the next time, the paper will be folded into a quarter, and the same will keep repeating until there is only one remaining couple on the floor! As the paper keeps getting smaller, one partner is allowed to pick another up to make space, however, the minute either partner falls off the square, the team will be disqualified! Is everyone clear on the rules?”
A booming roar answered Gai as everyone around you hooted and scrambled to pick up papers for their teams.
You hesitantly picked one up yourself, but there remained one simple problem. Everyone around you had already found a partner, barring only…Kakashi.
Without sparing him a glance, you approached Gai, but before you could get a word out, Gai spoke.
“So sorry, y/n, but I will be the coordinator for this game, to make sure nobody is cheating. Kakashi there seems to be without a partner as well, so you can pair up with him, over here Kakashi!”
“Wait, but–”, you interjected, but Gai had already pushed you and Kakashi together, signaling the DJ to start the music.
“Everybody in their places…and start!”
An upbeat lyric-less melody engulfed the expanse of the park.
As if being shanghaied into attending a wedding and bumping into Kakashi in a less than graceful encounter wasn’t enough, you were now being made to DANCE with him, smack in the middle of the Konoha park, in the audience of hundreds of people.
This evening was truly shaping up to be the stuff of nightmares.
The only advantage in all of this—if you had to choose one, was the fact that in front of you, Kakashi looked quite uncomfortable himself, try as he did to shroud it.
Every pair around you had their arms linked—chiming to the tune, swaying and spinning, throwing their heads back in laughter. The contrast of your partnership as compared to every other team on the floor was like fire and ice.
Tapping your toes in reluctance, you put as much space as possible between you and Kakashi on the small scrap of paper, looking everywhere but ahead.
“Kakashi! Y/N! That’s not dancing”, Gai interjected, coming around to you. “Put some enthusiasm into those youthful bodies of yours and shake it out!” he added, belting out a serpentine body roll for demonstration.
Flashing him a thumbs up, you pretended to pick up the pace, only to revert to your designated foot taps the moment Gai turned to the pair next to you. Your eyes fell upon Kakashi in a reflexive glance, and you found your dance partner staring right at you, his face an expression of curious amusement.
“Killer moves”, he jibed, but before you could retaliate, Gai’s voice interrupted the music. “And…stop! Amazing everyone! No couples have been disqualified yet, so before we start the next round, everybody please step down from your papers, fold them in half, and retake your positions on them.”
You and Kakashi stepped down from the paper at the same time, each bending down to fold the paper. Your head bumped against his and you jumped back, going back a few steps and letting him do the task as you tucked a loose strand of hair back in place.
Having folded the paper in half, Kakashi stood with his hands clasped in front of him, waiting—almost daring, you to step over first. Looking him in the eye, you stepped onto the paper, the space on which had significantly reduced now.
You felt yourself gulp as Kakashi came forward.
“Ready everyone?”, Gai’s voice rang in the background.
Your feet were touching, your face inches from Kakashi’s chest.
“Start!” called Gai, as a different, less upbeat melody spilled from the speakers.
The scarcity of space made it impossible for you now to look past Kakashi’s figure. With your face mere inches from his chest, you could make out the distinct cliffs of Kakashi’s collarbones peeking through the open top of his shirt. A silver chain peeked through, glinting under the canopy of lights overhead.
Kakashi swayed lightly to the tune, his movement so minuscule as to be missed by anyone not standing centimeters away from him.
The song playing was familiar to you. It was the instrumental version of your favourite song from your teenage days. There had been many a night you spent writing poetry, this very song playing in the background as you scribbled away.
Droplets of sweat had begun to trickle over your back. The air felt thickened with the smell of chrysanthemums and nostalgia.
You persisted, focusing your eyes on a singular button of Kakashi’s suit, counting the seconds in your mind and waiting for the welcome interjection of Gai’s voice.
A soft warm breeze jostled through the crowd, leaving Kakashi’s hair ruffled. He reached up to pat it back into place, nimble fingers brushing past your forearm as he did.
Explosions like fireworks erupted through your pores where his fingers had trailed.
Your throat seemed to be getting narrower and narrower.
Without a thought or a moment’s realization, you felt your feet trampling away from the muddy piece of paper underneath and over the grass, sprinting, carrying you away. Away from the insufferable melody, the sickening smell of flowers, the disgusting exhibit of affection displayed by couples in each corner, the wretched black mole on Kakashi’s chest under his right collarbone where your eyes kept dragging.
Heaving as you caught your breath, you seated yourself on a wooden bench at the edge of the park. Your heart hammered in your throat as you tried to make sense of what had transpired. Somewhere in the distance, you could hear a faint voice, “Y/N! That is against the rules! Sorry, Rival, I am afraid I will have to disqualify you too.”
Multiple pairs of eyes had turned to look in your direction. You must have looked insane. Running across the field like that, matted hair sticking all over your face. You really had a penchant for embarrassing yourself, it would appear.
This was all too much, all of it. The wedding, Kakashi, your stupid fucking heels that made your soles ache.
Much to your relief and fortune, a woman’s voice replaced the maddening sound of the song blasting through the speakers at that precise moment. It was time for toasts.
Undoing the straps of your shoes, you laid your bare feet on the grass, leaning back to rest your head on the bench.
It was a clear night, the stars shining with all their might, as if in celebration of your friends.
You closed your eyes. The cool grass was soothing underneath your aching feet.
“Are you okay?”
Ugh.
You opened your eyes to see Kakashi standing over you, looking down with an expression almost resembling… was it concern?
You didn’t think he was capable.
“What now?”, you sniped.
Your patience was running thin, you needed to be away from here.
“You left this”, Kakashi said, holding out your glass of vodka cranberry that you’d kept aside earlier.
“You seem awfully attached to my drink”, you jabbed again, but Kakashi ignored it, coming around to take the vacant spot beside you.
“What happened back there?” he inquired, turning his eyes on you as you looked down at your feet.
What DID happen back there?
“Nothing, I just…felt dizzy. Didn’t get time to have lunch today”, you lied, although only partly. You had, indeed, not gotten time to have lunch that afternoon, you were too busy scouring the market for an appropriate gift, all to ultimately settle on the quaint night lamp that had caught your eye in the very first shop you had visited.
“Hm, then this may not be such a good idea”, Kakashi responded, keeping the crimson-filled glass beside him on the bench.
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Kakashi gesture to a server standing a few feet away, holding a tray filled with what appeared to be dumplings.
“Wait, are those dumplings?” the sight of your favourite snack provided the ideal distraction from the less-than-savory thoughts that were beginning to nestle inside your head.
Your stomach growled in agreement, as you realized how hungry you had been.
You piled six onto a small plate and watched Kakashi carefully place two into one of his own.
“God, I missed these”, you exclaimed through a mouthful as Kakashi thanked the tux-clad server, before turning to his plate.
“They do NOT make dumplings like this outside of Konoha”, you added, smacking your lips and digging into the next one. “I need to make up for all the time I lost not eating these.”
Kakashi let a smile slip, watching you in silent amusement. “Well, it looks like you need these more than I do,” he said, offering you his plate.
You couldn’t help but gape.
Was Kakashi Hatake being nice?
“Uhh…”, you hesitated, but Kakashi’s eyes looked entirely genuine, much to your shock…and despair.
He was making this rather hard.
“Is there any reason why you’re going out of your way to be nice to me and following me around like a puppy dog the entire evening?”, you blurted, expecting Kakashi to retort with a brazen remark, an insult to match the ones you had been hurling at him all evening.
Instead, he shrugged. “Got some making up to do my own”.
The words made you turn. The air between you had shifted. “What does that mean?”
But just as easily, the tide had rolled over. “Nothing”, Kakashi said airily, piling his dumplings onto your plate.
You studied his face once more to make sure this was not some juvenile prank. In his eyes, you read only kindness.
“Well um…thanks”, you said, putting your seventh dumpling in your mouth.
Kakashi gave a wave of his hand. “I owed you one.”
Still ruminating about his earlier comment about having things to make up for, you asked, “For what?”
“For freeing me from the torment of dancing for another second.”
The mole under his collarbone made a flashing appearance in your mind and you looked away, coughing on your last bite.
“Right, uh yeah, no biggie”, you said, clearing your throat. “Anyway, I uh, am gonna take a lap around the park, the toasts are over, and Gai looks like he’s about to start up another game again. I’d rather not be in the vicinity while he’s recruiting participants”, you added, slipping back into your shoes.
You wanted to get away from him, you needed to get away from him.
You had spent the last ten years of your life keeping Kakashi Hatake from your mind, and your last ten minutes had been spent studying his hands as they rested on his lap.
And recalling how his fingers had felt against your skin.
You stood up, looking back to take his leave, but something in his eyes rendered you powerless over yourself. Because the next words you uttered were, “Do you wanna come with?”
With his tone the embodiment of nonchalance, Kakashi accepted your gracious offer, yet something in his demeanor made you glad that you’d asked.
Once on your way, however, you found yourself at a loss of words. The scent of Kakashi’s perfume clouded your mind—an aquatic smell, subtle yet lingering.
In an attempt to avoid any further unwanted invitations, the two of you kept to the edge of the park, seeking concealment underneath the shadows of the cherry trees that lined the perimeter.
“Pretty night tonight”, you commented without thought. The silence had become too dense.
“Yes”, Kakashi nodded in agreement, looking up at the sky, “Lot of stars.”
“Mmhmm” you mused in response. “Very starry.”
Petals of cherry blossom had littered the ground, carving a pink, velvety path of their own.
You spent a few minutes walking in quietude again, before Kakashi broke the silence. “You know, if you look close enough, you can make out the Six Paths constellation in the sky tonight.”
“The Six Paths constellation?” you asked eagerly, grateful for his intervention.
“Yeah, up there”, Kakashi pointed at the bejewled satin sky. “The brightest star there in the middle is supposed to mark his Third Eye, the smaller, dimmer stars on each side his eyes, and the one at the bottom the tip of his beard”
You halted to look, glancing in the direction of his finger before glaring back at him.
“You just made that up.”
Kakashi looked back at you, the thinly veiled smirk on his mouth giving way to a hearty chuckle, “I did”, he admitted sheepishly.
You couldn’t help but laugh along.
“You think you’re so clever, don’t you?” you chided through a chortle.
When Kakashi laughed again, the stars dimmed.
“I missed it, you know?” you confessed absent-mindedly, “The village. The…people.”
“The dumplings”, Kakashi appended.
You laughed again. “Most of all the dumplings, yes.”
A long subdued, familiar sensation crept up your neck like the arms of an old friend.
A breeze passed through.
Petals from the blossom branches rained upon you in a tender, pink shower.
Kakashi’s gaze was soft on yours.
“You have something in your hair,” he said, nodding towards your right. “Do you want me to get it out?”
“Oh um…” you fumbled, reaching up for your hair, but stopping midway. “Sure.”
Kakashi stepped closer, reaching across to touch a pink petal lodged over your ear.
Inside your chest, your heart hammered. It had been for a long time, you realized—growing louder with each thrum.
Once.
His fingers whisked past your cheek.
Twice.
Kakashi smiled down, silver hair gleaming like moonlight.
Thrice.
Your eyes widened.
You had been wishing to go back in time all evening, but you failed to realize until now that you had done just that.
Kakashi held the petal out to you, the flower blushing a pristine pink in his palm.
And with the next thrum of your heart, you were sixteen again.