one for sorrow
“I – hello?” said the half and half one (Itama? Itama) said slowly “Madara Uchiha? Brother’s soulmate?” well, ouch, that…hurt (even they had known?). “Yes” said Madara slowly, "that’s actually rather why I am here, tell me, how much of the living world do you know?” the other one, the one that looked like more like a blend of Butsuma and Tobirama, (Kawa something?) narrowed his eyes at Madara (right, Uchiha child squads killed him didn’t they? Or was it in a skirmish between the Uchiha and the Hagoromo?). Itama squirmed, “A bit, sort of a general knowledge of big things happening but no details.” So that was why no one else was looking, (though, who would look if not these boys? Hashirama and Touka were both alive when Madara died) “Right” said Madara slowly “ok, so, you know that Tobirama was my soulbonded? He told you I am guessing?” Itama nodded slowly, clutching whatever was in his lap closer, “Ok, did you know how you father treated him?” Itama’s face twisted and he nodded, even Kawarama nodding as well to his surprise (hadn’t he died quite young?).
“We spoke to Butsuma about it after he died, and I lived long enough to see some of it and how much Tobi took for Hashirama” Itama said viciously “I saw Tobirama take a hit for Hashirama’s lip at Kawa’s grave. I know it was bad.” Madara nodded, trying to take that in, (it had started that young?) “Well, it never stopped and – it got worse, it, well in a way it was my fault for being friends with Hashirama but I –“ he stopped and shook his head, hair swishing over his back, “never mind, it isn’t that important and you can ask Hashirama when he gets here. Suffice it to say that Tobirama was….damaged, broken on some level, convinced that he didn’t…didn't deserve a soulmate.” Kawarama paled and sat abruptly, apparently knowing where this was going “He – I made a mistake, an elder made me angry soon after we formed the village – you know about that?” a synchronized nod “and they accused me of conspiring with Tobirama and I spoke without thinking as he was much hated in our clan in those days; before we knew about all he did to blackmail peace into place.” And kami didn’t that thought send a pang through him now even more than before (always it had bothered him that he had never been able to thank Tobirama for his work to make peace when everyone credited Hashirama until the older Senju lost his temper and ranted on it on the entire village, long after Tobirama was gone).
“I said some things about Tobirama without thinking that – that I shouldn’t have and Tobirama overheard, he was so broken and – he had just gotten his hopes up I think for there to be an ‘us’ and then – that. It broke him and he broke our bond.” Bitterness rose up again and Madara swallowed it down, Tobirama had tried, he had just been wrong, “He tied it to a stone and then gave it and the bond to the woman who became my wife and gave me children, he was never around much after that and my bond was never right after that, never the way it should have been and when Tobirama was killed…” he trailed off and waved a hand at himself as both brothers sat bolt upright, looking alarmed. “We didn’t feel him cross!” Itama yelped, clearly worried and Madara bit his lip, glancing between them, “You wouldn’t have, my mother- who met me in death- told me his soul shattered when he died after the loss of our bond and the stress of his life.” actually “Why could she see the living world and not you? Why did she know and not you?” he asked and they looked at each other, shaking their heads in synch again.
“You said she could see the world? See life and knew stuff she shouldn’t have? Maybe she was touched by a kami?” Kawarama offered tentatively and Madara frowned, that – (‘In all your reincarnations neither you nor your brother- Asura that is- have ever had a soulmate before- how do you find a soulmate for souls as Astral and powerful as yours?- but finally in this life the kami created souls that could match yours’)….what did it mean to have the soul of Indra or Asura growing in your womb anyway? “It seems I need to talk to mother” Madara murmured “either way, I am looking for the shards of Tobirama’s soul so that I can help him come together again.” “Why?” Kawarama snarked “Do you want to fix him? Make him your soulmate? Force-“ “No!” Madara took a deep breath “No, no, I just, no one else is looking Kawarama. No one else will go for him or- if I don’t miss my guess- can, given the nature of my soul. I want to find him because he deserved better, and I want him to have it.”
"You both did” Madara looked at Itama curled over his lap, peaking at Madara through his magpie bangs “you both deserved better, not just him, its ok to acknowledge that. You need to acknowledge that before you find him or it will come out on him and break him further; find time for that, ok?” slowly Madara nodded, feeling a bit choked (the world had lost so much losing these two boys, how much could his own long dead brothers have given him?). “Here” Itama uncurled, holding up his hands and the glowing pearl and peacock blue feather in his hands to Madara as Kawarama squawked “this is what you are here for right? It showed up a while ago. Time is hard here, faster than in life. I didn’t know what it was but it felt so like brother that I….well, I think you should have it.” Madara stared, a bit shaken at how simple it had been to get the shard and also stunned at the beauty of the feather (this was Tobirama’s soul? And not even the whole thing? Kami, no fire opal could ever compare, not ever), slowly he reached out and curled his fingers around the soft barbs of the feather, (soft as Tobirama had been with his brothers, raising them after his mother’s death and loving them to death and back) the sturdy shaft (the way that Tobirama never broke and only ever bent where his little brother’s were concerned, the way he never let his father take them from him – until he did).
Madara shuddered, curling in over the feather as the faint memories and feelings washed over him in a rush, (kami, To’ra) cradling the feather to his chest until it melted through his astral-skin and nestled in the cage of his ribs, safe and warm. “Blessed mother” Madara breathed, tears bright in his eyes, “that was even a fraction of what he took from me?” it was nearly a whimper and Madara burned to his core with the pain of it, the twist of bitterangersorrowrage that was lodged in his throat. “Why Tobirama, why?” it was nearly sobbed between clenched teeth and a light hand settled on his back between his shoulder blades as the missing bond burned with a mere ember of what it would be (could be) and turned anything he had had with Saburo to dust (no wonder it had never been enough if he should have felt like this). “Breathe” a voice said distantly and Madara realized he wasn’t, sucking in a sharp breath that eased the ache of Tobirama at seven, loving his brothers more than anything and raising all three of them. (Kawarama, it was Kawarama at his back) “I don’t know how many times I can do that.” Madara rasped, broken, and it was Kawarama that answered, scrawny arms like twigs (so fucking young) wrapping halfway around Madara. “As many as Tobi, and one more.”