Of stalkers and cats
The academy was in a way both interesting and boring at the same time. My class consisted of kids from age 4 to 7, most of them, including me, were 5.
It is rare to send someone at the age of 4, this shows that the parent has that much confidence in his child, because he will be subjected to way more scrutiny than others. The only one like that in the whole grade not just class was Hatake Kakashi, which is fair enough, because he absolutely crushed everyone, even those, who are twice his age. We didn’t do anything physical yet, so it may not be the case in the future.
The civvies generally send their children at the age of 7. As far as I have seen they are not as mature as other kids. It is honestly surprising that we came from the same village. They are more prone to crying over every minor inconvenience. I even saw one time girl complaining about verbal bullying to her teacher. Maybe, this path isn’t for you, if you can’t even handle someone telling you that your hair is weird. As soon as we graduate there will be literally everyone to kill us. Did you seriously expect sensei to resolve this minor thing for you. For me who grew up dealing with most issues by being more of a dick in retaliation, this situation seemed just too comical.
By the way, I have not forgotten about those kids, who beat me up. They all are in the same grade as me, but different classes. I put the paint bombs in their desks and some other students, who annoyed me a bit. Because I didn’t want to make it obvious, that I am the culprit. Better for them to wonder and be constantly paranoid, always on guard for the next attack.
First couple of weeks we were taught only theoretical knowledge to get adjusted to the school and to hammer the rules inside our brains. Because to know, that no, in fact you cannot stick that pointy edge of kunai in your eye, is quite important information.
Considering the fact that most classmates come from shinobi families, I thought the whole waiting thing was unnecessary. Then one student from civilian background ate a rock on a dare and broke his tooth, and I thought that those lessons were indeed quite useful.
It is not like we didn’t do anything physical at all, just not the dangerous stuff like sparing, shurikenjutsu and trap making.
My favourite part by far was chakra training, it consisted of learning hand seals and practicing control by sticking and repelling leaves from various tenketsu points in our bodies.
Chakra fascinated me, its amount is granted by genetics, but you can increase it either by studying(spiritual energy) or by exercising(physical energy), there is a limit to that though.
Even if a person with average chakra reserves will spent his whole life on increasing it, it still won’t reach the size of chakra monsters like Uzumaki.
It is more about utilisation and conservation though. It doesn’t mean, that those with bigger reserves will automatically win in a fight with someone who has less chakra. That’s where control comes in a play. What good will ocean do, when you always put too much of it in jutsus and waste most of it.
The use of hand seals is necessary for most people, they are designed to aid people in properly summoning and moulding chakra necessary to perform a technique. Those who are considered to be skilled ninjas can use less or even one seal to perform the jutsu.
Tobirama Senju needed only one sign to perform a water dragon bullet, which requires 44 hand seals. It is a testament of his skill, experience and high affinity with water nature.
I tried to memories the seals until my blisters had blisters, unlike the blood in my body I didn’t feel my chakra moving at all. Supposedly, you can perform jutsu just by moving it inside of your body in correct sequence without use of hand seals. It is just the only people who managed that were freaking geniuses and sensors to boot.
Oh, well. I didn’t exactly aim to be the strongest shinobi, just not to die before I hit 20 would be pretty sweet.
Also, I thought, that I was pretty good at chakra control. I now know better; I was average at best. The Nohara girl scares the shit out of me every time we perform leaf sticking exercise. Her father is great medic ninja and that requires insane level of chakra control, in hindsight I should have thought of it. She can stick them all to every tenketsu point in her whole arm and then she pulls and pushes them as though it is some puppet show. The second best at this is Yuhi Kurenai, who comes from the family of genjutsu masters, which also requires excellent control. It is embarrassing but the first time I have seen her, I wondered if it was allowed or safe to have her Sharingan constantly on like that.
The third one is obviously Kakashi, but his chakra reserves are bigger than theirs and I don’t think he is gunning to become a medic nin. Not that he is that far behind them. Scary guy.
For theoretical lessons we learn survival knowledge like poisonous and edible plants, and how not to fucking start a whole ass forest fire. Sensei always looks at the Uchiha boy, when it comes to this part. I would feel bad for him, if it wasn’t that funny. Everyone knows their clan is one pyromaniac after another.
I wonder, if the reason why Uchiha Madara was so close to Senju Hashirama was because he could let his inner pyromaniac go, his friend can just plant those trees again anyway.
We also learn mathematics, geography and all other stuff, that shows that we aren’t complete uneducated buffoons.
So here is a thing, chakra is determined more or less by genetics, clans also pass on their own unique techniques and kekkei genkai to their children. So after you mix those things, what do you get- elitist way of thinking.
Our sensei is elitist, who looks down on civilian born shinobis. To be honest, it isn’t that wrong. They indeed have it tougher than others. What mostly brought this kind of mindset is the fact that very few civilians born become monster-like ninjas, who reach the level of Sannin. It doesn’t mean they have never done it, statistically speaking they are just fewer.
Our sensei isn’t bad per see, but you can sometimes see him favouring clan kids, not just them but anyone with potential. It is not blatant, just praises them a little more, explains their mistakes in more depth, nothing that harmful. Well, maybe because it is still war time it is better to bet on a horse, that you know can run well, rather than a new one who can either make it or brake it.
“I am home” I said to the dark and empty apartment. The thing that I couldn’t get used to was the sheer quietness of everything. When I was at the orphanage, there were always so many sounds;I didn’t feel alone.
I started cooking dinner and opened the window in the kitchen.
“ He seems to be late today “ I looked outside.
“ meow” I turned around and saw black cat with blue eyes sitting on windowsill.
“ You are finally here, Shiro” I gave him little portion of meat, that I used for my dinner.
Shiro is local stray cat in this area, one day I have found him pretty beaten up with battle wounds all over his body and helped to disinfect and bandage them. After that he started coming over to my house every evening.
It became somewhat of unspoken pact between the two of us. I would have made him my cat, if he wasn’t so free spirited. It is nice to have someone waiting for you at home though, even if It is a cat.
I made a cup of tea and sat on the floor. “Today was such an eventful day, Shiro. That purple haired Anko blew up wall at the Academy again. I don’t even know, where she gets those explosive tags, because we are allowed to buy them only when we become genin. It stopped being funny after first couple of times she did it.” I kept patting Shiro. He swept his paw at me when I tried to touch his belly. Stingy guy
“Also when I went to the Academy a lot of people were crying on the streets. I thought something bad happened. But when I came to class, our sensei announced the end of war. I am glad it is over. I was afraid they will send me on frontlines after couple of years. My chances of surviving to my 20 have risen exponentially.” I hugged him and rubbed my face into his fur. He looked at me with a face full of resignation, what a cutie
“You seem like an old cat. Do you know how the world was before the war?” I raised him in the air and looked him in the eyes Of course he won’t reply, he is a cat “As long as I can remember we were always in one. I wonder if anything will change.” I muttered with a sigh.
Shiro squirmed out of my hold and jumped on windowsill. He meowed one time to announce his departure and left.
Sigh. How heartless.
The human relationship is so fragile. One day you think that you will go through your life with this person by your side. And then the next thing you know , they became no different from a stranger. Maybe even worse than that.
As soon as I saw Daiki on the street, I immediately leaped on the tree branch. For some unexplainable reason I even held my breath. I don’t know why I did it. Is it guilt? Is it fear? Or is it shame? One thing that I know for sure is that; I really don’t want to find out his reaction after seeing me. I don’t think I can bare the look of horror or disgust thrown at me from him.
“Hahahaha, let’s go. The film starts soon, we will be late, if we don’t hurry up” Daiki grabbed the hand of some boy and they ran off, while laughing. The expression on their faces was so carefree and happy, but all I felt was agonising pain in my chest.
So, I was only one, who cared. Not a day goes by, that I don’t think about him. It is all in trivial things, like when I go shopping and automatically grab his favourite snack, or see a poster of a new film, and the first thought, that I have is that he will definitely like it.
In some secret corner of my heart I hoped that we will make up like from that like any other fight before that. But what right do I have to even apologise to him? Sorry I almost killed you? My bad, I will try to tone it down. Can’t really promise, it won’t happen again though. Haha, happens to the best of us, right?
The thing is I could somewhat understand his pain, not fully, of course, but to some degree. I also experienced the unfairness of the world; hating the fact, that some things happened to you specifically and not anyone else; thinking, that world has something against you. And the only remedy on the wound is the thought, that surely someone out there has it worse than you, which does absolutely nothing for the pain.
I also felt that burning feeling in the pit of my stomach, when I saw happy children holding hands of their parents. Jealousy. There is absolutely nothing worse, than wishing for something and knowing, that you can never have it. No matter how much you cry or how many tantrums you throw.
The thing is he wouldn’t understand me, he simply can’t.
Only holders of kekkei genkai know, that power always comes with price.
He wouldn’t know, how much it took out of me to just stop.
It would have been so much easier to just give in to my emotions. The bloodlust and betrayal were so overwhelming, it felt like I had to break every single bone in my body to keep that tiny shred of reason, that I had.
If I didn’t know myself, I would have never imagined, that someone can feel so much and so fully. At moments like this I wish there were other members of my clan, that can understand me.
How can I explain to him, that to me it was like going through 9 circles of hell and I did all of this so I wouldn’t hurt him.
It is the same as asking a bird, what flying feels like to a human. It is not something, you can put into words.
I felt stab wound in my stomach as I watched their retreating backs. It is good thing, that he is happy. Bitter smile appeared on my face.
“I wish you happiness” my almost silent words were carried away by the wind.
Ring
Finally, I can go. I bolted out of my seat and went to my usual place. To the tree that overlooks the stadium near Academy.
I gained new hobby of being creepy stalker. Every day after Academy I go to watch Guy running laps. It is not like I am the only one, my motives and theirs are different though.
They come every day to scorn him and tell him just how pathetic he is. I am watching silently on a tree, where no one can see me, to either witness his success or failure.
He had been doing it for weeks now, the progress might have not being that visible at first, but every day he did just a bit more, one more step, one more lap. And now he slowly but steadily raised the number of laps to 497.
Everyone chooses to become shinobi for their own reasons. Some just follow the wishes of their parents; some want to learn cool jutsus or become a hero, not realising the difficulties of this path; some like me, out of more practical standpoint (the pay, career prospects, high risk high return after all). I knew since long ago that I simply need strength to protect myself. It was the only available path to me; it was something I just had to do. Well, that or being male escort.
It is not like being civilian isn’t an option for orphans, but usually you need to have connections or be talented in some aspect. Most crafts are passed down only to their family line, so can’t get in some line of work even if you want to, in service work you have to be always nice to people, which I can’t do. My face will also bring me more harm than anything else.
But If I had the same condition as Guy, I would just give up, there would be no thought of continuing at all. That’s why I admire him, to have a dream and pursue it no matter what. Some will think that, it is stupid and maybe it is, but I envy his passion.
Maybe today he will be able to do it. There are a lot of students gathered near the fence, they are throwing insults with more vigour than they usually would. Like they believe that his success will ruin theirs.
Guy ran slowly with beads of sweat streaming down his face. “Huff…498”
“ Loser” “ You won’t get admitted anyway” ”Just give up” I could hear many students throw such words at him.
Guy visibly slowed down and almost tripped couple of times because of their remarks.
I made my voice more high pitched and amplified it with chakra to become louder “Don’t listen to them. You can do it. Just a little bit more”
To be honest I wasn’t sure, if I was even heard. I was quite distance away and I can’t possibly out-shout the crowd.
Guy looked visibly startled and then he continued with surer steps. “ huff… 500… thank you, my guardian angel” he cried laying down on the ground and looking almost worshiping to the sky.
I felt truly happy for him.
Unbeknownst to me, I had a stalker of my own, who witnessed, what I did.
Certain silver haired boy from my class just couple of trees away from me.
The very next day we had a new classmate, who joined us as alternate.
If I knew Guy will be placed in my class, I would have probably joined those kids, who badmouthed him.
Well, too late for regrets now.