It was unfair. Kurenai knew it was. And she could feel what all of this clan politics was doing to her team, currently sitting on the grass on their training field, not at all motivated to train. Well, half of her team anyway.
Shino, currently sitting on the grass in front of her and staring into the distance, made up an excuse that he was growing new insect species and so he had not enough chakra left to train taijutsu. The fact that most of his old insects were sent off to monitor Konoha gates was not an assumption that Kurenai would vocalize. Hinata's argument was that nowadays, she was focusing mostly on improving the range of her byakugan. Again, Kurenai would not say it aloud that she suspected that the girl just wanted an excuse to look at the gates of Konoha in regular intervals.
It was of course not the first time that her team was separated because of a mission. They were good friends who preferred to conduct missions together, but they were also professionals and Kurenai could appreciate that. It was however the way in which they were separated this time that most likely made her team so uneasy about it. It was a way that managed to make all of them face their innermost fears and insecurities - something that Kurenai, as their sensei and as a genjutsu master - knew a lot about.
She wasn't there when the ANBU team approached Team 8 two days ago to ask Kiba and Akamaru to join them on a mission as they needed someone for tracking. But she didn't have to be there to be able to guess their reactions when they heard the reasoning behind why only Kiba with Akamaru were eligible for the task at hand.
"This mission is too dangerous." is what the ANBU leader said.
"You are the one who is expendable" is what Kiba figured.
"You are too weak" is what Hinata understood.
"You are the one to be left behind" is what Shino knew it implied.
Yes, it was unfair. Shino and Hinata were supposed to be the heirs of their respective clans. They have reached puberty, they have been promoted to chuunin and so visibly capable of performing their tasks; so it made sense to not send them to very high risk missions. That was politics, and politics was what, sometimes unfortunately, made Konoha. It also made sense however that it made no sense to them. They were just teenagers and very good friends. They grew up together, watching each other's backs, saving each other's lives and trusting each other with their problems. And now someone comes and tells them that two of them will need to stay in safety and the other two can go and risk dying, simply because of the conditions of their birth.
Clan politics was nothing new to Hinata of course. She faced it head on, mentally and physically as she was growing up, either fighting with her father, her sister and then once even with her cousin. After the chuunin exams, some of the tensions with her father and her cousin diminished and over time, as she also became chuunin, her father finally started to respect her to some extent.
But despite these relieved tensions, Hinata was never free. She was still weak, dependent and restrained, or at least that's what Kurenai believed that the girl thought of herself based on the many discussions they have had together. Kurenai saw Hinata watching Kiba enjoying his freedom and Shino being given acknowledgement and respect from his own father - the two things she has always wanted and never had. She did not want to carry the burden of being the first-born and wanted to be able to define her own life just like Kiba could. She also wanted to get respect and trust from her family, just like Shino did from his.
While she worked hard on improving herself, the thing that Kurenai believed she needed to work on the most was her self-confidence. Shino and Kiba could create that kind of an environment in which she could thrive as they have always been very supportive of her and trusted her skills. But Hinata could never really completely detach herself from the image that she believed her clan - her father - had of her, especially during the times when she got emotional or when her teammates were not around.
And it was a pity. Hinata has grown into a strong ninja and Kurenai couldn't have been more proud of her. On the training grounds and during missions, she oozed with determination and creativity, many times even able to surprise Kiba and Shino with her attacks. Whenever Kurenai met her at the Hyuuga compound or during one of her tougher days however, she felt like she met the Hinata who was still 12 years old - constrained due to her clan duties and self-conscious about her skills.
So when Hinata heard that she cannot participate in a high risk mission and that her friends will be placed in danger in her stead, all she could read from it was that she once again was too weak - too weak to not get killed, too weak to contribute to the mission and too weak to protect her friends.
But she would not complain; she did not believe that her words would have any weight and she would not go against the wishes of her father.
For Shino, the situation was different. He also understood clan politics; he was one of the brightest ninja Kurenai has ever had the honor to work with. At the same time however, while he acknowledged clan politics and lived by its principles, under the mask of stoicism and emotionless expressions, Kurenai knew Shino did not fully enjoy it.
Compared to Hinata and Kiba, Shino has always had important errands to do. Unlike Kiba's mother, Shino's father has always expected Shino to become the clan head. Unlike Hinata, Shino was consistently meeting his father's expectations. He worked hard, very hard actually - and that combined with his natural talent meant that Kurenai could not blame Shibi for putting that much pressure on his son.
At the same time, Shino was lonely and Kurenai could see that. He had a special bond with his insects, but he also craved human company, which became only more evident after Team 8 was formed. The fact that he could stay around the loud-mouthed Kiba for hours or even days on end and even befriend him meant that he had quite a strong social capacity - which was oftentimes left unsatisfied. Thinking about it now, Kurenai realized that he had probably never even known how to fill this void. Shino has read all the books, attended all the classes and absorbed all the wisdom his father passed down on him. Only when once Shino approached her during his moment of insecurity after the end of one training session with a very special question, Kurenai realized that none of these lessons ever taught him how to make friends.
Despite failing some of the first missions they had been assigned to as a reconnaissance team, the first time Kurenai saw Shino genuinely upset was when he found out that he was left out from the Sasuke retrieval mission.
After that, Kurenai started seeing the patterns. How he would always follow Kiba and Hinata everywhere, even to places Shino would never go to by himself. How he would always ask for the details about Kiba's and Hinata's weekend plans even though he would usually not be the one from the three of them making small talk. How he would always stare at Hinata and Kiba in a bit of despair when the latter two started discussing something together, accidentally not including him in their chat. And how he would always make sure to vocalize to the two of them that they meant a lot to him and that he considered them friends - waiting, hoping for them to reply in kind.
Shino was one of the most powerful ninja of the Konoha rookies and the heir of a noble clan. His biggest worry however was not a strong opponent or a failed mission; it was that he would be forgotten and lose his friends.
So when he was told that he was to be excluded from yet another dangerous mission in which Kiba and Akamaru would participate, the only emotion that he could feel apart from the concern for his friends was that he was left behind once again.
But he would not complain; he had an image to maintain and an obligation to his clan to carry.
Kiba most likely took it the best, Kurenai thought. Unlike Shino and Hinata, Kiba has never cared about politics. He was not born to be the heir of his clan and he also acted the part. At the same time, Kiba did not need clan politics to know what his role was - as he was born into a pack instead.
Kurenai has always been surprised about how easily the boy was willing to throw himself into danger's way for his friends or just for the sake of the mission's success. Once his medical file started to be more extensive than that of Hinata, Shino and herself combined, she approached his mother about the issue. "He knows what he is supposed to do instinctively. He will protect the village and whoever he finds dear and important to him." Somehow, this made Kurenai sad, realizing that probably Kiba did not find himself important enough. And who would blame him given how his own mother would treat him and talk down to sometimes? Who would blame him when his own father did not find him important enough?
Then there was his wish to become a hokage, which for some time, Kurenai could not decipher. But she knew better than to just make hasty assumptions and asked Kiba about it directly one day before a training. "I don't know. It would be cool." he said at first, with a big toothy grin which was to soon become his trademark. Staring into her eyes for a bit afterwards however, he soon realized that this was not enough to satisfy his perceptive sensei. "What else are we with Akamaru supposed to train for, sensei? We can train to help make Hinata and Shino safer during our missions, and we do that now, yes. But in the end, we will be all separated. What then? Hinata and Shino have their destinies as clan heads. We have nothing. So we can as well aim high!" Kiba laughed but Kurenai could tell that he was just coping.
Kiba always claimed to hate having responsibilities, but Kurenai saw that he needed them to feel truly fulfilled, though he would never admit to it openly. He found his responsibility in protecting Akamaru, his clan and later, his team and the village. And he always wanted more than that, he wanted to feel truly important and needed; just like Hinata and Shino were important to and needed by their clans - and Kurenai knew that perhaps his clan could never give him that feeling, so he was chasing it elsewhere, though for now unsuccessfully.
So when he was approached and asked to take a high risk mission instead of Shino and Hinata, he knew it was because he was the only one who was expendable among them.
And of course he would not complain, as protecting them was the one job he was responsible for, the one thing that made him feel like there was a purpose to his existence.
All of a sudden, Hinata tensed and Shino froze. After a brief eye contact between them and a short apology to their sensei, they both disappeared.
Kurenai smiled. She figured Kiba and Akamaru came back.
They might be the expendable, the weakling and the one left behind in their minds - but before all, they would always be friends.
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto.