Crybabies Don’t Get Dinner
Naruto stands on top of the first hokage’s likeness engraved in stone, looking over the Hidden Leaf Village. He liked watching the bustle of the townspeople below. He’d done this enough times to nail down the routines of several of the citizens, the middle aged man who wandered down the Main Street, drunk, and stumbling into another bar, the woman who would spend her evening haggling with passerby’s over her handmade wares, only to be greeted by her son after he arrived home from the academy. Naruto liked people. He liked how people were when he wasn’t around. He liked how they regarded each other, with smiles and playful ire. He just wished that he wasn’t the problem. No matter what he did, or didn’t do, the people of Konoha held a deep hatred for Naruto Uzumaki.
So he’d come up here, and watch. Watch what he couldn’t and was assured that he’d never have. Naruto didn’t cry. At least, he didn’t like to. Though after what happened today, coupled with the lingering hurt, his eyes couldn’t help but sting. He slammed the base of his hand into his forehead and gritted his teeth. He wasn’t weak, but he could admit that he was broken. It was hard for Naruto to get through a day without being subjected to a beating. He took a twisted type of pride from the fact that he often could only be taken on by groups. Older Genin, in groups of three to six would use him as a way to blow off steam. It was a game for them. To chase him down, pretending like he was an enemy ninja, and then torture and beat him in a mock interrogation. Sometimes he got away, sometimes he didn’t. When he was younger though, he didn’t even have a chance to fight back. After he was made to leave the orphanage and live on his own at age six, he was considered fair game for anyone to use as their personal punching bag. From children to grown adults, he would be subjected to things no child should ever go through.
He brought back his hand and slammed it into his forehead again, trying to clear the thoughts from his mind, and let out a frustrated growl. He didn’t even hear the approaching footsteps, didn’t notice the presence of another person, until a hand landed on his shoulder. He let out a yelp and jumped, twisting and shuffling, trying to get to his feet, but accidentally slipping off the edge of the rock carving. The person gripped his jumpsuit and hauled him back upright and away from the sheer drop off.
“What are you doing up here? It’s still academy hours!” Iruka Sensei scolded.
Naruto gripped his Sensei’s sleeve, heart still racing after the close call. After the comment registered in his mind, he furrowed his brows and cast his eyes to the ground.
He heard a sigh “Naruto…”
Naruto looked up at Iruka. His gaze was softer than before. “Since when has failing a test gotten you so down like this? If you want to graduate, you need to train and study hard instead of moping around.”
Naruto had heard this sentiment hundreds of times, though only Iruka seemed to word it with kindness. Usually the most he was afforded was insults or mocking. The thing was that, he did train, he did study, he just couldn’t gain any ground and he didn’t know why. He wanted to prove himself more than anything, to prove he’s not as worthless as he’s made out to be. To be able to protect himself at the very least. He didn’t want to admit that he had a sinking feeling in the back of his mind that they were right, that he deserved this treatment because he was worthless and his only use was to serve as a stress reliever.
He clenched his fists until his nails dug into his palms. He wouldn’t tell his Sensei any of this though, wouldn’t tell him about the beatings or his anxieties. He didn’t want one of the few people who didn’t treat him like gum under their shoe, to think he was weak. Iruka’s image of Naruto was a reckless, boisterous, and headstrong child, and that’s how Naruto wanted to keep it. That’s how most saw him anyway; didn’t care or didn’t know about his reality. Hell, a lot actually participated in his torment.
When Naruto didn’t answer, Iruka knelt down to his eye level. “How about we head back to class? We can go get ramen afterwards.” He gently tapped his back and Naruto bit back a flinch, the touch irritating a bruise he got the other day.
The stone in his chest started to fade at his Sensei’s words. He only ever exuded genuine concern and care for Naruto, and it was something Naruto clung onto desperately.
Iruka slid the classroom door open, Naruto following close behind. The quiet murmur of the room settled into a hush at the sound of the door. When the pair walked in, a few snickers and whispers bounced around the room until Iruka shot a warning glare at his students and they quieted again, instead opting to openly stare at the Uzumaki. Naruto took a deep breath in through his nose and resumed his obnoxious persona. He trudged back to his seat nonchalantly and plopped back into his seat, putting his hands behind his head in mock boredom. As Iruka resumed class and attention was turned to him again, Naruto felt the unmistakable feeling of eyes burning into the back of his head.
He instantly knew who the gaze belonged to. The Uchiha prodigy, Sasuke. This had been an annoying habit of Sasuke’s for years now. It was something Naruto could never get used to. Just one of the many things he hated about Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke had everything that Naruto wanted. He had overwhelming and undeniable talent, both mentally and physically. Naruto was, of course, severely lacking in both of those departments. Then he had the outspoken respect and admiration of everyone in Konoha, and had the gall to act inconvenienced by it. He even had Sakura. She didn’t treat Naruto kindly admittedly. Though Naruto couldn’t help but crave the kindness she granted to others, he believed in her latent potential, more than anyone else.
Though the thing that Naruto hated the most about Sasuke, was that he understood. Sasuke had seen horrors, had been through mind altering trauma and come out a different person. A person who saw through the surface and perceived the truth. One who didn’t have the patience for deception. He often caught Sasuke’s piercing gaze trained on him at moments like this. His analytical eyes made Naruto feel vulnerable and exposed, he didn’t want sasuke to know his lies, or his truths. Though Sasuke looked anyway, reading him like an open book. Naruto felt his blood begin to boil. He took his hands out from behind his head and curled them into fists on the desk in an attempt to pacify his rage. It didn’t work. Sasuke continued to stare and Naruto couldn’t take it.
He seethed until Iruka Sensei eventually drew class to a close an hour later. Iruka grabbed a pile of papers and walked out into the hallway out of sight, likely going to organize them in the filing room. The rustling of his classmates rising and putting their things away filled the silence of the room. Naruto was proud of himself. He managed to stay relatively composed despite Sasuke’s stare, and now all he had to do was wait for Iruka to come back.
He didn’t stop. Sasuke didn’t stop staring. He had to be toying with Naruto at this point, enjoying how he squirmed under scrutiny. Naruto couldn’t stop himself from pounding his fist on the desk and rising abruptly, meeting Sasuke’s eyes in a challenge.
Sasuke looked back with a bored expression lining his features, his head resting on his hand. The rest of the class startled at the commotion and looked on in interest. After they grasped the situation, a shrill voice piped up.
“Oi! Naruto! Dont glare at Sasuke Kun like that!” Sakura growled.
Naruto flinched. He felt his chest clench slightly. He was mad, furious even. Then simultaneously drained. He couldn’t deal with this right now, all the eyes on him, especially not Sasuke’s. He just wanted to retreat to his tiny dingy apartment and crawl under his bed. To deprive himself of all senses until he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
“Sorry.” He replied resignedly. He could feel the bags under his eyes sag further as he slumped his shoulders in defeat. He was tired and he didn’t care who knew at this point.
Sakura’s eyebrows rose for a moment and she blinked. The rest of the class was just as stunned watching this spectacle, not unaccustomed to the situation itself, as Naruto was naturally prone to provocation, but to Naruto’s behavior.
Naruto flicked his eyes to Sasuke’s one last time, to see him sitting more alert, his full attention on Naruto. Then Naruto shifted over to the window and jumped out, landing on a tree branch near by and then bounding to the adjacent rooftop. He would have to apologize to Iruka Sensei later for skipping out on ramen, but right now the thought of eating made Naruto sick. He’s had these kinds of days before, where everything feels far too heavy and he just needs some time to push through it before he can function properly again. Then times where there was no buildup, no preamble, just panic. Something would set him off and send him into a spiral of gasping breaths and chest pains. Those in particular scared him. He didn’t know what could set it off at any given time, and it was always inconvenient to dodge out of view and handle it by himself in a secluded area.
He concluded that he would rather die than let anyone know that it gets to him. The near constant torment and isolation. If he gave them that, then he’d have nothing. With that logic, he figures, he might as well be dead anyway. He was strong, and capable and a man who would become the Hokage one day and no one would forget that.
He wouldn’t let them.