Phantom Pains

Dripping in sweat, muscles aching, bruises forming as he huffed, hands on his knees as perspiration dripped from his forehead. He let out of a deep breath as he sheathed his kunai, letting his guard down. His eyes glanced across to his sparring partner, Lee who was adjusting his bandages. They'd been training since that morning, exhausted from hand to hand combat, chakra absolutely drained. Lee had begged him to spend the day together, that they both could use a day of pure 'heart filled' training. Or so he called it.

Neji knew they hadn't seen each other much lately, there were plenty of things they needed to catch up on. But Neji wasn't prepared to answer his questions,

"How have you been? Really," Lee asked as he approached him. The two planned on going and grabbing a bite to eat,

"Busy, I guess."

"Not with jobs though. You've only taken two the last two months. It's unlike you."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I know you're picky but not that picky about what you take..." Lee was thinking aloud, trying to purposefully push the conversation in a certain direction.

"Lee..."

"And even Guy said you've been acting strange-"

"Where is this going?" Neji groaned, as he readjusted his hair. He redid his pony tail on his tangled hair, making it higher than normal as the fronts fell free to frame his face.

"I think you know Neji! And you can tell me anything, don't feel ashamed." his eyes were intense as his hands formed fists.

"I- am so lost."

"Chihiro!" Lee yelled. "my rival, best friend, is in love!"

"I... Where'd you hear this from?" Neji was bright red, heart beginning to race. Had anyone confronted him about her like that? It was only Neji internally fighting with himself about his feelings.

"You know Neji, from what I see it appears you're courting her. I saw how you two interacted that night at karaoke. I've heard people talk about all sorts of things with you two! And ever since she arrived, you've been acting strange."

"I-I'm not," he countered back.

"You hesitated."

"I did no such thing," Neji spat back.

"Look, you don't need to take my advice but at least listen! Man up Neji." Lee said with passion behind his eyes as he grasped Neji's shoulders, "if you care for someone you need to tell them! Don't waste any precious time you have. Because I've never seen you like this before and I don't want you to regret anything. Think long and hard about this."

Neji stared at him in shock, unsure of what to say. He hadn't expected Lee to confront him on Chihiro when he didn't understand it himself. He was someone who didn't share his emotions like that, he'd never tell Lee about a crush, "um, I appreciate the advice-"

"When Guy sensai taught me to utilize certain taijutsu moves to protect the ones I loved- I realized quickly what that felt like and how I knew. Do you feel that way about Chihiro?" Lee was serious.

"Yes." he spared no time to answer. He'd bat around the bush all day until he could tell the seriousness behind the questions. Because he would be straight forward when commanded in a way that wanted him to say his true feelings. In that moment Neji felt like he had to say it, "perhaps I am courting her, I haven't put much thought into it. But I know I care for her on a different level. And recent events have proved that."

"Even if you're my greatest rival, I will push you in your personal life as well."

"Thanks Lee." Neji nodded, feeling a sense of calm come over him... A sense of realization. An understanding of what he needed to do to help him sleep at night, to feel relief, to have her. Neji enjoyed Chihiro's company and would do anything he could to make her happy. Her smile was enchanting and she was tantalizing to him in a way that made him feel possessive over her. He hung on every word she said, remembered every intricate detail of her face down to her body. He needed to be able to read her reactions or emotions in a situation or he'd go mad not knowing, or having an idea. The way her hair would blow in the wind, or she'd push it out of her face had him tranced with her. She could make his mouth go dry as a desert as he wanted nothing more than to hold her. He liked when she smiled or laughed because of him, and he was jealous if it was because of someone else. The thought of anyone else having her here or in her realm would destroy him from the inside out. And the thought of her dying would do even worse to him.

But love was foreign to him. The semblance of love he was shown was from his friends who always had his back, not the girls he'd hooked up with in the past. The idea of settling down with someone excited him but, he couldn't fathom it at the same time. Love was tricky. He knew not how to be a boyfriend. He didn't even believe he deserved someone as perfect as her. Self doubt was overwhelming him, like he was trying to come up with excuses to run. Yet each second that passed was him getting closer and closer to her.

Neji was too in his thoughts that Lee flicking his headband made him flinch, "what?" he asked incredulously.

"You should ask her on a proper date." Lee said.

Neji nodded, "I would like to... I always find myself wanting to be near her."

"Put your mind to it, go and do it right now. I believe in you." Lee smiled wide.

"Thought we were going to eat?"

"We can go to eat whenever!"

The way Lee mirrored Guy was one of many, and he certainly did as he pepped talk Neji. So Neji just shook his head chuckling, "I'll see you later then."

It didn't matter to him that he was coated in sweat and cuts, he didn't even think about how he'd smell. Neji was set on finding Chihiro and making plans with her. He was giddy thinking about seeing her, light on his feet as he walked through Konoha. To him the day was perfect, a simmering sky that would soon be painted orange, paying no mind to bustles of people going by. All he cared about was seeing her face light up as she saw him, the way it always did. As he was upset she wasn't his, or the way he yearned for her to be his- so he felt on cloud nine.

-

Chihiro was in denial. While she'd been in denial about arriving at Konoha, those feelings were dispersing and being replaced. Newfound feelings that crept into her stomach, then her chest, then her mind were finally causing her heart to beat wildly. In her eyes he was a good man, a proud shinobi who strove for perfection. Learning about him as they grew closer with each moment together opened her eyes. She adored Neji more. She understood struggle with family. For years, denying her parents untimely and sudden death, and she denied her stature as an orphan. Chihiro only knew how to move forward and use time as a healing mechanism. But it was easy to deny her feelings with Neji as well.

Love. It's appealing. It comes off as fun and light, and a chest filled with butterflies. But it isn't always that straightforward. Vulnerability and allowing someone else to have the power to break you. Yet to her Neji seems like someone she could give that power to and not worry. She sees him as a strong headed shinobi who'd been dealt unfair cards in a way she'd been, and he grew from it- so she'd learn from others and combined little bits from what he told her.

Falling in love with Neji could cause her many issues. It could attach her to Konoha even more. Could land her as a target as he was part of a strong family. And they could be ripped apart whenever she got to go back to Yggdrasil. In Chihiro's mind, their love story would only be one of travesty, of right person wrong time and never be given another chance. It would protect both of their hearts to not take it any further she knew.

But a new issue for the poor girl was— that maybe, Chihiro could live in Konoha, survive there, be happy. It would be bittersweet, she knew. Nights of turmoil tossing and turning, only sleeping because the pure exhaustion from her sobs took over. That maybe those nights of struggling would be meaningless as she'd acclimate more each day. That perhaps she'd forget all about her friends and where she once called home if she started a new life- no. Always feeling like she never belonged, it changed in Konoha. Each day in Yggdrasil like she was a ghost haunting halls, going through the motions just to make it through. Now, she'd wake up excitement even if her life was up for question.

'Do I love him?' Chihiro thought to herself as she lounged on her couch. Peaches was sprawled out besides her, the tiny cat's head nestled into her leg. Her fingers were running through Peaches's fresh cut fur, purring as she rubbed at her neck.

It was a question she asked herself constantly the last couple days. Since the admiration that grew even more for him that night at the hot springs, she couldn't stop thinking. Chihiro had never been in love before. Only small crushes or quick infatuations. She'd never had the intimacy and support that Neji gave her outside of close friends. It was overwhelming to feel his skin against hers or have him standing so close. His strong body, long cared for hair, handsome features, serious nature, his care for her. It all accumulated.

As a painful grumble took over her stomach, she hoped to see him soon. Her body was alit with electricity just thinking about him! But soon her worries of Neji were escaping her as her stomach ached. If felt as if it was eating itself as she pulled her legs into her chest, disturbing Peaches in the process. The cat stared at her before she laid back down.

Chihiro didn't want to move as she whimpered due to the pain. It was like her insides were gnawing at themselves for nutrition, her empty stomach making her feel sick. She knew she should make something to eat as simple as rice, even drink some water! But her willpower wasn't strong enough to convince her to get up. For a few moments she was in a daze, like she was in and out of consciousness as low grumbles were practically ripping her apart.

Making her tiny body jump was the sound of sharp raps against her door. It had her in a fade as she shot up, hair certainly a mess as she looked around to regain herself. With a grunt she pushed herself up, Peaches jumping down to the floor behind her.

Chihiro opened the door and immediately felt blinded by the light as her eyes adjusted. To her surprise, Neji stood at her door in a rather beat up state. She looked him up and down not saying anything, instantly worried. It wasn't the reaction either had expected, hardly any emotion shown on her features as she waved him in.

"Are you okay?" she gawked.

"Yeah, was training with Lee all day, nothing to worry about." his stomach was practically on the floor as he frantically tried to read her. Her eyes looked sunken in, hair frail as it laid limp down her back. There was a slight sway to her body as she stood there in front of him, eyes glossed over as she couldn't maintain eye contact, "are you okay?"

She nodded signaling a 'yes.'

Neji frowned, "are you sure?"

She shook her head for 'no.'

For a second, Neji didn't know how to react, freezing. She looked so small and vulnerable in front of him in this way- broken. So he took a few steps forward and grabbed her in time as she began to crumple to the floor. Her dining table was closest, so he led her to take a seat in one of the chairs, staying in front of her on a knee. It alarmed him how light she felt, wouldn't he have noticed by now? His hands ran over her slouched over body, hand smoothing down her hair as to comfort her. She looked at him and it sent tingles down his spine. Neji watched attentively as her fingers shakily rose and brushed across his cheek as they were at eye level. Chihiro softly touched the side of his face, letting her fingers ghost against his skin with such delicacy. Their breaths were hitched in their throats, soft whimpers soon leaving her lips as she slouched more, placing her head against his chest. He looked like stone before relaxing.

"Can I do anything to help you?" he whispered into her hair.

She shook her head against him, "I'm fine," her voice was muffled, "seeing you... gave me emotions."

He swallowed hard unknowing what she meant by that, "have I upset you?"

"No quite the opposite. But I can't explain."

"Okay I suppose." he responded with dim eyes, not wanting to press.

"You smell like sweat," slowly she sounded more normal, her teasing tone breaking through even against the fabric of his training garb. Perhaps she was forcing it but he didn't mind as she changed the topic.

It made relief wash through Neji has he instantly felt the difference, "sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come right here."

"You're fine," she giggled, regaining her breathing back to normal. She did her best to shrug her quick breakdown from seeing him off. How strange that he'd plague her thoughts and then showed up! "I didn't know you were coming." she sat back up, giving him a tiny smile.

"Sort of sudden, I hope I wasn't interrupting anything."

"No I was just uh, on the couch. In the midst of wanting to eat but not wanting to get up."

"Have you eaten today?"

"Mn no."

Neji understood her odd, weak behavior, "are you in the mood for anything specific?"

"I don't know." she spoke absentmindedly, staring off at the wall behind him.

Neji just got to his feet, taking a quick glance at her before heading a few steps to the kitchen. He glanced at the desolate counters, sorted through her practically empty shelves with much dismay. In the fridge he had better luck, fresh strawberries and asparagus wrapped up. He grabbed those and set the oven to warm. Chihiro was watching him curiously, eyes narrowed on every movement of his. She watched him with a tight chest, feeling guilt he felt obligated to do this, but also appreciative. He was tantalizing to her, each movement of his hands with a knife to cut seemed so precise. He seemed so focus as his hair fell into his eyes, so beautiful as he took on the role of dutifully taking care of her.

He'd take on every inch of her pain for her so she'd never have to suffer. As he waited for the asparagus to cook in the oven and dusted the strawberries with sugar, he realized that. The sudden understanding that the girl at the table had that power over him, always had that power over him before he even knew her... was overwhelming. His hand gripped the counter, veins surely flexing at the pure force he was exerting. It was her calling out his name with her angelic voice that broke his focus, whipping around to check on her. She looked cute watching him, playing with her fingers, foot tapping on the ground lightly.

"I think everything should be fine," he murmured.

The vegetables looked cooked enough as Chihiro insisted she didn't care. He loved the way she lit up seeing the bowls in front of her, how relief seemed to wash over her. It may have been an invasion of her privacy but he peered into her chakra as he sat besides her, seeing how it was beginning to dim. Chihiro couldn't eat much, but he was happy to see her try. Watching her like a parent watched their child, he urged her to try to eat more. Her eyes were just wide staring at him and nodding, like she'd listen to anything he said.

"Chi?"

"Mhmm?"

"I was wondering um, it's actually the reason I came." he was filled with nerves as he stumbled over his words, "I was wondering if you had plans tomorrow."

Chihiro swallowed the cut up strawberries in her mouth, red stained on her lips, "I'm free," she was blushing, jumping to conclusions of him asking her on a date...

"Would you like to do something?"

"I would."

"I have some ideas-"

"Surprise me, I'm sure I'll love it." she grinned at him watching a confident smile come over him.

"Alright, I'll do my best then." Neji reached over to place his hand on top of hers, "tomorrow around two o'clock then? I just have to get morning training done."

"That sounds good. I'm excited, thank you." she responded shyly, hardly able to contain her glee.

Their pupils dilated every-time they looked at each other, just like in that moment. Quickened heart rates and the overwhelming urge to touch the other barely satiated. Twisting emotions of love forming around them as their souls were surely intertwining. Little did they fully understand, was that their time together reached earlier than two months ago.