running from the daylight
oh i love it and i hate it at the same time
his lips taste like bitter lemon and my hands are splattered with ink, stains and stripes left on the white fabric, i hate it a bit though i don’t mind if being with him means being covered with that ink. i don’t mind if being with him means getting hurt even more than i’m already am. petting his painted cats and caressing his skinny shoulders, ruffling his short hair and wiping a small stain from his cheek… i’m so fucked up when it comes to forgetting something, he admits it even faster than i realise what this is all about. with all the days spent in his company, with all those sparrings, flashy looks, brief touches, with those uneasy half-smiles… he stills getting to know how to read people and i’m just a bit like him so he prefers to learn from me now, after all, aren’t we teammates? he lets out an amused laugh, jumping away from the ink sprinkling all over the field and it was always like this: he tried to make a move and i crushed it all down, still drawn to him, still offering another opportunity for him. he’s always somewhere around, always eager to try new lines to get a reaction and i’m so okay with it as long as it keeps me distracted from, eventually, the only thing i really failed.
sai’s lips taste like bitter lemon and he tucks my hair behind my ear, his expression blank. he didn’t ask about what i’m mourning and what i want to forget becoming closer with him, though i don’t care to hide it. like it’s nothing special to the most talented hyuuga descendant to be rejected by a person he discovered the deepest connection with and was influenced the most by. like it’s nothing special to the someone from the hyuugas to cry without a sound helplessly until you blackout (and honestly – this one is so unfortunately true). sai plays with my hopelessly stained sleeves, crumpling the white-and-now-partly-black fabric. sai never touches the cursed mark. and i hoped so badly sai would never touch my heart as well as it still ache with the yellowish orange sparkles left by the one i really wish to be here. i do wish it, right? even when sai smiles, when sai squeezes my hand, when sai covers my back when it’s near deathly dangerous, when sai… when sai bends to me, laying with my head in his lap, and murmurs softly that damn “i know you wanted naruto to be in my place but he never did and you’ve lost all hope for him to change that someday”. i love how good he’s at getting something straight out of my head and i hate it so bad. sometimes we don’t even need to talk although sometimes i wish we never talk.
i know how sai’s lips taste under his mask and he does the same about mine. i tie up my hair already picturing him letting it fall all over my shoulders and back when the mission’s complete and we’re back home. he fixes his paint brush and smirks. i love we don’t mean anything too special to each other, just a comfortable place, a good comforting habit. and i hate us staying so tied to each other and not moving on even though we both don’t mind it all lasting a bit longer than we expected.
sky blue eyes’ gaze is long and somewhat sorrowful, the bandana strings fluttering in the strong wind. old stains on my white sleeves left from sai’s ink are almost gone, the fabric flapping in the wind. he cracks a smile and raises a hand to hold my untied hair but leaves it hanged in the midair, not certain if he can do this. if it would be okay. i’ve spent too much time around sai with his attempts to read people’s emotions and intentions and thank you sai. all in his posture, all in his sad misty eyes, all in his half-curled lips screams he wants to tell something and i’m getting a deja vu from how i was standing the same in front of him, hesitating to say all i got on my mind though it turned up into nothing that i was hoping for in the end.
naruto’s expression tired and exhausted from following someone he always wanted to be with but never was accepted by. he doesn’t ask if it’s too late because i don’t even know if it is. he lets me embrace him, a warm, comforting touch. maybe we’re not meant to each other and maybe nobody’s meant to no one. maybe we shall give it a try or maybe we shall just stay those broken-hearted mates in the same boat. maybe i shall remind myself that bitter lemon taste of sai’s lips though he’s pushing me towards naruto with an encouraging nod. maybe i shall just let a golden sun rays caress my face before they hide behind the horizon. maybe i shall say something when naruto adds himself to those rays, curling on the grass beside me. and i’m choosing just to hold him close.