Itachi had been so stupid to think that the gods would really bless him after everything he’s done.
(God had he been stupid)
When Amaterasu, the goddess of fire looked into Itachi’s eyes and told him that he would be given another chance, he couldn’t believe his own ears.
“You’ve suffered more than any human being we ever created, yet your hands are stained with
the blood of your clan and with the tears of your beloved little brother.”
Itachi swallowed while looking at her with his usual cold gaze.
(He’s talking with a god and yet he can’t keep himself from hiding his emotions)
(What a fool)
“For everything you’ve done we will grant you the life you deserved from the moment you were born”
“Not just one but infinite”
Itachi widened his eyes a little before he dropped his head and rested his gaze on the floor. “I do not deserve this gift” was everything he said to Amaterasu. He didn’t deserve this. He really didn’t. Not after everything he’d done. She said it herself. He killed his family, his friends, children, old people and even babies. He destroyed the life of his brother and ran away from him like a coward. Amaterasu must be joking. (Deep down he hoped she wasn’t) She probably doesn’t realize what she just said. (I don’t deserve it, but please I beg you, give me what I’ve always longed for).
“Yes, you do deserve what I’m about to give you.
You deserve every little bit of it’’
“Thank you’’ was everything the Uchiha breathed out.
Amaterasu smiled. But it wasn’t a kind smile.
It looked like a child who just stole a popsicle from a baby.
“Well then, welcome to your own personal hell Itachi Uchiha”
How could have Itachi been fooled so badly? He doesn’t know and even if he knew it was already too late. The damage has been done.
Itachi sat on his bed with an empty look on his face. He didn’t know what life it was now.
He stopped counting after 36.
When he first woke up after talking to Amaterasu, he thought he had dreamed the conversation with the goddess.
Itachi snapped his eyes open and immediately stood up.
(You deserve what I’m about to give you.)
He knew she wasn’t lying the moment he saw the room he was currently in. It worked. He had everything back he’d lost.
His hands were trembling when he made his way down the hall into the kitchen. He immediately bit his lip to stop himself from crying when he saw his mother setting up the table for breakfast and his father with his serious face sitting on said table.
“Ah Itachi, there you are’’ his mother smiled when she said that. Oh how has he missed that smile.
“Your father and I were already wondering where you were’’
Before Itachi could answer he felt a little body ramming into him from behind.
“Sasuke! Be careful. How often did I tell not to run in this house?!’’
The little boy stumbled a little and would have fallen on his butt if it weren’t for Itachi who grabbed his wrist to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. Itachi found himself looking into the big eyes of his little brother. ,,Eh? Nii-san? I thought you were already out”
Itachi immediately felt tears in his eyes as he looked at his brothers face.
His little unstained brothers face, how long has it been since he looked at him with something other than hatred and sadness?
“Nii-san? Is everything okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”
Itachi snapped back into reality and couldn’t stop himself from closing his arms around Sasuke and pulling him into a tight hug.
Sasuke was taken aback from this gesture and looked into his mothers and fathers face, searching for help.
Fugaku and Mikoto were also confused by this, its been years since Itachi openly hugged someone, especially in front of his parents.
Itachi couldn’t help but smile and let his brother go. He slowly walked behind Sasuke and put his hands on his shoulders.
“It may seems weird for me to say this, but I am really glad to be here with you all”
This was the first thing he said in his new life, one of many. He couldn’t be happier right now.
(Dumb, so so dumb)
Is there a way to end his suffering? The gods are so cruel. They’re ignoring him. They’ve been ignoring his prayers since the second life. His prays to come out of these life’s. He would rather burn in hell than be here a second longer. Everything is better than seeing him die every life he lives.
It was 3 years into the first life when he realized what Amaterasu meant with “Your own personal hell”. These life’s aren’t a blessing, they are a curse. The gods never meant to give him happiness.
Sasuke was 10 when it happened the first time. He was at the academy at that time and Itachi was an Anbu.
Itachi walked through the village while looking at the sun that was about to set. Shisui had forced him to try this new restaurant out with him, so Itachi was home late. It’s okay he told himself, mom and dad were out and sasuke was probably busy with homework.
( if he just knew, then he wouldn’t have been late dammit )
Tucked under Itachis arm was a plushy he bought for sasuke. His parents were confused when 3 years ago Itachi suddenly started spoiling sasuke with new toys and training lessons.
“You’re spending more time with him’’ is what his mother told him back then.
She was delighted about it. More than father, but he was also glad that his sons started living with each other and not just around each other.
And how was Itachi able not to spend every free minute of his time with his beloved brother. There was no coup, so nothing that could drive him away from sasuke. Finally his brother got the life he deserved. Itachi would make sure of it.
But at the same time it was never enough time, never enough for what he’d done in his past life.
Itachi’s smile disappeared when he saw the open front door.
Immediately he had a bad feeling about it. Sasuke was the only one home but he would never be so careless and leave it open.
Itachi slowly walked into the house just to feel nothing. No chakra trace from anyone. No mother, no father (They are out so of course you don’t feel there chakra), no enemy, but what worried him the most
no little brother
Itachi couldn’t help but run down the hall and opening every door he came across.
“Sasuke?”
“Sasuke! This is not funny! Answer me”
He stopped dead in his tracks when he reached his own room. The plushie he was holding fell out of his grip right into the pool of wetness he stood in.
His walls were full of blood, but everything that interested Itachi was the dead little body that was laying in front of his bed.
The body of his most beloved person.
With horror Itachi watched how the blood under the body became more and more until Itachi lost his strength and fell on his knees.
He immediately began to gag which mixed with the tears that were running down his cheeks. And there was nothing he could do but scream.
“No,no,no,no,NO, not you, not Sasuke”
Pleading Itachi crawled into his room to his brother who was nothing more than a cold dead body.
(That‘s not true, Sasuke is so much more than that)
He was cold and his eyes were closed, but still Itachi tugged Sasukes head under his chin and began to apologize to him. That’s how their parents found him a few hours later.
Five police officers had to rip Itachi from the body of his little brother while he’s done nothing but scream.
,,NO, let go!! My brother, please”
His parents have done nothing but watch Itachi plead for their youngest to be given back to him. Mikoto hugged her husband in tears while he looked like someone just punched him right in the face.
A few days later they found out that it was a team of Anbu from Kirigakure who did this to Sasuke.
An ANBU Team was put together to find these Shinobis. Itachi was the first one to volunteer to go on this mission. They knew Itachi was physically and mentally not able to go on this mission. Days he locked himself in Sasukes room ( he couldn’t handle it to be in his own room, it was too much ). Itachi barely slept and has eaten nothing since Sasukes dead. The first and only time he spoke with his parents was when he found out an ANBU team for Sasuke Uchihas justice was created.
He didn’t even speak with them on his funeral.
What they didn’t know was that Itachi has been praying.
After two days Amaterasu answered.
“I’ve done no such thing. I only said you would get what you deserved”
“Will Sasuke be with me in my next life?”
“Yes Itachi, he will be. But no one knows for how long”
He finally realized that this was his punishment. Living in a happy life just to get his brother ripped out of his hands.
“ I don’t want it Amaterasu-sama, please take this away from me, please“
Amaterasu looked sad (No she doesn’t, but he likes to think that she regrets what she’s done to him)
“This is your punishment Itachi Uchiha. Take it. Infinite lifes, but in every one of them your brother dies in another way on another time”
“It fits you my dear child”
(No dear, he was never dear to anyone, especially not to her)
Two weeks later Itachi Uchiha dies on Sasukes revenge mission. He wasn’t set to go on this mission. But they still allowed him to be part of it.
It has been like this every life.
Sasuke died always before Itachi did. In his second lifetime sasuke was 15 when he died, in his last one he had been two. (A fever, a fucking fever took him away)
And now Itachi was walking down the halls to his little brothers room.
Quiet snoring came from Sasuke when Itachi opened the door. 17 was Sasukes current age. (That’s the oldest he ever got)
Slowly Itachi went through Sasukes hair and went down to peck his cheek.
Every life Itachi hoped that he would finally be able to have a happy life with his brother, but every time Sasukes death rips everything away from him.
Sasuke slowly opened his eyes when he felt Itachi’s lips on his cheek.
A wide smile spread across his face when he realized that it was just his big brother.
“Nii-San?”
“Yes little brother?”
“Can we train tomorrow?”
Sasukes question was met with a sad smile. Will there be a tomorrow? Itachi doesn’t know. He hasn’t known since he woke up in this nightmare.
“If you’d like”
Yes
This was truly Itachi’s own personal hell.