Kakashi never thought he would sit one day in konohagakure no sato looking at a Giant stone with painted waves and carved names no one knew and really cared about.
Well, he cared, but he knew those names, and knew those waves with the back of his hand and his whole heart.
And just like that, he talked, like the names were listening, here, among the leaves.
He knew, they didn't, but he spoke anyway.
About his day, about konoha, about team Minato.
He spoke about ocean and forests and homesickness.
He spoke about kushina and how she was doing, about her love for ramen and her idiotic boyfriend that was supposed to be his sensei, but could never actually hold that title because "there is no one like you sensei" but promising that he will try to work with him, even if the konohan ninja treated him like a kid.
He talked and talked, till his voice gave out and the sky became dark.
But even then it wasn't enough.
It will never be enough because those were just dead names on a stone.
But he sat there and talked to them anyway, in a village of leaves and trees to people of ocean and waves and whirpools.
~
The next time he came to the Uzushio memorial stone, kushina came with him.
Kakashi thinks that was the first time he cried since he came to konoha.
Her arms hold him while he sobs, her own tears joining his in a moment of grief, and he lets himself be weak while his hands grab her shirt, listening to her soft voice and words full of understanding but without the pity everyone treats him with. Kakashi is greatfull for her, and he thinks kushina knows this somehow, even though he never told her.
She gently holds him in a loving familiar way and he tries not to think about silver hair and gentle smiles. She whispers to him, and he listens. Focusing on the living body in front of him then the stone of dead behind.
~
There are flowers, he noticed kneeling down.
White roses, that someone propably picked in hurry then anything else. But kakashi still likes them, even thought they don't fit here. It means someone who's not him or kushina visits Uzushio memorial.
The roses never appear again, and he wonders, if they weren't left behind by a sannin with blond hair but uzumaki blood.
He wonders but never asks.
~
The waves dissapeared. He realised staring.
Maybe that was a good thing, maybe they will paint golden chains, and white sparkles, along the waves.
But he knows they will not restore the painting on the memorial stone.
But the dull gray looked sad without the blues painted on it, and kakashi liked anything reminding him of his home.
Maybe it was a reminder that the names carved on the stone were alone just like he was.
He left when sun still didn't set, struggling at looking at the empty spaces that should be filled with ocean.
~
The blond man at the yamanaka flower shop looked at him with pity when he bought new flowers. He hated that look. The man asked how he liked konoha so far. His eyes were sad when kakashi didn't answer, and left with his flowers to the uzushio memorial. He ignored eyes that followed him as he walked. He ignored the whispers.
He wanted to scream.
~
Kushina left red Chrysanthemums and he left hyacinth.
Besides that one rose, left by a unknown, but not really, person, there were pretty violets put against the gray stone, left by Minato.
Kushina told him that they actually were married, so he now understood why the blond was so nice to him.
The only flowers besides theirs that were left here, were lilies.
He met the owner of those flowers once, with his spiky ponytail and warm eyes. The nara left the flowers every month. He stood there and didn't say anything. Just them and the silence that was oddly comforting.
~
He didn't understand. He realised, after a nightmare, when he stood in front of the carved names.
Blues and reds and silvers belonged to each other.
Now there was only silver and red.
Maybe fate played a cruel joke on them, or maybe fate had nothing to do with it.
Maybe all of this pain was a little accidental thing, a mistake that was not supposed to happend, but did anyway.
He stood as he cried silently while sun started to rise.