Sometimes it's hard
“Kakashi?” Gai looked around the kitchen, thinking, ‘He was just here, no?’ He walked further, heading for the backyard, he smelled tobacco. “Kakashi?”
“Hm?” Kakashi looked up at Gai, who smiled at first, then frowned. He looked for Sakura. “She’s nowhere near me,” he pointed a bit further out in their yard, “she’s playing with the ninken.” He exhaled. Gai sat down next to him, moving the ashtray to the opposite side of Kakashi. “I mean, I don’t like her seeing you smoke, but that's not what I’m upset about.” Kakashi took a drag of the cigarette, he looked to Gai, waiting for him to go on. “You were supposed to take her to school today, that and, you promised you’d finish the dishes from yesterday.”
“I will.” He replied stalely. Gai furrowed his brows, “That’s-” He cut himself off, it was pointless to argue about the time in which Kakashi does the dishes, he will get them done before bed. “Okay. Why isn’t she at school?”
“I woke up late, I figured she’d earned a day off from classes.”
Gai looked at him for a moment, “I woke you up before I left, Sakura too, all you had to do is get her dressed, fed, and then drop her off. At the very least some warning would be nice, I came home in the middle of a mission to-”
“No one asked you to.” Kakashi snapped, “Sorry I’m not perfect like you are.”
Gai frowned, “I never said I was, I just said some warning would have been nice.”
Kakashi put out his cigarette, getting up, “Are you gonna go back to work or stay home?” Gai hated when Kakashi got like this, shutting down, but he couldn’t do anything about it right now. He needed time and space, “I’ll stay home, I haven’t been able to spend much time with Sakura anyway.”
“Great, I’m going for a walk.” Before Gai could say anything he was already heading in, slamming the door behind him. Gai was frustrated, he had no clue why Kakashi was upset, and he certainly didn’t cause it. So, why is he the one it's being taken out on? “Sweet girl!” Gai called out, Sakura’s head whipped around, “Papa!” She exclaimed racing over, “Your home!” She smiled, hugging him tightly. Gai hugged her just a bit tighter, kissing the top of her head. “Hey, sweet girl?”
“Yeah?”
“Has daddy been grumpy all day?” He wouldn’t normally ask or involve her in these things, but he was confused. He seemed fine this morning, why the sudden switch? Sakura pondered the question for a moment, going over the day in her head, she nodded. “Yeah, well since breakfast, he was all sad. Then he was grumpy, then he was both, so we didn’t go to school today. I think, maybe he’s sick!” She looked to Gai with concern, “He just wanted to sleep and cuddle all day, and that's what I do when I’m sick. But, Daddy never gets sick.” Gai couldn’t help but smile, the childlike nature of believing your parents are invincible. He thought over how he’d answer her answer but before he could she was already off playing with the ninken again. Pakkun stays back, laying by Gai. “Do you know anything?”
“No, I just don’t have enough energy to keep up with her.”
Gai laughed, “A child’s capacity for energy is truly unmatched.” Looking at Sakura play the two sat in a comfortable silence.
After a while, Sakura grew tired and they headed inside, there was still no sign Kakashi had returned, Gai even checked their bedroom. Nothing. All the ninken had left, after Gai asked all of them what might be bothering Kakashi. Also nothing. “How about we have some quiet time? A good way to rest and recharge after running around!” He pushed away his worry and played happy. Sakura didn’t seem to notice he was pretending, good enough. “Okay, I’m gonna read my new books.” She smiled, Gai loved her smile so big, so toothy, so real. She headed to her room and he headed to the living room, he had paperwork that needed completing. Surely by the time he was done, Kakashi would be back, right?
Wrong. It had been more than four hours, and Gai’s worry was only growing. He had to cook dinner, but what if something was wrong with Kakashi? What if he got kidnapped? No, he was far too good a shinobi. Maybe he was sick, this isn’t normally how he acts but it’s a possibility. He went to check on Sakura, she was playing peacefully with her dolls. The books she had finished were put neatly on her bookshelf, and the unfinished ones lay in a beat pile next to the bookshelf. Kakashi called it OCD, Gai called it a knack for organization. “Hey sweet girl, you alright?”
“Can you play with me? It’s boring just playing by myself!” Her pout made his heart squeeze just a bit, “I would love to, but I have to make dinner.”
“Can Daddy play?” Gai pursed his lips, he did not want to lie, but he also did not want her to worry. So he’d halfway lie, “Daddy had something he needed to do, I don’t know when he’ll be back.” See, not technically a lie. Gai frowned, Sakura turned defeatedly back to her dollhouse. Maybe Gai was weak or maybe a piece of him felt guilty, felt he did not make enough time for her. “Y’know what?”
“What?” Sakura asked glumly.
“Why don’t we order out?” She gasped excitedly, Gai continued, “Maybe that’ll cheer Daddy up a bit and then I can play with you!”
“Yeah!” Sakura jumped up happily, she went over to her toy bin to get more dolls. Gai hoped Kakashi would be home soon so they could go out and eat together.
Sakura is much more observant than Gai gives her credit for. It is not as though he underestimates his child, it’s just in comparison to other children her age she was a bit ahead. They were playing together for about 30 minutes, she stopped suddenly, “Daddy’s been gone a while.”
“He has.” Gai was hoping this was just a keen observation, not her trying to ask what was wrong. It was somehow worse, “You seem sad, do you want a hug?” Though he was proud of her ability to recognize emotions and he thought it was adorable how she was copying his and Kakashi's ways to emotionally support him, he was also upset. That wasn’t her job, he thought he was doing a pretty good job at pretending to be happy. He sighed, “Sweet girl, you don’t need to worry about me, I’m fine, I’m just worried about Daddy.”
“Me too,” she moved closer to Gai. She hugged him, “Daddy’s gonna come back, right?”
Gai squeezed her tightly, he knew she needed reassurance that everything is gonna be okay, but he wasn’t sure that it would be. He knew, logically, things would be okay. Kakashi just needed space to process whatever it was that needed processing. Still, a part of him worried that maybe Kakashi wouldn’t come back. Maybe things wouldn’t be ok. Swallowing his anxieties he let her go, he looked at her and put his hands on her shoulders, “Everything will be okay, Daddy will be back soon.” He looked at her, hoping she’d accept that answer. He hoped she believed him because he sure as hell didn’t. Before she could voice her doubts the front door opened, “I’m back.” Kakashi called, “I brought food.”
Sakura smiled and ran out to go see Kakashi, probably interrogating him for a bit. Gai took a moment to collect himself, taking a deep breath in and out. After a moment, after he felt he properly collected himself he went out to the kitchen. Sakura was too busy with her food to continue interrogating him, he noticed Pakkun and Biscuit, there to distract her so he and Kakashi could talk. “Let’s talk in the living room, leave the food.” Gai’s voice was firm and frustrated, Kakashi nodded and followed him out into the living room. “Where have you been? Why did you act like that?” Kakashi took a deep breath and led him to the sofa, “Before I answer any of that, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so pissy with you, I was upset, but that didn’t give me the right to be an ass. I should’ve just talked to you, I’m sorry.” Gai knew Kakashi was being sincere, part of him wanted to forgive him right there, but he wanted answers. “Thank you, I can appreciate that you were upset. Where you went isn’t important, you’re okay, that is important. So, disregard my first question. Answer my second, why did you act like that? What upset you?”
“The mission I was assigned last week, it um,” Kakashi stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath he continued, “This little girl got injured. Injured doesn’t begin to explain what happened to her. She was Sakura’s age.” He looked away from Gai, despite the time he took to process it all he wasn’t over it. “I stayed with her for hours in the hospital, waiting for her parents. When they got there I asked them to update me about her, I knew I shouldn’t have. I knew she’d die, but I just couldn’t not. I had almost forgotten and then I got a call after you left.”
“Which is why Sakura said you just wanted to sleep and cuddle all day, why you didn’t send her to school.”
Kakashi pursed his lips, a tear fell and he continued, “I just couldn’t stop imagining, I kept thinking, ‘What if that was Sakura?’ I couldn’t. I’m sorry.”
Gai frowned, “I forgave you when you apologized, rival. I’m sorry that happened.” The two hugged, and for a moment Kakashi allowed himself to cry. When Kakashi pulled away they sat in silence for a bit as Kakashi collected himself. Gai spoke up first, “I know when things like that happen you need space to think things through and I know we're still working on the who communication thing, but next time tell me you need space. You don’t have to tell me specifics, just tell me something happened and I’ll give you the space you need.” Kakashi nodded, “I will. I was going to when you got home, but you came back early. I was allowing myself to fester for a bit while Sakura was distracted, doesn’t make it less wrong, but that’s why I snapped at you.”
Gai smiled, “Thank you for talking to me.”
“Thank you for listening and for always being so patient with me. I love you.”
“I love you too, rival.”
The two shared a tender kiss, Gai pulled away after a bit. He looked at Kakashi, leaned in real close, he whispered, “Don’t forget about the dishes.” The two exploded with laughter, “That was mean! I thought you were gonna say something dirty.” Kakashi crossed his arms and pouted. “Well, I mean, the dishes are dirty.”