"Yes stay right there!" Himarawi shouts from the kitchen, Boruto and Naruto were sat down to the kitchen table.
Himarawi comes back with one plate, Hinata was helping her with just bringing the other plate here.
"There is five different kind of cookies, I made them all." She beamed, smiling proudly sitting in front of the boys.
She wanted to show off her skills.
Naruto smiles down at his plate, it was filled with different kind of sweets.
He was really proud of her daughter.
"Did Sakura tell you when she will be here?" Hinata peeks out of the kitchen with a soft smile.
"I think she said they will be here by 7?" Naruto tries to remember, he wasn't in the right mindset when he meet her.
Naruto picks up a random sweet from the plate and bites into it, the vanilla melts in his mouth. He looks at Himarawi impressed.
"Oh wow- this one is reallyy good." Naruto talks with his full mouth, Boruto copies him and he has the same reaction.
Himarawi face was filled with joy, she motions for them to eat another one, and another one.
After they everything they needed to give a rating, what was their favorite and what was their least.
Naruto couldn't lie all of the cookies were amazing, but he recognized that Hinata must have helped in.
But Naruto was proud, he was proud of how far his daughter came.
He looks at the couch and smiles, Sasuke was sitting there observing quietly.
His dark and purple eyes scanning everything.
It made Naruto nervous almost uncomfortable.
He just brushed it off, he tried to enjoy this Christmas as much as he can, even though he was glad that Sasuke was here.
The Hokage tried to ignore the black haired man sitting there, he really did.
He couldn't ignore it.
Those eyes made him nervous. Naruto stands up before going to ask his wife if he can help with something.
Hinata only smiled and shook her head, she looked so happy, she told him that she didn't really celebrate back then, but now that they had a family together.
She was always excited to cook, clean and put up the Christmas tree together.
She looked at peace.
Naruto hoped that he would be at peace too, soon.
Maybe someday.
"Alright, will Shikamaru and Temari will come too?" The blond asks, and Hinata just nods.
It was supposed to be a big Christmas party.
"Dad! Come and watch this movie with us!" Himarawi shouts, but Naruto didn't wanna go to the livingroom.
He was sitting there, watching him. The hair at the back of his neck stood up by just looking at the raven.
"Ah, I will join you guys I need to go up to the office for something." He lied, the blond walked out and went upstairs.
He could see by the corner of his eyes Sasuke following him.
His gaze searched for the office, it was at the end of the hallway.
The hokage goes inside, but the Uchiha was able to follow him.
"What do you want from me?" The blond snaps, he heard a scoff from the raven.
"I want nothing from you." He said calmly, it was the truth.
Naruto was the one who always wanted to see him.
He was the one who asked him to come here.
"I hate you." The blond said it out loud.
He didn't lie, it was the truth.
He hated Sasuke, he hated how beautiful he was.
He hated how talented he was, he hated how much he loved him.
He just hated him with passion.
"No you don't, you love me too much." Sasuke voice was low, he was right about that.
This is why Naruto hated him, he hated how much the raven knew about him.
He hated how clearly Sasuke could see right through him.
"I told you that I will love you forever and I meant it." Naruto finally turned around, he sat on his desk.
"You have a place in my heart no one else could ever have." Naruto looked at him, raven smiled softly.
"You were always so cheesy." The raven said, Sasuke was smiling softly at him, and it made Naruto warm.
He couldn't lie that he wasn't cheesy, beacuse he was. When they traveled together Naruto was always saying stupid cheesy and romantic speeches.
Sasuke always made fun of him for that.
"I just miss you." He shrugged, and it wasn't lie.
Naruto thought about him everyday.
Every single night laying in bed while his wife was sleeping quietly next to him, he whished it was Sasuke.
He wished that he married Sasuke.
"It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember." Sasuke said, the blond eyes widened at his wise words.
Naruto had so many memories with Sasuke, so much word was left unsaid.
So much more could have been done.
"I could never forget you." Naruto whispered as he walked closer to the raven.
Sasuke was so close, so so close.
The blond couldn't feel more excited about touching him, feeling the raven smooth skin.
"You need to let me go, Naruto." Sasuke spoke before Naruto hand went right through him. The raven was just a creation in his mind to make him feel better.
That's what also Naruto hated about Sasuke.
He hated him for killing himself.
Leaving him all alone.
"How could I just let you go?! After our travel- you are selfish!" Naruto said, his own agony eating him alive.
"I hate being alive, the only thing I hated how much I was suffering beacuse I hurt you in the past, I missed my family." Sasuke said, but Naruto was already breathing heavily.
He always saw the Uchiha, every fucking Christmas.
Then Naruto was reminded every single time that Sasuke was dead.
That he will never come back, never.
"How could I pretend to be happy? How could I continue my day knowing that you are not here, huh? How could I enjoyed a warm summer day when you took the sun with you when you left?" Naruto screamed at him throwing his papers at the floor.
He couldn't punch Sasuke.
He couldn't touch him, the raven was all in his head.
He was getting fucking crazy.
It was all in his head.
"Maybe you could be happy, if you just let go." The raven shrugged, Naruto just looked at him.
Sasuke was the only one he loved after losing his parents, Jiraya and most of him loved ones.
He lost everyone who he cared about, Sasuke was the only one.
He thought that he will stay with him forever, that he will never leave him.
Naruto just fell on his knees, someone tell him what to do?
Tell him what to do!
The blond felt lost, completely lost, it happened years ago and it was never getting better.
Never.
Even at Sasuke funeral, he wasn't that messy that day.
He planned everything, he choose the casket, he choose the flowers.
He did everything, even if they told him to stop, someone will do it.
That he didn't need to do this, he didn't need to.
He argued that, yes he needed to do this, if he didn't he might fall apart. What if they choose the wrong flower?
Naruto was kneeling on the floor, when the door opened.
A worried Himarawi and Boruto opened the door.
"Dad, what's wrong?" Himarawi had run to the blond and hugged him tightly.
Naruto couldn't say anything, he was about to burst into tears before they came inside.
And now, he felt nothing.
Why didn't he felt better? His own kids were worried for him, they loved him.
He felt empty as they hugged him
But Naruto couldn't feel anything else than just knowing- the thought that he should love them.
Why couldn't he? They were his own kids, he should loved them to death.
Now- they only felt like burdens.
"Ahh- uh I fell on the desk and accidentally some paperwork fell down. You know I am getting old!" He tried to smile, but the only thing that he could think about was how empty he felt.
Other than the grief and the loss of his one and only.
The feeling of crying at work, at the grave, at the bedroom.
Everywhere.
The kid started laughing at him, but they were still hugging him tightly.
"Daddy, you are so silly." Himarawi said, and Naruto forced a smile at her.
"Okay, you guys can go now. Help mom." He suggested as the two kids had run out, Boruto raised by good manners closed the door behind the two of them.
Sasuke was now nowhere to be found. Naruto couldn't see him, the raven wasn't sitting on his chair. Standing in the corner watching him.
He just wasn't there.
All these questions running through his head were killing him, the blond then teleported.
The only place where he could find him.
His grave.
Here he was again, all alone.
The flower he put there had frozen. The blond kneeled down again, and looked at the stupid stone.
He hated this stone, only because it had something that he could never ever have back.
Sasuke.
"You know, I deserved a better goodbye." A way better one, or no goodbyes at all.
He heard Sasuke sit next to him, it was all in his head.
This wasn't real he just wanted Sasuke here.
He was getting crazy.
"You know when I killed myself, I hoped that you would never find it out. That you guys never find my body." Sasuke smooth baritone was like music.
It made Naruto wanting to hear it again and again.
So he will never forget how he sounded like.
Naruto gaze was still at the grave, hoping that maybe there was still some chance that this is just a nightmare.
"I almost wish we have never met." Sasuke said, the blond mind freezed and looked at the raven.
Sasuke just smiled and shrugged.
A tear feel down on Naruto's face, the cold tear. It was burning on his cheeks.
"But then I would hate the idea of me not remembering the moment I realized that I loved you." The raven chuckled, shaking his head. The raven talked like he didn't believe what kind of things he was saying.
"You deserved happiness, so I left." Sasuke said, it left Naruto stunned.
Happiness?
How am I supposed to live without you?
"Fuck you Sasuke." Naruto said, the blond couldn't process what the other was saying.
He knew that his Sasuke was watching him.
He could feel his gaze.
Almost burning, did he think he was pathetic?
Would be Sasuke crying over his grave just the way he does?
After all Sasuke was always cold, would he be crying? Visiting his grave, getting him flowers?
"What are you thinking about?" Sasuke voice broke him out of his thoughts.
These weren't empty tears, he actually felt the grief.
Not just the emptiness in his heart. The agonizing pain he felt in his whole body everyday.
"Would you be sitting at my grave too?" Naruto looked at him, his blue eyes watery.
His lashes stuck together.
"If you have loved me, you would have never actually killed yourself. But you were- just selfish! All again, like you always were, huh? Didn't you thought about me? The people who cared about you! You never think about me!" Naruto shouted snapping at him, he couldn't take it anymore.
Sasuke just looked at him, not saying a word not breathing.
There shouldn't a loud silence between two people who loved each other.
This silence was loud, almost killing his ears.
He wanted the raven to say something, to hold him.
He wanted him to be real.
"You are dead, but what I feel is still here- and it will never leave." Naruto said, the lump in his throat was almost painful.
He just wanted to die, die- but the dying would have been only physically, he was already dead inside.
He was just wishing his heart would stop.
He had a soft smile on, the smile that Naruto always loved.
The smile that Sasuke had every morning when they woke up next to each other.
But this smile also had such a sadness, his eyes looked empty- it's beacuse it's not real.
He isn't real.
When the raven finally spoke, he had the same sad tone.
The broken voice that Naruto never wanted to hear again.
"I- I'm sorry, for lying to you. I loved you truly- and I always will. But knowing that I could never give you the happy life you wanted-" Sasuke tried to explain, but what Naruto didn't liked about this answer was- that the raven thought he could be never happy with him.
"You think we wouldn't have been happy together?" The blond asked, the raven stopped at the middle of his sentence.
He just shook his head.
"No, I was broken- love can't fix me, your love wasn't enough for me to be happy." Sasuke admitted, it broke Naruto- even though the raven was right.
Love can't fix someone.
Even if he hated to admit that.
"You know- sometimes, I wish I would have never ever meet you- especially fall in love with you. But, at the same time I wanna go back in time where you first told me your name." Naruto said, he looked at the darkest eyes he had ever seen. The eyes he always fell in love with over and over again.
The skin and hair changes by the time, everything in your body gets older.
But your eyes-
Never.
The eyes will never change, and Naruto was glad that one of the small things that made him fell harder for Sasuke was his eyes.
"When you say, you want me to forget you- do you think if I forget you, are you gonna disappear?" Naruto asked, Sasuke shrugged.
"I don't know, I would be everywhere." Sasuke said, he would be in his mind.
"You look at the moon and you are gonna see me." Sasuke told him, it was the truth, the raven knew him to well.
"You would eat your favorite ramen and wish that I would be eating it with you." Sasuke touched his own grave, he dragging his fingers through his name.
"You would look at pictures with your family and wish that I was the one with you." Sasuke looked at him, Naruto gulped.
He imagined Sasuke and him being married.
Living in a smaller house, with a big garden.
"If I would forget your face, but what makes you think that then I would have anything left of myself?" Naruto asked him, he wanted to ask everything.
"You can't depend on one person, Naruto. You need other reasons to live." Sasuke said, Naruto shook his head.
"I only wake up beacuse- if I die I am scared that I will only see darkness and not you. That I won't hear your voice, or see your face." The blond told him, what if death was only empty darkness.
He would be left alone-
Naruto hated feeling lonely-
He hated going home to a empty house.
"Not seeing me would be the best for you, you wouldn't have to hear my voice that is so painful, or see me." Naruto closed his eyes, not wanting to hear him anymore.
He covered his ears and tried to empty his head.
"You are not real." Naruto said, he didn't hear anything.
He repeated this in his head, over and over again.
He sat there for- he doesn't know how long but when he opened his eyes.
He didn't see Sasuke.
Naruto looked around and only saw Sasuke's grave stone.
He sighed standing up cleaning his pants, it got wet but Naruto didn't care about that right now.
It was time to go back, the house he couldn't call home.
The blond then teleported back to his office, it was empty.
He looked at the clock, he spent a whole hour there talking to himself.
Naruto looked at his desk, and watched his team 7 picture.
It felt like Sasuke face was blurred out.
The blond looked at it once more before putting the photo down with face down.
He couldn't bare to look at this anymore.
He walked out closing the door behind himself, walking down the stairs he could hear the chattering.
"Hmm I will write down the recipe, is that good?" The blond could hear Hinata's voice.
Naruto forced a smile, trying to look as genuine as much as he could.
"Hey, oh Sakura! Sorry, I was in the office upstairs." Naruto lied, Sakura smiled at him.
"Didn't you work enough? You are going to be a workaholic if you keep this up." Sakura lectured him, if she knew that this was the only thing that kept his mind off his worse thoughts.
"Kinda ironic that you are saying this." Naruto rolled his eyes, he glanced at Hinata she was inside the kitchen cheeking on the oven.
"Oh shush!" Sakura said, the kids were looking at a Christmas themed movie.
The blond smiled and sat down at the dinner table, plates were already put down.
"So Naruto, how have you been?" Sakura asked looking around, the blond hoped that this isn't going to be that kind of conversation were you pour out your whole heart.
"I am doing good, tired from work but that's not so bad." Naruto lied, god his younger self would be disappointed that how much he has been lying.
"Naruto, you know that you don't need to lie." Sakura said grasping Naruto bandaged hand.
It was burning on his skin, the hand touch, his whole skin crippling under Sakura's friendly gesture.
"I am not lying." Naruto said defensive.
The blond didn't want her to know, he didn't want help.
He didn't want pity or comfort, he just wanted to feel better.
"I think you should go to therapy, I know someone, he has seen a lot of my patients and I only heard good things about him." Sakura suggested, Naruto bit his lips.
"I don't need therapy Sakura, I am good." The blond said, he was getting fed up with this therapy bullshit.
"We all know that's a lie Naruto! You need help, just fucking admit it." Sakura said, slapping the table.
It was loud but the movie was louder so it wasn't noticable.
"I don't, that's enough." Naruto said, pulling his hands from Sakura's hold.
His friend eyes widened then it softened.
"I am just worried that you will do something stupid-" Sakura wanted to say something but she didn't finish.
The blond realized what she was about to say.
His heart dropped with sadness.
"You think I will kill myself like Sasuke did?" Naruto had enough he stood up the chair fell to the ground with a loud noise.
The kids looked at them and Hinata got out of the kitchen worried and concerned.
"Yes! I am scared that you are gonna end up like him!" Sakura shouted scared, Naruto eyes widened.
So it was true-
"Don't act like you actually cared!" Naruto hissed, Sakura was there at the funeral, but he never saw her visit his grave.
The only two people who visited his grave was Kakashi sensei and him.
"I miss him too, you think you are the only who misses him?" Sakura asked, the blond almost said yes.
They would never understand how he feels!
"Yes, since when did you ever visit him since he killed himself, huh?" Naruto asked, Hinata stepped between.
So Sakura couldn't answer.
"That's enough, it's Christmas and the kids don't need to hear it." She said, the blond looked at her.
She narrowed her eyes at the blond.
"Uncle Sasuke killed himself? Dad, you said he is always traveling that's why we can't see him!" Boruto said concerned that his dad lied to them.
Naruto eyes watered at the question, he forgot about the kids.
The blond couldn't bare the questions that the kids asked about the dark haired kid at some pictures they had together.
So he just lied, the questions hurt too much.
Saying the truth would have been just a bigger stab in his heart.
"Please just forget what we said, we will talk about this later." Naruto said, and left the scene, he walked up stairs but he could hear Hinata following him.
He opened his office door letting it open for Hinata.
As she reached the room she closed the door.
"What were you thinking? The kids can't know about stuff like this at such a young age." She hissed at him, Naruto just looked out the window showing his back to her.
"She acted like she knows how I feel." Naruto said, shrugging getting more and more annoyed.
"Sasuke was just as important to her as he was to you." Hinata defended her, Naruto turned around to face her.
"Sakura didn't even know anything about him! He doesn't know the truth why he wanted revenge, she doesn't know anything about him!" Naruto yelled, it was the truth.
She just liked the idea of him she created in her silly delusional mind.
"She was a teammate of Sasuke just like you were, stop acting like you and Sasuke had something going on!" She yelled, and that was it for Naruto.
Nobody knew anything!
"You know nothing! You act like you know what I have been through for Sasuke, you act like you know how I feel!" The blond annoyed looked at her wife.
Did she always thought this?
Was she thinking the whole time then?
"Don't talk to me like this! You are acting like a fucking child!" She yelled back fearless, oh so now Naruto was acting childish?
What kind of sick joke this was?
"Am I now?" Naruto asked, he was so so angry now.
He hated when they called him a child, and Hinata knew that.
"You can't accept that Sasuke died! He is gone forever, you just need to let go already!" Hinata said calmer now, Naruto breath hitched, she didn't know how it felt like.
She didn't know anything, she couldn't understand how Naruto felt.
Nobody knew, nobody understood him-
"Enjoy Christmas without me." He told her, as she was about to protest Naruto had teleported.
Sasuke had a house rented by Naruto, just in case he wanted to come back.
The house was empty, the blond spent his time here sometimes, but it didn't smell like Sasuke.
He went inside the bedroom, there was one single bed.
It was covered in dust.
He hadn't been here in a while-
All he had left was the empty house with not a single soul inside, just a lonely soul.
Who lost the only person who ever understood him.